by admin | 1 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Mindset
I have been a man for almost 59 years, and I still confuse myself most days. Although, the good news is, I am starting to understand myself better each day. I do know that men have many unique strengths and powers, but also many fragilities and vulnerabilities, all of which will impact their lives and the lives of many people. So, based on my experience as the owner of a male mind and body, I would like to offer some operating guidelines to men and women.
My life until this very moment has been quite an adventure. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, which I am sure every person on the planet can relate to. The greatest struggle for me has been trying to work me out. I would often say to myself, what is wrong with me and why do I keep doing and saying the things I do and say? Over the last few years, and as the result of my third marriage coming to an end, the world going into lock down, and being forced to be isolated with the person I least liked, I went on a journey of discovery of me. What I found were some insights I would love to share with men and women in the hope it can help you in your lives.
The great Dr Allan Meyer, a very close friend of mine and author of the transformational book and program, From Good Man to Valiant Man, says that when men don’t do the ongoing personal growth work on themselves, it is women and children who suffer the most. I don’t have children, but I do agree with his statement. It is my mission to be the best man I can be, and rather than beat myself up because of my past beliefs and behaviours, I have vowed to learn from them and use them to become a better man, in fact, a valiant man. It is a day-by-day adventure which I am relishing.
The three key insights I learned and the things that most affected my life as a man include; my conditioning and limiting beliefs, male stereotypes, and male wiring. Every man struggles with these three things to some degree or another, and once we can understand how they affect us, we can do something about them. For the ladies, I hope this helps you understand the men in your life better. I will touch on each of the three, and clearly can only just scratch the surface of awareness, However, stay tuned for a book coming soon.
I don’t think we really stop to understand where our crazy lies and limiting beliefs come from. When we do, we can see them for what they really are; lies and rubbish. The only thing stopping all of us, and moving men to make some very poor choices, is the self-talk that goes on in our head unconsciously. The biggest issue is believing that we are not enough, in any and every area of life, love, relationships and success. Much of my poor choices, and crazy obsessive behaviour came from a belief that I was not enough as I am. I only just recently discovered the source of that crazy belief and downright lie, because I now know I am amazing, just as I am. So are you, by the way.
As a child, in primary school, it was expressed to me by more than one teacher that they wished I would behave more like my older brother, who they had taught in their class the year before. If they wished I was more like my brother, then, in my mind, clearly, I was not good enough as I was. That one belief has affected my life, my choices, my relationships in a devastating way for much of my life. Men, you are enough, just as you are. Women, please tell the men in your life they are good enough as they are. This one shift will change everything.
There are some pretty foundational and very damaging male stereotypes that need to be smashed, as they are eroding lives. From a young age, as dinosaurs roamed the earth, and through decades of playing sport, it was reinforced in my mind that men don’t show pain or complain, and that showing any vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I also regrettably learned it was okay to objectify women. Men, please for your own sake, and the sake of the women and children you love, learn to open up, be honest and vulnerable, and ask for help if you need it. Men, please treat every female you meet with respect, knowing she is a precious child of God. Ladies, please help men with these things.
The greatest insight I got from reading Dr Allan Meyer’s book, was about the difference in male and female chemistry. Allan explained that men are wired to seek pleasure through the eyes and that sexualised images can start a chemical reaction that can have devastating effects on lives. I had always thought I was broken, but I have since learned I am not. I now know the temptations will always be there, but I get to choose to control where I look and what I look at, and how I live my life. It is such an empowering feeling to know I can operate myself in a more healthy and positive way. Men, learn this stuff, stop making excuses, and start behaving in a healthy way. Ladies, please be patient with men, and help them. Trust me, they need it.
In this week’s podcast with Kari Brownsberger, called Healthy version of you, we discuss the power of identity. When you identify yourself as a healthy person, as a respectful person, and as a positively influential person, you will start to behave that way. Men, we are strong and powerful, and our impact is bigger than we may believe. Let’s start today to understand ourselves and spend the rest of our lives being the best men we can be. Once we learn how to properly operate the male machine, great things will happen.
by admin | 25 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Just so you know, I am writing this blog as much for me as I am writing it for you. We may not realise it, but we are being tested many times every day, and my question to you is, are you passing or failing those tests? I am already squirming in my seat as I write this, because I have failed tests just recently. If what I share is uncomfortable for you, then I want to encourage you with all my heart, to own it and then start passing the simple daily tests.
