by admin | 29 Mar, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I used to be so confused and often frustrated by other people and the way they responded or reacted to things I said or did. Until I realised, they are all just like me. As humans, we have a strong desire to feel loved, accepted, valued, important, safe, and that we belong. If, at any time, we don’t feel these things, we may understandably react in a defensive or even offensive way. With that in mind, I want to remind you, as it was again reminded to me, as you interact with others, to be very aware of how it will land.
How will what land? Your words, your attention or lack of it, your body language, your SMS’s, your looks, and anything that communicates a message to another person. Trust me, every single interaction with another person will send them a message. Whatever goes out from you will land on another person. The question we will be exploring in this blog is, no matter the intention of your communication, do you know how it will land?
Let’s face it, we are humans, and we are largely selfish. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it just is what it is. We are very much aware of how things affect us. We are very focused on what we want. We are often looking for people to accept us, like us, and we are hyper aware when they don’t. I know myself, when I am on a mission, I can put my own needs and wants ahead of how my communication may be received by others. Then, amazingly, I am surprised when I offend or upset someone. It is natural for us to self-protect and self-focus. However, it can lead to devastating outcomes with others which could have been easily avoided if we were just conscious and aware of how it would land.
I am telling you this now because it is front and centre in my mind, and on my heart. I am deeply regretting a communication I sent, as an SMS, during the week in which I did not consider how it would land before sending it. I won’t tell you the details, however, I will say that my intention was definitely not to offend or anger this person. In fact, ironically, it was to help them. I only considered it from my point of view and just assumed it would be received gratefully. I did not, however, really stop and think about how it would land.
So, the heartbreaking reality is that this person was angered and offended by my message, and it was all my fault because I didn’t consider how it would land. It is very easy for us to justify our words and actions, and to then suggest the other person misunderstood, or is too sensitive. However, the bottom-line is that if someone is offended or hurt as a result, then the sender of the communication is fully responsible. What is heartbreaking for me is that, even with many attempts to apologise and have a discussion, I fear the friendship is over. It all could have been avoided if I was conscious of and sensitive to how that message would land.
Let me ask you this. When you say you will do something for someone and don’t do it, how will it land? When, during a conversation, you are distracted by your phone or other device, how will it land? When you are late to meet someone, how will it land? When you say something to someone, even with the intention of helping them, how will it land? When you roll your eyes at something someone says, how will it land. When you interrupt someone mid-sentence, how will it land? When you yell at or get angry with someone, how will it land? Feeling a little uncomfortable right now? I understand.
You may be possibly thinking, but what about the times other people communicate with me in a way that hurts? That is a valid question. Unfortunately, you have no control over others. The only person you can control, and change is you. I am hurting right now because of my own thoughtlessness. I can’t go back and change the message, and I can’t make this person forgive me. All I can do is to learn from it and vow to be aware, with every single future interaction, of how it will land.
My two podcasts this week will help you in this area. I talk with Madelaine Weiss in a podcast called Getting to G.R.E.A.T., and I speak with Sean Bellerby on a podcast called Manifest with Sean. Both will help with communication and understanding how to manifest a great life and impact others in a positive way. I truly hope you will pay attention this week and learn from my very poor choice. Just know that every look, word, communication, and action will be received by another person. Always ask yourself the question, before communicating, how will it land?
by admin | 22 Mar, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
As human beings, the one thing that sets us apart from every other living creature is our capacity to experience every spectrum of emotions and the ability to choose what we do with them. This is great news, but it can also be our stumbling point. Because we get to choose, we have the option to ignore, to judge, and to mask our emotions, all which will lead to trouble. My encouragement this week, is to feel every moment.
I have just published a powerful podcast with Shane Jacob, called Horse talk. Shane talks about his experiences with an alcohol addiction and how it was destroying his life, until he started to feel the moment. As a horseman, he found lots of wisdom from horses. He explained that horses do feel emotion, they just don’t have the same capacity as humans to choose what they do with those emotions. He explained how they feel the moment. They stay in the moment, they experience the discomfort, and they move through it to their next moment in life.
