by admin | 14 Jan, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
In many countries around the world, there has been, and I am sure still are, campaigns that are called Be Seen, Be Safe. It is a safety slogan for potentially dangerous worksites, for road users, for people who are out alone at night, and it’s an important message for all of us. I have just found another application of this saying, and I believe it’s the most important of all. For every one of us, to be safe, we want to be seen. I mean, really be seen by others, as a valuable and important member of society.
I live in a fabulous area of Melbourne. It’s close to the beach, has lots of cool cafes and bars, and a wonderfully diverse population of people. I was walking home recently and passed a man who seemed to want to chat. He was looking a little dishevelled and so I wasn’t sure if he was homeless or just a little lost. Either way, when he started walking with me, if I am being really honest, I was a little nervous. When he asked me where I live, I got a little more anxious. I pointed in the direction of my home and asked him where he lived. He pointed in the opposite direction and kept walking with me.
I was in a little bit of a hurry as I was trying to get home for a Zoom meeting, but he just wanted to chat. He asked me what I did for work, so I told him I did many things to help people, including writing books. He asked me what type of books I write, and so I explained they were in the self-help and personal development genre. He then said, ‘Wow, that’s great. I really need to read one of your books’. When I stopped and asked him why, he said, ‘Well, I am in my mid-fifties, and have a dead-end job, no life, and I am a loser’. At that moment, I thought I knew why I had met this man. His name was Mark, so I said, ‘Mark, can you just wait here for a few minutes?’ He agreed and I went home to get him a copy of my book T.E.A.R.S. of Joy.
About 5 minutes later, I walked back towards him with a copy of my book, thinking about how grateful he would be to receive this gift, and how it could help him in his life. As I got close to him, I noticed he wasn’t looking at the book, he was looking at me and what he said next will impact me for the rest of my life. He said, with surprise and relief in his voice, ‘You actually came back’. He didn’t care about the book. All that mattered to him was that I came back. All he cared about was that finally someone actually saw him and did something that helped him believe that maybe he wasn’t a loser after all.
I am sure this man was used to people trying to get away from him when he started to talk to them, just reinforcing to him that he was worthless. I said to him as I handed him the book, ‘Mark, I am sure you have had some challenges in your life to this point, but it can all change. You are good enough and you can do anything you want. I hope this book can help you’. I shook his hand and left, changed forever. Will he read the book? I don’t know. What I do know is that it was never about the book in the first place, it was always about Mark feeling seen. I haven’t bumped into him since, so I am not sure what has happened. Has he still got the book? Did he read any of it? Has he started changing his belief system? I hope so, but let me tell you who was changed most by that interaction. It was me.
It is now my mission to make every person I walk past, meet, and interact with feel seen and feel important. In fact, I have more stories to share since meeting Mark, and I will talk more about them in a blog or on a podcast soon. My question to you is twofold. How seen do you feel? How are you at helping other people feel seen? You will know, if you struggle to feel seen – and we have all experienced this at some point in our life – it doesn’t feel safe, does it? When we are seen, we feel safe. If you are feeling unseen, please speak up to the people who need to hear this. If you tend to rush through life, as I have for many years, focused on achievement, and focussed on myself, then slow down and take notice of people, all people. The people I have been exposed to recently are the people who are marginalised: homeless, aged, and untidy. They are people, and they are important, and they need to feel seen. Just one gesture, or word, or acknowledgement, or act on your part could change their life. It is such a simple thing, yet leaves an incredible feeling, and I wish it for you.
In this week’s blog called The daily check-in, I speak with couples coach Krista Yaskiw. Whilst her work is primarily targeted towards couples, her message is for everyone, and it’s about the little things we can do, every day to help another person feel seen, and feel safe. If you would be willing to try one thing this week as a result of reading this blog, and that would be to help one person each day feel seen and safe, trust me, you will be the one who most benefits. A new campaign begins, and that campaign is just like the one you have heard about for years, but this ‘be seen, be safe’ campaign will impact more lives that all of the others put together. Use your power this week and enjoy the amazingness you will experience as a result.
by admin | 5 Jan, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I sometimes get told that I intimidate people because of my achievements. I get told too many times how impressive I am. Too many people say to me they couldn’t do what I do. Do you know what? I am really uncomfortable with these statements, because they are not true. I know me, and I am not that impressed and, trust me, anyone could do what I have done, and much more. It is my goal in this blog, as the new year begins, to burst myths that surround achievement.