What am I talking about? As humans we tell ourselves stories about the kind of people we are and character traits we have. We try to convince ourselves and other people we are honest, respectful, reliable, positive, punctual, have integrity, and so on. When I say we, I am talking about me. The problem is that there is a great risk that the stories we tell ourselves and the way we behave do not align. Every day there are little tests to see if we are actually and authentically living the way we convince ourselves we are.
One morning, during the week just gone, I had a meeting booked on zoom. A few minutes before the scheduled meeting time I started the meeting and waited for this person to join. Five minutes late, 10 minutes late, no response to text messages and phone calls, and then after 20 minutes of waiting, I ended the meeting and went and had a shower. I was cranky. As I stood in the shower, I thought, this person has just failed multiple tests. He had failed the respect for others time test. He had failed the integrity test. This person is normally very reliable, so whilst I don’t think he failed the reliability test, he was certainly marked down.
I was feeling all self-righteous and judgmental of this person as I headed out for a meeting scheduled later that morning. Except, I realised I myself was running a little late. I sent a message to say I was running a few minutes behind, and as I pressed send, it hit me, I had just failed the test. I had just failed the respect of other people’s time test. I had failed the organisation test. I had failed the punctuality test. I had failed the reliability test. These would be character traits I would have said I had in spades, but when push came to shove, I was kidding myself.
How are you feeling right now? A little uncomfortable? Me too. Well, let me throw another one at you. Multiple times this week, and every week, I made calls to people who did not answer, but instead responded with the automated message, ‘Can I call you later?’ Honestly, I wouldn’t mind the message if it were actually followed up by a call later, but it rarely ever is. These people have failed multiple tests. They have failed the honesty test. They have failed the reliability test. They have failed the integrity test.
I am more and more committed to pass these simple tests. I know there will be times when I occasionally fail, however I won’t let that stop me aspiring to be a better person, a more authentic person, and a more responsible person. How about you? You and I are being tested multiple times every day. You are tested when you say you will do something. You are tested by how you respond to people. You are tested when you book a specific time to meet someone. You are tested during conversations. You are tested when your head is in your device. There are many more tests that face us each and every day.
My podcast this week is called Catch. Wait. Reset. I speak with Luke Mathers about some interesting stuff around stress, purpose, and emotional regulation. He talks about the early days of his marriage where he describes himself as a bad husband. He was failing daily tests, left, right and centre, until he decided to pay more attention to living more in alignment with the person he wanted to become.
As you head off into your day, be ready for the test that is coming your way very shortly. Can I encourage you to stand out from the crowd? Most people will be late, stand others up, not call back after sending a message that they will, and fail many of the simple daily tests. Why don’t you and I be different and commit to passing all the simple daily tests that come our way.
by admin | 29 Jun, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Everything we have, use, and enjoy in our lives at one time was someone’s idea. I mean everything, from the bed you slept in, to the shower you had, to the clothes you are wearing, to the house you live in, to the appliances in that house, to the phone you are scrolling, the car you are driving, the job you are going to, and everything else that helps make your life better, more enjoyable, and fulfilling. Logically, everything that is now in existence makes sense, however there was a time when none of them made any sense at all. So, the question I want to pose and explore this week is, where is the right place for logic?
This is a key question, and an important message that could change your experience of life, forever. That’s a big statement I know. I truly believe when you apply logic at the right time, in the right place, you are set for abundance, joy, and meaning in your life. Have you ever made a decision based solely on logic? If so, what was the decision you ultimately made? Please think very carefully about the answer to this question because it holds the key to my message in this blog. Did you, perchance, talk yourself out of making the decision to follow a certain path because it seemed illogical? Many people have. The biggest mistake they made, I have made, and you may have possibly made is using logic in the wrong place.
I am going to go back to two decisions I have made in my past, I speak about often, that really emphasise the point I am making here. You may know I call myself an unlikely athlete and accidental author. Why? Because in both cases, the decision I made to follow the path of becoming a professional athlete and then a published author both seemed illogical at the time of the decision. If they seemed illogical at the time, why did I make the decision? Great question. The answer is simple, I wanted the outcome, even though I didn’t know how I would get it.
As a young person, filled with insecurity and a belief that I wasn’t good enough, I was driven to prove myself and make it as a professional Australian footballer. The logical fact that I was skinny, sickly, and not that talented did not dissuade me from my path. I am grateful and proud that I played seven years as a professional athlete. Just over 20 years ago, as I write this, I decided to write a book to help others and transform my life which, at the time, was in the toilet. I made this illogical decision despite the fact I had no time, no experience, no skills, no qualifications, and no idea of the process or whether I could do it. I am proud, excited, and grateful for this crazy decision because, as a consequence, I live a life of joy and meaning today.