This may not sound like it, but it is an incredibly profound and powerful idea if we embrace it. As Shane was talking, I reflected on the times in my life I didn’t want to deal with certain emotions, such as; fear, anxiety, insecurity, and lack of self-worth. So, rather than feeling the moment, and dealing with the feelings, I masked the moment and pretended everything was okay, when clearly it was not. I can give you loads of examples of how that simple and single poor choice, which I was so good at making, has exploded in my face at some later date. Being sacked as a professional athlete, losing money in business, three divorces, just to name a few.
So, what does ‘feel the moment’ mean? I hear you asking. It simply means, when you feel an emotion of any type, sit with it, allow it, feel it, try to understand it, and then it’s amazing how you will be better able to process it. As I was editing the podcast, and getting it ready to publish, I was feeling my own anxiety, which up until that moment, I was choosing to try and ignore. If you have ever experienced anxiety, you will know it is very difficult to ignore. So, I decided to take Shane’s horse-talk advice. I got up, went for a walk, found a spot on a park bench in the sun, looking over the water, and I sat.
I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath in, and I felt that moment. I leaned into the anxiety, I thought about a situation I am currently dealing with that was leading to the fear that was driving the emotion, and again, I sat. I stayed in that moment for about ten minutes. In that time, I validated the feeling, analysed the feeling, I examined my thinking that was leading to the feeling, and all of a sudden, an insight came. It was a different way to look at the situation, and immediately the anxiety was gone. I have to be honest, it was replaced with other emotions, one was peace, the other was anger. Not bad anger, but empowered anger that represented me taking back my power in the situation.
I walked home, and I was very grateful for Shane, and the suggestion to feel the moment. This strategy is not just good for moments when there is fear, anxiety, and resentment. It is also great to feel the moments of joy, gratitude, love, and happiness. To sit with all feelings helps to understand them, embrace them, learn from them, and be able to either keep them, or move through them, as the case may be.
So, as you are reading this blog, I want to encourage you to think of an emotion that you may have buried. One that hurts. Maybe a conflict with someone, a feeling of lack, anger at a certain situation, a comment someone made to you, fear of taking the next step in an area of your life, or anything else. Just know, if you continue to ignore it, stuff it, or mask it, there will be an explosion at some point, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake. Now is the time to feel the moment. Take yourself somewhere peaceful and sit with the feeling. Lean into it, learn from it, process it, and then move through it. Trust me, you will feel so much better as a result.
My other podcast this week is called Mena-power with Natalie Moore. It is an awesome conversation about the feelings associated with menstrual cycles and menopause. It is important to feel the moments, even those affected by our hormones. The more we do, the more we will be able to move through them, with joy, wisdom, and gratitude. Today, test the theory, when you experience any type of emotion, feel the moment.
by admin | 8 Mar, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I have to admit I spend too much time scrolling on social media. Not that it is totally disruptive to my life, but I still do it too much. I do love cute animal pictures and videos, I get inspired by what many people are doing, and there are definitely some positive posts. I think the thing that most disturbs me is the amount of people who feel they need to filter and enhance themselves to look a certain way. My belief is that we are all beautiful, just as we are, and there is no filter needed.
For so many years of my life, my appearance was the most important thing. Don’t get me wrong, it is still important, but now it doesn’t define me. These days I want to look good because I already feel good about me, not because I want to feel good about me. In another time, my self-worth cup was not as full as it should have been, in fact almost empty. In other words, I didn’t like or value myself much. That being the case, I believed that if I achieved certain things and looked a certain way it would fill that cup and magically I would feel better about myself. It didn’t, and I didn’t.
I would train obsessively to have a physique that would be admired. I would eat with total paranoia that if I put any ‘bad’ food in my body, it would immediately show. I made sure if any pictures were taken, my hair looked good, the filters were applied, and I appeared flawless. Yes, it was exhausting and stressful. It wasn’t until, after hitting rock bottom, I finally decided things needed to change, that I started the long journey to self-love, and accepting myself as I was, flaws and all. These days when I have pictures taken, there are no filters needed. I accept and love my wrinkles and flaws because they contribute to my individuality.
My question to you is this. Are you applying filters and enhancements to your photos? The even more important question is, why? If you are doing it because you don’t like how you look, want to look younger, or want to portray and image of flawlessness. Again, I would ask, why? For whose benefit? Who do you feel you need to impress? As a single man, I have been on and off dating sites. I am not sure what the experience is like for women, however, I find many women use filters and enhancers on their profile pictures. That may be fine for an image they want to portray, but my question is, how does it go when they actually meet a man in person and have to present themselves as they are, without the filters?