I see two massively incorrect beliefs that people have about achievement. The first steaming pile of myth is that anyone who is a high achiever is confident, courageous, and has all their stuff together. Ha! The second diabolical myth is that achievement is only for the talented, the educated, the intelligent, the lucky, and those in the right place at the right time. Wrong, wrong, and wrong! Are you ready for the exciting truth about achievement? It’s simple, it is for you!
I am the embodiment of an insecure, often self-doubting, regularly anxious, under-educated, ill-equipped, and average-skilled battler who has created some illogical and unlikely achievement. Do you feel you could live up to that? My professional football career was borne out of insecurity and lack of self-worth. It was my desire to be noticed, liked, approved of, admired, and respected that drove me to play professional sport. It was not what most believe, which is a deep love for the sport, abundance of natural ability, and strong belief in myself.
My career as a successful author was borne out of desperation, not inspiration. I did not have ability, experience, education, time, or resources. What I had was a clear vision for the life of debt and burnout I was desperately trying to escape, and the life of abundance and significance I wanted to live. The book was a random idea that came into my head, and one I acted upon spontaneously, without having any idea of how it would happen. Many believed I must have loved reading and writing. I loved neither! People were certain I must have had some experience, skills, and affinity with the written word. I had none.
If achievement is not confidence, belief, and self-assuredness, what is it? If it’s not ability, talent, education, resources, or luck, what is it? These are two great questions, and the answer to them is, achievement is the result of things every single person has, or at least has access to. You see, we don’t all have self-worth, many, if not all of us, are insecure, and I don’t know many people who have it all together. So that can’t be it. There are people, like me, who lack natural ability, don’t relate to education, and are ill-equipped for certain things. Isn’t it exciting, if that is you, achievement is possible anyway. Achievement of what? Anything, yes, anything you want. So, what does it really take?
I can only talk from my experience, and I can only be very brief here, but in my mind, all you need are five things you already have or can get. You need a clear vision for the life you want to live. You need a strong desire to make it happen or achieve a goal that will move you towards it. You need faith that if you get started and stay in action the path to achievement will open itself up to you. You need spontaneous action to get started on some simple steps without all or any of the answers. You need resilient persistence to keep going, no matter what is happening, how you are feeling or what others are saying, until you get what you want.
That’s it. Just those five steps. But what about belief, courage, and confidence? What about skills, talents, and abilities? Trust me, and trust you, those things will all come through faith and focused daily action. You already have the skills. You already have the courage. You already have the resourcefulness and creativity. You already have everything you need to achieve anything you want. In my podcast this week called, Creativity is our superpower, Michaell Magrutsche and I discuss the creative power that lies within in you when you shift out of systems and into nature. It is a wonderful podcast I urge you to listen to several times.
If you feel you want more information about what I have touched on in this blog, I encourage you to purchase my book, TEARS of Joy. In it, I get into much more detail about this simple but transformational process. As you go about your new year and the things you are trying to create for yourself, I hope you will burst the myths that may be stopping you or holding you back. You are enough and you have enough, right now, to make 2023 anything you want to make it. Go forth and be free in 2023.
by admin | 31 Dec, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
There are people who spend their lives in the pursuit of freedom. There are people who even give up their lives in pursuit of freedom. I believe we already have freedom available to us, we just need to redefine it. As a new year starts, and whilst I certainly do not buy-in to the new year resolution deal, I do think it is a good time to stop, reflect, and move into a new year with a different attitude, approach, and belief. That’s assuming you want different results. My mantra this year is, be free in 2023.
