by admin | 11 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It can be very easy to feel lost at times in life. There have been many times in my life when I truly wondered where I was, where I was heading, and whether it was all worth it. In the busyness of life, the confusion of societal messaging, and the demands that are placed on us from different directions, it can be difficult to know what to expect from life. If you are feeling lost, confused, or stressed right now, I would like to ask you to consider the question; what does life expect from you?
I am reading a book that I read every year or so, because it keeps me focused on living a life of purpose and meaning. That book is Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. It is a powerful book, written by an Austrian psychologist about his experiences incarcerated in concentration camps during WW2. Whilst he does talk about the inhumanity and brutality of the experience, he speaks a lot from a psychological point of view of the prisoners. It is a powerful, intriguing, paradigm-shifting, and captivating book.
He discusses, in detail, the varied ways that the prisoners coped with their experience, and how some survived, even thrived, whilst others languished and lost the will to live. As you may have gathered from the title of the book, it was those able to find some meaning in the madness, who made it through, whilst those who lost hope were the ones who gave up very early on. At one point in the book Viktor talks about the camp’s rule about suicide. Clearly, the Nazi’s placed no value on the lives of the prisoners, and therefore banned anyone from preventing suicide attempts.
In a hut where Viktor was existing at the time, several years into the incarceration, two prisoners, lying almost lifeless on their uncomfortable cots, both declared their intention to end their lives. In their minds they could see no other way to be free from the suffering they were personally experiencing. Both stated they had nothing more to expect from life. Viktor posed a simple question to them both; what is life expecting from you? That was a lifesaving question. The following text comes from the book:
We found, in fact, that for one it was his child whom he adored and who was waiting for him in a foreign country. For the other it was a thing, not a person. This man was a scientist and had written a series of books which still needed to be finished. His work could not be done by anyone else.
That one simple question not only moved them out of a suicidal mindset but got them focused on important things that gave their lives meaning and purpose. So, it’s now time in this blog where the spotlight shines on you. I would ask you to ponder this question for a few moments right now. No matter where you are in life, how you are feeling, or where you are heading, what is life expecting from you? What is your family needing? What impact do you want to have on the lives of others, based on what you have experienced in your own life? What is in your heart to do, knowing that it will bring incredible joy to yourself and others? What is the reason why you are here in human form for the time you get to spend on planet earth?
These may seem like some pretty heavy questions, and they are. They are also critical to answer clearly to help you move through the obstacles of life, and thrive with meaning. In my podcast this week I speak with Clay Boatright called Happiness is a choice. How does a man deal with twin daughters with severe autism and intellectual disability, and then lose his wife to cancer? The answer is found in the question, what is life expecting from me? As Clay asked himself the question, the answers came. It’s a wonderfully inspiring conversation I encourage you to listen to.
I know how easy it is to read a blog or a book and think, that was interesting, and I should really do something with this information, then go ahead and do nothing. I do it all the time.That is the way to an unfulfilled life, trust me. The key to joy, happiness, fulfilment, meaning, and purpose lies in your willingness to ask the right questions, and then act on the answers you get. The question I urge you to ask and then act on this week is what does life expect from you?
by admin | 4 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
The only thing that has ever stopped me in the past from striving for the creation of something new and great in my life is fear. I have made excuses, I have justified, and I have blamed external circumstances. The bottom line, however, is that I talked myself out of stepping into the unknown because it felt unsafe, and I was scared. Each time I resisted taking that leap of faith, I simply forgot that I always have a safe place to come back to.
I have just got back from Bali after an incredible trip, including my wonderful seven day ‘I Am Author’ retreat, with a fabulous group of people in a beautiful resort. This resort was well away from the hustle and bustle of the closest tourist hub. It was an idyllic and peaceful sanctuary amid very traditional and authentic Balinese life. For the whole week, every person in this community felt safe and protected mentally, physically, and emotionally within these walls.
Just a few kilometres away was a beach, and one of the members of the group had jogged there one morning which inspired me to do the same. We had arrived at the retreat on the Sunday, and it was the Thursday morning, day five, I decided to jog to the beach, so we had all very much settled in and felt safe at the resort. It was early and still dark as I stepped outside the safety of the resort walls and immediately, I felt some anxiety rise in my body. The roads were narrow and there was not a lot of lighting, so I had to be very wary of traffic. In addition to that, I totally forgot about the Bali dogs.
