by admin | 23 Aug, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Why do we resist change so much, when there is only one thing that doesn’t change? Do you know what that one thing is? The only thing that never changes is the fact that everything changes. The one and only constant in our lives is that change did happen, is happening, and will keep happening. That being the case, wouldn’t it be a good idea to learn how to embrace change, and even thrive through change?
There are two types of change that confront all of us. There is the change that we may not deliberately choose that just happens as we journey through life. Things like; COVID, the weather, losing a job, someone else’s decision and actions, and other things we may not seem to have any control over. The second type of change is the one we deliberately decide to embark on, and then do what is required. Like when you decide to change careers, take charge of your wellbeing, or resolve conflict in your life. Whether the change you are facing is forced upon you, or decided on by you, trust me, it is always good.
Yes, I did say always good. You may be asking, how can sickness be good, losing a job be good, losing money be good, a pandemic be good, or some other adverse situations be good? That is a wonderful question. The answer is just as wonderful, if I do say so myself. Because, the change that comes as a result of the scenario, can be a blessing in your life, if you choose it to be. The circumstance is not the most important factor, it is how you respond and what you do as a result of the circumstance which will determine whether the change is great, or not so great. If you can go into every situation with the mindset that you will thrive through this changing landscape, then, you will.
One of the most adverse times I experienced was when, as a result of working seven days per week in two businesses, I found myself in $100,000 debt. I felt helpless, hopeless, and lost. What I didn’t realise, as I was having my pity-party, was that situation was going to be the catalyst for the most profound and positive change in my life. If not for being in that deep poo-poo, I don’t believe I would have ever stopped to visualise how I wanted to live my life, nor made the decision to write my first book. That seemingly devastating situation led to a decision that changed my life for the better in every way.
Lose a job, find a better one. Lose your health, make the changes that will lead you to optimal wellbeing. Lose money, learn the lessons and do it better the next time. Experience conflict, become more empathetic and a better communicator. Lose a client, understand what to do better next time. Get dumped, find the right person in your life. Can you see how every change, that seems out of your control, can be the catalyst for something much better in your life? Again, I say, it’s not what happens to you that will determine your life, instead how you respond and what you do as a result of what happened. That being the case, change is always in your control.
Often the out-of-the-blue occurrences are not out-of-the-blue at all, but instead the predictable outcome of the unconscious beliefs and habits you have. Sickness doesn’t just happen. A relationship doesn’t all of a sudden fall apart. Rarely do you lose a job or a client for no reason. It is almost always based on your choices leading to the point that things seem to just fall apart. Again, if that is the case, you can decide right now to change direction and create positive change in your life that will take you on the upward curve to optimal health, strong relationships, a meaningful career, and financial strength. You are in control and can thrive through any kind of change.
When you are born with a cleft palate, endure more than 20 surgeries by the time you are 18, have an alcoholic father, experience a car accident where people are killed, then spiral into a ten-year battle with addiction, change can seem like the hardest thing you can even comprehend. Well, in my podcast this week with Marcy Langlois called The mind re-set, this was her life. When I asked her what she is most grateful for about her challenges, she told me she was grateful for all of them. She explained that they helped her change and become the person she is today, and they have given her the ability to make a positive impact in many lives.
Here is the deal. Every single day of your life, you are going to experience or choose some kind of change. If it is thrust upon you, embrace it, learn from it, respond to it, and thrive through it. If it is a positive change you choose, embrace it, love it, commit to it, and predictably you will thrive. No matter what happens in your life or what decision you make, ensure that you thrive through the inevitable change.
by admin | 13 Jul, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
On face value, the word ‘no’ seems pretty cut-and-dried, doesn’t it? And, in some cases it is definitive. However, I believe that to be the minority, the exception, and absolutely not the rule. So then, if ‘no’ in most cases doesn’t mean ‘no’, then what does it mean? From my experience, it means, ‘I need more information’.
I just had a great conversation on Zoom with a wonderful gentleman, doing incredible things in the wellbeing space. He has just had the courage to leave a very ‘safe and secure’ full-time job with a company he has been with for fifteen years. Why did I put the phrase ‘safe and secure’ in quotation marks? Because I really don’t believe a job is safe or secure in any way in this day and age. But that’s another conversation altogether.