I have spent most of my life imprisoned, as I believe have many other people. I have not been in jail, I have not been held hostage, and I have not been significantly discriminated against. I have been imprisoned by my own thinking, beliefs, and attitudes. I spent many years of my life believing I was not good enough, which imprisoned me and limited my progress because I chose to give up on things and regularly self-sabotage. I spent many years thinking that I needed a certain amount of money, status, and credibility to be successful, admired, and free to be able to do the things I want. I spent too many years anxious, fearful, and doubting that I sentenced myself to the greatest incarceration of all. I imprisoned myself from the freedom, joy, and abundance that was and is available to me, right now.
I want you to know, as I now do, that freedom is not the result of the material things you own, achieve, accumulate, or portray. In fact, it is the other way around. Those things are the result of freeing yourself internally from the beliefs, experiences, and traumas that have been holding you back. The moment you wake up and feel grateful for what you have, accept yourself for who you are, find joy in your life, no matter what may be happening, and excited about what great things will come to you in this new day, you are free. Trust me, when you break free from the fears that are controlling your life, you will attract people, opportunities, and abundance you will not believe.
How are you feeling as the new year begins? Are you frustrated with a life that is less than you want? Are you anxious because of the uncertainty in the world and how it will affect you? Are you angry and resentful for the things that didn’t go your way in 2022 and the people who didn’t support your dreams and aspirations? If you take these attitudes and feelings into to 2023, I hate to say it, you are going to have another year of limitations. So, would you like to be free in 2023? If you said yes, here are five steps I would like to offer you.
Step One. Let go of societal and stereotypical expectations of what freedom looks like. Trust me, freedom does not come from accumulation, achievement, and status. There is nothing wrong with those things, just don’t expect freedom in your heart to come from them. There are many people with all the material success in the world, yet are depressed, addicted, and troubled. They are certainly not free.
Step Two. Spend time focusing on the inherent abilities, strong values, and powerfully positive character traits you already have. Learn to appreciate your strengths, accept your imperfections, forgive yourself, and love yourself for the unique person you are. You are not perfect, and you are flawed, just as I am, and as every other person on the planet is. The person you may believe has everything, has got just as many hang-ups and insecurities as you. That is what makes us human beings. Embrace it, rather than judge and condemn it.
Step three. Wake up every morning and find gratitude in what you currently have and, as weird as this may sound, even in the things that are challenging you at the moment. Why be grateful for adversity? Because everything in your life that seems undesirable will present you with an opportunity to learn, to change, and to become the best you can be. That is definitely something to be grateful for.
Step Four. Find joy, peace, and love in the life you currently have, and then create a vision for your life and how you would like it to be different. Write that vision in present tense, find pictures to illustrate it, put it on your wall, then read and look at it every day.
Step Five. With joy in your heart, find people to encourage you and keep you accountable, and get to work to make this change a reality. Follow the law of GOYA. GOYA is an acronym for Get Off Your Ass! The power is in the daily action, not the results you get. Great things will come predictably because of the joyful action steps you take every day.
In my podcast with Chris and Filipa Bellette this week called End body burnout, both Chris and Filipa freed themselves from the physical conditions that were destroying their lives, by simply changing their attitudes and modifying their approach. You see, freedom is a mindset, freedom is a feeling, and freedom is something that lives inside of you that no-one can ever take from you, unless you let them. Have a wonderfully happy new year and be free in 2023.
by admin | 24 Dec, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It can be a complicated time of the year, or it can be the greatest time of joy, peace, family, and faith. I have had different conversations with different people about what this time means for them and what they believe, and it is amazing the diversity of people, their beliefs, and ways they celebrate, if at all. No matter what you believe, how you celebrate, and whether you give gifts, I want to make one suggestion. Whether you give gifts to other people or not, I want to encourage you to give yourself the gift of you.
Let’s talk about gifts for a moment. Would it be fair to say, for the most part, we give gifts to the people we care about, gifts we believe will add some value and/or joy to their life? Of course, sometimes the gifts we give are just tokens and more out of obligation than real desire to give a great gift. We have all re-gifted, haven’t we? We pass on that thoughtless gift someone gave us and recycle it as a thoughtless gift we give to someone else. If you have never done this, I apologise, and I have to say, you are a wonderful exception.