I have met women who look totally different to their pictures. It gets me wondering about their feelings of self-acceptance and self-worth. I am sure many men do the same thing, as I did. The bottom-line is this, if we don’t love ourselves, flaws and all, wrinkles and all, then it is going to be very difficult to find someone else to love us. I know that to be trute and have three divorces to prove it. So, how do we build ourselves to the point where we love ourselves just as we are, and where filters are no longer needed? This is the key question.
All I can do is talk about it from my perspective, and let you know what I did. Hopefully, it can help you. For me, the greatest healing and revelation came from my faith. I now believe God created me for a reason, and my worth is not based on what I do or how I look, but that I am here. This changed many things, and the helped me to start accepting myself for who I was, flaws and all. The more I started to understand myself, my conditioning, where my beliefs came from, and why I behaved the way I did, the more I was able to accept, forgive, and start to love myself.
Interestingly, as this process was evolving, I was becoming less critical of how I looked, and more accepting of who I am, wrinkles, flaws and all. I am now at a stage, where I am happy to be me, and happy to share pictures of me with no filters needed. I hope you can get to the same place and love yourself for who you are right now. This doesn’t mean we stop aspiring to be better, it just means we are aspiring for the right reasons; not to feel worthy, because we already are.
I published two amazing podcasts this week. Life is short, with Lindsay Johnson, and A healthy shift, with Roger Sutherland. Both focus very heavily on self-worth, and dealing with the inner struggles, to help make the outer world a more joyful place. I hope you believe deep in your heart that you are beautiful just as you are. I hope you will stop hiding behind filters and be authentically you, because that is what the world wants and needs. Trust me when I say; there is no filter needed.
by admin | 14 Feb, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
There is so much joy to be had in our lives, but we often miss it. There is so much potential inside every person that often goes unused. There is so much abundance available to all of us, but we often make excuses as to why we don’t deserve it. What I am saying is that there is more for me and there is more for you. I want you to remember this simple concept; no matter how you feel, dance anyway.
Last weekend there was a Latin festival in St Kilda, so a friend and I decided to go and experience the vibrant Latino culture. When I think of the people from the wonderful South American countries, I think of passion, smiles, laughter, food, and dancing. I love the passion, the smiles, the laughter, and the food. The dancing, however, terrifies me. Why? Latin dancing is the most amazing dancing there is, but it seems so complex, and it scares me to death. So, as we walked across to the festival area, I was wearing my ‘I’m really excited’ mask, when in reality I was on the verge of soiling my undies.
As we arrived and walked in, the first thing we saw were the people dancing the samba, the tango, the rumba, or one of those incredibly complicated dances, as I perceived them to be. So, I quickly suggested, before my friend had other ideas, that we look around and get something to eat and drink. She agreed. Phew, temporary reprieve. We enjoyed some wonderful Argentinian food, had a couple of drinks, and I was feeling a little more relaxed. There was a DJ playing current South American music, and many people dancing with incredible joy on their faces. We wandered over, and before I knew what was happening, I was dancing in my own very unassuming way.
After a while, my body was getting into the rhythm. We walked back over to where the others were dancing with actual classic moves. Again, I had no intention of dancing, until a South American lady dressed appropriately, grabbed me by the hand and gave me no choice. I didn’t want to, but I danced anyway. She taught me a few moves, and I didn’t trip up. We danced for a few minutes, and, surprise surprise, it wasn’t as hard as I imagined it would be, and, I actually enjoyed it. Am I going to be a superstar dancer? No, I’m not. Is it something I am going to do every week? No, it isn’t. But, as life does, it taught me a lesson. You may not feel like dancing, but dance anyway.
This is such a beautiful metaphor for life, isn’t it? You may have seen the many quotes out there that suggest the same message. Quotes like:
Dance like no-one is watching,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
Sing like no-one is listening,
Live like heaven is on earth.
