by admin | 23 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
This week’s blog is a plea. As a human being, I want to be treated with love, respect, honesty, and consideration. What about you? Same? Of course you do. We all want to be treated well because we are all incredibly valuable and important. However, sometimes the way we get treated by others is not that. Sometimes how we treat others, even without intending it, does not lead them to feeling the way we ourselves would like to feel. My plea this week is that we get back to humanity.
This message has come up for me quite a bit lately and has forced me to reflect on my own behaviour and the way I treat others. I wrote a blog a few weeks ago called Pass the simple daily tests. In that blog, I spoke about the simple ways we are tested each day in how we treat other people. Then, in my podcast this week with Adam Wallace called, Time to disrupt, we discussed it as well. Adam made the point that it is a disturbing reflection on society when doing the right thing dealing with other people, is a hack, or a disruption. We both agreed it should just be the way we automatically operate. Sadly, it is not.
Then, this week I was astounded by the inhumane treatment of a beautiful man, and it prompted this plea, and this blog. Let me give you a little background. Last weekend, I did some re-jigging in my home, leaving space on a wall that I knew would look better with some art. With that thought in my mind, I went out on Monday for a meeting. It was walking distance, so that is what I did. As I was walking to the café, I passed an indigenous gentleman sitting on a milk crate in the street painting some beautiful pieces of Aboriginal art. I gave a passing glance at his art as I was walking, and then thought to myself, ‘Hmmm, maybe’.
I went to my appointment, and on my way back I decided to stop and look more closely at the art. I stopped, met Les the artist, looked at his art, asked some questions and decided to buy a piece I knew would look awesome on my wall. I asked how he wanted to be paid, and he said he would take cash or bank transfer. As I had no cash – who does? – I decided to pay by bank transfer. I got out my phone, jumped on my banking app, transferred the money, and showed him the confirmation. Les signed my art and gave it to me, and I went home excited to put it on my wall. It looks amazing, by the way.
Once home, and after I had hung the art, I sat at my computer and immediately an uneasy feeling came over me. I checked my bank account on the computer to find that the payment to Les had been rejected and the money transferred back into my account. I got straight up, no hesitation, and went back to Les to tell him what had happened and try again to pay him. What Les said to me, after I came back and told him what had happened, disturbed, and disgusted me. He looked me in the eye and said, ’Thank you for coming back. You are the only person who has ever come back after a transfer didn’t go through’. It disturbed me that this beautiful man, creating amazing art, had not been paid more than once for his work, because people who owed him money didn’t come back to do it. It disgusted me that there are people in the world who think this is an acceptable way to treat another human.
I paid Les again, I waited until he had evidence that it had hit his bank account, and I walked away with two missions. Mission one, to tell as many people as possible about Les and his amazing art. Mission two, to spread this message of humanity and remind all of us, me included, that treating people with love, respect, honesty, value, and consideration should be an automatic response, not the exception to the rule.
As you go about your day today, you will interact with potentially many people; your family, your friends, the people you pass in the street, the people who serve you in shops, the people who you drive past, and many other people. I would like to encourage you to try something if you are up for a challenge. Could you treat every single person you meet in a loving, kind, respectful, and humane way? Could you smile and say hi? Could you say thank you for something someone did for you? Could you do something to help someone? Could you listen to what someone is saying to you? Could you give a word of praise or encouragement? Could you act with integrity and do what you said you would do?
I know you can. And, when you do, not only will you make someone else’s day, and help them to feel valued and important, but you will bring immeasurable joy into your own life. It is so worth it, so for the sake of this world we live in, let’s spend time every day getting back to humanity.
by admin | 15 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I would suspect there are very few people who have not heard the one about the horse who walked in the bar, and as he approached the bar, the barman asked, “Why the long face?” It’s an oldie but a goodie. It is a joke, obviously, however, the same question could be asked of many people, every day, all around the world, why the long face?
I was blessed to spend some time with my wonderful mentors over the last week. I drove with Glenda, who has helped me so much in every area of my life, for a couple of hours to visit Ian & Gill, another couple who have been great friends and mentors to me. They have just recently finished building their dream home on more than 100 acres of land in a beautiful part of Victoria, Australia. When we arrived, we had some lunch and then went for a walk around the property to see their cows, the wild kangaroos, and Gill’s two beautiful horses. One who was very friendly, came for a pat and some loving. While he had a long face, he was certainly a very happy horse.