In this blog, I am referring to those gifts we give and receive that bring incredible joy and value into our lives. The greatest gift I ever gave was a plush pelican toy I presented to my mother just a few days before she passed away. I knew how much she loved pelicans, and so I knew she would love this gift. Surprisingly, it was no easy feat to find a stuffed toy pelican. I drove all over Melbourne, to every department store and toy store I could find for many hours, before I finally found one at the Melbourne Zoo, in their gift shop. When I gave it to her and told her all about the adventure I had been on to find it, the tears in her eyes, the smile on her beautiful face, and the love in her heart was all I needed to know how important that gift was to her.
The greatest gift I have ever received is the one I gave myself. No, it wasn’t my car, and it wasn’t my home. It was me. I gave myself the gift of me. I am sure you are asking, what does that mean? For much of my life, if I had to describe myself as a gift, I would be the thoughtless gift that gets re-gifted. I never valued myself, nor did I feel I was good enough or worthy enough to be loved because of who I was. I always felt I had to be working, productive, achieving, accomplishing, and accumulating to be worthy. In other words, the me I was did not fit the bill as the gift I wanted, so I was always trying to change, improve, and hide the real me. I was trying to re-package and re-gift!
You may be relating to what I am saying right now and also believing that you don’t feel good enough or worthy enough to be successful, happy, and loved. I have to be brutally honest here and, if this is you or anyone you care about, I need you to hear this next part loud and clear. You can never hate yourself into a better person or to a better life. You will never be able to outwork, outachieve, or outlast low self-worth. No matter what you try to do, your inner belief about yourself will come back and rip you down. How do I know this? I have been there too many times, until I finally gave myself the most important gift I could ever give, the gift of me.
I went through a painful but necessary process to understand who I was at the core, why I believed the way I believed, and why I acted the way I did. It was a transformational journey to discover that I am okay, just as I am, and that I am a beautifully flawed human being. Through that understanding came self-acceptance, then self-forgiveness, and soon after, I gave myself the gift of me. By clearing the noise and lies in my head, the conditioning that had ruled my life, and the stereotypes I was hanging on to, I started to recognise the beautiful person I was, and am. I went from hating myself, to accepting myself, to forgiving myself and I can honestly say, right now, I am in love with myself. Not in a boastful and insecure way, but through a deep feeling of self-worth.
This is the greatest gift I have ever received, and I gave it to myself, which means you can give exactly the same gift to yourself. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or something else at this time of the year, or if you don’t celebrate anything, you can still give yourself this gift. The only reason you need is that you are deserving of living the best life possible. Wow, that is definitely worthy of celebration, and not just once per year, but every single day.
As you give yourself this wonderful gift, you will start desiring to do more for yourself and with yourself. In my amazing podcast this week with Kathy White, called Pants on at 100, we discuss giving yourself the gift of time and space to do yoga, to help you live better, longer and be able to put your own pants on at 100 years of age.
You may not believe it right now, but your existence is evidence of your worthiness. You were created in God’s image. You are here for a purpose. You are perfect, just the way you are. When you can understand this and believe it, then you will be able to give yourself the most precious gift of all, the gift of you.
by admin | 16 Dec, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Inspiration
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog called, The courage to know. In that blog, I discussed my first experience, with my friend Kate, connecting with and feeding homeless in Melbourne. It was confronting, perspective building, and necessary. Why do I say necessary? Because, as a man who claims to have a heart for others, I needed to know the truth. I also needed to try to work out how I could do something that would have any kind of impact on the lives of these people. This leads me into this week’s blog and the next instalment of the journey, as I went in pursuit of shoes.
