Belonging is a two-way street

by admin | 29 Nov, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Wellness

Of all the things we humans want in life, I believe there is one thing that, for the majority of us, is most important. Yes, we want money, yes, we want success, yes, we want the car and the house, but I am learning more and more each day that what we want even more is a feeling of belonging. I know that is true for me. What I have also learned is that if I want to feel I belong, it is not just up to others to open their arms to me, I have a responsibility as well. Belonging is a two-way street.

There have been so many things presenting themselves to me over the last month or so that have highlighted the powerful need for belonging. Most recently over the last week or so. Last Friday night a group of men got together who had played football and connected together many decades earlier. This was an amazing opportunity to catch up and reconnect. What astounded me was a group of guys, I loved playing and being with, admitted that they never really felt part of the club. They never really felt they belonged. This was so jaw-dropping for me, because I always felt they were a strong part of the club and the culture, yet they didn’t feel the same way. I wondered what I could and should have done to help them feel they belonged.

It got me thinking about my own experiences as a player at the professional football club I was at for seven years earlier in my career. I felt the same. I never really felt that I belonged or was a valued member of the club. This was reinforced to me when I found out that I had been de-listed by reading it in the newspaper. When I have ever verbalised this to guys I played with, they, like I was last Friday, were surprised as they believed I was a valuable part of the fabric of the club. Again, my thoughts went to, how can clubs and groups do more to help every person feel valued and that they belong.

Then, last Sunday at Church, I was given another perspective on belonging. There was a group of people sitting enjoying some food and fellowship after the service when the senior pastor spoke about belonging. He said how important it was to create an environment that helps people feel valued and that they belong, but he also said something I had not ever considered. He said for a person to feel like they belong to any group, they must be actively engaged in that group and not just rely on others to feel they belong. In other words, it’s not just about others making us feel we belong, it is also very much about us making the effort and taking responsibility for our own feeling of belonging.

As I reflect on my time when I haven’t felt like I belonged, I had often held back and just waited for others to include me and help me feel valued. I didn’t step up to belong, I waited to be asked. If I had arrived believing I was worthy and a valuable part of the group, I know I would have been received the same way and that feeling of belonging would have been there. And if not, I would have known I was with the wrong crowd. It was a powerful lesson I learned at church. If I want to belong, as well as helping others feel they belong, I need to step up and take responsibility for my own belonging.

My podcast this week is called Crazy optimism, with Matt O’Neill. After growing up in a family in which he never felt good enough and never felt he belonged, he made a decision to shift his mindset. As a result, he gave himself the gift of belonging, the blessing of crazy optimism, and has now created a life for himself and his family that he loves. This is a powerful podcast I urge you to listen to.

How are you feeling at the moment? There is far too much loneliness and disconnectedness in this world, and it is causing problems that can be avoided if we just felt as if we belonged. If this is you, let me share something, you do belong. You belong to a family, you belong to a community, you belong to this world, and you are worthy. Belonging starts with you, stepping up and making yourself available to be a valuable part of a group. Whilst we do need others to help us feel valued, belonging is definitely a two-way street.

Whose belief is it, really?

by admin | 25 Mar, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Wellness

The bottom-line is that everything we experience in life is our own doing and is based on one thing and one thing only. That thing is what we believe. I want to thank my good friend Fiona for inspiring this week’s blog. We were chatting the other day, and we were talking about self-belief and self-image and how they impact every area of life. Then she said, when it comes to belief, often it’s not even our belief, but one we have adopted from someone else. So, the question was posed; whose belief is it really?

As I have mentioned in a previous post, I was given a beautiful gift last week. I was asked by the Lions Club, a wonderful organisation doing incredible things to make a difference in people’s lives, to come and speak and interact with several flood affected families at a camp they were hosting. It was over three hours to drive to a beautiful mountain surrounded wilderness park in a place called Licola in Victoria. As I said in my social media post, I believe the person most impacted by my visit was me.

There were nine families, lots of energetic children, and they were all loving time to have fun and be away from the stresses of the trauma they were experiencing at home. We started outside kicking the football and playing some games, until the rain started, and so we went inside to sit in a circle and chat. I had no idea how this would work, particularly as there were many young children with energy to burn. Incredibly, it was one of the most profound and inspiring experiences of my life, as people were very open to share their thoughts, struggles, and breakthroughs.

There was one teenage girl in particular who had the greatest impact on me, and her name was Angel. Angel now 16 years old was left by her drug affected parents, who couldn’t take care of her, to be taken care of by her grandmother when she was a baby. Her grandmother was at the camp as well, and is an amazing lady, for sure. Even after her parents had moved on and had other children with different partners, Angel was still not embraced or supported by either of them. As you can imagine, she had deep issues with abandonment and feelings of being unworthy and unlovable.

