It is very easy for me – and I would dare say for most people – to beat myself up, judge myself, and feel like I am not good enough. Most of us are far harder on ourselves than we are on other people, when really, we should be celebrating ourselves. Why? Because we are alive, because we are loved, and because, no matter what we are insecure about, we are where we are today as a result. So, I want to encourage you to celebrate your insecurities today.

Last week I was honoured to be invited to speak with a fabulous group of people at an event called Stories that Stir. There were five other speakers, and we each had the challenging task to share our story, highlighting resilience, in ten minutes or less. Trust me, not an easy thing to do. When I received the order of the speakers a couple of days before the event, my insecurity immediately kicked in. I was first on the program and, when I saw it, two rubbishy thoughts entered my mind, and I had to be very deliberate to change them.

The first thought, and as crazy as it seems, was; if I am first, does that mean I am not as good as the other speakers? Very quickly, I slapped and reminded myself that I am a great speaker with a message that will impact lives. The second thought, just as rubbishy, was, thank goodness I am first, then I don’t have to follow all the other amazing speakers. Again, I had to slap myself and then decide to believe that I was first on the program because I would set up the event in a positive and powerful way. So, the question is, where did those damaging thoughts come from?

In my talk, I spoke about how I inherited a belief as a child that I was not good enough. It was given to me by thoughtless teachers who were unaware of the power of their words on an innocent and impressionable child. Yes, at the time of my life I was innocent and impressionable! So, I carried a belief that I was not enough as I was, and spent many decades trying to prove to myself that I was actually enough. It drove me into an ongoing and fruitless pursuit of external achievement and validation to fill an inner void.  

It was the reason I chased and achieved a seven-year professional sporting career. It motivated me to obsessively develop my physique and fitness level. It was the cause of many failed relationships and marriages. It was the reason I worked so hard, for so long. This one powerful insecurity was the driving force behind a relentless and exhausting process to find inner peace and self-worth. Whilst I achieved a lot that I am proud of, none of those things helped me feel that I was enough, because no external achievement or other person can do that for me.

Finally, after working myself and two businesses into the ground, I thought enough is enough. As I was on the verge of asking myself the wrong question again, I thought differently. The wrong question is, what am I going to do now? I finally realized that question had got me in this situation, so I asked a very different question. That question was, how do I want to live? Wow, what a difference the right question can make! As a result of that question and the vision for my life I created, the idea came to me to write a book. As illogical as that idea was at the time, it was the one that changed the course of my life.

After the talk the other night, I was approached by a lady who thanked me for what I shared, and she told me how much she related to my story and my insecurities. As we were talking, I had an epiphany. If it wasn’t for my insecurities and feelings of not being good enough, I would never have done the things I had done. It is so easy to judge these feelings and beat ourselves up for our insecurities, when really we should be celebrating them.

Without the feeling of not being enough, I would never have played professional sport. If I wasn’t chasing validation, I wouldn’t have developed my body and focused on my wellbeing. Without the ego need for the acceptance of other people, I wouldn’t have been in and out of relationships to end up in one I love.  Without always trying to prove myself, I wouldn’t have worked so hard and got myself into so much debt which led to one of the greatest decisions of my life. That decision, to write a book. Can you see how my insecurities have got me to where I am today? So, rather than judge them or resent them, I need to celebrate them.

One of the amazing speakers at the same event was my podcast guest this week, Em Chadbourne. In the podcast called Radical responsibility, Em talks about the same concept. Her life spiraled into debt, alcohol, and victim-mindset, until she decided to take radical responsibility. It was her own insecurities that triggered the change in her life that has helped her live a life of purpose and joy. The next time you start to stress about, judge, or condemn your insecurities, just know that, with proper perspective, they are leading you to a life of purpose and joy. That is definitely worthy of celebration.