It was the first time we had met, and I thanked him for being open to meeting with me and having this conversation. He said, “You are welcome. I have made a decision that my new attitude is to say ‘yes’ more often.” I loved it because I have the same philosophy. The conversation was a great one as we shared about ourselves. At one point in the meeting, he asked me about the process of becoming an author. So, I explained to him how I went about it, and the impact it has had on my life. I then asked him a question. “Are you thinking about writing a book?” Interestingly, his initial response was ‘no’.
When I asked why, he told me all the reasons why he came to that decision so quickly. I could feel that he actually would love to write a book but didn’t believe he could. It’s the same reason most of us say ‘no’ to things. In fact, it was almost that same reason I nearly talked myself out of writing my first book. So, I asked him, “Do you really mean ‘no’, or do you just need more information?” He asked me what I meant and I went on to explain some of the information I started to collate in my journey to become an author. As I was talking, I could see his ‘no’ shifting to a ‘maybe’. With more time and more information, I know he, like me, would actually be excited and committed to writing a book. All he needs is more information.
Each day you will be confronted with choices and opportunities to try things, go places, meet people, or improve your life in some way. If your go-to response is ‘no’, I want to encourage you to ask yourself why that was your response. If it is truly because you don’t want the outcome of the choice, then ‘no’ is the right answer. If it is because of fear, doubt, lack of belief, or lack of information, I want to encourage you to get the information you need. What if that thing you are saying ‘no’ to is just what you need to help you in a certain area of your life? Wouldn’t it be a tragedy to miss out, when the opportunity is right there simply waiting for you to say ‘yes’ to. Wouldn’t it be regretful if all you needed was some more information to turn your ‘no’ into a ‘gosh yes’?
In the same way, when you are talking to other people and making suggestions to them and you are confronted by a ‘no’, then chances are, they also just need more information. Recently, I got a new business partner for one of my businesses. In my initial discussion with this person, the response I got was far from positive. So, I asked her what her previous experience had been. She explained to me, and I genuinely empathized with her, because it sounded horrible. When I asked if she would be open to get some more information about how I go about business and what is actually happening now, she said ‘yes’. The rest is history. I gave her the information, it totally changed her perspective, and we are working together. She just needed more information.
In my podcast this week with Lisa Sugarman, called, Holding space, we discuss the power of giving people the space to share their feelings and experiences without judgement or offering advice or solutions. It is amazing how, when we do this, people feeling safe to talk will turn their initial ‘no’ into a ‘yes’ all on their own. It is a powerful conversation I hope you will listen to.
Life is here and now. We are living it every day, and unfortunately so many people are missing the abundance and joy that is there for them. All because of one ill-considered two-letter word. The next time you are tempted to say ‘no’ to something, please consider the consequences of that choice. If you can imagine regretting the consequences at some stage in your life, then suspend the ‘no’, get more information, and then make your final decision. Whether it is the ‘no’ you are saying to yourself or to someone else, or the ‘no’ you are hearing from someone else, just understand and believe that ‘no’ simply means, ‘I need more information’.
by admin | 5 Jul, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Discipline is one of those words that strike fear into the heart of even the most courageous person. It is something that either reflects punishment, or that reflects discomfort, and both are things that most humans avoid. We all know that self-discipline is a key to creating positive change, we also know that it is uncomfortable, often inconvenient, and can be hard. Well, I have some good news. As much as discipline is necessary for you to live a better life, it has an expiry date.
The best way to explain what I mean is by example. I use this example a lot, so please forgive me if you have heard it before. It is currently winter in Australia, and as cold a winter as I have ever experienced in Melbourne. As I write this, during the last few mornings the temperature has got down very close to zeros degree Celsius (around 30 degrees Fahrenheit). I know for many Northern Hemispherians that is not cold, for us soft Aussies, it definitely is.
My alarm is set for 4:55am every day, except Sunday, and every day, except Sunday, I get up and exercise, rain, hail, sleet, or shine. In fact, this morning (as I write this) I was just finishing up my training and the temperature had risen to a steamy two degrees Celsius, and I saw a lady I see most days walking her dog. We always say ‘hi’, and I pat her dog Margot. This morning, she said to me; you are so disciplined. You are here every day, rain, hail or shine. I thanked her for the compliment as she walked past, but I knew in my heart the discipline part of my morning exercise routine had long since expired.
