by admin | 25 Feb, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It is my mission, whilst I am here on this planet, to live my best life. The question must be asked, what does that mean? Well, clearly my idea of my best life, and your idea of your best life may be two very different pictures. It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you know what that life looks like, and more importantly why it is meaningful. For most of my life I have been focussing on what I thought it was about, but I was wrong. The chances are, what you believe it is about, is not actually what it’s about. Confused?
My goal is not to confuse you, in fact, it is the very opposite. I think we all experience confusion before we find clarity. I think we all have to focus on the wrong things before we can identify the right things. I believe experience is our greatest teacher if we look for lessons in the confusion. As I often do, I am writing this blog for me, and if you benefit from it, then I am a happy man. In fact, the things I often think I am doing for myself are not really for me at all. Because what I initially think it’s about, is not what it’s about at all.
I feel like I am confusing you even further, and for that I apologise. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever set out to achieve something and either not stuck it out to full completion, or actually achieved it, and then went backwards? I know I have. In my journey as a personal trainer, I have worked with many people with a goal to lose weight, who either sabotaged their attempts, or achieved their ideal weight and then put the weight back on, with interest. I have in my life, worked hard to build a financial nest egg to then make some really poor financial choices and end up back at square one, or in debt. Do you know what I am talking about? Have you ever experienced that yourself? If so, why is that? Simple, what you and I thought it was about, is not what it was about.
As I was talking to an amazing group of people this week at an event hosted by Mercy Connect in Thurgoona, NSW, my aim was, and is, to help them live a life of joy. We discussed different things we all wanted to achieve. For some, it was weight loss, or was it? For others, it was financial, or was it? For others, it was writing a book, or was it? In my mind, it is NOT about the weight loss, the money, or the book. So, what is it about? That is up to you to work out, and until you do, you will never create permanent positive change in your life.
Do you really want to lose weight? The process is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and at times downright discouraging. Why do so many never follow through to get permanent results? Because they are focused on the wrong thing, the scales. The moment they start to focus on why they want to lose weight, everything changes. They talk about self-worth, confidence, their children, their ability to do more of the things they love, and the impact they can have on others. It was never about weight loss. Do you really want to make more money? Again, it can be a discouraging and painful process. What do you want the money for? Is it to buy back time so you can spend more quality time with family? Is it to help others? Is it to be able to travel or experience wonderful things? Again, it is never about the money.
I never wanted to write a book to be an author. I wanted to save my life. I wanted to impact lives and create a legacy. I wanted to retire from Personal Training and spend my life doing something meaningful every single day. I wanted to diversify my income and get out of debt. It was never about the book, but what the book could help me create. I hope I am starting to make sense. The question I want to encourage you to ask yourself the next time you set a goal to achieve something is this; what is it really about, and why is it important to me? Ask that question, answer it from deep in your heart, and watch what happens in your life.
In my podcast this week with Martin Henry, called Keep moving forward, we discuss the challenges he has had to overcome, including; getting out of massive debt, and dealing with a disease that has and is still affecting his whole family. How has he done it? By simply understanding that what he thought it was about was not what it was about. For Martin and his family, it is about living with joy.
Anything is possible for you. You are good enough. You can do it. All that may be holding you back is simply that you are focussing on the wrong thing. Trust me, when you really know what it is about, everything will change for you.
by admin | 17 Feb, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Have you ever been frustrated in your attempts to create permanent change? Me too. Have you ever started and then found yourself back at or beyond square one? Me too. Have you ever seen the change you wanted in the short-term but found it challenging to sustain? Me too. Why is that? It’s because many believe that simply a change in behaviour is all that’s required to experience different outcomes, but it’s more than that.
I am currently reading a great book, called The Outward Mindset, by The Arbinger Institute, and it is really opening my eyes to what is really required to change your health, your circumstances, your relationships, or anything you desire, forever. The book talks about ‘The Behaviour Model’, that states it is simply behaviour that drives change. However, how many times do we change our behaviour to get a different outcome and it fails miserably? Great question.
I have had more relationships that have ended than I am comfortable revealing on a public platform. It has sent me on a journey to do some self-reflection and try to understand why I have experienced so many heart-breaking outcomes in my life. In almost all of those relationships, when things started to go pear-shaped, I modified my behaviour in an attempt to improve the situation, but only made things worse. How could that be when prevailing wisdom suggests that all I need to do is improve my behaviour and my circumstances will improve as well? Another great question.
