by admin | 8 Mar, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
We humans are a unique race, aren’t we? Have you, like me, ever done something you knew would lead to an undesired outcome, but did it anyway? Have you, like me, ever done the same thing over and over again and actually expected a different result? Have you, like me, ever followed a conditioned response just to be disappointed again? Have you, like me, ever followed societal norms only to end up wishing you had taken a different path? If so, are you ready for the answer to all your dilemmas? It’s simple, do the opposite.
Do the opposite of what? The opposite of what you deep down know will lead you to the same old predictable and disappointing outcome. You know criticizing will damage a relationship, don’t you? So, do the opposite and give praise and encouragement. You know eating another donut will not enhance your wellbeing, right? So, do the opposite and eat something that will. You know spending money unnecessarily will empty your bank account, agreed? So, do the opposite and save. Are you getting my point?
I like being right, but I have never won an argument, have you? It’s a no-win situation, because even if you do prove another person wrong, you have damaged the relationship. If they prove you wrong, then resentment kicks in. I know this, in both cases, from personal experience. Do you know what I do now when something says something I know is not right? The opposite of what I used to do. I agree with them. You may be asking, how can you agree with them when you know they are wrong? Simple, because in their mind they are correct and me proving them wrong does nothing constructive at all.
The snooze button used to be my best friend. How is it that every night you go to bed, your best intentions are to get up and exercise the next morning, and then wake up with a very different feeling? In fact, not only were my intentions great, but I was excited to get up at 5am and get my training done. But then, whilst I slept, my body was invaded by the evil lazy-bad-attitude spirit. The alarm would go off and my excitement had turned to anxiety, and my motivation to mush! I would hit the snooze button time and time again. Then one day, as I realised my fitness level was declining and the rolls on my stomach multiplying, I decided to do the opposite the next time my alarm went off. I did, I got up and trained. It took a while to create the habit, but now I never miss a day.
Debt is a good indicator that your money habits are not great. I have been in debt more times than I would like to disclose in this blog. There was no secret to my debt, I was making very poor choices about how I spent my money. I will give you one very embarrassing example. I got a large sum of money as an inheritance which would have been far better invested. Instead, to feed my very fragile and hungry ego at the time, I went and bought an $80,000 car. About a year later, I realized that a car was not my answer to happiness and decided to sell it. I sold it for $40,000. That my friend, is a poor financial decision. Now I do the opposite. I earn more than I spend, and I make much better financial decisions.
Do I have to keep giving you my personal and embarrassing examples? I don’t think so. I am grateful I have learned so much about doing the opposite of what I used to do and what many people do. Why? Simple, because I want different results in my life. I am guessing, if you are reading this blog, you would also like something to change in your life. If that is true, then you only need to do one thing, in the area of life you want to see change. That is, the opposite. If you want to be fitter, do the opposite of being sedentary, and be active. If you want to improve your relationships, do the opposite of not talking, and talk. If you want to create better results in your business, do the opposite of procrastinating, and take action. You may have heard the saying that, seeing is believing. If you want to see great things in your life, try doing the opposite which suggests, believing is seeing. It’s really pretty simple, wouldn’t you agree?
In my podcast this week with Kim Mellor, called Bring the sunshine, you will be incredibly inspired. Coming out of a history of domestic violence, becoming a single mother in her teens, and then finding herself and her two children homeless, it would have been very easy for her to spiral. Instead, she did the opposite and started bringing sunshine everywhere she went. Everything in life offers a choice. The choices we make will determine the life we ultimately live. So, my friend, if you want a life different to the one you are living then simply, do the opposite.
by admin | 2 Mar, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It is very easy for me – and I would dare say for most people – to beat myself up, judge myself, and feel like I am not good enough. Most of us are far harder on ourselves than we are on other people, when really, we should be celebrating ourselves. Why? Because we are alive, because we are loved, and because, no matter what we are insecure about, we are where we are today as a result. So, I want to encourage you to celebrate your insecurities today.
Last week I was honoured to be invited to speak with a fabulous group of people at an event called Stories that Stir. There were five other speakers, and we each had the challenging task to share our story, highlighting resilience, in ten minutes or less. Trust me, not an easy thing to do. When I received the order of the speakers a couple of days before the event, my insecurity immediately kicked in. I was first on the program and, when I saw it, two rubbishy thoughts entered my mind, and I had to be very deliberate to change them.