There is no doubt about it, when I decided I was going to get up at 4:55 every morning to exercise, discipline was a major factor in that practice becoming a morning ritual. However, within a few months the discipline part of the process had expired, and the neural pathway part of the behaviour kicked in. What I mean by that is, with each day I got up, I was creating a neural pathway in my brain, and after two to three months of that consistent behaviour the pathway was so strong that it transformed into an unconscious habit. So, now when my alarm goes off at 4:55am, before I even know what is going on, I am out of bed, dressed, and out the door. No more debate, no more negotiation, no more doubts, and no more discipline. The discipline had expired, and my unconscious mind had taken over. I am so grateful.
The question then is, how do we get through the discipline part of the process to the unconscious habit part of the journey? This is where most people get tripped up. Why? Because what they don’t realise, understand, or pay attention to is that to create a strong and unbreakable neural pathway in the brain, it requires the daily application of a certain behaviour for at least 63-days consecutively. If they miss a day, they justify it, excuse themselves, and just think that getting back on track from where they left off will be okay. It won’t, and it isn’t. You must be disciplined to apply the behaviour for at least 63 days straight and if a day is missed, start again. Yes, you heard me, start again. If you go 7 days and miss one, start again. If you go 25 days and miss one, start again. If you go 62 days and miss one, that’s dumb, but start again!
In the big picture, 63 days is a small price to pay for discipline to expire and an unconscious habit to be created. One that will benefit you for the rest of your life. So, to get through 63 days, get clear on what you want and why it’s important. To get through 63 days, choose a simple behaviour that you really have no excuse not to do every day. To get through 63 days, find an accountability partner to make the journey with you, to encourage you, and to not let you off the hook when you are tempted to miss a day. To get through the 63-days, just focus on one day at a time, and celebrate every single day you do what you planned to do. Do this, and discipline will expire, then your powerful and transformational unconscious mind will take over.
In my podcast this week called Treat people right, I speak with military veteran and mental health advocate John Giampino. After a very traumatic medical discharge, and subsequent mental health challenges, John now, after a period of self-discipline, is living a life of joy and significance. This is a powerful conversation. No matter what kind of change you would like to see in your life, just know that it will require a period of discomfort, inconvenience, and discipline. The great news is, it won’t last, because discipline has an expiry date but your joyful life of meaning and abundance does not.
by admin | 21 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
It is currently winter in Australia, and I am living at the furthest southern tip of the mainland, in Melbourne. It can get very dark, very dreary, and very cold at this time of the year. Every now and then, however, we get a stunning winter day, and all of a sudden people are out, smiles are on faces, and there seems to be a more optimistic and happier energy. It reminds us – well, me anyway – that no matter how dark it may get, the sun always rises again.
I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to live in parts of the world where, in winter, there is little or no daylight for the entire day. Even in those places, the sun does eventually rise again. So, there is always something to look forward to. Clearly, I am not going to be writing a blog entirely about the rising of the sun in different parts of the world. Instead, as you may have guessed, I want to use the metaphor to remind you that no matter how dark your day or life may be at any point, the light will always appear again.
I would have to say, of all the dark times in my life, the darkest was when my beautiful mother passed away almost twenty years ago as I write this, in December 2004. It was obviously a heartbreaking time, but even more so for two main reasons. The first was because, despite the fact that she had been battling terminal cancer for 15 years and the chance was extremely high it would eventually take her life, I kept my head buried firmly in the sand, just believing that everything would be okay. So, when it happened, I was not mentally or emotionally prepared, and consequently it destroyed me for a long time.
The second reason is one I think many people experience, so is a shout out to everyone. It is a regret I carry that I didn’t spend as much time or communicate with her as much as I would right now if she were still here. I was always too ‘busy’, too self-absorbed, too focused on my next goal, or my next aspiration that I neglected the people most important to me. This was reinforced to me just the other day as I came across a letter she wrote to me not long before she passed. In it, she told me how much she admired my ambition and achievement, but she also cautioned me. She advised me not to neglect my health or the people most important. As I was reading the letter, tears welled in my eyes and a chill ran up my spine, because I didn’t heed her words at the time, and I feel I neglected the time with her that I would spend if I had my time over. Well, I can never have that time over, but I can learn from it.