My behaviour definitely changed; I started asking questions to gain more understanding of my partner’s needs, I listened more, I began doing more thoughtful things, I was more affectionate, and I tried really hard. So, why did things get worse? What was missing? If only I knew then what I know now, I would have understood that behaviour alone will not create permanent positive change. If behaviour changes, but beliefs, attitudes, and expectations don’t change, then you, me, and everyone is headed for more pain and heartbreak.
Let me explain what I mean. Whilst my actions were changing, my beliefs about my worthiness to be loved and my capacity to love didn’t change. Whilst I modified what I was doing, I didn’t change my resentment towards my partner for her part in the conflict. Even though I was behaving differently, I was deep down still expecting the trouble to continue. The end result was that my partner could feel that I wasn’t sincere about the changes I was making. It came across more as manipulation and smooth talking than it did a genuine desire to improve the situation, and it just created a higher level of distrust. I hope this makes sense. What was missing from the behaviour was a foundational change in mindset.
When you examine the unsuccessful attempts you have ever made to change your circumstances, can you see that it was your mindset that was the problem, not the actions you were taking? When you try to lose weight or improve your wellbeing, with a prevailing mindset that you have no willpower, have failed before, so will probably fail again, don’t like exercise, and are not hungry to eat breakfast, can you predict the outcome, irrespective of behaviours? Have you ever started a savings plan to increase your financial situation but maintained a scarcity or lack of deserving mindset? How did it go for you? Have you ever started learning a musical instrument but doubted your ability to get good at it? How did that work out? Have you ever started making calls, with the perfect script, for your business to set up appointments or sell a product or service with the belief that no-one will take you seriously? Were you bamboozled by the lack of success and amount of rejections you experienced? Or did you expect it?
Can you see how foundational mindset is imperative to ensure the behaviours you change will actually give you the desired result? The work needs to start in your head and heart before you will see the fruit from the actions you take. You are good enough, you do deserve great things, you can improve, you have what it takes, your past does not determine your future, you are worthy to be loved and happy, you are an amazing human being. When you start to really believe these things about yourself, just watch the significant change that accompanies your new behaviours. In my podcast this week with Cameron Tukapua, called Find the light, we discuss what can change in your life when you find the light that is within you, and you believe in your potential. It’s all about mindset.
For me, being in a loving and amazing relationship with an incredible lady is something I believe is possible for me. My past experiences have absolutely damaged my feelings of worthiness, but the mindset I have is changing and I know, in my heart, I am deserving of love and capable of loving. It is this mindset, coupled with the right behaviours that will ensure that becomes my reality. The same is very true for you. When you change how you think and what you believe about what you are trying to change, then the behaviours you modify will actually help you create that reality. Just remember as you move forward in your life to be the best you can be, it is more than behaviour.
by admin | 11 Feb, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
It is my crazy belief that, and I know I will ruffle some feathers when I say this, the use of the word ‘accident’ is, in most cases, a cop-out. In fact, I am not sure if there is any such thing as an accident. It is just a word we use when we don’t want to take responsibility for our choices, or we don’t understand the cause-and-effect nature of this world. They’re fighting words, I know.
If you are ready to go on a journey with me this week, then buckle up, because it may get a little bumpy. This all may sound weird coming from the man who refers to himself as an accidental author. Let’s think about how we use the word, ‘accident’. I accidentally said the wrong thing. Really, was it an accident? Did insulting words just randomly jump out of my mouth? I think not. I had a car accident. Was it really an accident, or was someone not paying attention on the road or to the traffic? I accidentally dropped and broke a plate. Accident, schmaccident, I was distracted. I am an accidental author. No way, I made a choice and though it may have been unlikely, it was definitely not accidental.
You may not believe this, but about 2 minutes after I had just started writing this blog, a friend called me on the phone. I asked her how she was and her exact words to me were, I am not so good, I have recently had two car accidents. I had to hold back my amazement and I asked her if she was okay, she said she was. I then asked her about each ‘accident’, and she explained the first one happened when someone incorrectly entered a roundabout and sideswiped her. An accident, really? No way, the person driving the other car was not concentrating, so it was not an accident, it was inevitable.
The second so-called accident happened in a VW Beetle she had borrowed. If you have ever driven a VW bug, you will know the pedals are very close together, and it requires practice, concentration, and focus to drive the car successfully. Instead of the brake, she inadvertently put her foot on the accelerator and drove into a fence. I asked her if it was okay for me to use her story in my blog. She agreed and was very open about the fact that it was no accident, it was because she was not familiar enough with the car. She said, It was not an accident, it was a lesson I needed to learn.