As we sat in that circle, I asked several questions of the group. One question I asked was, what is one thing you are proud of about yourself? Angel, who is a shy girl, put up her hand and told the group she was proud that she had removed herself from a toxic relationship. Her initial belief about herself was that she was not worthy of being loved, and so she stayed in the relationship thinking she would never find another, even though it was not healthy. But here is the great news. Angel had realised that the belief was not hers, it was passed on to her by her parents. She went on to say, I have too much self-respect to stay in a toxic situation’. The whole group applauded and hugged her and gave her so much love and support it brought tears to my eyes.

I know Angel will go on and do great things in this world and have a positive impact on many lives, as she is doing right now. It does beg the question I want to ask you, as I have asked myself, whose belief is it really? When you tell yourself you are not good enough, where did that come from? You were not born with that belief. Who told you that? Who exampled that to you? Who conditioned that into you? When you resign yourself to the fact that you will never have enough money, where did that belief come from? Trust me, it’s not yours. It may have come from growing up in a family that struggled financially, or associating with people who believed the pursuit of wealth is evil. Whose belief is it really?

In my podcast this week with Andrea Nicholson, called A pristine health scene, she talks about her own health challenges and the significant history of heart disease in her family. She explained that every woman had died before 50 and every man before 70. It would be a pretty common belief that Andrea would experience the same fate. However, what she said was amazing. She said, genetics had very little to do with the generational history. It was adopted beliefs and habits that led family members down the same path.

I want to encourage you to really examine your beliefs and attitudes towards certain areas of your life this week. If you are struggling, and if you are telling yourself certain stories based on your beliefs, I want to urge you to ask the question, whose belief is this, really? When you realise it is not your belief, but one adopted by you, or pushed onto you by someone else, then let it go and replace it with one that serves you. Your life is far too short and you are far too important to be influenced and impacted by the belief system of someone else. Start today with your own belief that you are worthy and enough.

take the 3g challenge

by admin | 14 Aug, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Wellness

I do a regular spot on a couple of radio stations, and I really enjoy it. I do ‘Thursday Thoughts’ with Pablo on Triple M, Karratha, and ‘Mental Health Monday’ with Elerrina & Jodie on Juice FM, Gold Coast. I am grateful for the opportunity to share some thoughts on great radio shows to help me on my mission to create a wave of wellness around the world. On Monday, Elerrina & Jodie asked me about some simple things people could do, in these trying times, to be happier and healthier. I encouraged their listener to take the 3G challenge.

There is no doubt about it, we are living in trying times. There is no doubt about it, we are also living in exciting times. So, which is it? Testing times or exciting times? That’s a question only you can answer, based on the meaning you give to the situations and circumstances you experience. In my last blog I spoke about being an inverted paranoid, and I would encourage you to read it, as it will help with this important perspective. What I want to do this week is offer you a challenge if you are up for it and want a more exciting and fulfilling experience of life. That challenge will require you to focus on three simple things each day for the next seven. They are the three G’s.

Gratitude

You’ve heard it, you know it and you’ve experienced it. The question, is focusing on what you are grateful for part of your daily life? You see, you can’t be angry, anxious, fearful, resentful, bitter or worried and grateful at the same time. We can only hold one emotion in our bodies at one time. My thinking is, why not hold an emotion that will strengthen your physical well-being, improve relationships, and help you make choices that will enhance your life? Gratitude neutralises the emotions that harm you and will potentially lead to harming others. It is so simple. No matter what happens, just ask yourself, what is there to be grateful about this situation? If you ask the question with intent, you will always come up with an answer.

It is easy to be grateful when things are going the way you want them to go. It’s not so easy when adversity strikes. So, let’s try this right now. Think about something that, at first look, seems adverse to you. Now, as hard as you can, try to find something to be grateful for about it. In Melbourne, as I write this, our sixth COVID lockdown has been extended yet again. My first thought was Sh#t, I am so over this. However, upon deliberate reflection, I am grateful that I get to help more people, spend more time with my cute pup, and reflect more on the blessed life I have. How did you go? Compare the feeling in your body when you thought about the horrible situation versus when you focused on what you were grateful for. Different right? Challenge 1: can you spend time every day, no matter how bad things may seem, to focus on what you have to be grateful for?

Give

Have you ever noticed, when you feel bad, or you are going through a challenging or traumatic time, how doing something for someone else always helps you feel better? Why is that? Because you shift the focus off yourself, and your own problems to helping someone else. One of the most abundantly powerful, joyful and healing strategies is giving to others. Giving love, giving time, giving encouragement, giving support, giving money and giving of yourself with change lives. Not just the life of the person you are giving to, but your own.