Ian & Gill, and Glenda, are the epitome of optimism and perspective. Ian & Gill have had many obstacles on their journey to the realisation of their dream home yet have always stayed positive and optimistic that they would get there. They did. Glenda has had more tragedy and adversity in her life than many, yet has the perspective and gratitude in her heart to be able to find the good, no matter how bad the situation may seem. I am continually inspired by these people, and incredibly grateful they are in my life. They help me at times when I have my own long face, to give me the perspective to see that what I may perceive as bad, is actually a blessing.
We live in a society that tends to perpetuate bad news. We may have grown up in an environment that focuses on what is bad. We may have developed self-talk that suggests that we are not enough and things never work out the way we want. This being the case, there are far too many people walking around with the ‘long face’ thinking about what they don’t have, don’t like and is not fair. Seriously folks, it’s time to ask the question of ourselves, why the long face? Did you know that the things you are complaining about, challenged by, feeling sorry for yourself about, may be the things that, with the proper perspective, will transform your life for the better?
If it is true that the adversity in your life may actually be the gift you need to live a happier, healthier, and more meaningful life, then the question stands, why the long face? Get excited. I tell the story too much about running myself and two businesses into the ground, working over 100 hours and seven days per week to find myself in $100,000 debt. That sounds devastating, doesn’t it? And, yes, for a while I had the long-face of a victim. I now know that was the best thing that could have happened to me, because out of that apparent adversity came the idea to write a book, which transformed my life.
If I could offer one piece of advice, as you enjoy your day and the rest of the wonderful gift of life you have in front of you, it would be to ask the question when you feel like things are not going as you would have planned. Ask the question, why the long face? Then, think about the lesson, the gift, or the opportunity that could come from the challenge you may be facing. When you ask the question, what is good about this? You will always get an answer. Then you will realise that there was no need for the long face.
In my podcast this week called Pokies to purpose, I speak with Kate Seselja. If anyone had a reason to have a long face, it was Kate. A poker machine gambling addiction for more than 10 years, resulted in her losing an astronomical amount of money, almost losing her family, and taking her own life. Instead of spiralling into victim-mode, she has now found her purpose which is helping people with gambling issues and advocating against the gambling industry. There was no need for the long face.
As you get on with your day and life, you will experience challenges. That is life as a human. When you do, and as you feel yourself sliding into a blaming, complaining and victim mindset, stop and ask the question, why the long face? Then simply look for the good in the situation, and you will definitely find it.
by admin | 9 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
We have just celebrated Father’s Day in Australia, and I was grateful I was able to spend time with my dad last Sunday. I understand there are many people who may not know their father, have trouble understanding their father, or may not even like their father. Despite that, I would like to encourage everyone reading this week’s blog, no matter what type of father you have, to be able to say, Thank you, Dad.
I feel very blessed to have the father that I have, and so honouring him, not just on Father’s Day but every day, is an easy thing for me to do. My dad is my favourite man in the world, and I love him with all my heart. My whole life he has been there for me, provided for me, supported me, encouraged me, forgiven me, laughed with me, cried with me, and now, as he moves towards 90 years of age, our bond is getting stronger by the day. For the man you are, for the example you have set for me, and for the things you do and have done for me, I say, thank you, dad.
My other favourite man is Dr Allan Meyer, in fact I may have a man-crush on him! I was privileged to hear him speak at my church last Sunday morning before going and having lunch with my dad. His whole message was to honour thy parents, and he was specifically talking about dads, as it was Father’s Day. He challenged people to focus on the strengths of their father, no matter what type of father he is or was. He encouraged the congregation to focus on the things they would thank him for when they next see him, or if the opportunity ever arose to face him.