The first thought, and as crazy as it seems, was; if I am first, does that mean I am not as good as the other speakers? Very quickly, I slapped and reminded myself that I am a great speaker with a message that will impact lives. The second thought, just as rubbishy, was, thank goodness I am first, then I don’t have to follow all the other amazing speakers. Again, I had to slap myself and then decide to believe that I was first on the program because I would set up the event in a positive and powerful way. So, the question is, where did those damaging thoughts come from?
In my talk, I spoke about how I inherited a belief as a child that I was not good enough. It was given to me by thoughtless teachers who were unaware of the power of their words on an innocent and impressionable child. Yes, at the time of my life I was innocent and impressionable! So, I carried a belief that I was not enough as I was, and spent many decades trying to prove to myself that I was actually enough. It drove me into an ongoing and fruitless pursuit of external achievement and validation to fill an inner void.
It was the reason I chased and achieved a seven-year professional sporting career. It motivated me to obsessively develop my physique and fitness level. It was the cause of many failed relationships and marriages. It was the reason I worked so hard, for so long. This one powerful insecurity was the driving force behind a relentless and exhausting process to find inner peace and self-worth. Whilst I achieved a lot that I am proud of, none of those things helped me feel that I was enough, because no external achievement or other person can do that for me.
Finally, after working myself and two businesses into the ground, I thought enough is enough. As I was on the verge of asking myself the wrong question again, I thought differently. The wrong question is, what am I going to do now? I finally realized that question had got me in this situation, so I asked a very different question. That question was, how do I want to live? Wow, what a difference the right question can make! As a result of that question and the vision for my life I created, the idea came to me to write a book. As illogical as that idea was at the time, it was the one that changed the course of my life.
After the talk the other night, I was approached by a lady who thanked me for what I shared, and she told me how much she related to my story and my insecurities. As we were talking, I had an epiphany. If it wasn’t for my insecurities and feelings of not being good enough, I would never have done the things I had done. It is so easy to judge these feelings and beat ourselves up for our insecurities, when really we should be celebrating them.
Without the feeling of not being enough, I would never have played professional sport. If I wasn’t chasing validation, I wouldn’t have developed my body and focused on my wellbeing. Without the ego need for the acceptance of other people, I wouldn’t have been in and out of relationships to end up in one I love. Without always trying to prove myself, I wouldn’t have worked so hard and got myself into so much debt which led to one of the greatest decisions of my life. That decision, to write a book. Can you see how my insecurities have got me to where I am today? So, rather than judge them or resent them, I need to celebrate them.
One of the amazing speakers at the same event was my podcast guest this week, Em Chadbourne. In the podcast called Radical responsibility, Em talks about the same concept. Her life spiraled into debt, alcohol, and victim-mindset, until she decided to take radical responsibility. It was her own insecurities that triggered the change in her life that has helped her live a life of purpose and joy. The next time you start to stress about, judge, or condemn your insecurities, just know that, with proper perspective, they are leading you to a life of purpose and joy. That is definitely worthy of celebration.
by admin | 22 Feb, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Mindset
Have you ever thought about or stated that your greatest dream in life is to be miserable? Me neither. Yet, there have been many times when misery was my jam, and as I look around at the places I frequent, I don’t see lots of people putting fun first. So, with that in mind, this week is all about how we can put fun into everything we do and, put it first.
We live in a serious world, with lots of challenges, and if we are not very careful, we can let life flush us down the misery drain-pipe. So, we have to be very deliberate about finding fun, and then inserting it into everything. Yes, everything. Even cleaning? Yep. Even work? Yep. Even tough conversations? Yep. Even spreadsheets? Yep. Even exercise? Yep. Trust me, you can make anything fun, if you approach it with the right attitude and look at it with the right perspective.
I remember as a teenager, my dream and greatest desire at that time was to be a professional footballer. When I got my chance and was invited to come and try out at the St Kilda Football Club, it didn’t take too long before I was questioning my dream and desire. In my mind I could see and feel the wonderful experience of making it as a professional athlete. What I hadn’t considered was the pain, sweat, and relentlessness it would take to get to that point. I thought I was fit; I was wrong. I thought I was prepared; I was wrong. I believed I could do it; I began to doubt.
Each training session was more lung-busting, muscle-tearing, and brutal than the one before. There were times I felt faint, there were times I vomited, and there were times I passed out. There were moments when I just didn’t think I could take one more step. It was not fun, and the thought of giving up was a regular one in those early days. In fact, I do believe I would have given up if I was not able to find the fun and put it first. So, the question I hear you asking is, how do you possibly find fun in pain? That is a great question.
