So, why are we struggling?
What a depressing question to start a blog with! I know. I promise, it will get way better, so please just bear with me. It is late Spring in Melbourne Australia. In fact, as happens in Melbourne, it has taken two months into Spring before it actually feels like Spring. I woke up early last Saturday morning, as I do, and I was up and exercising. It was chilly but clear. In fact, to use a well and truly under-utilised word, it was splendiferous. As the morning sun rose in the East, the day just kept on getting better. The sun was bright, the sky a deep blue – void of any clouds – the birds were singing, the runners were running, and it was a stunning morning. In fact, a stunning day.
As I was jogging home, in the midst of God’s beauty all around me, I posed this rather depressing question to myself. When we live in such a beautiful world, when we have so much potential within us, and when there is an abundance of possibility all around us, why are so many people struggling? I say we, because I include myself in this question. I feel like, because I am an author, speaker, podcaster, and mentor, I should have my stuff together. It is a tough mental battle for me at times as I struggle in my life. I then pose the question to myself.
Up until recently, I haven’t been able to answer it effectively. As I look at my wonderful and privileged life, I really have no reason to struggle, yet I do. Do you know what I mean? Since I published my first book and started this incredible journey back in 2004, I have been on a quest to find out why we struggle, and then, once enlightened, develop some strategies to help relieve my own struggles and those of others. A big task, I know it, but one I will be working on until the last breath has left my lungs.
The great news is that every day I live, I have more experiences, gain more insights, and find more answers. So, as I am writing this, I would like to offer one word that I believe will explain why we struggle, and how we can shift, in a heartbeat, from struggling to soaring in life. Are you ready?
That word is Focus.
It can’t be circumstances that determine outcomes in life. How can I say that when so many people are experiencing less than desirable circumstances? I can say it because there are people with exactly the same circumstances, responding in many different ways. Some see their circumstances as the worst thing possible and the reason for their misfortune in life. On the other hand, there are people in similar situations who believe those circumstances are a gift to help them become better and help others. So, what is the difference between these two groups of people? Focus!
What we focus on is what we get. If I focus on what I don’t want, don’t like, can’t do, wish I’d done, or don’t have, I will struggle. If I focus on what I do want, do like, can do, will do, and do have, I will soar. It is that simple. Focus is the cause of everything in our lives. It is this same thing that can help you fly to the heights in life as will cause you to spiral into its depths. The only difference is what you focus on. So then, if focus is the answer to what ails us, then the only medication we need to take, when we are struggling in life, is a healthy dose of re-focus.
As I walked into my church last Sunday, I was struggling. I had been asked by my Pastor to lead Holy Communion, and I didn’t want to do it. I felt like a fraud. I was focused on certain things in my life that were not as I would want them, as I compared myself to other people. Comparison is a bad idea, by the way. I didn’t know what to do, or how I would go delivering the Holy Communion message. My focus had taken me down into a struggling situation.
I walked into the church and headed straight for the toilet, for two reasons. Firstly, I needed to do what nature was calling me to do. Secondly, I didn’t feel ready to face anyone at that time. I was feeling flat. As I stood there, doing what I was there to do, I looked at the wall above the toilet, and my focus immediately shifted. There was a bible verse printed there that read:
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
In an instant, my focus changed, and guess what else changed? You guessed it, my mood. All of a sudden, I realised I was not alone. In that moment, I felt stronger. In a heartbeat, I knew I had a positive message to share for the Holy Communion. I was ready to go and share God’s word of hope, love, forgiveness, and healing. I walked into the toilet one way and walked out a totally different way. The difference was focus.
My question to you is a simple, what are you focused on that is causing you to struggle, and how can you refocus to help you soar? Rather than focusing on what you can’t do because of your health, why not re-focus on what you can do to improve it. Rather than focusing on what you can’t do because of your financial situation, why not re-focus on what you can do to improve it. Rather than focusing on what is wrong in your relationship, why not re-focus on what you can do to improve it. When you do, you will feel and instantaneous shift in your mood, your actions and the results you will start to see in your life.
In my podcast this week called Free to be me, I speak with the fabulous Shaun Williams. At the age of 50, after 25 years of marriage, and four children, Shaun finally decided to come out and admit he had been gay his whole life. The second he re-focused on his authentic self, is the same moment his life changed forever. This is a powerful conversation I encourage you to listen to. Re-focus today and feel yourself move from struggling to soaring.