As I stated, gratitude and love for my dad is easy, and eternal. However, I do understand it is not like that for everyone. There are people who have been consistently criticised and corrected by their father and have never felt good enough. If that’s you, what can you find to thank him for? There are people who feel abandoned by their father. If that’s you, what can you find to thank him for? There are people who have been abused emotionally, physically, and maybe even sexually by their father. If that’s you, what can you find to thank him for? There are people who have all sorts of reasons to be angry, resentful, bitter, even hateful towards their father. If that’s you, what can you find to thank him for?
It is important to recognise, we are all a product of our environment. We learn our behaviours from our parents and what was exampled to us? Without realising it or even wanting it to be the case, the generational impact of behaviour tends to manifest itself in our lives, just as it did in our father’s life. Could we be more understanding? Could we be more empathetic? Could we be more grateful for the person we have become because of our father? I want to encourage you to pick up the phone, send a message, go for a visit, or if he is not around anymore, send a prayer to say thanks to your dad.
You may be reading this thinking; I have nothing to be thankful for about my dad. If that is you,I would like to challenge you a little. Could you be thankful for your own existence? Without your dad, you wouldn’t be here. Could you be thankful for the positive character traits you have that he passed to you? Could you be thankful for the strength you developed in the process of overcoming the challenges you may have experienced as a child? Could you be thankful for just one little thing you learned from him that has had a positive impact in and on your life. Trust me, if you look for it, you will find it. Why not try it and say; Thank you, Dad.
In my podcast this week called, Role of love, Paul Zolman discusses how he negotiated and overcame the abuse and trauma he experienced as a child from his father, and was able to move out of hate, to forgiveness, and into love. It is a powerful conversation about making lives better.
The reality is that every one of us is human, and each one of us has stuff we must deal with. That being the case, could we have more empathy for others, especially Dad? I hope this blog has resonated with you, and helped you see that, no matter what type of father you have, there is always a reason to say; Thank you, Dad.
by admin | 1 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Mindset
I have been a man for almost 59 years, and I still confuse myself most days. Although, the good news is, I am starting to understand myself better each day. I do know that men have many unique strengths and powers, but also many fragilities and vulnerabilities, all of which will impact their lives and the lives of many people. So, based on my experience as the owner of a male mind and body, I would like to offer some operating guidelines to men and women.
My life until this very moment has been quite an adventure. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, which I am sure every person on the planet can relate to. The greatest struggle for me has been trying to work me out. I would often say to myself, what is wrong with me and why do I keep doing and saying the things I do and say? Over the last few years, and as the result of my third marriage coming to an end, the world going into lock down, and being forced to be isolated with the person I least liked, I went on a journey of discovery of me. What I found were some insights I would love to share with men and women in the hope it can help you in your lives.
The great Dr Allan Meyer, a very close friend of mine and author of the transformational book and program, From Good Man to Valiant Man, says that when men don’t do the ongoing personal growth work on themselves, it is women and children who suffer the most. I don’t have children, but I do agree with his statement. It is my mission to be the best man I can be, and rather than beat myself up because of my past beliefs and behaviours, I have vowed to learn from them and use them to become a better man, in fact, a valiant man. It is a day-by-day adventure which I am relishing.
The three key insights I learned and the things that most affected my life as a man include; my conditioning and limiting beliefs, male stereotypes, and male wiring. Every man struggles with these three things to some degree or another, and once we can understand how they affect us, we can do something about them. For the ladies, I hope this helps you understand the men in your life better. I will touch on each of the three, and clearly can only just scratch the surface of awareness, However, stay tuned for a book coming soon.
I don’t think we really stop to understand where our crazy lies and limiting beliefs come from. When we do, we can see them for what they really are; lies and rubbish. The only thing stopping all of us, and moving men to make some very poor choices, is the self-talk that goes on in our head unconsciously. The biggest issue is believing that we are not enough, in any and every area of life, love, relationships and success. Much of my poor choices, and crazy obsessive behaviour came from a belief that I was not enough as I am. I only just recently discovered the source of that crazy belief and downright lie, because I now know I am amazing, just as I am. So are you, by the way.
As a child, in primary school, it was expressed to me by more than one teacher that they wished I would behave more like my older brother, who they had taught in their class the year before. If they wished I was more like my brother, then, in my mind, clearly, I was not good enough as I was. That one belief has affected my life, my choices, my relationships in a devastating way for much of my life. Men, you are enough, just as you are. Women, please tell the men in your life they are good enough as they are. This one shift will change everything.