Not long after my mother had been diagnosed with secondary cancer of the liver and was given only a short time to live, she started working with Petrea King at the Quest for Life Foundation and giving support to other cancer patients. I believe this is one of the reasons she outlived the medical prediction for her life by fifteen years. Challenge 2: give one thing every day that helps another person in some way.  

Grow

It is very easy, at this time in history, to focus on all the things we have had taken from us, and what we can’t do. I want to encourage you to focus on the things you are in control of. That is, your own growth. I want to encourage you to be creative and start taking positive action, today and this week, on something that will enhance your life. You could spend time each day listening, reading, and learning something that will help you in your life. You could focus each day on building a stronger family unit or improving your own physical wellbeing. You could get creative and start writing your book, painting, developing your musical ability, building a business, or starting a new hobby. Why not now and why not you?

One of the best things I did in 2020, was finally, as a result of lockdown, start The Wellness Puzzle Podcast. I have just launched episode 72, called Return to self, with Meryem Arpaci. What she talks about will help you on your growth journey with this challenge. Challenge 3: do something every day that will grow you or a part of your life.

In just seven days, if you focus on the 3 G’s, I know you will be a different person and have a different experience of life. I say it all the time. Life is way too short to spend focused on what you don’t want. What happens in your life is up to you and how you respond to the circumstances you are exposed to. Take the 3G challenge and take control of your life.

breaking the stress cycle

by admin | 29 Jan, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Wellness

Have you ever been told by someone; ‘stop stressing,’ ‘don’t stress’ or ‘there’s nothing to be stressed about’? When someone says that to you, do you just want to slap them? I know I do! They talk as if it’s not a big deal, right? When actually, for you and for me, it is a big deal. If whatever it is wasn’t a big deal for us, we wouldn’t be stressing about it, so it’s important to validate our stress. Probably more important, however, is to understand why we have it, the damage it’s potentially causing and how we can break the stress cycle.

My latest podcast Feed the brain to be stress resilient, with Dr Delia McCabe has literally blown my mind and given me a totally new perspective on stress and how to manage it. It’s been a long-held belief of mine that we create our own stress with the thoughts we focus on and the perspective with which we look at things. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still believe that, but there is another very significant aspect at play here, which Delia explained to me on this podcast. You can try as hard as you like to have the right mindset, learn new things and deal with stress the best you can, but if your brain isn’t being fed to allow it to function optimally, all the strategies to manage stress, remain calm and stay in control will be much more difficult. She used the analogy of building a house, and that you can’t just build the roof, or even the walls, or even the floor. The most important part of any building is the foundation. Without it, you will end up with a pile of rubble.  Many people’s lives are rubble because they haven’t been aware of the proper foundation to build to ensure they are fully able to cope with the demands of life.

Delia has spent many years researching the field of nutritional neuroscience and what she has discovered about the nutritional impact on brain function and hormone production is game-changing. I am going to do a terrible job trying to relay this information, so I strongly recommend you listen to the podcast to get it straight from Delia. However, she explains that stress is very greedy from a nutritional point of view. For the brain to produce the hormones adrenaline, cortisol, serotonin and melatonin it requires us to consume significant nutrient fuel to allow these hormones to be produced in the quantities we need.

The immediate effect of stress on the body is a release of adrenaline and cortisol, the fight or flight hormones. They are useful hormones, but in too much quantity can be damaging, and need to be balanced by more healing hormones. So, if we don’t have a good nutritional foundation, then these two hormones will gobble up all the available nutrients and leave nothing for the body to produce serotonin, which is the body’s calming hormone or melatonin which helps us sleep. Wow! This is mind-blowing information if you really understand it. The stress cycle you may be currently on, can be simply broken by ensuring that your foundation is strong and that your body has the stores of nutrients it needs to feed all hormone production.

If you needed another reason to start eating better, that’s a pretty powerful one. I am not going to bore you with what you should eat, because you already know it, and Delia goes into detail on the podcast and in her books and blogs. What I do want to ask you is, do you want to break the stress cycle you may be on? Do you want to have better moods and stronger relationships with the people you care about? Do you want to be more productive, make more money and live on a beach somewhere? Do you want to look and feel great? Do you want to live your best life, for as long as possible? I am pretty sure you answered yes to those questions. So, are you finally ready to feed your brain and break the stress cycle?

When you eat real foods, natural foods, like; all the colours of fruits and vegetables, healthy fats and quality proteins, you will create a stable blood sugar level, which will keep your moods and energy stable so that you can better handle demanding situations. We already knew that, didn’t we? But, now to know that the food you are eating is either feeding or starving your brain and its ability to produce the key hormones that will lead to peace, love, happiness and sleep is the best news I could possibly share with you.