In both cases, logic played no part in the decisions I ultimately made. In fact, had logic played a part, I would not have done either. Why? Because from a logical pros and cons standpoint, the evidence was overwhelmingly against either eventuality. So, if logic doesn’t play a part in the decision-making process, where does it fit. Make no mistake, logic is a critical part of success, achievement, joy, fulfilment, and abundance, just not at the decision-making stage. Once the seemingly illogical decision was made, I used logic to help me create the outcome I was after.
Logically to be a professional athlete, I needed to get fitter, stronger, more skilled, and mentally tough. So, I started and adhered to a logical program to make that happen. To become a successful bestselling author, I needed to logically learn the process, plan effectively, and write consistently. Both of which I did, and so logically I got the results I wanted as an athlete and an author. That being the case, calling myself an unlikely athlete and accidental author is incorrect. I deliberately and logically did what was required to remove any doubt that the outcome would happen.
I hope you are getting my point. Logic is a critical component of success, but NOT in the decision-making process. If you try to apply logic to a decision to do something new, the chances are you will logically come up with all the reasons why it is not a good idea, then decide against it. Instead, you want to use intuition, emotion, and faith to help make the right decision. Once the decision is made, that’s the time to apply logic to develop a plan to get the result you are after. One definition of faith is; believing in advance, that which only makes sense in reverse. Make the crazy and illogical decision with faith, then once you have achieved it, you will see how logical it was.
In my podcast this week called Leap of faith, with Ilea Worsfold, we discuss this exact topic. The greatest things that have been achieved in this world, started with a crazy and illogical idea that was then acted upon with logic to create a successful reality. The incredible destiny that is waiting for you will rely on you making decisions and taking actions that seem illogical. Just know, after the intuitive and faith-filled decision is made, that is where the place for logic appears. Logic is there to help bring your crazy idea to reality.
by admin | 24 Jun, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I think it would be fair to say we all want more of something in our lives. Whether that be more time, more health, more money, more opportunities, more connection, more love, more peace, or more of just about anything you can think of. I know I do. Often, we think, if we want more, we have to work harder, sleep less, and sacrifice more. There is an easier way, simply ask the people who can help you get more of what you want. If we know we would get more by just asking, why do we resist doing it? From my point of view, it has been fear of rejection, and I think that probably applies to many people. What if I told you, if you ask for something, you can never lose? What if I told you, if you ask for something you will receive?
I am currently reading the book Rejection Proof, by Jia Jiang. An awesome book. In it, he talks about research showing that the body responds in the same way to getting a social rejection as it does to receiving a physical trauma. When physical pain is experienced, the brain releases natural painkilling chemicals called opioids. Incredibly, the same chemicals are released when social rejection is experienced. This is how serious and traumatic we, as humans, consider rejection. So, how then do we remove the pain of rejection? Simple, by just understanding and believing that whenever we ask for something we will receive a positive response, no matter what that response is.
My friend Eva and I are organising a tribute and celebration for an incredible lady. Brenda has just turned 85 and has lived in the same house in the suburb of St Kilda, where I also live, for more than 60 years. She is part of the fabric of St Kilda, has overcome more than most, has done so much for this community, and is a lady full of spunk and moxie (as I wrote about in my blog Bringing moxie back). This event on July 16 is an open invitation, as we just want lots of people to be there (including you, if you are in the area). We decided to run a raffle to cover costs and donate any surplus to a charity of Brenda’s choice.
All we need are donations for the raffle. I am happy to give some books, but that alone won’t do it. So, Eva and I decided we needed to go an ask local businesses if they would be willing and open to donate goods and/or services for our raffle. Immediately, I was terrified. Why? Rejection. What if they said no? What if they laughed at us? What if they told us to ‘F’ off? I could feel the opioids starting to be produced to protect me from the pain I was expecting to feel. The good news was, Eva was with me, so we would go down together. We went to the first place, a restaurant-bar, and asked, and we got a $30 voucher. Yahoo! We asked and we received. The second place we went to was Zoma Beauty Salon, and the lovely owner Shazia gave us a $50 voucher. Yippee! We asked and we received. We went to another shop, asked, and got some products for a hamper. Hooray! We asked and we received.
We were on fire and feeling unstoppable. However, we did face some rejection, and even though we didn’t receive a donation, we did receive valuable gifts. At one place we received a connection with a person we had never met before. At another place, I was told in no uncertain terms they would not donate. So, what did I receive then? I received knowledge of the fact I could survive a tough rejection. It also helped me refine my approach for the next attempt. So, I received feedback, awareness, and a better way to go about this task. That is invaluable, and almost more precious than a donation. So, what I discovered on this adventure, no matter what I ask for, and no matter what the response I get is, I will always receive something great.