For days after my first experience with the homeless I was agitated. I was trying to work out if and how I could do something. I was confronted by the alarming amount of homeless people and even more distressed by how they were treated by many people, and ashamed to admit even by me up until that moment. I would walk past homeless people, shift my eyes to pretend I didn’t see them, and then bury my head in the sand to the reality of so many lives. In other words, I was treating them as less than human. Yes, I am ashamed. All of a sudden, I knew the truth, and now I want to do something, but what?
My initial thought was to see if I could get a couple of them to talk with me on a podcast to tell their story, so we could create some awareness and hopefully some positive action. I was excited about my idea, and I rang Kate, who was also very positive about it. So, last Wednesday evening I again went into the city to help out, and to see if I could find a couple of people willing to talk to me. I had my podcast gear, but very quickly realised it was not going to be easy to get these people to share with me. There was a key ingredient missing. These people didn’t know me or trust me, and why would they? So, I aborted my plan to interview anyone and decided to connect with them instead.
I met a man named Justin, said hello and he started talking to me. It was very noisy in that room, with over 100 people talking, food being served, Christmas carols being sung, and so hearing Justin, who was very soft spoken, was difficult. I sat down next to him, pulled my chair closer, and leaned in so I could hear him. I still only got half of what he was telling me, but it was enough to be incredibly distressing, to say the least. The injuries he had incurred from being beaten, the inhumane way he and his mentally ill girlfriend had been treated by the authorities, and the miserable existence he was experiencing broke my heart. I simply asked him, what do you need? He looked at me, looked down at his ragged shoes and said, I just need some shoes that will keep out the wet.
From that moment, I was on a mission. I am the type of person who, when I get a bee-in-my-bonnet about something, I am one-eyed. So, I went to the clothes supply area to see if they had any shoes that would fit Justin. He was a size 11-12, but after a thorough search the largest size they had was 10.5, which just didn’t fit, no matter how hard he tried. I kicked myself because I knew I had a pair of shoes at home that would have fit him that I never wear anymore, but I just didn’t have time to go home and get them and bring them back. My mind was racing, what can I do?
Then I thought, I am in the city, there must be a place open I can go and buy shoes from. It was about 6pm on a Wednesday night, and time was limited, and now the rain was starting to fall. Out I went, and for the next 20-30 mins I looked everywhere, but could not find a store open. Then, as the rain was getting heavier, and I was getting drenched, I saw an Aldi. I was sure they would have shoes there, so I sprinted there to check it out. I searched high and low, I went up and down each isle multiple times, I asked one of the employees to check the back, but all to no avail. I had to head back with no shoes, and I was devastated. I really wanted to make a difference for this man, and I felt like I had failed.
When I got back, he was outside just about to leave to go to who-knows-where to spend the night. I was saturated and I apologised to him that I was unable to find him shoes. He was incredibly gracious, understanding, and actually just really grateful that someone would go to that effort for him. Then, I did something you should never do. I gave him some cash to buy some shoes. Did he? I don’t know, but I had to feel like I was making a difference for this man. He shook my hand, he said thank you, and went off to spend his night in the inclement Melbourne weather. I walked away with mixed emotions and a fresh perspective.
So, what’s the point? It is not about shoes, and it’s not about money. I was so busy trying to find the shoes, and then ease my own guilt that I had failed by giving him money, I missed the point until he walked away. Justin would have survived without the shoes and the money, all he wanted was someone to care enough about him to do something. It was the effort and intention that mattered, not the outcome. What a powerful lesson for me, and hopefully for you. When you feel like you are not getting the result you want for yourself or others, you just need to be proud of the effort. I have heard it so many times, but this experience really reinforced it, that people don’t care about how much you know, they just want to know that you care. It was being in pursuit of the shoes that Justin realised that I cared enough to go to that effort for him. For that I feel wonderful.
