Redefining perfection

by admin | 5 Oct, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset

The word ‘perfection’ gets a bad rap, doesn’t it? Do you know how many books have been written about overcoming perfectionism? Me neither, but it’s a lot! Here are just some of the titles I found; The Gifts of Imperfection, How to Be an Imperfectionist, When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough, The Anxious Perfectionist, Never Good Enough, The Perfection Trap, Overcoming Perfectionism, The Joy of Imperfection, and the list goes on and on and on. What if perfectionism wasn’t the problem? What if the word ‘perfection’ was actually a valuable, empowering, and healthy word? What if all it took was to redefine ‘perfection’, and everything would change?

The current definition of the word ‘perfection’, as defined in the Cambridge Dictionary is; the state of being complete and correct in every way. I think it is fair to say that is an unrealistic, unachievable, and dangerous definition. If that is our aspiration, then we definitely need to read all of the books I listed above. However, if we can redefine ‘perfection’ then it could be a word, not to run from, but one to embrace.

This blog was inspired by a conversation I had with a fabulous client of mine. So, thanks Judie. She, like many people, suffer from what they feel is the affliction of perfectionism. She has been stuck on a chapter in the book she has been writing for some time and blamed her perfectionistic mindset for this situation. She even admitted to me that she is fully aware that perfection is not possible. So, I challenged her. It is true, may I add, that if the definition we are operating with is that we need to be correct in every way, then it is not possible. No one can be that, as much as they think they are or can be. However, what if we look at perfection in a different way?

I asked Judie, is there anyone who does you better than you do? She thought about that rather random question for a moment and said, No. Then, I continued, so, you are the perfect you. That doesn’t mean she is flawless and ‘correct in every way’, but she is the perfect Judie she can be. We then started talking about the chapter she was stuck in, and I explained that trying to edit and make a chapter ‘correct in every way’ when the whole manuscript is not yet finished is a frustrating and tail-chasing task. In other words, not possible. So, I said, why don’t we redefine ‘perfection’ and instead of ‘correct in every way’ we define it as ‘completed as best as possible’ for this stage of the manuscript. How does that sound? I asked. She agreed it sounded much better. So, we changed ‘correct’ to ‘complete’. With the newly defined ‘perfection’ in her mind, she excitedly set off to keep moving and complete the manuscript she had been working on for almost 12 months.

Where do you sit with the word ‘perfection’? I am grateful the need to be flawless and correct in every way is not a value for me. I am far more interested in progress than the soon-to-be-discarded definition of perfection. What about you? If this self-proclaimed affliction of ‘perfection’ is one that is holding you back, then I want to encourage you to redefine it. Let’s make ‘perfection’ something we should all aspire to. For me, perfection is doing and being the very best I can in any situation. For Judie, now, perfection is completing the first draft of her manuscript. Maybe for you, perfection is just being authentically you, no matter how that compares to other people or societal norms. Really perfection can be whatever you define it to be. When you redefine it, it can become a word to run towards, not away from, and it can help you live your very best life.

In my podcast this week called Popping in pink, I speak with the fabulous author, speaker, and transformational coach, Cherie Postill. I can tell you that Cherie’s definition of ‘perfection’ is living a life with enthusiasm and passion. It is a wonderful podcast not to be missed.

I don’t want to downplay the amazing books that have been written on this subject and the value they do add to people’s lives. I do want to encourage everyone, including myself, to challenge the norm, the stereotypes, and the definitions that we just seem to accept even though they do not serve us. The vilified word ‘perfection’ has been beaten up enough. Why do we have to believe and accept a definition that has held human beings back for so long? Why can’t we re-define the word? In fact, why can’t we redefine our lives? It is by redefining perfection that we can redesign our lives. Moving forward, embrace the word ‘perfection’ and give it the meaning that will help to take your life to a new level of joy, fulfillment, and abundance.

Results reveal self-talk

by admin | 21 Sep, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset

Every one of us is experiencing results in our lives. In each area of life; career, relationships, financial, wellbeing, spiritual, social and the others, we are currently getting results. Those results are either abundant and joyful, or lacking and frustrating, or at some point in-between those two extremes. No matter what your experience, or your outcomes, it is vital to understand and believe that your results reveal your self-talk.

I normally tell a story about the poor results I see occurring in my life, and, there are plenty of them. However, in this blog, I want to share what is great in my life and, therefore, what is possible for me and for you. The reality is that, if things are not going the way you want in any area of your life, before you start blaming other people and/or circumstances, examine your self-talk. The answer will be there, trust me.

As you are reading this, I am in Bali, and I have just turned 60 years of age. Of all the things I am most proud of, at this stage of my life, I am most gratified by my health and wellbeing, and the joy with which I live my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t have challenges or bad days, but it does mean I have got something right. Yay me! So have you, by the way. At the age of 60, I love that I am lean, fit, healthy, energized, and excited about the next stage of my wonderful life.