If you have ever been to Bali, you will know there are a lot of dogs just roaming free. They are largely mangy, and possibly disease ridden, and getting bitten by one would not be good. Not long after I had started running, I ran past a small household, and three or four dogs came out, started barking, and then following me. They were paying no attention to their owner who was calling them to come back. They wanted to make sure they scared off the intruder. They succeeded. My heart rate shot up, my running speed accelerated, and I prayed to God they were all bark and no bite. Thankfully, I got passed unscathed and started feeling a little more relaxed. But not for long.
Soon after, the same thing happened, and during the course of the short 15-minute run to the beach, it was four times that a different pack of mangy Bali dogs protected their space. So, you can imagine how amped up I was and relieved I felt when I finally got to the coast. As my heart rate lowered and my cortisol normalised, I watched as the sun started rising above the horizon. It was stunning and I was mesmerised as a pink and orange glow started to envelop the morning sky. I thought about the run there, the barking dogs, and how grateful I was that I got out of my comfort zone and safe place to be able to enjoy this wonderful moment. Then, it hit me, I had to get back again.
The moment I started running, I was anxious, because I knew exactly where I would encounter these dogs again. I started praying, and I started visualising running through the gates back into the resort, and the feeling of safety I would experience when I got there. I am happy to say, I made it back unscathed, and the feeling of joy I felt when I arrived back was even better than I had imagined. I was very glad I had the courage to go for that run and face the dogs to enjoy the stunning sunrise, and, I am so grateful I had a safe place to return to.
Why am I telling you this story? Very simply to say, when you know you have a safe place to return to, finding the courage to get uncomfortable and chase your dreams feels more achievable. The bottom line is that everything you want and don’t yet have will require courage to do things that may scare you. However, without a safe place to return to, the fear for many is far too overwhelming. So, you maybe asking, what is that safe place? That is a great question and will be different for everyone, however, for me, it is my home, and it is a community of people I can talk to, who will support and encourage me.
After making some scary phone calls to develop my network and my business, my safe place is on the phone or in a meeting with my mentor. After a rugged training session, my safe place is my home and a warm shower. After some kind of conflict or unsettling experience, my safe place is talking with the people who love and support me unconditionally. After a moment of fear, anxiety or uncertainty, my safe place in is prayer with God. Where is your safe place?
In my podcast this week called Wisdom from Bali, I speak, on location, with different people about their experience of the ‘I Am Author’ Bali Retreat. In pretty much every case, they mention the beautiful community and how safe they felt to be open, honest, and vulnerable. The key to create permanent and positive change in your life is to do things that are uncomfortable and do them on a regular basis. To ensure you do it continuously and successfully, please make sure you have a safe place to return to each time.
by admin | 29 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Oh my gosh. I have just come to the end of a week I will never forget and one that has changed me as a person, forever. As we pack up and leave the Vision Villa Resort in Bali for the end of the ‘I Am Author’ retreat, my heart is full. Full of love, full of joy, full of gratitude, full of empathy, full of inspiration, and full of life. Coming into this retreat, I was hoping that it would go well, but I had no idea how amazing it would really be. The reason is simple. Me, and all the other participants and contributors this week came in with open hearts.
I organised this retreat with my wonderful friend and ex-wife Laura. The fact that we both opened our hearts to have a harmonious relationship after divorce is a rare and an incredibly special thing. Then to work on this project together was a reminder why we were in each other’s lives in the first place. I am discovering more and more each day that, as risky as it may be, when I open my heart, I open my world and something incredible is created. My relationship with Laura is one of those special things, and this retreat is another.
As we were planning the retreat, creating the program, finding venues, arranging transfers, promoting, and selling spots for this event, my hope was that it would be an event that helped people, not just with their authorship pursuits, but with everything in their lives. What I was not expecting, and am so grateful for, is that every one of the people who attended came with open hearts, not just to learn and to change, but to connect with and impact the lives of others. As a result, during the week, some profound transformations happened.