I was fortunate enough to meet an amazing lady this week. Her name is Eva Sifis, and wow, what an inspiration. She has a business and a website called By Accident, and the subtitle is; Brain Injury. Building a new you. We had been connected by a mutual acquaintance, and we were immediately drawn to each other as she is By Accident, and I am Accidental Author. Her story of overcoming is inspiring. She was a professional dancer and then in 1999, as a pedestrian, was hit by a speeding car which carried her 40m, then flung her onto the pavement, where she hit her head rendering her unconscious and in a coma for one month. She ultimately experienced an acquired brain injury.
Eva had to learn to live again and do all of the things that we take for granted every day. She now inspires and equips people every day to use their adversary as their greatest superpower. Stay tuned for the book she is writing, as it will impact many lives. That event changed Eva’s life, for sure, but was it an accident? The driver of that car was speeding, and clearly not paying attention and so tragically, it was not an accident, but a devastating lapse in judgement. Are you getting my point?
As I went looking for a definition of the word ‘accident’, I found this: An unforeseen event that is not the result of intention or has no apparent cause. I have to admit, that definition in itself offers us a cop-out and excuse for our choices. I don’t believe any event is unforeseen by everyone. The driver of the car that hit Eva, if aware would have foreseen what could potentially happen. This driver was definitely intentional about the speed he/she was driving and what he/she were focused on. There was and is always a cause for every single outcome, experience, or event.
The main point of my blog is that we are responsible for our actions and the consequences that arise from them. We are also responsible for how we respond to and the things we take from the circumstances that are caused by other people or external reasons. This responsibility gives us incredible power to live a life that is full of joy, meaning, and fulfilment. In my podcast this week with Clint Hatton called Big Bold Brave, I was inspired by the story of a family, rocked by the tragic death of a son and brother, that decided to live a big, bold and brave life, in memory of a lost loved one. An incredible podcast I urge you to listen to.
This blog has been quite full-on and in your face, and for that I do not apologise. My goal is to live my best life and inspire other people to do the same. That being the case, we need to recognise there are NO accidents in life. There are lessons (sometimes tough ones), there are wake up calls (often startling ones), there are opportunities (to become better), and there are gifts (to guide you to great joy). Have a wonderful week and eliminate the word ‘accident’ from your vocabulary today.
by admin | 4 Feb, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
What stops me? Have you ever asked yourself that question? I sure have, and still do. It is my guess that the thing that stops me is the same thing that stops you. Stops you and me from what? From anything and everything. There is a simple answer to why you are not where you want to be in different areas of your life, and the great news is there is also a simple solution. If you are ready for the answer and solution, keep reading.
Now let me just say this: you may not want to hear the answer because it removes excuses, and we like our excuses, don’t we? So, if you are ready for some necessary discomfort, then keep reading. I want you to cast your mind back to something you regret. Think of something you didn’t complete, gave up on, or feel like you failed. Not a very uplifting way to start a blog, is it? However, I want to make a point. When I think about myself, I can think of a myriad of things that fall into the category of regret, disappointment, and failure. From getting sacked as a professional footballer, to three divorces, to losing more than $100,000 in poor business and investment decisions, and so on.
I hope my failures make you feel better about your own! When you think about these events, what is the reason why it didn’t give you the successful outcome or experience you wanted? When I got sacked, I blamed the club, the coaches, my lack of ability, and my limited physical prowess. With my marriages, I blamed my partner, my business, my childhood, and my own lack of awareness. With my failed business and financial ventures, I blamed the economy, my advisors, my lack of time, and my location. How did you go? As I look back on all of these things, I can see that none of those reasons are valid, because there is a logical response to each one. I won’t go through them now; however, I believe you will find the same with your own regrets, disappointments, and failures. The simple reality is that I was responsible for each occurrence, simply because I didn’t think I could.
In my professional footballing career, even though it lasted seven years, I never believed I was good enough to make it at the highest level and stay there. With my marriages, I didn’t believe I was worthy of love or could keep a relationship. For some reason, I have had a scarcity mindset with money and didn’t believe I could make it and keep it. I kept saying to myself, I don’t think I can. The result was; I created exactly what I expected, and that was failure. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you know what I am talking about? If you are relating to this, and feeling stuck, you simply need to change your expectancy. Instead of saying no, I can’t, say, yes, I can! Honestly, it is that simple.