For many years, since my days as a professional athlete, I have prioritised my fitness, my nutrition, my mindset, and my wellbeing. Over the years, I have had people tell me I am lucky that I have good genetics. I have been told that is easy for me because I was an athlete. I have many people justify to me why they have not and could not live the same kind of a life. I believe I am blessed, but I am not lucky. I make good choices deliberately every day. These days my routines make it predictable for me to stay in shape, but by no means is it easy. As for the justifications and excuses of others, all they need to do is examine their self-talk and they will find that they are fully responsible for the results they are currently experiencing.

This may be hard to hear, but it is very true. As I examine my own self-talk when it comes to my wellbeing, this is what I say to myself, consciously and unconsciously:

I am healthy, lean, strong and energised. I move my body, and prioritise my nutrition every single day, no matter where I am or what I am doing. I love the feeling of being optimally healthy as it helps me live my best life and be a positive role model to others. My wellbeing is the foundation of my best life, and I always make time for it. I love feeling fit and fabulous.

This is just the beginning, and if I were to examine my unconscious mind, I know I would discover even more powerful affirmations I say to myself. I identify as healthy, I live healthy, and I inspire others to live healthy. On the day I left for Bali, I was picked up at 6:15am to get to the airport. It would have been a very understandable justification, because it was so early, missing a day of exercise would be okay. However, my self-talk and identity moved me to get up at 4am to do my training anyway. I am so glad I did, and I am grateful for my self-talk in this area.

Don’t get me wrong, I wish my self-talk was as powerful in other areas of my life. The good news is that it can be, as it can be for you. It will just take some time, focus, attention, and action, and you can become anything and anyone you want. The first step is to acknowledge that you are fully responsible for every result you are experiencing in your life. Whilst you may not always be in control of what happens, you are in 100% control of how you respond and what you do as a result. That, my friend is self-talk.

Once you have taken responsibility, then you need to look at your current results and decide which one you want to change. Examine your belief systems and self-talk in that area, it will always explain the results. For example, if you are always in debt, you may be telling yourself you are not good with money, or you don’t deserve abundance. That is why you are in debt, not because of the cost of living, interest rates, or you don’t get paid enough. It is 100% self-talk.

Create a new vision for how you want it to be, start affirming that you are deserving and abundant, start taking positive action, and watch how your life changes. In my podcast this week with Sally Jimson, called A very different day, we discuss how a simple shift in self-talk and actions can transform your day and life. It is a wonderful conversation with a positive and passionate lady.

Enough from me. I am heading back to the pool for some chill out time. I want to tell you again how amazing you are and how much potential you have, to do more in your life. Just look at the results you want to get, start affirming what you want, and begin acting like the person who would. You can do this. Just remember, results always reveal self-talk.

Redefining success

by admin | 13 Sep, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset

One of the most damaging words in the English language is the word ‘success’. To be fair, it’s not actually the word that is so damaging, but more so the definition that society has attached to the word. Therefore, if it is the definition of the word ‘success’ that is damaging many lives, and I believe it is, then, in my mind, the solution is simple. We just need to redefine the word, ‘success’.

Here is the definition of the word ‘success’ from some common and accepted sources:

• The Cambridge Dictionary: The achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.
• The Merriam Webster Dictionary: Favourable or desired outcome. The attainment of wealth, favour, or eminence.
• The Collins Dictionary: The achievement of something that you have been trying to do.

I could go on and on here, but there is really no point because every other definition, in a round-a-bout way, says exactly the same thing. Damaging! Why is this so damaging? You may be asking as you are striving for your own ‘success’ in life, whatever that may be. Damaging because this definition is an unattainable one, and keeps people chasing, striving, and achieving to find the ultimate meaning in life, only to discover it is never the result of achievement.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying it is not important to chase, strive, and achieve in life. What I am saying is that to attach success, joy, and meaning to an outcome, will leave you feeling unfulfilled and always seeking and searching. If this was not the case, why are there so many people who make it to the very top of their profession, even become rich and famous, yet end up depressed, unhealthy, suicidal, and divorced? The obsession to achieve, so built into Western society, causes people to chase accumulation in a fashion that means they often neglect the most important things in life. Whilst they may get where they are aspiring, they are rarely happy when they do. Why? Because we have been duped into believing a damaging and irresponsible definition of success.

How do I know this? For me, whilst I never defined it for myself, success was feeling loved, validated, and important. My mistake was believing it would come from success in external achievement. I worked obsessively to make it at the top level of professional sport for seven years, and even so, often wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I trained like a maniac to get a body I thought would impress people, and still wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I overworked and rarely slept to make money in multiple businesses and, every day wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I thought the achievement would bring the success I was seeking. It never did.

If you are relating to what I am saying here, then you may be wondering how to achieve this seemingly elusive success. It’s actually not elusive at all. The secret is to redefine it, and if you do,  every moment of every day will deliver the love, validation, and success you were created to enjoy. I am a Christian, and at the risk of alienating myself here and losing you, there are some things I now believe that totally fly in the face of damaging societal beliefs. One of those things is the definition of success. We already know what the normal measures of success are. So, what is this Christian belief? Whether you are a Christian or not, this definition of success I encourage you to adopt. What I know as a Christian is that God loves me for who I am, not what I do. He could not love me anymore by working harder and achieving more in life. So, my success is my existence.