After many months of grieving, and heart-breaking pain I never thought would ease, I started to gradually find some joy again. I started to focus on my intense love for her and gratitude for her being my mother, at that time, for 40 years. I started to learn the lessons she was trying to teach me, I began making changes in my life, and I started to see the sun rise again. In fact, so inspired am I by her love, her life, and her courage, I wrote a book about her called Dance Until it Rains. Now, for almost twenty years, and far, far beyond, her legacy and lessons will live on and impact many lives, across the globe for many generations to come. Her light will shine in my heart and on this world forever. I didn’t believe it would, but the sun rose again.
What are you going through right now? What darkness are you experiencing that feels like it will never end? Is it a health crisis? Is it a relationship or family challenge? Is it a financial disaster? No matter what it is, the sun will rise again. How quickly that sun rises depends on what you believe and how you act on the situation you are facing. If it is a health challenge and you do nothing to improve it, the sun may take a long time to rise, if at all. When you say to yourself, this is an opportunity for me to take control, and you do just that, the sun will rise quickly. Relationship conflict? Be the one to resolve it and watch how quickly the sun rises. Financial dilemma? Get into action and you will be amazed how soon light will shine on your bank account. No matter what, the sun is just on the brink of rising and flooding your world with life-giving light.
In my podcast this week called, Just show up, I speak with the inspirational Kim Rahir. When faced with a very dark diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, Kim decided to train her way through it. She got into the gym, started lifting weights and focusing on her wellbeing. Not only did she heal herself of MS, but she also became European Weightlifting champion at the age of 60. The sun very quickly rose on her life, simply because of the focus she placed on her wellbeing. No matter what is happening today for you, the sun will always rise tomorrow. You will get through and trust me, something great will happen in your life. Just learn the lessons, find the gifts, and irrespective of what is going on in your life, have faith that the sun always rises.
by admin | 1 Jun, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Have you ever felt helpless? Have you ever felt like all control was taken from you? Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, nothing will go your way? Have you ever felt like giving up? I think it would be fair to say we have all felt that way at some stage in life. I have some great news for you. No matter where you are at, or what may be happening, the final move is always yours.
I am sure you have played games in your life. I am not a chess player, and don’t know much about it, but what I do know is that, once checkmate is declared and achieved, the game is over. Or is it? I am certain you have been on the receiving end of ‘checkmate’, or any other game where you were not in front at the final siren. We all have. It can seem like you have run out of time to make any more moves, but in fact, the final move is always yours. You may not be able to go back and win that game, but you can definitely make a move to learn from it, improve your skills, and be better prepared for your next competition.
Have you ever been dumped by a partner, left heartbroken and feeling like all control was taken from you? Me too, more times than I would like to disclose. Have you ever been sacked, with no way of going back? Me too, in fact, I was sacked as a professional footballer after reading it in the newspaper. Have you ever been diagnosed with an illness and told that there is no treatment or chance of recovering from it? Thankfully, this one I have not experienced. Have you ever lost money you knew you would never recover? Yep, been there, done that! With each of these scenarios, what is the one conclusion many people would come to? Probably, the final move was made by another person, and the game is over.
Let me tell you this, and I need you to hear me, the game is only over when you decide it to be over, as you get to make the final move. That final move may be to give up, have a tantrum, and spiral into victim-mode, but it is still your move to make. Knowing that you always get to make the final move, all you need to do is think about the move that would help you feel like you have won, help you grow and improve, no matter the circumstance you may be facing. So, what is your next move?
A broken heart is not a joyful experience, and when a relationship is ended, and you have no say in it, you can be left feeling very vulnerable, helpless, angry, and to a degree worthless. I am talking about me here. In the midst of the pain, I understood I got to make the final move. That move for me was to find gratitude in what was great in the relationship, to learn from it, to forgive, to understand and empathise, to focus on my value, strengths, and gifts, and to know I am worthy. An incredible quote, most regularly attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, is, No-one can make you feel inferior, without your consent. You get to make the final move.
