by admin | 13 Jul, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
On face value, the word ‘no’ seems pretty cut-and-dried, doesn’t it? And, in some cases it is definitive. However, I believe that to be the minority, the exception, and absolutely not the rule. So then, if ‘no’ in most cases doesn’t mean ‘no’, then what does it mean? From my experience, it means, ‘I need more information’.
I just had a great conversation on Zoom with a wonderful gentleman, doing incredible things in the wellbeing space. He has just had the courage to leave a very ‘safe and secure’ full-time job with a company he has been with for fifteen years. Why did I put the phrase ‘safe and secure’ in quotation marks? Because I really don’t believe a job is safe or secure in any way in this day and age. But that’s another conversation altogether.
It was the first time we had met, and I thanked him for being open to meeting with me and having this conversation. He said, “You are welcome. I have made a decision that my new attitude is to say ‘yes’ more often.” I loved it because I have the same philosophy. The conversation was a great one as we shared about ourselves. At one point in the meeting, he asked me about the process of becoming an author. So, I explained to him how I went about it, and the impact it has had on my life. I then asked him a question. “Are you thinking about writing a book?” Interestingly, his initial response was ‘no’.
When I asked why, he told me all the reasons why he came to that decision so quickly. I could feel that he actually would love to write a book but didn’t believe he could. It’s the same reason most of us say ‘no’ to things. In fact, it was almost that same reason I nearly talked myself out of writing my first book. So, I asked him, “Do you really mean ‘no’, or do you just need more information?” He asked me what I meant and I went on to explain some of the information I started to collate in my journey to become an author. As I was talking, I could see his ‘no’ shifting to a ‘maybe’. With more time and more information, I know he, like me, would actually be excited and committed to writing a book. All he needs is more information.
Each day you will be confronted with choices and opportunities to try things, go places, meet people, or improve your life in some way. If your go-to response is ‘no’, I want to encourage you to ask yourself why that was your response. If it is truly because you don’t want the outcome of the choice, then ‘no’ is the right answer. If it is because of fear, doubt, lack of belief, or lack of information, I want to encourage you to get the information you need. What if that thing you are saying ‘no’ to is just what you need to help you in a certain area of your life? Wouldn’t it be a tragedy to miss out, when the opportunity is right there simply waiting for you to say ‘yes’ to. Wouldn’t it be regretful if all you needed was some more information to turn your ‘no’ into a ‘gosh yes’?
In the same way, when you are talking to other people and making suggestions to them and you are confronted by a ‘no’, then chances are, they also just need more information. Recently, I got a new business partner for one of my businesses. In my initial discussion with this person, the response I got was far from positive. So, I asked her what her previous experience had been. She explained to me, and I genuinely empathized with her, because it sounded horrible. When I asked if she would be open to get some more information about how I go about business and what is actually happening now, she said ‘yes’. The rest is history. I gave her the information, it totally changed her perspective, and we are working together. She just needed more information.
In my podcast this week with Lisa Sugarman, called, Holding space, we discuss the power of giving people the space to share their feelings and experiences without judgement or offering advice or solutions. It is amazing how, when we do this, people feeling safe to talk will turn their initial ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ all on their own. It is a powerful conversation I hope you will listen to.
Life is here and now. We are living it every day, and unfortunately so many people are missing the abundance and joy that is there for them. All because of one ill-considered two-letter word. The next time you are tempted to say ‘no’ to something, please consider the consequences of that choice. If you can imagine regretting the consequences at some stage in your life, then suspend the ‘no’, get more information, and then make your final decision. Whether it is the ‘no’ you are saying to yourself or to someone else, or the ‘no’ you are hearing from someone else, just understand and believe that ‘no’ simply means, ‘I need more information’.
by admin | 5 Jul, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Discipline is one of those words that strike fear into the heart of even the most courageous person. It is something that either reflects punishment, or that reflects discomfort, and both are things that most humans avoid. We all know that self-discipline is a key to creating positive change, we also know that it is uncomfortable, often inconvenient, and can be hard. Well, I have some good news. As much as discipline is necessary for you to live a better life, it has an expiry date.
The best way to explain what I mean is by example. I use this example a lot, so please forgive me if you have heard it before. It is currently winter in Australia, and as cold a winter as I have ever experienced in Melbourne. As I write this, during the last few mornings the temperature has got down very close to zeros degree Celsius (around 30 degrees Fahrenheit). I know for many Northern Hemispherians that is not cold, for us soft Aussies, it definitely is.