Let me tell you, when my alarm goes off in the morning at 4:52am, I don’t feel like getting up to exercise. I get up anyway. There are many times, I don’t feel like writing. I write anyway. When the time comes to make my phone calls for the day, I am a little terrified. I make the calls anyway. Before you start to think I do everything anyway, irrespective of how I am feeling, I don’t. There are times when I know I should do certain things, and I talk myself out of them. I am working hard every day to change that, but, like you, I am human.
I just want to encourage you to dance anyway. There are things you know you will be glad you did after they are done. So, even though at the time you may not feel like it, or think you can, do them anyway. The fun things, the helping other people things, and the important things. Feel the resistance but do them anyway. My two recent podcasts with Rhonda Britten, called A Gold Star Day, and Ash Perrow called Play Bigger, are wonderfully inspiring conversations that I know will help you dance anyway.
You have heard it before many times. When you get to the end of your life, you will either be saying, I wish I had done more and not let fear stop me, or, I am glad I did the things I was scared to do. I know it’s hard to imagine that time, so don’t. I want to encourage you to just think about the only day you have. That is today. Commit to yourself that no matter what comes your way and no matter your feeling of resistance, dance anyway.
by admin | 7 Feb, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Imagine you are standing by the side of a small pond. It is a beautiful and calm day, and the water is flat and clear like glass. You decide to pick up a rock and hurl it into the pond. What happens? There is a large splash, right? And the rock causes small waves that spread out and travel all the way to the very edge of the pond. If the pond was bigger, the ripple would keep going until the water ends. What if, instead of a rock, you picked up a feather and dropped it in the pond? There may not be a splash, but there would still be a ripple.
You may not know it yet, but that is very profound, and something we all need to think about as we get up and into our day and life moving forward. No matter whether you drop a rock or drop a feather into that pond, there is always a ripple. It may not be the same intensity of ripple, but it will be there, nevertheless. So, what has this got to do with anything that is relevant to me? I hear you asking. Stay with me and the answer to that very important question will become clear.
There have been times in my life, feeling like a victim and just wanting some attention, when I would deliberately throw a rock into the pond, causing a large splash and an intense ripple. As a much younger and very insecure man, I was always looking for attention and validation. I would drink way too much, and then say things to purposefully shock people, not caring who got hurt in the process. In those days, I spent much of my life apologising to people I had offended as a result of my irresponsible behaviour and inappropriate words.
Then as I got older, thankfully, I started thinking more carefully about what I said and did so as not to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings. In other words, I stopped throwing rocks. However, what I found was that I was still upsetting and offending people, even without trying. Trust me, this is not a skill you want to develop. Little things like not responding to a phone call or text message would anger people. Walking into a room with a frown on my face would cause some people to wonder if they had done something wrong. Simply missing out on saying hello to each person in the room would offend the person I missed. Accidentally using the wrong word or phrase, or the tone in my voice could create a rift that was difficult to mend. What I came to recognise was that everything, no matter how big or small, created a ripple.
I am writing this blog for me, but also to help you understand this powerful idea and avoid the painful mistakes that I have made. For so much of my life, I was totally unaware of how my words, actions, tone of voice, body language, and even my silence or inaction, impacted lives. I had no idea that the light feather floating into the pond was still causing a ripple effect and damaging my relationship with myself and others. So, I want you to be very clear about how your communication, or lack of it, is creating a ripple that will either build or destroy, help or harm, encourage or offend, and/or strengthen or weaken your relationships.
I want you to consider what is being communicated to another person when you do the following things. If you keep people waiting, you are saying my time is more important than yours. When you roll your eyes, what may be communicated is, what you say is stupid and irrelevant, and you are wasting my time. When you don’t return a call or message, what could be perceived is, I am not important enough for this person to respond to. If you don’t acknowledge everyone in the room, the person missing out hears, I don’t like you or think you are worthy of acknowledgement. If you’re having a bad day and say something in a rushed or annoyed tone, it may be taken as, rudeness, arrogance, or that you don’t like me. The ripple of each of these seemingly insignificant feathers can potentially break trust, hurt feelings, cause a rift, harm self-worth, and/or destroy a relationship.
On the flipside, small things you do and say can send a powerfully positive message and create a beautiful ripple that will lift, inspire, build, strengthen, empower many lives, and improve this world. Things like; a smile, a word of encouragement, responding immediately (as soon as possible, that is) to calls and messages, remembering names and using them, looking people in the eyes, being punctual, and so many other seemingly insignificant things. You don’t need me to list any more. You already know this. What you may not know is the ripple effect and powerful impact you are having with the small things you do and say. I hope you are fully aware now.