I can’t say for sure, however, I am pretty confident that every person leaving this retreat is changed for the better in some way. This week they have been supported, they have been challenged, they have been tested, and they have been magnificent with what they have achieved. The simple reason is that each one came in with an open heart, and as they did, a new world opened up to them and helped them see more and believe more about what is possible for them. I want to acknowledge them for their bravery and curiosity, and I want to encourage you to open your heart today.
I know, you have probably opened your heart before and it was damaged, maybe even broken. I am sure there have been times when you opened yourself up and someone said or did something that hurt you. Like me, you have been vulnerable and then been ridiculed or judged. Even though you may have been hurt before, I want to encourage you to open your heart again, anyway. What I found was, when I opened my heart, I heard more, I saw further, I felt deeper, I believed stronger, and answers started coming to me. Not just in my own pursuits, but in my interactions with other people on their own human journey.
Opening your heart means believing more in yourself, accepting other people no matter what, listening with a desire to understand, letting people into really know you, warts and all, and giving yourself permission to really feel joy in your life. It may sound challenging, but trust me, it is the most liberating thing you can do. In my podcast this week with Naomi Pendergast, called ‘Move for life’, we discuss how she opened her heart to allow her dance career to transition into a fitness career that she is passionate about. With the movement of your heart, the body will then move in the direction that will open your world.
This week I have seen breakthroughs, new ideas, incredible creativity, life-changing answers, powerful healing, and much deserved self-love, which may sound weird as it was a book writing retreat. Who would have believed it? Knowing what I now know about the power of opening my heart, I believe it fully. We can choose to stay closed, alone, struggling, pretending, unhealthy, stuck, and/or bitter. Or we can decide to open our hearts to the abundance that is in the world just waiting for us. I want to encourage you to open your heart so you can open your world, today.
by admin | 21 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
My alarm goes off consistently at 5am and, if I am being honest when it rings out, I rarely feel like getting up. I love my bed, and I love sleep, however, very quickly, my love of life and my excitement to get into a new day wins out, and I get straight out of bed. Without wanting to come across as arrogant or full-of-myself, I am also really glad I wake up me. I have spent far too much of my life wishing I could be like, live like, and have like other people. These days I am genuinely happy to be me. An event last week reinforced this to me in a big way, and I hope it helps you feel the same way about yourself.
It was Wednesday morning, the day before leaving for Bali, and my alarm went off predictably at 5am. I jumped out of bed, got into my training gear, and headed out for my daily training session. It was a chilly morning, and I was going to my outdoor gym to do some strength training. I have a pair of training gloves I needed on this morning, which live in my carport, where my car is obviously parked, and where my bike is chained up. As I went to get them to put them on, they were not where they should be. I puzzled for a moment thinking I must have taken them inside, so I went back into my apartment to check, and could not find them.
It was really quite disconcerting as I had used them just a couple of days earlier. I looked high and low, to no avail, and whilst doing so missed the most obvious of situations. So focussed was I on finding my gloves, I didn’t even realise that my bike was gone, and the chain-lock cut and laying on the ground. My bike, and my training gloves had been stolen. I live in a secure apartment block, and somehow overnight someone had got in, cut the chain, and rode away on my bike, wearing my gloves to keep their hands warm. This makes sense as it is winter in Melbourne, and very cold at night, so I am glad the thief had some common sense. LOL!
I had an interesting response over the next thirty minutes. It started predictably with shock, moved onto uneasiness, shifted quickly into anger, and then surprisingly took a dogleg turn into empathy and finally gratitude. I will jump over the shock, uneasiness, and anger, because I am sure you can relate to those. I will spend some time in empathy and gratitude, as they may seem contradictory to the situation. As I was feeling anger because of this unlawful act, I pretty quickly realised that I didn’t ride the bike much anyway so it’s no great loss, and it is insured so it will be replaced with a new one. The person who stole it clearly needed the money, and in fact may have been one of the homeless people living in my area.