My alarm is set for 4:55am every day, except Sunday, and every day, except Sunday, I get up and exercise, rain, hail, sleet, or shine. In fact, this morning (as I write this) I was just finishing up my training and the temperature had risen to a steamy two degrees Celsius, and I saw a lady I see most days walking her dog. We always say ‘hi’, and I pat her dog Margot. This morning, she said to me; you are so disciplined. You are here every day, rain, hail or shine. I thanked her for the compliment as she walked past, but I knew in my heart the discipline part of my morning exercise routine had long since expired.
There is no doubt about it, when I decided I was going to get up at 4:55 every morning to exercise, discipline was a major factor in that practice becoming a morning ritual. However, within a few months the discipline part of the process had expired, and the neural pathway part of the behaviour kicked in. What I mean by that is, with each day I got up, I was creating a neural pathway in my brain, and after two to three months of that consistent behaviour the pathway was so strong that it transformed into an unconscious habit. So, now when my alarm goes off at 4:55am, before I even know what is going on, I am out of bed, dressed, and out the door. No more debate, no more negotiation, no more doubts, and no more discipline. The discipline had expired, and my unconscious mind had taken over. I am so grateful.
The question then is, how do we get through the discipline part of the process to the unconscious habit part of the journey? This is where most people get tripped up. Why? Because what they don’t realise, understand, or pay attention to is that to create a strong and unbreakable neural pathway in the brain, it requires the daily application of a certain behaviour for at least 63-days consecutively. If they miss a day, they justify it, excuse themselves, and just think that getting back on track from where they left off will be okay. It won’t, and it isn’t. You must be disciplined to apply the behaviour for at least 63 days straight and if a day is missed, start again. Yes, you heard me, start again. If you go 7 days and miss one, start again. If you go 25 days and miss one, start again. If you go 62 days and miss one, that’s dumb, but start again!
In the big picture, 63 days is a small price to pay for discipline to expire and an unconscious habit to be created. One that will benefit you for the rest of your life. So, to get through 63 days, get clear on what you want and why it’s important. To get through 63 days, choose a simple behaviour that you really have no excuse not to do every day. To get through 63 days, find an accountability partner to make the journey with you, to encourage you, and to not let you off the hook when you are tempted to miss a day. To get through the 63-days, just focus on one day at a time, and celebrate every single day you do what you planned to do. Do this, and discipline will expire, then your powerful and transformational unconscious mind will take over.
In my podcast this week called Treat people right, I speak with military veteran and mental health advocate John Giampino. After a very traumatic medical discharge, and subsequent mental health challenges, John now, after a period of self-discipline, is living a life of joy and significance. This is a powerful conversation. No matter what kind of change you would like to see in your life, just know that it will require a period of discomfort, inconvenience, and discipline. The great news is, it won’t last, because discipline has an expiry date but your joyful life of meaning and abundance does not.
by admin | 29 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
The most annoying word in the world for me is the word ‘busy’. I used to wear ‘busy’ as a badge of honour, and erroneously think I was somehow on-purpose, productive, and admired, just because I said I was busy. In fact, I was none of those things. I was kidding myself. I believe the goal should be not to have a full life, but to have a fulfilling one.
You may be wondering what the difference is. Let me use an analogy I hope we can all relate to. That is food! Have you ever been to a buffet or smorgasbord type meal? The all-you-can-eat deal? Before getting there, the thought of eating all you want is an exciting one, isn’t it? As you peruse the offering, you get even more excited as you see the many options available to you and you know you can try all of them. Over the next period of time, you start small, keep going, and progressively work your way through the buffet. By the end of it, how are you feeling? Full? Over full? Stuffed? Regretting the decision to go to a buffet? Vowing never to do it again? All of the above? I have definitely been there, how about you?
On the other hand, have you ever been to a nice restaurant, enjoyed high quality meals, beautifully presented, and just enough that you are fulfilled but not full? Honestly, which did you enjoy most? I know the answer for me. We seem to think more food on the plate is an indication of a great meal. In fact, it is not about the quantity, but more about the quality, right? I hope that helped you get an idea of what I mean by full versus fulfilling.
For many years my life was full. It was over-eating at the buffet type of full. From the moment I opened my eyes at 5am until I put my head on the pillow at 10pm, it was nonstop. I felt I had to fill every moment with something I perceived as being productive, for me to be happy and successful in life. After many years of this kind of bingeing, I felt about my life exactly how I felt after a buffet gorging session. That is sick, exhausted, and regretting my choices. My full life led me to debt, helplessness, disillusionment, and regret.