Louise Siwicki is my guest on this week’s podcast called Productively unproductive. She discusses the ripple effect of stress and the words she used to herself and to others and the impact it had on her life. Things changed dramatically when she became aware of this ripple, and made the changes required. As you move forward in your day, you will communicate with many people, including yourself, either verbally or non-verbally. Before you do, please pay very close attention, and know that, no matter what is communicated, there is always a ripple.
by admin | 24 Jan, 2025 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I have a very strong belief that I am worthy, I am here for a reason, and my life has meaning. I have a strong belief that the same is true for you. The disconnect often happens for me because I don’t always act that way. I don’t always talk to myself or treat myself in a way which reflects that belief. How about you? We do all sorts of things for the people we love, yet the person we should love the most, ourselves, often misses out. So, with that in mind, I want to encourage you, starting today, to do it for you.
In a world when the only person we can control is ourselves, why do we feel we have so much responsibility for other people? I understand parents need to feel and act that way with their children to an extent, but what about the rest of us? I don’t have children but often still focus on and worry about others more than I focus on myself. I am guessing you possibly do the same. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love doing things for and helping others, and I always will, as I hope you do. However, I need to understand that if it comes at the expense of my joy, purpose, dreams, and/or wellbeing, then I need to come back to me. If I don’t do it for me, then I can never really do it for others.
I have so much empathy for certain people in my life who are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Children who place continual demands on them, a partner who expects many things of them, and other family and friends who they feel obliged to. After all that, the most important person, who needs their love, care, and attention the most, misses out. That is themselves. If you are getting a little uncomfortable as I am writing this, please keep reading, and then do something about it. Do something for you.
We live in a society that expects and pushes us to look a certain way, do certain things, respond in certain ways, and achieve certain things. In many cases, the things we do are not for us, but to make someone else happy or proud. The only reason I went to university was to make my parents happy. Actually, if I am being honest, to get them off my back. After university with a Physical Education degree, I went into teaching. Why? Was it my passion? No way. I did it because it was expected of me. Was I happy? No, I was miserable. I finally got to the point when I thought, If I don’t get out of this career, before I strangle a teenager, I am in trouble. Believe me, I would never strangle a teenager, however, I have to be honest, there were times when the thought was a pleasing one! That is a definite indication that I was not doing this career for me.
You see when you don’t do it for you, you do it for all the wrong reasons. What is ‘it’? ‘It’ is anything that does not light you up or move you towards a passion or purpose in your life. ‘It’ is something someone else expects from you to make them happy or proud. When you do this, not only will it affect your joy, but it will have an adverse effect on everyone around you. So, I say it again, do it for you. Sure, look after your wellbeing, but do it for you, not for anyone else. Absolutely, follow your dreams, not the dreams of someone else. Be the best you can be by leading by positive example, and that means do it for you. When you do, you inspire other people to do the same.
I have been single for quite a while, and as I have no kids and I live alone, it’s easy for me to do it for me. I do spend many hours each day doing things to positively impact other lives. Things like this blog, my books, my podcasts, my speaking, my mentoring, and my posts. I love doing this stuff, and as much as I do it to help other people, I do it for me. It brings me immense purpose and passion. Outside of that, I focus on my mental and physical wellbeing, exercise, time with God, personal development, time by the water, time relaxing and regenerating, and time laughing and connecting with great people. I know if I was in a relationship, it may be more of a challenge to give as much time and attention to me, but I would do it because I know how critical it is for me and everyone I care about.
In my podcast this week with Roni Robbins, called, What you leave behind, we discuss the legacy that each one of us is leaving by being the very best we can be.
I love my life, I love what I get to do, I love how I handle situations, I love the opportunities that come my way, and I love the people in my life. Let me tell you this; the only reason I love it so much is because I prioritise the most important person in my life. Me! That doesn’t mean I am selfish, although there may be times I am, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care for other people, because I do, very much. It means I now know my worth, and I know that if I don’t focus on me then I can never be to others the man I want and need to be. So, my friend, as hard as you may find it moving forward from here, I want to encourage you to do it for you.
