I have a very strong belief that I am worthy, I am here for a reason, and my life has meaning. I have a strong belief that the same is true for you. The disconnect often happens for me because I don’t always act that way. I don’t always talk to myself or treat myself in a way which reflects that belief. How about you? We do all sorts of things for the people we love, yet the person we should love the most, ourselves, often misses out. So, with that in mind, I want to encourage you, starting today, to do it for you.
In a world when the only person we can control is ourselves, why do we feel we have so much responsibility for other people? I understand parents need to feel and act that way with their children to an extent, but what about the rest of us? I don’t have children but often still focus on and worry about others more than I focus on myself. I am guessing you possibly do the same. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love doing things for and helping others, and I always will, as I hope you do. However, I need to understand that if it comes at the expense of my joy, purpose, dreams, and/or wellbeing, then I need to come back to me. If I don’t do it for me, then I can never really do it for others.
I have so much empathy for certain people in my life who are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Children who place continual demands on them, a partner who expects many things of them, and other family and friends who they feel obliged to. After all that, the most important person, who needs their love, care, and attention the most, misses out. That is themselves. If you are getting a little uncomfortable as I am writing this, please keep reading, and then do something about it. Do something for you.
We live in a society that expects and pushes us to look a certain way, do certain things, respond in certain ways, and achieve certain things. In many cases, the things we do are not for us, but to make someone else happy or proud. The only reason I went to university was to make my parents happy. Actually, if I am being honest, to get them off my back. After university with a Physical Education degree, I went into teaching. Why? Was it my passion? No way. I did it because it was expected of me. Was I happy? No, I was miserable. I finally got to the point when I thought, If I don’t get out of this career, before I strangle a teenager, I am in trouble. Believe me, I would never strangle a teenager, however, I have to be honest, there were times when the thought was a pleasing one! That is a definite indication that I was not doing this career for me.
You see when you don’t do it for you, you do it for all the wrong reasons. What is ‘it’? ‘It’ is anything that does not light you up or move you towards a passion or purpose in your life. ‘It’ is something someone else expects from you to make them happy or proud. When you do this, not only will it affect your joy, but it will have an adverse effect on everyone around you. So, I say it again, do it for you. Sure, look after your wellbeing, but do it for you, not for anyone else. Absolutely, follow your dreams, not the dreams of someone else. Be the best you can be by leading by positive example, and that means do it for you. When you do, you inspire other people to do the same.
I have been single for quite a while, and as I have no kids and I live alone, it’s easy for me to do it for me. I do spend many hours each day doing things to positively impact other lives. Things like this blog, my books, my podcasts, my speaking, my mentoring, and my posts. I love doing this stuff, and as much as I do it to help other people, I do it for me. It brings me immense purpose and passion. Outside of that, I focus on my mental and physical wellbeing, exercise, time with God, personal development, time by the water, time relaxing and regenerating, and time laughing and connecting with great people. I know if I was in a relationship, it may be more of a challenge to give as much time and attention to me, but I would do it because I know how critical it is for me and everyone I care about.
In my podcast this week with Roni Robbins, called, What you leave behind, we discuss the legacy that each one of us is leaving by being the very best we can be.
I love my life, I love what I get to do, I love how I handle situations, I love the opportunities that come my way, and I love the people in my life. Let me tell you this; the only reason I love it so much is because I prioritise the most important person in my life. Me! That doesn’t mean I am selfish, although there may be times I am, and it doesn’t mean I don’t care for other people, because I do, very much. It means I now know my worth, and I know that if I don’t focus on me then I can never be to others the man I want and need to be. So, my friend, as hard as you may find it moving forward from here, I want to encourage you to do it for you.
So true !