In my podcast this week with Dr Ryan Peebles called, Healed on day one, we discuss how people are receiving healing from back pain, when they ask, and then when they follow a simple movement plan. This is a wonderful conversation, as we talk more about the mindset of back pain and how to focus that mindset to recover from it than anything else. When you apply your mind and believe that no matter what you ask for you will receive, amazing things will come into your life.
Moving forward this week, I want to encourage you to look for an easier and better way to do the things you are doing to create whatever it is you are aspiring to. The best way I know to do that is to ask others for something that will help. When you ask, knowing deep in your heart, you will receive a response, no matter what it is, that will enhance your life, you will ask with abandon and receive in abundance. Ask and receive today.
by admin | 17 Jun, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I have not really considered myself a creative person, for much of my life. In my mind, creative people have some natural ability that allows them to paint, draw, write, play, perform, invent, or any other activity we believe creativity is limited to. What I have learned, especially since becoming an author, is that creativity is not just for the talented, it’s not just for the artistic, and it’s not just for the special few. Creativity is available to all of us if we just know how to tap into it.
Already today I have slept in a bed, put on clothes, eaten food, taken supplements, used training equipment, turned on my heater, used products, used technology, and done many things that at one point in history did not exist. Why do they exist now? They are not like plants that just grow. They are ideas that were percolating in a brain, and then were creatively and courageously developed into the reality of the wonderful things we get to experience every day to help us in our lives. So, my question then, is, what is creativity, really?
I am in awe of magnificent art, I am moved by wonderful music, I am delighted by stunning singing voices, but I have to say, I am more inspired on a daily basis by the key foundation of creativity. That is simply, solving a problem. I am guessing, like me, many people would not consider themselves creative, yet solve problems they are facing every day. That, people, is creativity. The parent who wants to find a way to stop a baby from crying is being creative. The person who needs to find a new way to work because of roadworks is being creative. The family looking for a way to enjoy a holiday on a shoestring is being creative. Are you getting my point? You are a creative person because every day you solve problems.
I believe my greatest creativity was not the first book that I wrote. I believe it was the idea to write the book as a way to impact more lives and solve my financial problems. Then my creativity shone through as I had to find ways to write this book when I was working over 100 hours per week in two businesses. Of course, the book itself displayed creativity, but if it wasn’t for the more practical application of creativity the book would never have happened.
I feel very grateful to have met an amazing man, Todd Brodie, who epitomises creativity and courage. He lives in Sydney, but was recently in Melbourne, so we caught up and I was inspired by what he has done and is doing. He has a health and fitness background and whilst travelling and staying in hotels noticed a big gap. He started thinking about how to get people to be more active whilst travelling, particularly those who are self-conscious and don’t want to go to public places to exercise. This thought led to an idea, this idea, with creativity and courage, led to his company ‘Wellness Concierge’ which is a 360 degrees wellness offering meeting hotel members and guests where they are. It is a concept in the early stages, and one which will help many people.
It would be very easy to look at someone like Todd and believe that he is extra special and what he has done is not possible for most. Wrong. All Todd did was tap into his creativity – we all have, by-the-way – to find a solution to a problem he saw. The question you may be asking is, assuming I have it, how do I tap into my creativity? It is actually incredibly simple. I will share one more experience I had, where I tapped into my own creativity, to Illustrate what I mean.
As COVID started in early 2020, the world discovered things were on the verge of great change. One of the things I did, do, and will always do, is speaking to groups. At the start of 2020, I had many speaking gigs arranged, representing tens of thousands of dollars. All within the space of a day or so, they evaporated, and with them, tens of thousands of dollars. In that moment, fear gripped me, as I slid down the wall and dissolved into an almighty tantrum. After a few minutes, I got up, dusted myself off, and asked a very telling question. One that helped me tap into my creativity. I asked, okay, I can’t speak face-to-face in a room with people, so, what can I do? That question unlocked my creativity, as my mind went to work to find an answer, and it did. Within a short period of time, I was speaking all around the world from my home on Zoom, Teams, Webex, and many other video platforms.
The simple answer to tapping into my creativity was my desire to solve a problem and my willingness to ask the right question to myself. You can do that. What are you trying to solve or create at the moment. Simply start by believing there is a way, and ask yourself the question, how can I make it happen? Then, simply let your mind go to work to come up with the answer. When the answer comes, and it will, the only thing left to do is take action, without overthinking. Simple, right?