Watch things change in your life when you start saying, Yes, I can! For me, the only reason an ex footballer with no time, background, qualifications, experience, or clue about the process, could become a best-selling author was because I simply believed I could. This is how the brain works; when you say I can’t, it looks for all of the evidence to support why you can’t. Then, with overwhelming evidence against success, you give up. On the flip side, when you say, I can, your brain goes to work to find all past experiences and evidence to support why you are good enough. As a result, ideas, solutions, and belief comes flooding in and, off you go to achieve great things that many may believe impossible. All you have to do is say, Yes, I can.
At the age of 58, I love doing things that many think are crazy or impossible. I just seem to get a buzz from that. For me these days, it’s not an ego thing like it used to be, it’s simply because I just believe it is possible for me. I think I can, so I just get to work, and I do. The same is possible for you. Start saying yes, I can, to everything. Now, that doesn’t mean you will achieve everything, but trust me, you will achieve so much more than you ever thought possible. It doesn’t have to seem logical, or even possible, but when you say I can, and get started, the logic and possibility will begin to appear.
In my podcast this week with Kathy White, called Win the day, we discuss all the amazing things that are possible for you and your wellbeing when you simply decide, I can, and you get to work each day to take action, and then celebrate. I spend every day of my life telling me and others that they can have, do, or become anything they aspire to, and I am saying it again to you. But what I say to you doesn’t matter, it’s what you say to yourself. From today onwards, with everything you want in life, say to yourself, Yes, I can.
by admin | 28 Jan, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
The human body is an amazing thing. It is pretty hard to comprehend everything it does do, can do, and will do, to not just keep you alive, but help you thrive in your life. There is one awesome feature of our body, which is pretty obvious, yet we seem to keep forgetting. That is the water-proof feature that comes standard with each human being created.
I am going to be very specific about this water-proof feature in this blog, but also use it as a metaphor for all of the amazing ‘proofing’ that comes standard with each and every human body. As I am writing this blog, I am flying somewhere over the Indian Ocean en route from Bali to Melbourne. I had a wonderful week in this glorious destination, best known for its consistently warm and wonderful weather. One aspect of the Bali weather is the occasional but impressive rain. When it rains, it really rains. It is heavy, and the drops are big enough to go ten pin bowling with! Okay, a slight exaggeration, but they are big.
We were out for a walk and a bite of lunch the other day, and the rain started. We panicked, we ran for cover, we overspent on a piece of plastic masquerading as a raincoat, and then, dodging the cannonball-size raindrops, we headed home. To be honest, the raincoats were pretty ineffective, as expected, and so we were saturated when we got home. But guess what? A quick wipe down with a towel and we were dry again. How is that possible? We are all water-proof, that’s how.
As a personal trainer, the greatest excuse I got as to why my clients didn’t go for the runs or walks they promised they would do, was because of the weather. They would explain it was raining and so couldn’t do it. Even when I explained they were water-proof, they still found ways to use the same excuse time after time after time. So, I am going to say it all over again. The body is an amazing thing, and it is water-proof, so any water that falls on it can be very simply wiped off. The bottom-line: stop using it as an excuse. If you are, that is. However, it really isn’t about the rain, or getting wet, is it? So, what is it about? Hold that question.
Did you know your amazing body is also rejection-proof? Just as water can be wiped off, so can rejection, because in most cases, rejection isn’t even about you, it’s about the person doing the so-called rejecting. I realised, as I was submitting many of my books to publishers, they weren’t rejecting me or my book, they were rejecting the opportunity to publish a best-selling author. Their loss. But it’s not really about rejection at all, is it? So, what is it about? Hold that question.
Your incredible body is also discomfort-proof. Just as water can be dried and rejection is about perspective, discomfort is a necessary part of the human experience. It is actually what your body was made for, and needs, if you are to change, grow, and improve. Any and all discomfort you experience is strengthening your resolve, resilience, tolerance, and capacity, So, why do we resist it so much? Why do we so regularly shy away from anything we perceive as too hard? It really isn’t about discomfort at all. So, what is it about? Hold that thought.
Your remarkable body is opinion-proof. Just as water rolls off and can be dried, so too can the opinions of others, if they are critical or negative, be allowed to just roll off or be wiped away. We have all experienced the annoying opinions of other people. How is it that some people are affected, and others are not? It is the same answer to the questions I have been posing about getting wet, getting rejected and getting uncomfortable. It is not about any of them. So, for the last boring time, what is it about? Finally, I will tell you.
