One of the most damaging words in the English language is the word ‘success’. To be fair, it’s not actually the word that is so damaging, but more so the definition that society has attached to the word. Therefore, if it is the definition of the word ‘success’ that is damaging many lives, and I believe it is, then, in my mind, the solution is simple. We just need to redefine the word, ‘success’.
Here is the definition of the word ‘success’ from some common and accepted sources:
- The Cambridge Dictionary: The achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.
- The Merriam Webster Dictionary: Favourable or desired outcome. The attainment of wealth, favour, or eminence.
- The Collins Dictionary: The achievement of something that you have been trying to do.
I could go on and on here, but there is really no point because every other definition, in a round-a-bout way, says exactly the same thing. Damaging! Why is this so damaging? You may be asking as you are striving for your own ‘success’ in life, whatever that may be. Damaging because this definition is an unattainable one, and keeps people chasing, striving, and achieving to find the ultimate meaning in life, only to discover it is never the result of achievement.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying it is not important to chase, strive, and achieve in life. What I am saying is that to attach success, joy, and meaning to an outcome, will leave you feeling unfulfilled and always seeking and searching. If this was not the case, why are there so many people who make it to the very top of their profession, even become rich and famous, yet end up depressed, unhealthy, suicidal, and divorced? The obsession to achieve, so built into Western society, causes people to chase accumulation in a fashion that means they often neglect the most important things in life. Whilst they may get where they are aspiring, they are rarely happy when they do. Why? Because we have been duped into believing a damaging and irresponsible definition of success.
How do I know this? For me, whilst I never defined it for myself, success was feeling loved, validated, and important. My mistake was believing it would come from success in external achievement. I worked obsessively to make it at the top level of professional sport for seven years, and even so, often wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I trained like a maniac to get a body I thought would impress people, and still wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I overworked and rarely slept to make money in multiple businesses and, every day wondered why I never felt loved, validated, and important. I thought the achievement would bring the success I was seeking. It never did.
If you are relating to what I am saying here, then you may be wondering how to achieve this seemingly elusive success. It’s actually not elusive at all. The secret is to redefine it, and if you do, every moment of every day will deliver the love, validation, and success you were created to enjoy. I am a Christian, and at the risk of alienating myself here and losing you, there are some things I now believe that totally fly in the face of damaging societal beliefs. One of those things is the definition of success. We already know what the normal measures of success are. So, what is this Christian belief? Whether you are a Christian or not, this definition of success I encourage you to adopt. What I know as a Christian is that God loves me for who I am, not what I do. He could not love me anymore by working harder and achieving more in life. So, my success is my existence.
Do you get that? You are a success, you are a winner, you are important, you are amazing because you are here. Anything you choose to achieve or not achieve in your life does not change that. So, I want to encourage you, right now, to disconnect the words success and achievement from each other. They are not related, they are not congruent, and they are not the keys to your joy and happiness. What is? It is knowing deep in your heart that you are good enough just because you are alive. When you truly believe and feel that, you will accomplish more in life than you ever thought possible.
My podcast this week is a great one with Andy Reid. It is called Success curious. Andy discusses the mental health challenges he experienced, as many do, in the headlong pursuit of the wrong type of success. They came from trying to live up to the expectations that were placed on him. He also discusses the freedom that has come from letting go and just enjoying the joy that life has to offer him as he travels the journey of life. As you finish reading this blog and move into your day, I want to encourage you to look at yourself in the mirror and know, beyond any shadow of doubt, that you are good enough and successful enough just as you are. Start the process today of redefining success.