This person needed the bike and the money more than I did, and so empathy quickly emerged. In fact, if I believed someone needed my bike, I probably would have given it to them, had their circumstances been such that it would have really made a difference. As I was going through this thought process the anger dissolved, empathy appeared, and then very quickly came gratitude. I was grateful that I have a roof over my head, grateful that I have the money to afford to lose the bike, grateful that I am surrounded by people I love and who love me, and most of all grateful that I get to wake up me every day.
That person, whoever they are, has a tough life. When you have to resort to theft, things are not good. They may have been through abuse, be caught in a cycle of addiction, have conflict as a part of their everyday life, have no money or home, and possibly even wishing they were anyone else but who they are. They have to wake up them, and I get to wake up me. Wow, how grateful I am. I am telling you this story to help you reinforce or come back to the belief that is great that you get to wake up you. When you think about how some people live, and how some people behave, aren’t you glad you get to wake up you?
In my podcast this week called Lay down the oars, with Bill Williamson, we talk about his new book, ‘Straining at the oars’, and the challenges he has gone through and overcome in his life. No matter what he dealt with, he had a strong sense of self and a powerful faith which helped him believe that waking up himself was wonderful and necessary to help him get through. I hope you feel the same. As you lay your head on your pillow tonight, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for, and when you wake up in the morning you will be glad that you get to wake up you.
by admin | 14 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
There is a classic song by ‘Kool and the Gang’ that starts with the lyrics (please sing along);
“Celebrate good times, come on.
Celebrate good times, come on.
There’s a party goin’ on right here, a celebration to last throughout the years.
So, bring your good times and your laughter too, we gonna celebrate your party with you”.
I love this song; however, I do believe it is doing the word ‘celebration’ a grave injustice. Why is it that celebration is limited to the times when things are good, and going well? Why do we wait for an achievement or a milestone to celebrate? Why can’t we find something to celebrate right now, no matter what is happening? Why don’t we simply and consistently celebrate this remarkable life we have been given and the opportunities that are presented to us every single day?
I had a wonderful experience during the week just past. It was definitely unexpected, it was absolutely challenging to my beliefs, and it was transformational and paradigm shifting for me. Just a few days earlier, I found out that a very special man, I had really only known for about a year, passed away unexpectedly. Even though I really didn’t know him that well, so strong was the connection we had formed during that time, I had no hesitation in clearing my schedule to attend his funeral.
As I arrived, I genuinely wore my somber funeral face because I wanted to respect the passing of this man and show his friends and family how affected I was about his death. I was not expecting the welcome I got when I arrived. Firstly, it was a very small group of close friends and family, so my first thought was that maybe I shouldn’t be there. The second thing that struck me like a bolt of lightning were the smiles, joy, and gratitude I was greeted with. In fact, if I am being honest, I found it quite challenging to my preconceived idea of the appropriate behaviour at a funeral. As I sat waiting for the funeral to begin, I was a little uncomfortable with the laughter and joy that was happening all around me, but then the funeral began.
I sat there listening to people talk about this wonderful man, and I started to relax, in fact really enjoy the experience. Whilst there were many tears shed and obvious grieving, it was a beautiful celebration of a life well lived, and a legacy that will continue for generations to come. Sitting there, getting into the joy and gratitude, I started questioning the societal pressure that seems to suggest it is only appropriate to wait to celebrate when things are great, when something is achieved, or when there is a milestone to be recognised. Why can’t we celebrate at a funeral and honour the person who has passed with joy, laughter, and gratitude? Who made the rule that we can’t celebrate a poor choice, knowing that if we learn from it, something amazing will happen. Why did we buy into the rubbish that a birthday is celebrated only once per year when really, we should be celebrating our life every single day, whilst we have it?
I would like to declare today, and every day forth, a day of celebration. I want to celebrate me for the great things I do, the person I am becoming, and the things I am learning every day. I want to celebrate you, for who you are at the core, and who you can become if you choose. I want to celebrate everything that happens because I know, with the right perspective, something great will come from it. I want to celebrate having the free will to choose celebration as a way of my life moving forward. I want to encourage you to do the same.
In my podcast this week called Comfortably uncomfortable, I celebrate with Matthew Dickson his overcoming Schizophrenia after 27 years. We celebrate his bike ride across Canada to raise money to support his mission to help people suffering from mental health issues in third world and developing countries. It is an incredibly compelling and inspiring conversation.