The simple answer, I stopped focusing on the pain, and I started focusing on where I was heading and who I was becoming. With each pounding session, I felt stronger, I felt mentally tougher, and I felt more equipped to make it at the highest level of the sport. Whilst the training was tough, the fun part was knowing it was helping me become better. Being a member of a team and going through the journey with your teammates is definitely a fun part of the process. The banter, the laughter, and the sharing of discomfort made the whole experience more joyful. Without finding the fun, I know I would never have stuck with it, as it took many years before I finally made it as a regular senior player. The fun kept me in.
These days, the pain and discomfort of being a professional athlete are a distant memory. I do, however, train every day, and I do use the same strategy to make every morning that I get up at 5am to exercise a fun part of my day. In addition to exercise, I have many parts of my business which I can easily describe as fun. I love writing because I am creating something that will change lives. I love speaking to groups because I know someone will get the message I am communicating and it will help them in their life. I love mentoring aspiring authors and people with their wellbeing because I know they will be an example and create a ripple effect of positive change in the world. I even love the preparation of all these things, because without it I can’t do what I do. It is all fun.
Another part of my business involves helping people diversify utilizing an e-commerce platform. The other evening, we did a training session focused on skin care. My goal, in addition to imparting information and ideas, was first and foremost for it to be fun. There was lots of laughter, there was fun to be had with the virtual app which analysed skin, and all in all it was a fun and powerful 45 minutes for everyone who attended. Seeing that I have a skin age of 38 years old, when I am over 20 years beyond that age was definitely fun!
So, my question to you is, how can you put fun first in everything you are doing, no matter how unfun it may appear? Could you get together with people you have fun with to do tedious things? Could you give yourself a cool reward for completing a challenging task? Could you change your environment and make it more fun? Could you focus on who you are becoming and what you are creating as you do what you need to do? Could you give yourself fun little breaks on a regular basis? Could you simply choose to enjoy what you are doing? Yes, you can choose to have fun, no matter what.
My podcast this week is with Mish Cogley and is called What if?. Mish went through a very challenging time during COVID and experienced many trauma-causing events over a very short period of time. She constantly said to herself, what if I could find a way? What if I could get better? What if I could find fun. I want to encourage you to find a way, no matter how challenging it may be, to put fun first with everything you do.
by admin | 16 Feb, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I don’t know about you, but up until a few days ago I had no idea what a drop bolt was. I am the least handy person, when it comes to fixing stuff, that I know. I can change a light globe and change a car tyre, but that’s about the extent of it. Now, not only do I know what a drop bolt is, I also know that whatever drama that a drop bolt can create, can also be resolved. Get ready for the great drop bolt drama…
I live in an apartment block with seven apartments, and being one of three owner-occupiers, I am on the committee with two lovely ladies. We recently had our front access security gate fixed, and we quickly realised it needed an additional drop bolt attached so we could hold it open when needed, as it had an automatic closing mechanism. The company doing the work sent a quote for the drop bolt, and if I am being perfectly honest, I didn’t pay too much attention. It was $420 and seemed reasonable, so we accepted the quote. Until the drop-bolt was attached, that is.
As I mentioned, I had no idea what a drop bolt was, and then when the girls and I saw it, we were flabbergasted (a word not used nearly enough!). We couldn’t quite believe how they could possibly justify $420 for what we discovered was a $15 drop bolt, and labour that could have been no more than 30 mins. We spoke to the Body Corporate who said, since we had agreed on the quote, there was nothing we could do about it. However, I had other ideas.
I went into spy-like investigation mode. It was all very exciting! My first plan was to anonymously call the company and ask what their call-out and hourly rate was. They explained that they charged a $180 call-out including 20 minutes of labour time, and $45 per 30 minutes after that. I then did some sums in my mind. I was pretty confident they could have done the job in the 20 minutes but gave them an additional 30 minutes to be on the safe side. That worked out to be $225 plus the $15 for the almighty drop bolt.
My next step was to ring them back to question the quote and ask them to modify it to reflect a more reasonable amount. Wow, that was one of the most frustrating calls I had made in a long time. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. When I explained the situation and asked if they would adjust the quote, I was met with someone who would not budge and told me there was nothing they could do. No amount of tantrumming from me worked. I got off the phone, feeling angry and frustrated, and then I reflected on it for a while. I realised I had handled the conversation very poorly. Why? I had made the whole conversation about what I wanted, and not even considered what was important for the company.