In my podcast this week called Heaven on earth, my guest, Susan Gold talks about how she creatively transformed her life from childhood trauma to adult freedom. It is an amazing conversation. The bottom-line is this; you are a creative being. Everything you are experiencing in your life right now is the result of your creative mind. You have it, you just need to believe it, tap into it, and act on it. Enjoy the amazingness that comes into your life when you start tapping into creativity.
by admin | 10 Jun, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I believe you and I are here for a reason. Where? Here, alive, on this planet, and in existence. It’s a big statement, and I know it scares and overwhelms some people, however, our creation is designed to mean something significant. Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” This week, I want to help you identify if you have in fact discovered your meaning, or, help you find it, if you haven’t.
Are you ready for the acid test to see if you are already living a life of meaning? This is my acid test, and you may have another way to test it, as may other people. For me, this is a very simple way to identify if I am living on purpose with a life of meaning, or not. It is a two-part test and there are just two questions to answer honestly. The first question; what is your emotional state and response when your alarm goes off in the morning? The second question; are you in the TGIF club?
Let me unpack these questions for you, starting with the first one. When your alarm goes off in the morning – maybe you even wake up before or don’t need an alarm – are you excited about a new day, ready to bounce out of bed, and have a positive impact on the world, or, do you hit snooze multiple times, stick your head under the pillow, and wish you could stay in bed all day? Guess which one of these responses indicates a life of meaning? They are two extremes, and you may find yourself sitting somewhere on the spectrum in between the two. I want to encourage you to reflect for a moment right now to identify where that is. Your life depends on this.
Question two. Are you in the Thank God it’s Friday club? If you are, you are clearly not loving your life from Monday to Friday and you are wishing your life away. Possibly, on a Sunday afternoon your anxiety levels start to rise as you think about having to do it all over again in the upcoming week. This is no way to live and is an obvious indicator that meaning and purpose are not getting much action in your life. So, if you are identifying to this, or know someone who is, I want to encourage you to pay attention and take action. You are worth it, and the world needs what you offer.
I remember clearly two very distinct times in my life when I was hating my alarm going off and was a founding member of the TGIF club. I can also remember how my life seemed tedious, stressful, and meaningless. In both cases I was doing what I thought I needed to do, not what was in my heart or driven by my values. The first happened not long out of college. I had accidentally and inadvertently become a schoolteacher. I won’t get into the full story, but I was doing it more because I was told I needed a job than because my meaning in life was teaching mathematics and physical education. Every day my alarm went off, I felt anxiety fill my body. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to discipline teenagers, and I didn’t want to teach mathematics. I couldn’t wait for Friday to come, and then I would drown my misery. Then on Sunday afternoon, those feelings of anxiety would start rising again.
The second instance was after about 10 years of personal training. My alarm would consistently go off at 5am and I would not get home again till after 9pm. I was sick of it. I was exhausted. I had lost my passion and it had been replaced by pain. Every morning, after hitting the snooze button repeatedly, I would drag myself out of bed, and every Sunday the whole anxiety driven routine would start again. I felt lost, I felt alone, and my life felt meaningless. Let me tell you when it all changed. It was the moment I stopped worrying about what everyone else expected of me and started following my own gut feeling, which was driven by my values. That is when I made the seemingly illogical idea to write my first book. It was not illogical at all, it was my intuition telling me what was the right path for me.
I want to offer you two thoughts, if finding your meaning in life is a challenge and you are currently wishing your life away. The first is, listen to and act on your gut feelings. They are driven by your values, and they are never wrong. We often ignore our intuition, and I know from painful experience, it always ends badly when we do. The second is to stop and really think about what you do and how it is impacting lives. Often, we focus on the tedious tasks we perform on a daily basis without really understanding the powerful ripple effect that we are creating by doing them.
When I was teaching, I was focussed on the discomfort, the annoying behaviour of teenagers, and the tedious work I was doing. Had I focused on developing healthy, balanced, confident, and well-educated young people who would go on to do great things in this world, I know I would have approached it differently. No matter what you do, when you really examine it, I think you’ll find it is part of the process to improve people’s lives. Focus on that. If what you do doesn’t have a positive impact on lives, I would challenge you to consider changing it and finding something that can bring more meaning into your life.
In my podcast this week called Finding fun, musician, songwriter, and children’s entertainer Jemma Armstrong and I talk all about finding the fun and meaning in life. The bottom-line is that we are here for a purpose. There is meaning to be found in your life, and until you find it, life will be a struggle. When you do, every day becomes an amazing adventure that you can’t wait to get out of bed and bounce into. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? What are you waiting for? Get out there and create a life of meaning.