It was in this moment of desperation, the penny finally dropped, and I realized it was not a full life I craved, it was a fulfilling one. I then had to think about what a fulfilling life meant for me, so I posed a question to myself. Not the normal question so many people ask which is, what am I going to do now? The question I asked myself was, how do I want to live? Wow, this question certainly unlocked some magic in my life! I started visualising a life where I felt strong and confident, a life where I was having a positive impact on others, a life where I woke every day excited for what was to come, and a life where I had time and money. I imagined a life which wasn’t full, instead it was fulfilling.
I fixed my eyes and my heart on this life, I started writing my first book, I looked for ways to impact lives, and create time and money, and I fashioned the fulfilling life I visualised, and have been loving it for almost 20 years as I write this. The difference between these two lives is that one was full, the other is fulfilling. One was overwhelming, exhausting, and frustrating, the other is meaningful, peaceful, and exciting. In one, I had no time for the most important things, in the other I get to spend my time doing the things most meaningful with the people I love and respect the most. Can you see the difference?
So, you may be asking how do I shift from a full life to a fulfilling one? I think the first step is to ask yourself the question, how do I want to live? And then, answer it in writing. I found that when I had clarity about how I wanted to live, ideas, opportunities, and people came to me to help me turn that vision into a reality. To help you with this, I recommend listening to my podcast this week with Sue Wong and Justin Robinson called A life chosen. In it we talk about their new book, soon to be released, called My Manifesto; A compassionate guide to reveal your best life. This is the first step to living a fulfilling life.
So, before you fill up your plate at the next buffet, think very carefully about how you will feel when the meal is over. In the same way, think very carefully before filling every moment of your life with things that will cause you to declare that you are ‘busy’. How will you feel about that full life in the next month, year, ten years, and beyond? Do you really want a full life, or would you prefer a fulfilling one? If the answer to that question is the latter, please get to work on it today. Reach out if you need any help.
by admin | 21 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
It is currently winter in Australia, and I am living at the furthest southern tip of the mainland, in Melbourne. It can get very dark, very dreary, and very cold at this time of the year. Every now and then, however, we get a stunning winter day, and all of a sudden people are out, smiles are on faces, and there seems to be a more optimistic and happier energy. It reminds us – well, me anyway – that no matter how dark it may get, the sun always rises again.
I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to live in parts of the world where, in winter, there is little or no daylight for the entire day. Even in those places, the sun does eventually rise again. So, there is always something to look forward to. Clearly, I am not going to be writing a blog entirely about the rising of the sun in different parts of the world. Instead, as you may have guessed, I want to use the metaphor to remind you that no matter how dark your day or life may be at any point, the light will always appear again.
I would have to say, of all the dark times in my life, the darkest was when my beautiful mother passed away almost twenty years ago as I write this, in December 2004. It was obviously a heartbreaking time, but even more so for two main reasons. The first was because, despite the fact that she had been battling terminal cancer for 15 years and the chance was extremely high it would eventually take her life, I kept my head buried firmly in the sand, just believing that everything would be okay. So, when it happened, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared, and consequently it destroyed me for a long time.
The second reason is one I think many people experience, so is a shout out to everyone. It is a regret I carry that I didn’t spend as much time or communicate with her as much as I would right now if she were still here. I was always too ‘busy’, too self-absorbed, too focused on my next goal, or my next aspiration that I neglected the people most important to me. This was reinforced to me just the other day as I came across a letter she wrote to me not long before she passed. In it, she told me how much she admired my ambition and achievement, but she also cautioned me. She advised me not to neglect my health or the people most important. As I was reading the letter, tears welled in my eyes and a chill ran up my spine, because I didn’t heed her words at the time, and I feel I neglected the time with her that I would spend if I had my time over. Well, I can never have that time over, but I can learn from it.
After many months of grieving, and heart-breaking pain I never thought would ease, I started to gradually find some joy again. I started to focus on my intense love for her and gratitude for her being my mother, at that time, for 40 years. I started to learn the lessons she was trying to teach me, I began making changes in my life, and I started to see the sun rise again. In fact, so inspired am I by her love, her life, and her courage, I wrote a book about her called Dance Until it Rains. Now, for almost twenty years, and far, far beyond, her legacy and lessons will live on and impact many lives, across the globe for many generations to come. Her light will shine in my heart and on this world forever. I didn’t believe it would, but the sun rose again.