Later in the day I had an aha moment. I was looking at their website, and if I am being honest, I was trying to find a way to leave negative feedback. Instead, I found a statement that I knew could help us. The statement said this; Our business depends on the satisfaction of our customers; we would be grateful if you would post a Google Review to share with our other customers. Now I knew what they wanted. So, I drafted an email, a very friendly email, explaining that I would love to be able to post a positive review, however we were not satisfied. I explained the situation and asked that, if it was true that customer satisfaction was so important, they would consider reviewing the initial quote. I sent it one night during the week. The next morning, I received and email grateful for my feedback and that they were happy to reduce the quote to a much more acceptable amount.
The drop bolt drama was resolved. How was it resolved? Not by me getting angry. Not by accusing them of ripping us off. Not by threatening that they would lose our business. It was resolved by finding out what was important to them and showing them how they could get it. What a powerful lesson this is for all of us. How do you get a child to eat vegetables? How do you get your partner to do something you would like them to do? How do you get someone to come and fix something for you? How do you get yourself out of bed doing what you need to do in life? You do it very simply by finding out what is important to people (and yourself) and showing them (and yourself) how, by doing what you want them to do, it will help them (you) get what they (you) want.
It is amazing what you can learn from a drop bolt! Always look at things in terms of how it impacts another person, always talk in terms of what they want, and you will be amazed with what can happen in their life, and yours. I am so grateful for the drop bolt drama.
by admin | 10 Feb, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Are you ready for the greatest insight ever? The one that will have the most profound impact on you and your life? The one that will most powerfully affect your relationships, your decisions, your achievements, your impact on other people, and the legacy you will leave? Are you ready to stop blaming, stop complaining, and start taking control of your life? The insight that will change everything, is the understanding that your language is life.
I don’t know about you, but I hate taking responsibility for the things in my life that are not working. It is far easier to blame other people and challenging circumstances. There are two problems with that mindset. Firstly, it won’t change anything. Secondly, it’s the wrong place to look. The right place to look, in fact, looking is the wrong sense to evoke here. I mean, the right place to pay attention to, in fact the only place to pay attention to, is the language you use each and every day, with each and every situation in your life.
That is it. Nothing more complicated. The life you and I are currently experiencing right now, and will experience in the future, is 100% based on the tone, direction, and intent of our language. I don’t mean the dialect of language you speak. I am talking about how you think and speak about and to yourself and others, based on your perspective, belief systems, experiences, and conditioning. One definition of ‘language’ I found says, communication of thoughts and feelings through a system of arbitrary signals, such as voice sounds, gestures, or written symbols. I would definitely include thoughts and self-talk in that definition.
That’s it peeps. If you are looking for answers, solutions, reasons, weaknesses, and strengths, look no further than your language in that area of life. The only reason you have achieved something that may have seemed illogical or unlikely is because of what you said to yourself about that achievement. The only reason you may be lacking in an area of your life, is because of the thoughts, words, and language you are using in that area. If you are healthy and happy, it’s your language. If you are tired and unhealthy, your language. If you are in great relationships, it’s your language. If you are often in conflict, your language. If you are experiencing abundance, achievement, and joy in life, it’s your language. If you are experiencing lack, obstacles, and misery, again, it’s your language.
It can be a bitter pill to swallow to accept that you are 100% responsible for where you are in life. However, it’s incredibly empowering and exciting to know that in a heartbeat you can change direction. Simply, change your language. Yes, I did say simply change your language, which may make it sound that I am suggesting it will be easy. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
From a young age, the primary gist of the language I used about myself was that I was not good enough. That idea was planted in my head by someone else’s language to me when I was a child. It was actually thoughtless teachers who didn’t understand the power of the concept I am sharing here. From that time on, I would talk myself out of things, tear myself down, and take myself out of the game. It was never about my ability, potential, or capacity, it was always about my language. Then because I often felt insecure and lacking in many ways, the language I would use towards others would reflect that, and impact them and their own self-language. Can you see the vital importance of this idea? I am talking about the language we speak to others, the language we speak to ourselves and, incredibly important, the ability to interpret the language that gets thrown our way.
In life there are things we can control, and things we cannot control. The greatest waste of time, and the most anxiety-causing and frustration-creating focus is on things out of our control. What other people do and say falls in that category. What we can control is how we use language, who we choose to associate with, and how we choose to interpret other people’s damaging language towards us.
If we believe that language determines life, and it does, then we need to take control. The greatest turning point for me, and it is reinforced in the book Willpower Doesn’t Work, by Benjamin Hardy, was when I changed my environment, in terms of the people I was associating with. I chose to hang out with people who supported and encouraged me, and that in turn helped change my own self-talk so I was using more empowering language with myself and others. Everything changed. I didn’t get smarter, more talented, more knowledgeable, or luckier. I changed my language, and my life changed.