Whilst yes, your mindset is critical to the task of breaking the stress cycle, unless you feed your brain with the right foods, you are not going to be able to focus the mindset on the things that will help you diffuse and solve the issues at hand. This is so easy to do, so please make the decision today to really start eating the way you know you need to eat. Not just to look great, not just to help you maximise your energy and productivity, not just to help your body function optimally, but also to build the foundation that will allow you to break the stress cycle.

Sleep is your reward

by admin | 5 Dec, 2020 | Andrew's Blog, Wellness

The idea of going to bed for a good night’s sleep for some people brings great joy, and for others it brings stress, anxiety and fear. If it brings you joy, and you get a quality 7-8 hours of sleep each night, then enjoy the wonderful rewards great sleep brings. If you are one of the people for whom sleep may seem elusive at times or on a regular basis, then this blog is for you. I want to help you reposition sleep, take the pressure off it and suggest that it is simply a reward for what you have done during your day.

I wanted to write a blog on sleep to follow up from my podcast this week with Dr Lillian Nejad, called, ‘Sleep, beautiful sleep,’ because I think it’s a critical part of living your best life. We all know the obvious horrible effects of little or no sleep, don’t we? It impacts our energy, our moods, our ability to focus, our relationships, our resilience, our wellbeing, our body’s ability to function and pretty much every important area of our life.

After some research, I found fifteen incredible benefits of getting enough quality sleep on a regular basis. They include; reducing stress, improving memory, lowering blood pressure, helping your body fight back, weight control, putting you in a better mood, reducing chance of diabetes, keeping your heart healthy, can be a painkiller, can make you smarter, helping fight germs, improving energy levels, improving athletic achievement, better concentration and improving gut health. Wow, I am sold on sleep.

Sometimes telling people the benefits of good sleep can have the reverse effect, because they are frustrated as they don’t feel like they will ever get to enjoy them. There is one person I know really well, and that person is me. In fact, I know me even better now after 2020 and many months of lockdown and isolation… an amazing blessing very heavily disguised. One thing about me is, I love my bed, and I sleep well. For me, when I get into bed, I feel safe, I feel calm, I feel relaxed and I feel ready for sleep. For me, going to bed and to sleep is my reward for the day I have just experienced, and the things I did during that day.

There are so many ideas about getting better sleep – and Dr Lillian goes into many of them in her podcast – from letting go of stress, to meditation, to reducing stimulants, to making sure the room environment is conducive, and many others. All are great, but I want to focus on just one idea, which is, I believe, sleep is the product and reward for doing the right things during the day. I will describe a typical day of mine, and that might explain what I am talking about. Please note, I am not telling you this stuff to try and impress you, rather to impress upon you what works for me, and I know will work for you also.

I get up between 5 and 5:15am each day, with a passion and purpose for the day ahead, and the first thing I do is exercise, whether I feel like it or not. I always feel amazing afterwards. From the time I finish training and up until about 10am I have; walked the dog, done my affirmations and goals, responded to emails, sent out connections and messages on Linked In, checked in with my mentor, done some writing on my next book, edited my next podcast, made phone calls and set up meetings. This is now my normal morning routine and I love it. The rest of the day is a little flexible, but includes some or all of; meetings (online or face-face), podcast interviews, presentations (online or face-face), walking my dog, meditation or a power-nap, eating yummy and healthy food and many other amazing things.

I get most of the productive and important stuff done by 4 or 5pm, and whilst I will often have evening meetings, I have had a day I am proud of and it’s still quite early. This means I can reward myself.  A nice dinner, a bit of chill out time and then into my favourite place in the world… bed!

I am in bed early and 10pm is late for me. When I go to bed, I rejoice. I have done what needs to be done for the day, I have moved myself closer to fulfilling my purpose and I have made notes for what I didn’t finish but needs to get done the next day. It’s still early enough so that I can easily get my 7-8 hours of sleep and I smile to myself, as I snuggle in my wonderful bed and, feeling totally fulfilled (most days), drift off into restful and renewing sleep. It is my reward for what I have achieved that day. Bed is the prize for me and, if you struggle with sleep, I want to encourage you to look at bed and sleep the same way.

All you have to do is this; focus on your purpose, set your intention and make a list of what you want to get done during the day. Keep it manageable and achievable so it doesn’t overwhelm you. Then simply get to work completing tasks, ticking boxes and feeling great. Beware of the many distractions that may steal your attention and time away from these tasks and push completing them to later in the day or evening. Save the distractions until the important jobs are done and then enjoy them as a reward. Most of all, when you have done what needs to be done, and delegated your tasks for the next day, get in your bed and smile as the next 7-8 hours of blissful and rejuvenating sleep you are about to enjoy is a reward you have rightly earned.