Imagine you are standing by the side of a small pond. It is a beautiful and calm day, and the water is flat and clear like glass. You decide to pick up a rock and hurl it into the pond. What happens? There is a large splash, right? And the rock causes small waves that spread out and travel all the way to the very edge of the pond. If the pond was bigger, the ripple would keep going until the water ends. What if, instead of a rock, you picked up a feather and dropped it in the pond? There may not be a splash, but there would still be a ripple.
You may not know it yet, but that is very profound, and something we all need to think about as we get up and into our day and life moving forward. No matter whether you drop a rock or drop a feather into that pond, there is always a ripple. It may not be the same intensity of ripple, but it will be there, nevertheless. So, what has this got to do with anything that is relevant to me? I hear you asking. Stay with me and the answer to that very important question will become clear.
There have been times in my life, feeling like a victim and just wanting some attention, when I would deliberately throw a rock into the pond, causing a large splash and an intense ripple. As a much younger and very insecure man, I was always looking for attention and validation. I would drink way too much, and then say things to purposefully shock people, not caring who got hurt in the process. In those days, I spent much of my life apologising to people I had offended as a result of my irresponsible behaviour and inappropriate words.
Then as I got older, thankfully, I started thinking more carefully about what I said and did so as not to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings. In other words, I stopped throwing rocks. However, what I found was that I was still upsetting and offending people, even without trying. Trust me, this is not a skill you want to develop. Little things like not responding to a phone call or text message would anger people. Walking into a room with a frown on my face would cause some people to wonder if they had done something wrong. Simply missing out on saying hello to each person in the room would offend the person I missed. Accidentally using the wrong word or phrase, or the tone in my voice could create a rift that was difficult to mend. What I came to recognise was that everything, no matter how big or small, created a ripple.
I am writing this blog for me, but also to help you understand this powerful idea and avoid the painful mistakes that I have made. For so much of my life, I was totally unaware of how my words, actions, tone of voice, body language, and even my silence or inaction, impacted lives. I had no idea that the light feather floating into the pond was still causing a ripple effect and damaging my relationship with myself and others. So, I want you to be very clear about how your communication, or lack of it, is creating a ripple that will either build or destroy, help or harm, encourage or offend, and/or strengthen or weaken your relationships.
I want you to consider what is being communicated to another person when you do the following things. If you keep people waiting, you are saying my time is more important than yours. When you roll your eyes, what may be communicated is, what you say is stupid and irrelevant, and you are wasting my time. When you don’t return a call or message, what could be perceived is, I am not important enough for this person to respond to. If you don’t acknowledge everyone in the room, the person missing out hears, I don’t like you or think you are worthy of acknowledgement. If you’re having a bad day and say something in a rushed or annoyed tone, it may be taken as, rudeness, arrogance, or that you don’t like me. The ripple of each of these seemingly insignificant feathers can potentially break trust, hurt feelings, cause a rift, harm self-worth, and/or destroy a relationship.
On the flipside, small things you do and say can send a powerfully positive message and create a beautiful ripple that will lift, inspire, build, strengthen, empower many lives, and improve this world. Things like; a smile, a word of encouragement, responding immediately (as soon as possible, that is) to calls and messages, remembering names and using them, looking people in the eyes, being punctual, and so many other seemingly insignificant things. You don’t need me to list any more. You already know this. What you may not know is the ripple effect and powerful impact you are having with the small things you do and say. I hope you are fully aware now.
Louise Siwicki is my guest on this week’s podcast called Productively unproductive. She discusses the ripple effect of stress and the words she used to herself and to others and the impact it had on her life. Things changed dramatically when she became aware of this ripple, and made the changes required. As you move forward in your day, you will communicate with many people, including yourself, either verbally or non-verbally. Before you do, please pay very close attention, and know that, no matter what is communicated, there is always a ripple.