Just remember everyone is human, everyone has a story, and everyone needs to feel special. This was again reinforced to me in my podcast with Flic Manning, called All day wellbeing, as she spoke about her day-to-day struggle with chronic illness. In your pursuit of shoes this week, just know that it is the intention of the pursuit which means so much more than the outcome. When you make an effort for others, it will mean so much more than the material gain that may come as a result of that effort. Enjoy your pursuit today.
by admin | 9 Dec, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Life is short. That sounds like a throw-away line, and for young people, who believe they will live forever, a hard concept to accept. However, as life marches on despite what we do or don’t do, have or don’t have, and achieve or don’t achieve, it becomes more and more evident and important to accept. No matter what we have done with our lives, when it comes to an inevitable end, I believe loving it is the most important thing. So, the question you may be asking is, how do I love my life? Well, I got given the answer this week.
The answer was not given to me by a human being, because I am not sure many humans actually know. Some people may know intellectually, but knowing doesn’t necessarily translate into experiencing. The answer was provided to me by a three-year-old Labrador, and his owner. I was doing my morning walk through the park to the beach, when I was enthusiastically approached by this very cute dog. As soon as he saw me, he saw a new friend and ran to me with his tail wagging wildly. He jumped up with a massive smile on his face and, he leaned against me as I gave him the attention and the pat he was looking for. After a short time, he spied something exciting and bounded off to explore,
As I chatted with the owner, I found out a little about him and his dog, and he said, referring to the dog, he just loves life. As I walked away, it stuck with me. He just loves life. I kept walking and I passed many people as I went. Each time I passed someone, I would look at them, trying to get eye contact, so I could say good morning. I am sure that very few of these people, and I would have to say that very few people anywhere around the world would say, I love my life. So, the question is, how can dogs do it so easily, when so many humans continually struggle to find joy?
Within the first year of getting my pup Joia, back in 2009, so much did she impact my life, I wrote an ebook called Joia – Living a life of joy through the eyes of a pup. At that time, I would not say I was loving my life. I was stressed, I was fearful, and I was anxious. From the moment of having the dog, things changed dramatically, and I started learning amazing lessons from a dog just a few months old. I will not regurgitate the whole book, if you want it, please let me know and I will send it to you. I do want to highlight three things’ dogs do to help them to love life, which, if we were more deliberate about, would also help us love life.
For dogs, every day is an exciting adventure. New places to go, new people to meet, new smells to experience, and new opportunities to have fun. With a simple shift in attitude and focus, as we wake up in the morning, we can all approach the new day as an exciting adventure. What would happen if we started each day knowing that we will experience something amazing, meet someone incredible, and discover a fabulous opportunity? I bet you would love that day. I know I would.
For dogs, people are a source of joy. Dogs adore their owners, unconditionally. Dogs hold no grudges, and a are just grateful when they get attention, love, and food. Dogs love meeting new people who can give them a pat and they make friends easily because they are genuinely happy to see people. Wouldn’t our world be a better place if we just decided to love unconditionally? Wouldn’t we be happier if we could forgive more easily and be grateful for what we have and what we get? What amazing opportunities would come our way if we just saw every person as a friend who wants to help us in some way? I am sure these things would help you love your life.
For dogs, joy is in the simple things in life. They love sniffing, eating food, chasing balls and sticks, a tummy rub, and just hanging with people they love. Joia loved empty toilet rolls. Every time I sat on the toilet, she would come in a look at me with hope that I would be finished the toilet paper and would give her the empty roll. When I did, she would get so excited, grab it as if she was smoking a cigar and play with it for the rest of the day. How much would we love our life if we could find joy in the things we have every day – the simple things – the most important things? They are all around you, at every moment of every day, you just need to take the time to see them, experience them, and enjoy them.
Speaking about loving life and enjoying the simple things, in my podcast this week with Kelly Myles, called Let’s talk about sex, we discuss one of the greatest pleasures in life, sex! It is an awesome conversation that I encourage you to listen to.
It is a tragedy that so many people believe that loving their lives is conditional on what they own, what they accumulate, how they look, what others think about them, what they achieve, and what they don’t yet have. The ‘I will love my life when’ attitude will keep you separated from loving your life, forever. When you can see that everything you need to love your life is already there, and you can deliberately embrace it, then loving your life will just be the joyful result. Take notice of the next dog you meet, follow its lead, and start loving your life today.
