On face value, the word ‘no’ seems pretty cut-and-dried, doesn’t it? And, in some cases it is definitive. However, I believe that to be the minority, the exception, and absolutely not the rule. So then, if ‘no’ in most cases doesn’t mean ‘no’, then what does it mean? From my experience, it means, ‘I need more information’.
I just had a great conversation on Zoom with a wonderful gentleman, doing incredible things in the wellbeing space. He has just had the courage to leave a very ‘safe and secure’ full-time job with a company he has been with for fifteen years. Why did I put the phrase ‘safe and secure’ in quotation marks? Because I really don’t believe a job is safe or secure in any way in this day and age. But that’s another conversation altogether.
It was the first time we had met, and I thanked him for being open to meeting with me and having this conversation. He said, “You are welcome. I have made a decision that my new attitude is to say ‘yes’ more often.” I loved it because I have the same philosophy. The conversation was a great one as we shared about ourselves. At one point in the meeting, he asked me about the process of becoming an author. So, I explained to him how I went about it, and the impact it has had on my life. I then asked him a question. “Are you thinking about writing a book?” Interestingly, his initial response was ‘no’.
When I asked why, he told me all the reasons why he came to that decision so quickly. I could feel that he actually would love to write a book but didn’t believe he could. It’s the same reason most of us say ‘no’ to things. In fact, it was almost that same reason I nearly talked myself out of writing my first book. So, I asked him, “Do you really mean ‘no’, or do you just need more information?” He asked me what I meant and I went on to explain some of the information I started to collate in my journey to become an author. As I was talking, I could see his ‘no’ shifting to a ‘maybe’. With more time and more information, I know he, like me, would actually be excited and committed to writing a book. All he needs is more information.
Each day you will be confronted with choices and opportunities to try things, go places, meet people, or improve your life in some way. If your go-to response is ‘no’, I want to encourage you to ask yourself why that was your response. If it is truly because you don’t want the outcome of the choice, then ‘no’ is the right answer. If it is because of fear, doubt, lack of belief, or lack of information, I want to encourage you to get the information you need. What if that thing you are saying ‘no’ to is just what you need to help you in a certain area of your life? Wouldn’t it be a tragedy to miss out, when the opportunity is right there simply waiting for you to say ‘yes’ to. Wouldn’t it be regretful if all you needed was some more information to turn your ‘no’ into a ‘gosh yes’?
In the same way, when you are talking to other people and making suggestions to them and you are confronted by a ‘no’, then chances are, they also just need more information. Recently, I got a new business partner for one of my businesses. In my initial discussion with this person, the response I got was far from positive. So, I asked her what her previous experience had been. She explained to me, and I genuinely empathized with her, because it sounded horrible. When I asked if she would be open to get some more information about how I go about business and what is actually happening now, she said ‘yes’. The rest is history. I gave her the information, it totally changed her perspective, and we are working together. She just needed more information.
In my podcast this week with Lisa Sugarman, called, Holding space, we discuss the power of giving people the space to share their feelings and experiences without judgement or offering advice or solutions. It is amazing how, when we do this, people feeling safe to talk will turn their initial ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ all on their own. It is a powerful conversation I hope you will listen to.
Life is here and now. We are living it every day, and unfortunately so many people are missing the abundance and joy that is there for them. All because of one ill-considered two-letter word. The next time you are tempted to say ‘no’ to something, please consider the consequences of that choice. If you can imagine regretting the consequences at some stage in your life, then suspend the ‘no’, get more information, and then make your final decision. Whether it is the ‘no’ you are saying to yourself or to someone else, or the ‘no’ you are hearing from someone else, just understand and believe that ‘no’ simply means, ‘I need more information’.