by admin | 28 Nov, 2020 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
The comparison trap is a killer. Have you ever found yourself looking at, comparing yourself with and/or envying something about another person? I have, often and for much of my life. I wished I was a more talented footballer and would often watch other more skillful players with envy. I would look at people who seemed happier, fitter, more popular, more outgoing and more successful and I would wonder what was wrong with me. Have you ever done that? If you have, let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with you, or me. When you focus on what you have, and not what you don’t have, everything will change, in a great way.
There are two main challenges when you play the comparison game, and these will paralyse you and keep you miserably stuck in your life. I am assuming you don’t want to be miserable or stuck, so it may be time to turn your eyes back onto yourself. The first challenge with comparing to others is that it requires that you move your focus to something that is out of your control. This automatically leads to fear, anxiety, discouragement and insecurity. The second challenge is that you can never win the comparison game, because, if you keep looking, you will always find someone better than you are, in some way. So, if you want to be discouraged, anxious, insecure and stuck, then keep comparing yourself to others, but if you want to achieve amazing things, then just focus on what you have and what you can do.
Australian 1500m swimming legend, Kieren Perkins, ironically, was not a great swimmer when he started on his journey. In fact, the only reason he started swimming in the first place was because, whilst spending lots of time at the local pool, as a child, rehabilitating a leg injury, he watched the swimming squad and decided he wanted to be a part of it. When he started with the squad, his coach was very clever, and knowing that Kieren was not a great swimmer at that time, just encouraged personal improvement. He taught him never to look sideways or compare himself with other swimmers, but just focus on what he had and how he could improve with each swim. This mindset and approach led Kieren on to three consecutive Olympic Games where he won two gold and one silver medal in the 1500m.
In my podcast this week called, ‘You’re here now, what are you going to do,’ I talk with the amazing Deborah Stathis. I was so inspired by her willingness, despite her horrendous circumstances to focus on what she did have and what she could do. Just a few weeks after a devastating car accident which left her with serious facial, head and brain injuries, and, being told she would never function normally again, it would have been very easy for Deborah to fall into the comparison trap. She could have spent her time in a victim-mindset, focusing on all of the people who didn’t have horrendous facial and brain injuries, but that would have just sent her spiralling into a very bad place.
Instead, Deborah faced herself in the mirror and said, ‘okay, you’re here now, what are you going to do,’ She looked at what she had, and that was, a vision for a better life, the possibility of rebuilding her face and her life, inner strength and determination. She thought about what she could do to make that happen, and then off she went with what she refers to as a ‘relentless pursuit’ towards creating her best life. Let me tell you, this is a podcast worth listening to and her book, Beyond Trauma, will help you start focusing on what you have and what you can achieve.
I have said it before and I will say it again, you are good enough right now. Whatever you are currently working towards, stay focused on what you have and what you can do. Looking sideways is the fastest way to discouragement and regret that I know. Yes, there are people healthier than you. So what? Yes, there are people more talented than you. Who cares? Yes, there are people more successful, in certain areas, than you. Big deal, go and create your own success! Where you are is where you are. It’s the starting point, and it’s okay. Focus on what you want, be clear on what you have, start working on what you can improve and keep going with a ‘relentless pursuit.’ I promise you, if you focus on what you have, you will find enough for you to go on to achieve everything you want, and more.
by admin | 20 Nov, 2020 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
As strange as it may sound, I am so grateful for 2020, and the COVID lockdown period. Why? Because it has forced me to slow down. I’m a striver and an achiever, and for much of my life, I have felt the need to always be busy and rushing to be seen as productive and valuable in my own eyes. What a crock of sh#@t! There have been so many times, running behind as per usual, I have found myself rushing to get out of the house, into my car and on the way. I would have my hands full of books, bags, food and drink for my journey, and then come to the front door to pick up my car keys. Hmm, how am I going to do that? I would try to manoeuvre the stuff in my hands to under my arms, my chin or between my legs so I could pick up my keys but would inevitably drop everything. Then, I realised, maybe If I just let go of everything I was holding, I could easily pick up the keys.
As simple as it sounds, if we are holding on to so much stuff, stopping us achieving what we want and really enjoying our lives, then we need to let some things go. There is a wonderful feeling of freedom, when we let go of the stuff that’s not serving us. In my life, and possibly yours, I know there are three areas I need to let things go. Firstly, I need to let go of things and relationships I’m holding on to that are not serving me or bringing joy and/or purpose into my life. Secondly, I definitely need to let go of limiting thoughts and beliefs that are holding me back. Thirdly, I need to let go of emotions that are damaging me.
I have had a beautiful week just gone, and a highlight was lunch with my dad and his partner Annette. I hadn’t physically seen them for many months, so it was awesome to hug them and spend great time with them. Annette told me that her mother was turning 100-years-old next week. Wow! She had already received messages from the Queen and the Prime Minister and is on the verge of celebrating a momentous occasion. When I asked Annette what she thought the key to her mother’s longevity was, she told me that her mother never really worried about much and was always able to let things go! She could let go of anger, anxiety, fear and resentment and just easily come back to a place of peace and joy. Boom! There you have it my friend. The key to longevity is avoiding damaging emotions by simply, letting it go.
This pandemic has really helped me to let go the need of being productive and busy every second of every day, and it has made such a difference in my life. Normally, when I have lunch with my dad, I think about what I should be doing, who I should be emailing and the next thing I should be creating. Incredibly, I don’t do anymore, instead I enjoy the moment. Then after dad and Annette left, I took Joia for a walk on a beautiful day and, about halfway around the block, we sat in the shade in cool grass together for about 15 minutes and just enjoyed the day and each other. I had let go of the need to be doing stuff and could enjoy the peace and beauty of the moment.
What are you hanging on to that is holding you back from picking up the joy and longevity available in your life at the moment? Are you holding to toxic relationships that are dragging you down? Are you holding onto an outdated way of doing things that are not serving you anymore? Are you holding on the ridiculous belief that you aren’t good enough? Are you holding onto thoughts that are not just creating anxiety, fear, anger and resentment, but are also impacting the choices you are making and holding you back from living your best life? Are you ready for my simple, but profound advice… let it go! Yes, it is that simple and it will change your life in an instant, as it has done for me.
In this week’s podcast, ‘The power of faith,’ with Pastor Matthew Law, we discuss how, with a strong faith, it’s possible to let go of many of the things that may be causing grief, disharmony, frustration and dis-ease. It’s a powerful conversation that I encourage you to listen to.
When you are clear on what you want for yourself and others in your life, and clear on your purpose, it’s easier to let go of the things holding you back. With clarity and purpose, you will become acutely aware of what and who is serving you and what and who is not. When you can trust and have faith that everything is okay, that the answer is there, that things happen for a reason and that you are good enough, you can immediately let go of the flawed thoughts that lead to damaging emotions, and start feeling and acting in a way that will lead to, what I like to call, joyful longevity.
It is absolutely a vision of mine to live joyfully beyond 100 years of age, just like Annette’s mother. There are so many wonderful things I plan to do on this planet before my time is up, and I want to get the most out every second that I can. Call me greedy, but I want quality and quantity of life! Every day I that live and learn, I am more and more convinced of one thing. That is, the key to your best life lies in your willingness to simply let it go!