There are some pretty foundational and very damaging male stereotypes that need to be smashed, as they are eroding lives. From a young age, as dinosaurs roamed the earth, and through decades of playing sport, it was reinforced in my mind that men don’t show pain or complain, and that showing any vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I also regrettably learned it was okay to objectify women. Men, please for your own sake, and the sake of the women and children you love, learn to open up, be honest and vulnerable, and ask for help if you need it. Men, please treat every female you meet with respect, knowing she is a precious child of God. Ladies, please help men with these things.
The greatest insight I got from reading Dr Allan Meyer’s book, was about the difference in male and female chemistry. Allan explained that men are wired to seek pleasure through the eyes and that sexualised images can start a chemical reaction that can have devastating effects on lives. I had always thought I was broken, but I have since learned I am not. I now know the temptations will always be there, but I get to choose to control where I look and what I look at, and how I live my life. It is such an empowering feeling to know I can operate myself in a more healthy and positive way. Men, learn this stuff, stop making excuses, and start behaving in a healthy way. Ladies, please be patient with men, and help them. Trust me, they need it.
In this week’s podcast with Kari Brownsberger, called Healthy version of you, we discuss the power of identity. When you identify yourself as a healthy person, as a respectful person, and as a positively influential person, you will start to behave that way. Men, we are strong and powerful, and our impact is bigger than we may believe. Let’s start today to understand ourselves and spend the rest of our lives being the best men we can be. Once we learn how to properly operate the male machine, great things will happen.
by admin | 25 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Just so you know, I am writing this blog as much for me as I am writing it for you. We may not realise it, but we are being tested many times every day, and my question to you is, are you passing or failing those tests? I am already squirming in my seat as I write this, because I have failed tests just recently. If what I share is uncomfortable for you, then I want to encourage you with all my heart, to own it and then start passing the simple daily tests.
What am I talking about? As humans we tell ourselves stories about the kind of people we are and character traits we have. We try to convince ourselves and other people we are honest, respectful, reliable, positive, punctual, have integrity, and so on. When I say we, I am talking about me. The problem is that there is a great risk that the stories we tell ourselves and the way we behave do not align. Every day there are little tests to see if we are actually and authentically living the way we convince ourselves we are.
One morning, during the week just gone, I had a meeting booked on zoom. A few minutes before the scheduled meeting time I started the meeting and waited for this person to join. Five minutes late, 10 minutes late, no response to text messages and phone calls, and then after 20 minutes of waiting, I ended the meeting and went and had a shower. I was cranky. As I stood in the shower, I thought, this person has just failed multiple tests. He had failed the respect for others time test. He had failed the integrity test. This person is normally very reliable, so whilst I don’t think he failed the reliability test, he was certainly marked down.
I was feeling all self-righteous and judgmental of this person as I headed out for a meeting scheduled later that morning. Except, I realised I myself was running a little late. I sent a message to say I was running a few minutes behind, and as I pressed send, it hit me, I had just failed the test. I had just failed the respect of other people’s time test. I had failed the organisation test. I had failed the punctuality test. I had failed the reliability test. These would be character traits I would have said I had in spades, but when push came to shove, I was kidding myself.
How are you feeling right now? A little uncomfortable? Me too. Well, let me throw another one at you. Multiple times this week, and every week, I made calls to people who did not answer, but instead responded with the automated message, ‘Can I call you later?’ Honestly, I wouldn’t mind the message if it were actually followed up by a call later, but it rarely ever is. These people have failed multiple tests. They have failed the honesty test. They have failed the reliability test. They have failed the integrity test.
I am more and more committed to pass these simple tests. I know there will be times when I occasionally fail, however I won’t let that stop me aspiring to be a better person, a more authentic person, and a more responsible person. How about you? You and I are being tested multiple times every day. You are tested when you say you will do something. You are tested by how you respond to people. You are tested when you book a specific time to meet someone. You are tested during conversations. You are tested when your head is in your device. There are many more tests that face us each and every day.