Do you get that? You are a success, you are a winner, you are important, you are amazing because you are here. Anything you choose to achieve or not achieve in your life does not change that. So, I want to encourage you, right now, to disconnect the words success and achievement from each other. They are not related, they are not congruent, and they are not the keys to your joy and happiness. What is? It is knowing deep in your heart that you are good enough just because you are alive. When you truly believe and feel that, you will accomplish more in life than you ever thought possible.

My podcast this week is a great one with Andy Reid. It is called Success curious. Andy discusses the mental health challenges he experienced, as many do, in the headlong pursuit of the wrong type of success. They came from trying to live up to the expectations that were placed on him. He also discusses the freedom that has come from letting go and just enjoying the joy that life has to offer him as he travels the journey of life. As you finish reading this blog and move into your day, I want to encourage you to look at yourself in the mirror and know, beyond any shadow of doubt, that you are good enough and successful enough just as you are. Start the process today of redefining success.

The loose change effect

by admin | 6 Sep, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset

Have you ever heard the saying, it was a loose-change-decision? It refers to the things we can purchase with the loose change we have (or had, as the case maybe) in our pockets, wallets, or purses. Things like, a bottle of water, a cup of coffee, a soft drink, or a chocolate bar. It could be some change you give to a busker, to a child, or put into a piggy bank. I am not sure if you really understand the significance of these loose-change-decisions. It’s called the loose change effect.

Often loose-change-decisions are not overly considered and not truly valued as they should be. Why should they be valued? And it’s not just about money. They should be valued because the sum total of your life to this point, and what you will create moving forward is entirely due to the loose change effect in your life. That may seem like a big statement, and you may want me to justify that, so, I will.

Think about the loose-change-decisions you make on a regular basis. I live in Melbourne, Australia, considered by many (Melburnians anyway) as the coffee capital of the world. I don’t drink coffee, I have never had a cup of coffee, and I never will. However, many people do. In fact, some purchase multiple cups of coffee per day, for a few reasons. They like coffee, it is an addiction, they are craving a caffeine hit, and because it is a loose-change-decision. For about $6 in Melbourne, you can buy a high-quality cup of coffee. That is a loose-change-decision. In other words, it seems like an insignificant amount of money, particularly for someone who enjoys or needs coffee. Often, the same person who justifies buying three cups of coffee per day, and sees them as loose-change-decisions, complains he or she doesn’t have enough money for other things. Often important things.

So, let’s explore the loose change effect. Let’s say John believes he can’t survive getting through his workday without three good quality cups of coffee per day, Monday to Friday. He then enjoys two per day each day of the weekend. That works out at 19 cups of coffee per week. If a cup of coffee is $6, that is $114 per week, or just under $6000 per year. John also states that he can’t afford to take his partner away for weekends, to invest in high quality and healthy foods, or to get extra support for his children.

I am just talking about coffee here. What if John also buys 5 bottles of water per week at $5 per bottle? That’s another $25 per week. What if he buys a packet of chips or a chocolate bar from the donation box at work 5 days per week with his loose change. That’s another $25 per week. What if he fills up his car with petrol once per week and pays $2.20 per litre, when at the right time he could pay $1.70. If he puts 50 litres in his car each week, that is an additional $25 per week on fuel he doesn’t need to spend. We could go on and on here. All these are seemingly insignificant loose-change-decisions. John’s loose-change total is getting towards $200 per week and $10,000 per year. Trust me, that is not insignificant, it’s the loose change effect.

As I have mentioned, the loose change effect is not just about money. Every seemingly insignificant decision adds up, just like loose change. Health decisions, relationship decisions, business decisions, personal growth decisions, and just like loose change, over time, it will create an abundant surplus, or a gaping deficit. Which do you want? Surplus right? So, use the loose change effect to your advantage. What if John gave up just one cup of coffee per day, started eating a piece of fruit instead of chips or chocolates, and started buying petrol for $1.70 per litre? Not only would he significantly improve his health, he could also put an extra $5000 per year towards savings or things that are important.

My question to you is a simple but possibly confronting one. What loose-change-decisions could you start making today, in all areas, that will start building surplus in your life, rather than digging the hole of deficit? I will leave you to ponder that one. My podcast this week with Larissa Bartlett, is called The space between. In it we discuss the loose change effect of simple mindfulness practices to fill the space between stimulus and response. This is a conversation that will save and change lives.

I know there is not a lot of loose change around these days, as everything is moving towards cashless. That doesn’t mean that the loose change effect isn’t relevant and working in your life right now. In fact, in a time where convenience and quick-fix is king and queen, I believe it is more significant than ever. Pay attention to each and every decision you make and ensure that the loose change effect works in your favour.