It is simply all about what you truly and passionately want for yourself, your life, and the people you care about, and, how important it is for you. When you have a strong desire to improve your health and wellbeing, do you really think the rain will stop you? Of course not. When you are determined and committed to get published, make the sale, get your message across, or get the answer you want, will a little rejection stop you. No way, in fact, it will spur you on. When you have a desired outcome that is not negotiable for you, do you think a little discomfort will get in your way? Never, in fact you will embrace it. When you are single-minded about living your life in a certain way, will other people’s opinions have any impact on you at all, other than to motivate you to keep going? Not a chance.
In my podcast this week called Positive vibes with Zane Landin, I was so inspired by this incredible person who has not let being Hispanic, Queer, Disabled, and Plus-sized, and all the challenges that come with them, stop him from putting positive vibes out to the world. Just like Zane, you are in control of your life. It is, in no way, determined by the weather, rejection, discomfort, or opinions, unless you allow it to be. Focus on what you really want, get moving, and embrace the fabulous fact that you are water-proof.
by admin | 21 Jan, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Lessons, insights, inspiration, and blog topics come at me every day and from every angle. Today, in fact, I was gifted the inspiration for this week’s blog as I was training this morning. The powerful message came from a twelve-year-old boy, with a dream. As a 58-year-old man, it can be hard to learn from a child, many decades my junior, but wow! I was reminded there is incredible power in doing one more, when you don’t think you can.
Every Wednesday and Saturday morning I go to an outdoor training park on the beach, not far from my home. It is there I do my muscle-ups, chin ups, dips, push ups, squats, and other resistance training activities. There is a regular group of people who train there consistently. We say hello, have some light conversation and then get into our training session. Well, this morning there was a new face, a fresh face, a young face. It was a 12-year-old boy I had never seen before. I said good morning and got on with my training.
Now, I am a watcher. I love watching people, for obvious reasons. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I wasn’t! As I watched this boy do his training, one thing struck me. I could tell he was on a mission. For what I didn’t know, but his behaviour said it all. In fact, he challenged me this morning and he got me looking at myself and my own training. As I watched him do several exercises, like chin ups, which is hard for anyone, I noticed a common theme. Just as he was struggling on a repetition after he had already done several – a place where many would stop and tell themselves they had done enough – he would do one more. As I watched him, each time I thought to myself, he will never complete that extra repetition. But guess what? He did the extra repetition, every time.
After a while of observation, I just had to tell him how impressive and exceptional what he was doing really was. He explained he was training for gymnastics, and I didn’t need to ask but I knew he had big dreams. He was training on his own, he trained for over an hour, and he did a countless number of extra repetitions that he may not even think he could do. He did them anyway. I jogged away from my workout inspired and excited to share this experience with you. I want to encourage you, as I am now encouraging myself, to get into the habit of doing just one more, even when you don’t think you can.
One more what? One more repetition, one more step, one more call, one more email, one more compliment, one more sentence, one more prayer, one more call out for help, or one more of anything that will move you closer to your dream, vision or the person you are aspiring to become. There are so many benefits of doing just one more when you don’t think you can. It will stretch and strengthen your self-belief and confidence. It will grow you, your health, your relationships, your business, your book, or whatever it is, exponentially. It will inspire others to do one more. It will compound and multiply the results you experience in your life.
The challenge with doing one more when you don’t believe you can, is that you don’t believe you can. This will require a mindset shift. It will require you to start to understand and believe that your capacity is greater than what you currently imagine. My attitude is, why not just give it a go and see what happens? I think you will surprise and delight yourself with what really is possible when you do one more when you don’t think you can. Have the courage to do it today.
My podcast with Michael Harris this week is called The law of GOYA. Do you know what GOYA stands for? It is Get Off Your Ass! It means get into action. He has an inspiring story of overcoming a serious skiing accident as a child, addiction issues for many years, and the prospect of losing use of his legs. How did he overcome? The law of GOYA, and, doing one more when he didn’t think he could. What if, each day, you could just add one more ‘something’ onto whatever you are doing that is important to you, even if you don’t initially think you can? Think about the compound effect of that mindset and simple action. It would transform your 2023, and your life. So please, for your own sake and that of the people you care about, do just one more, even when you don’t think you can.