My podcast this week is called Catch. Wait. Reset. I speak with Luke Mathers about some interesting stuff around stress, purpose, and emotional regulation. He talks about the early days of his marriage where he describes himself as a bad husband. He was failing daily tests, left, right and centre, until he decided to pay more attention to living more in alignment with the person he wanted to become.
As you head off into your day, be ready for the test that is coming your way very shortly. Can I encourage you to stand out from the crowd? Most people will be late, stand others up, not call back after sending a message that they will, and fail many of the simple daily tests. Why don’t you and I be different and commit to passing all the simple daily tests that come our way.
by admin | 19 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
We live in an incredible world of miracles, joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning. If that is the case, and I believe it is, why are so many people stuck, lost, stressed, unhappy and struggling? I truly believe the difference between living a life of joy and meaning and one of fear and emptiness is a moment. It is the moment we make a decision to not miss the really important things in life.
Before I say anything else, I want to ask you to reflect on what is most important for you in your life. I would then like to ask you to consider, in the scheme of your day-to-day existence, do these things get time and attention that is proportional to how important you declare them to be? If you are smiling and feeling joyful right now, you are on track. If you are feeling a little uncomfortable at this moment, I would ask you this; do you want to keep missing out on the joyful moments that are there for you if you were to simply pay attention?
There is joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning in every moment, unless you miss it. So, don’t miss it. I am so glad, these days, I am more tuned in to these special and beautiful moments. For much of my life I have missed many of the truly joy-producing and important moments because I was deluded and distracted by things I believed to be most important. They were not. I am sad for what I missed, but grateful that these days I know what is most important in my life.
I was up early the other day, as I am every day, and training at my favorite place, by the beach. In the old hard-core days, I would train myself so relentlessly that I would miss everything else going on around me because of the pain and suffering I was putting myself through. In my own misguided way, I believed this was how life was meant to be lived; with discomfort and sacrifice to achieve great things in order to be happy. How wrong I was and how much I missed!
I erroneously believed happiness and fulfilment were at the end of the ‘achievement’ rainbow. What I now know is that happiness and fulfilment is right there in front of my nose in every moment of every day, and all I have to do is open my heart and eyes to see it. Back to my story. I was training at the beach, and these days my goal is not just fitness, it is also joy. So, my heart and eyes are open. As I was jogging on the spot and looking out into the water as the sun was rising and the pink clouds were spreading across the morning sky, I noticed some disturbance in a very calm and flat Port Phillip Bay. I saw something emerge from the water and then disappear. I looked again and saw the fins of several dolphins’ glide gracefully above the surface before returning back to the depths.
Let me tell you, dolphins at this beach are not a common thing, so I knew this was special. I watched, I enjoyed, and when they were gone, I felt gratitude I had this experience, as I could have quite easily missed it. As I looked around at all the other people who were out walking dogs, exercising, on their phones and doing what they were doing, I wondered how many of them got to experience the same miracle of nature I just did. I am sure most of them, caught up in their own minds and lives probably and tragically missed it. It is my greatest desire that, as you move forward in your life, you don’t miss it. Miss what? Miss everything that is right in front of your nose that will give your life meaning and joy.
Don’t miss the dolphins. Don’t miss the birds singing. Don’t miss the sunrise and sunset. Don’t miss the rainbow. Don’t miss the flowers as Spring in Australia is approaching. Don’t miss the smile you can share or receive. Don’t miss the kindness you can offer. Don’t miss the word of encouragement you can give. Don’t miss the wonderful person you already are. Don’t miss intimacy. Don’t miss honesty. Don’t miss the family time that is so valuable. Don’t miss your child’s laughter or loving touch. Don’t miss what you can appreciate. Don’t miss the lessons and opportunity that comes from challenges. Don’t miss your glorious uniqueness. Don’t miss life.
In my podcast this week called Motion requires friction, with Ashley Williams we discuss her journey from depression to joy. When she decided to stop missing the simple but important things that appear in every moment, she was able to move into a very different place in her life. The same will be true for you. When you get to the end of your life, you will be potentially more impacted by the things you missed than the things you achieved. So, please take my advice and don’t miss the joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning that is available for you to enjoy in every moment.