If you have got to this stage of the blog, then celebrate. If you have decided to find something every day to celebrate, then celebrate. When you wake up tomorrow morning, and as your eyes open, then celebrate. Life is worthy of celebration. Don’t wait, celebrate every day, no matter what is happening. So, let’s change the lyrics of Kool and the Gang’s song to “Celebrate ALL times, come on!”
by admin | 8 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
There are some things in our life that are so important, so simple, and so obvious, yet we ignore them, miss them, or disregard them on a day to day, even moment to moment basis. I am grateful that I choose, on a regular basis, to put myself into an environment where I can be reminded of these important, simple, and obvious things. I was at a weekend conference recently and was listening to an amazing speaker, Andy Stanley, and when he made the statement, every conversation is a construction zone, I immediately felt chills running down my spine.
What did he mean by that? Let’s think about what happens in a construction zone. There are many things that happen, but we can really distil it down to two very basic things. On a construction site, something is either being built up or torn down. Right? See what I mean? Chilling! Andy says that every conversation is a construction zone, in fact, I would like to suggest that every word, every look, every posture, and every sound you make in an interaction with another human (or yourself) is a construction zone.
The reason why I had chills as i was listening to this was because, as Andy was talking, I was reflecting on the many conversations and interactions i have had in my life that have left a destruction of rubble and debris in their wake. I also thought about the many times my heart, my will, or my hope had been torn down by the words of other people. I was just a child, and this was well over 50 years ago, when my life started down a destructive path after thoughtless comments by teachers who didn’t understand this concept.
I have mentioned before in previous blogs, books, and podcasts that as the younger brother of a very smart and well-behaved boy, I lived in his shadow during my primary school years. I was always a year behind, and always went into the class with the same teacher he had the year before. I think, almost without exception, for the next 4 or 5 years I would hear comments like, ‘why aren’t you more like your brother’, ‘your brother would never behave that way’, and ‘I wish you could be a little more like your brother.’ What the teachers were trying to do, in their clueless way, was motivate me to be better. What I heard was, ‘Andrew, you are not good enough as you are’.
Oh my gosh, talk about a demolition! That one belief, deposited in the mind of a young boy, has played out time and time again over my life, and it has left even more destruction in its wake. This feeling of insecurity and always trying to prove myself, and gain approval and acceptance, has led me to situations and circumstances I regret to this day. Three marriages and divorces, failed businesses, lost income, getting sacked as a professional athlete, and many more things I will not get into right now.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming my teachers for my life. I am responsible for my behaviours and actions, I spoke to myself in destructive ways, and I chose to focus on thoughts that led me down a destructive path. I just want you to get the point that, whilst we are all responsible for our own outcomes in life, words and conversations can start a process that will build or demolish. My feelings of not being good enough have affected my own internal chatter, not to mention my conversations with others. I know in my past I had interactions with others that demolished rather than built up, and for that I am very sorry.
Whilst I cannot change the past, neither can you by-the-way, I am in total control of my conversations moving forward. I am now very deliberate about my own self-talk and building myself up. When I catch any negative self-talk, I remind myself how worthy, capable, resilient, creative, courageous, and fabulous, I really am. In addition, it is my mission to leave every conversation and interaction, with other people, knowing in my heart I have built up a person, or many people, and that they feel better about themselves, their life, and their future. I hope you will do the same moving forward.
In my podcast this week called Ask and then act, I speak with the queen of conversation that builds, Justine Martin. How else could this incredible lady deal with MS, Cancer, a range of other medical challenges, domestic violence, and other traumas to go on to build seven businesses and have an incredible impact on many lives? Simple, she understands the ‘construction zone’ power of her words and conversations, with herself and others.
As you get on with your day, can I encourage you to be aware of every thought you have and every word that comes out of your mouth? Whether you know it, understand it, believe it or not, every interaction you have, with yourself and others, will have one of two possible outcomes. Just remember that every conversation is a construction zone and will either build up or tear down the person you are communicating with. Spend the rest of your life being a builder, then watch and enjoy what will grow from it.