Tell yourself you can, and you will. Tell yourself you are good enough, and you will be. Find others who will support that message and you will believe it even more. Then, when you start using that empowering language with others, you will not only help them, but in turn you will build more self-love to reinforce the empowering language you use about yourself. I hope this all makes sense. It is the thing that will most profoundly impact your life, and a thing that can be changed in a heartbeat. As you move forward in your day and life, be conscious of how you think and speak, and who you associate with. Make the changes you need to make because language is life.
by admin | 2 Feb, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Have you ever said to yourself or someone else, there just isn’t enough time in the day? Or, I wish I had more time? Or, If only there were 25 hours in the day? I think these are statements every single human has stated at some time in their life. I have, more times than I could even imagine. When we make the statement, we genuinely believe we don’t have enough time. Well, what if I were to suggest to you that there is a time goldmine just waiting for you to tap into?
You are probably thinking I am going to suggest you get up at 4am or some crazy hour like that. If you can, you will absolutely find a patch of time – if used purposefully – that can change your life, for sure. The good news is, I am not suggesting you get up any earlier or go to bed any later than you are right now. There is a saying that my mentor uses all the time that suggests, the millionaire and the beggar have the same 24 hours in the day, it is how they use those hours that determines their outcomes in life.
With this in mind, I decided I needed to honestly assess my use of time and how it was impacting the things I was trying to create in my life. As a result, I made a decision last weekend that I would hide my remote control and stop watching television for at least two weeks. If I am being honest, I had let my television watching slowly grow to the point when I knew it was stealing valuable and meaningful time from my life. In fact, there were probably some days, without even realising what was happening, I was watching three hours of television. Yes, I said three hours. Yes, I am embarrassed, especially as I am someone who portrays this image of productivity and purpose.
As I started doing the sums, I started feeling immediately nauseous. Three hours per day, is 21 hours per week, and over 1000 hours per year. More than 45 days every year, or 12.5% of my life, I was effectively flushing down the toilet. What a wake-up call it was as I started imagining what I could be doing with that goldmine of time.
It snuck up on me so subtly that I didn’t realise it until my epiphany. I made the decision last Sunday, and I was worried it would be really hard and I wouldn’t be able to commit to it. As Monday rolled around, I actually started to get excited about what I could do with this extra time. What I found was a goldmine of time. I had time to write more, to connect more, to pray more, to listen more, to read more, and to be more present. Each night over the last week, after finishing my meetings, I have walked to the beach and watched the sun set majestically over Port Phillip Bay and felt increasingly grateful for my life and my home.
That one simple decision to stop watching TV has unlocked a treasure-trove of time in my life to do things that have lifted myself, my vision, my self-belief, and my energy to another level. So, my question to you right now is, where can you find your time goldmine? Before you answer that question, the first question you need to answer is, do I want my situation to change, and do I want more for myself and my life? If you answered yes to that one, and you are serious, then finding the time goldmine is actually very simple.
I want to challenge you to, right now, do some calculations of how much time you spend each week doing things that are draining your goldmine. Things like; watching the TV, scrolling through social media feeds, playing mind-numbing games, gossiping, unnecessary meetings, watching cutesy videos online, reading newspapers & trashy magazines, driving to meetings you could do online, worry, negative self-talk, and the list goes on and on and on. Have I hit a nerve with any of these? If so, awesome. Now, if you were to eliminate any or all of these things to unlock an abundance of extra time, what will you do with that time and, is it worth it?
Would you spend more time with people you love? Would you be more present? Would you focus on your wellbeing? Would you actively work on personal development? Would you build your financial position? Would you be more creative? Would you help others? Would you pray, meditate, and/or find mindful moments each and every day? Are these things starting to excite you? Are you ready to start mining the time gold that is there for you? If so, start small. What one thing can you stop doing that will unlock some time for you? Try it this week, and if it is worthwhile, find something else to eliminate next week. Trust me, it is worth it.
In my podcast this week with Alena Turley called Suspend disbelief, we discuss the possibilities that exist in life when you can find space between the doubt and time in your life to focus on what is most important. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I have just taken away any reason for you to ever say again I am too busy, or I have no time. Sorry! Actually, I am not sorry at all, because the great news is that if you follow through on this, you will have just discovered a time goldmine to help create the life you dreamed about, and the one destined for you.