Back in 2002, when my café was failing miserably, when I was in $100,000 debt, when I was working seven days per week with no end or answers in sight, and when life was at rock-bottom, things seemed helpless. It felt, for a moment, that I had no moves left. Amazingly I did, and that move changed my life. Out of the depths of despair, discouragement, and debt, I made a very illogical and unlikely decision to write a book. That move has changed my life for the better in so many ways, I find it hard to articulate. It helped me live the life of joy and meaning I currently enjoy. There is power in knowing that the final move is yours.
So, enough about me. In what area of your life do you feel like you are out of moves? Is it your health, is it your relationships, is it your work or career, is it your financial situation, or is it something else? Please know that there are still moves left to make that can help you turn your situation into success, your adversity into adventure, and your catastrophe into celebration. Just ask yourself the very simple question, what is my next move to propel me forward in my life? When you ask the question, answers and ideas will start coming.
In my podcast this week with Jemma O’Hanlon, called Opt in to health, we discuss all the ways you can make moves to help you live a life of optimal wellbeing, no matter where you may be at. As you finish this blog and go out into the world, it is my greatest desire that you would go out knowing that, no matter what is happening in your life or whatever comes your way, the final move is always yours.
by admin | 24 May, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
One of the things on many people’s minds, and hearts, and causing some worry, is the economy. Certainly, here in Australia anyway. Interest rates are rising, cost of living is increasing, job security is dissolving, and many people are very concerned about the state of the economy. If this is impacting you, I have some good news. The economy is not the same as your economy, so, simply focus on your economy.
What does that really mean? If we look at statistics, it is understandable why we may be discouraged. I am not just talking about financial right now either. Sure, the financial statistics of debt, unemployment, interest, and inflation rates, and the like, can be enough to make you want to run and hide. What about the statistics of obesity, disease, suicide, and mental health issues? How about the statistics around divorce and domestic violence? Then let’s consider the statistics around creating wealth, owning a successful business, and the very tragic superannuation, which is really not that super! Have I depressed you already?
Fear not, as I have great news. I know I said good news before, but it really is great news. The great news is that the economy, whether that be financial, relational, physical, or any other economy in life, is what it is, but your economy is exactly what you choose it to be. Your financial economy does not need to be consistent with the doom and gloom out there if you focus on it. Your relationship economy does not need to fall prey to the statistics if you focus on it. Your health and wellbeing economy does not need to succumb to the heartbreaking statistics if you focus on it.
Are you getting what I am saying? Your economy is in your hands, under your control, and will be what you determine it to be and work for. Are you excited? You should be, because you can create any outcome you desire, despite what is happening in the world around you. How can a business succeed in a recession when many around are falling by the wayside? The owner focused on the things that would lead to business success, and did them. How does a man, I actually know, live a happy and healthy life when his family history of heart disease would suggest the opposite? Simple, he took control and focused on what he needed to do to be optimally healthy. When you focus on your economy, anything is possible.
This is not necessarily an easy thing to do when everything around you may be screaming doom and gloom. How do we overcome the bad news, the declining economy, and the alarming statistics? Simple, turn off the TV, stop reading the newspaper, avoid negative people, and surround yourself with people and news declaring the great news and possibility of focusing on your economy. That is the best first step I can encourage you to take.
I was deep in debt at one point of my life, and at that stage, my own economy was far worse than the economy. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and so I deliberately found people who were masters of their own economy and asked them for help. They helped me. They helped me find the right information, surround myself with the right people, develop the right mindset, adopt the right behaviors and within 2 years my life was transformed. I was out of debt, retired from an 80-hour per week personal training business that ruled my life, and was free to follow my passion. This is what can happen when you focus on your economy.
No matter which economy of yours is tanking at the moment, it can change in a heartbeat. It is all about focus. There is an incredible quote that says, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When you change the way you look at your economy, your economy changes. When you change the way you look at your health, your health changes. When you change the way you look at your relationships, your relationships change. When you change the way you look at yourself, then you will change. It is that simple.
In my podcast this week called Doctor, doctor, I speak with Dr Cindy Starke. After a childhood where she was exposed to drugs, alcohol, poverty, and sexual abuse, she spent her later life chasing perfection, achievement, and accumulation to feel loved, only to be left unfulfilled time and time again. As soon as she started focusing on her own self-worth, everything changed. No matter what is happening around you, no matter what is happening with the economy, you are in control. So, focus on your own economy.