What are you going through right now? What darkness are you experiencing that feels like it will never end? Is it a health crisis? Is it a relationship or family challenge? Is it a financial disaster? No matter what it is, the sun will rise again. How quickly that sun rises depends on what you believe and how you act on the situation you are facing. If it is a health challenge and you do nothing to improve it, the sun may take a long time to rise, if at all. When you say to yourself, this is an opportunity for me to take control, and you do just that, the sun will rise quickly. Relationship conflict? Be the one to resolve it and watch how quickly the sun rises. Financial dilemma? Get into action and you will be amazed how soon light will shine on your bank account. No matter what, the sun is just on the brink of rising and flooding your world with life-giving light.
In my podcast this week called, Just show up, I speak with the inspirational Kim Rahir. When faced with a very dark diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, Kim decided to train her way through it. She got into the gym, started lifting weights and focusing on her wellbeing. Not only did she heal herself of MS, but she also became European Weightlifting champion at the age of 60. The sun very quickly rose on her life, simply because of the focus she placed on her wellbeing. No matter what is happening today for you, the sun will always rise tomorrow. You will get through and trust me, something great will happen in your life. Just learn the lessons, find the gifts, and irrespective of what is going on in your life, have faith that the sun always rises.
by admin | 14 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Wellness
As I was talking to a wonderful group of people in the construction industry, I knew they would get the concept of a firm foundation. They will explain that nothing will stay standing if not built on a strong foundation. Build an amazing house on a swamp, and it will sink, no matter how well built it is. Build that same house on a firm foundation, and it will stand strong through all the storms and conditions it will face. Okay, so how does this relate to our lives?
As mentioned, I was talking to a group of people in the construction industry, but not about building homes, it was about their wellbeing. I know, I know, here we go again! The wellbeing talk. I have heard it so many times before, and I know it all. This is what so many people think. I know this for a fact because when I started talking to four different groups of people last week and I was introduced as a wellbeing speaker, I could see the body language change and the eyes glaze over, in each group. You know exactly what I am talking about right now, don’t you? In fact, you may even be tempted to stop reading this blog because you believe you have heard what I am about to say, and you already know it. But I ask you to hang in there for a few more sentences before discarding me and my message.
I long ago stopped trying to tell people stuff they already know, and instead, help them actually act on that stuff. Knowing is one thing, but it is of no value if not acted upon. It is said that knowledge is power, however, the reality is that knowledge alone is only potential power. It is the application of that knowledge which is where the power lies. That being said, when I am referring to wellbeing, I am actually talking about the things most important to you. I am talking about your family, I am talking about your career, I am talking about your hobbies, I am talking about your spiritual life, and I am talking about anything that would move you to take immediate action.
If you are a parent, and got a message from a child declaring that they needed you desperately, would you send a message back saying, just wait a little because I am reading this really cool blog, I’ll get there when I can? Of course not, you would stop reading, drop everything, and be there in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even be offended. Why would you do that? Simple, because your family means everything to you, right? Or do they? Let me ask you some hard hitting questions that may cause you to squirm. Is your family important enough for you to give up smoking, start exercising, make better eating choices, and reduce your alcohol and/or soft drink consumption? Is the example you are setting for them important enough to begin doing the things you are saying, yeah, I know that, but aren’t actually doing?
You see, the greatest mistake people make when it comes to health and wellbeing is that they consider it as a pillar in life. They see it as standing alongside, family, career, financial, social, hobby, spiritual and all the things we choose to prioritise. Why is this a problem? Because, as you know, you cannot invest 100% of time and energy into all pillars. You have to prioritise the important ones, and the only way to do that is to steal time and energy from others. Guess which gets stolen from the most? You know, don’t you? You’ve done it, haven’t you? Have you ever said any of the following, or something similar? I couldn’t make it to the gym this morning, because I had an early meeting. I had to get take-away because I was rushing and didn’t have time to prepare dinner. I had to have that chocolate bar because I was hungry and didn’t have any healthier snacks.
Let me tell you loud and clear, your health and wellbeing is not a pillar in life. It is the foundation upon which every pillar stands. In other words, it is the foundation upon which everything that is important to you rests. And as you know, a building built on a weak foundation will sink, and so will your life sink, if your wellbeing foundation is not firm. So, when you skip meals, hit the snooze instead of exercising, skip breakfast, drink a litre of Coke (including Coke zero), drive through to get fast food, and, you know all the rest, you are not actually saying that your health is not important. What you are saying is that your family is not important, your career is not important, your hobbies and social life are not important, and the other pillars in your life are not important. Wow, have I just hit you between the eyes?
It is time to get real. Every tiny and seemingly insignificant decision you make every day is either cementing a brick into your wellbeing foundation and strengthening it or, removing a brick and eroding it. Yes, every decision. Honesty check; If you were to keep making the daily decisions you are currently making, how is that foundation looking in the next year, five years, ten years or beyond, if you make it that far? If you want great relationships, look after your wellbeing. If you want to excel in your career, make healthier choices. If you want to be a positive role model to important people, make your wellbeing a foundation. If you want to live a life of joyful longevity, assess the decisions you are making every day, and change the ones that are not creating a firm and strong foundation.
One of the greatest things you can do for your wellbeing is giving. In my podcast this week, called, Give a hand up, I speak with the amazing Kate Watson and Sheree Elliott from Pentecost Care. We discuss the distressing rate of homelessness, and how we can help people by simply offering them a hand up, not just giving them a handout. I know I have been a bit full-on this week, but it is your life, and I want you to live the best one you can live. Please, don’t ever look back with regret, instead, look back with joy and gratitude, that you made decisions each day that strengthened the foundation that everything that matters to you stands on. The only way you will look back, in the future, with joy and gratitude is to start building a firm foundation today.
by admin | 8 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
We all love a good view, don’t we? The view from a plane. The view from the top of a tall building. The view of mountains. The view of water. There is no doubt about it, the view from the top of anything is amazing. There is one thing that makes the view from the top all the more spectacular and enjoyable, and that is the effort it takes to get there.
A few years ago, I visited Gibraltar. It was one of the stops on a cruise I went on back in 2018. As the ship neared Gibraltar and the rock became visible, I made a decision. I decided I was going to climb to the top of that rock. I didn’t know if was possible, or how to get there, I just knew I would do it. As I researched, I found out there were lots of ways to get to the top, but none that appealed to me. You can take a cable car, you can drive, you can take a taxi or bus, and the last option was the one I chose. I chose to walk.
As I started on this walk, really with no idea where to go, other than up, I realized that the walking option was definitely not a popular one. The queue to take the cable car was long and the traffic on the road seemed heavy. The walking path, on the other hand, was clear and empty. After I had been walking for about 15 minutes, I realized why the walking path was so uninhabited. It was steep, it was long, and it was hard. But, as in life, when we take one step at a time in the direction we want to go, and keep going, we will always arrive. So, I arrived, and the view from the top was breathtaking.
As I watched people getting out of cars, buses, and cable cars with their cameras, I knew their view would be different from my view. Why? Same location, same view, but different perspective. My view came from the perspective of the effort I had applied to get there. So, not only did I get to enjoy the amazing vista, I got to feel the pride that came from walking all the way up, and the benefits I got for my own personal growth. The view is always better when you have worked with a dream or goal to enjoy it.
Last weekend I participated in an event called Stadium Stomp. It was my first time, and the event involved running up and down the stairs all the way around one of the largest sporting stadiums in the world, the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG). In fact, there were two laps of the stadium, the first lap was around the lower level, and lulled me into a very false sense of security. I was cruising to the point when, after lap one, I was directed to the top level of the stadium to complete another lap. This time the stairs were steeper and longer, and if I am being honest, brutal. After running to the top of the first flight, my thighs were heavy, my lungs bursting, and as I looked around the ground, I estimated about another 50 flights of stairs to climb.
As I was on my last flight of stairs, I was trashed. I stopped at the top briefly, and looked around at this impressive stadium again, like the Rock of Gibraltar, with a very different perspective. The view from the top, as you can see from the photo was amazing, but all the better because of what I had just achieved to enjoy it. All of the pain, the strain, and the times I felt like stopping, were worth it for that view from the top.
So, you may be asking, what’s the point? Simple, don’t give up on your dreams, your goals, and your aspirations, because the view from the top is always better when you work for them. Have you ever been given money? Do you really value it, or just spend it? I got an inheritance after my grandmother passed away, and guess what I did with it? I bought a part share of a racehorse. That was dumb-attack of the century. I learned two very valuable lessons. First, anything that eats while you sleep is bad for your bank account! Second, you don’t truly value things you don’t earn.
When you work to recover your health or create optimal wellbeing, you value it, you enjoy it and commit to it. When you work to build your business, your bank account, your relationships, you always value them more, and the view from the top is always better.
My podcast this week with Dana Skaggs is called Healthy boundaries. She had to work very hard to set and stick to some healthy boundaries with her mother. It was not easy but has left her with a feeling of freedom and strength, and a much different view. So, as you set about your day, week, and next adventure, there will be times it will be tough, and you may be tempted to give up. Keep going my friend because, trust me, when you finally get to where you are going, you will love the view from the top.
