I am normally Mr Positive. In fact, I have been labelled by teenagers, at schools I have spoken at, as ‘The Positive Man.’ I like being referred to as positive. I mean it runs circles around the alternative, doesn’t it? Who wants to be known as a miserable, negative person? So, even though I have a positive mindset, and I can look at things with a creative and optimistic perspective, there are times when things just go all wrong. There are times, in all of our lives, when we experience the train-wreck. Well, I experienced a professional train-wreck this week and whilst, at the time, it was one of the most unpleasant and uncomfortable experiences of my speaking career, there are lessons that have come out of it that will help me move forward to become better at what I do. Whenever you experience a train-wreck, look at the rubble, learn the lessons and keep going.
I have been a professional speaker for more than twenty years. In that whole time, I have never experienced a more challenging situation than the one I had to face this week. I’m writing this blog for two main reasons; firstly, to share the story and lessons for you, and, secondly, to negotiate the pain for me. Writing is a great way to learn, heal and move on! On this particular personal growth day, I was speaking to a group who worked for a not-for-profit that dealt with helping and caring for homeless people. This was the third session of three I had done, with three different groups at three different sites. I was warned that they may be a tough crowd, but I was not prepared for what I got. The first session I did was a couple of weeks ago, and whilst the audience was quite unresponsive, they were not that tough. The second session I did, earlier this week, was great. The group were positive and receptive, and it was one of the best sessions I had ever done.
So, I walked into the third session feeling a little cocky and maybe over-confident. I had totally forgotten that I had been warned that they were a tough crowd. Now, I encourage skepticism, because I know some of the stuff I discuss is outside the normal mainstream approach, and I want to challenge people’s thinking a little. All I ask is that they have an open mind. Well, in the audience was a lady who I allowed to send my train spiralling off the rails and into a crumpled wreck on the side of the track. She was not skeptical, she was aggressive. She was not open-minded, she was very closed and strong-minded. She didn’t ask questions, she questioned everything I said. She seemed to take delight in making me feel uncomfortable and look bad. I knew it was going to be a tough day at the office as soon as she put her hand for the first time, of about ten times. About 10 minutes into this 60-minute talk, she said, ‘can I ask a question, since you are doing all the talking?’ That was an interesting question, especially since I was the speaker for the session! I nervously asked, ‘sure, what’s your question?’ In about 30 seconds I had wished I never asked.
Salvaging the wreck
From that first question, about every five to ten minutes this same lady would put up her hand and ask; ‘can I ask a question, since you are doing all the talking?’ Then the question that would follow, would be asked, not with a desire for an answer that clarifies anything, but for more chance to point out flaws in my comments, make me look bad, make herself look good or just because she was not a happy person. As the session went on, with every cynical comment she made and question she asked, my confidence was taking a beating and the atmosphere in the room was getting more and more heavy. I was watching some people squirming in their seats, feeling uncomfortable about how she was speaking. I noticed other people taking her comments seriously and then look at me as if I had no idea what I was talking about. Some people even got up and walked out during the session.
I have honestly never experienced anything like it in my life. When the session was over, there were lots of uncomfortable people, including myself, many who left very quickly. A couple of people came up to me, thanked me and said that they enjoyed my talk. I thanked them and tried to keep up appearances, but I was a crumpled train-wreck on the inside. I packed up quickly and left. It was a truly horrible experience, but, as much as it was a massive train-wreck, I knew there were things I was going to get from this session to help me learn, grow and become better at what I do.
I have to admit, I did suck-my-thumb for a while, and have a little pity party. Not for long though, I quickly lifted myself out of the pits and thought about all the great things I am doing and the lives I am positively impacting, and I thought, ‘I’m not going to let one person ruin that for me.’ Then, I did some critical analysis of myself and my performance to see if there was anything I could take from what she said, and I could. I realised there were some things that I could say differently and with more clarity to remove the risk of contradiction or confusion, so, I thank her for that. I was also reminded of the power that one person can have on the atmosphere in a room and on how other people feel. It reinforced to me why being positive, encouraging and supportive is something I will do for the rest of my long and happy life. Again, I thank her for that.
So, my train-wreck was horrible at the time, as they often are. The lessons that came from it, however, will help me refine my approach where needed, reinforce the things I am doing well, and, encourage me to do them better. I learned from my train-wreck. What about you? What is the disaster in your life at the moment? If there is no mess at the moment, enjoy, but just know it is coming, for that you can be sure. That’s not being negative, in fact, it’s been positive. What I’m saying is, get excited about challenges and train-wrecks in your life, because they will help you become better. Don’t waste the train-wreck. Learn from it and use it to grow as a person and become better at what you do. I promise you, that with reflection, you will find a positive, a lesson or an opportunity in every situation, no matter how horrible it may seem at the time.
As I sit here and get towards the end of this blog, I am feeling better. The negative comments, the looks of disdain and the people walking out on me, in that session, have lost their negative emotional charge. I now actually feel grateful for the experience. I feel like I needed that interaction to sharpen me and get me back into the zone I need to be in to make the impact on the world I am on this planet to make. If you ever get to the place where you feel your train sliding off the tracks and heading for a mangled wreck, then just know, on the other side of the train-wreck there will be lessons, wisdom and opportunity for success and abundance to grow from.
I was listening to a great speaker, Steve, very recently talking about how to turn discouragement into encouragement. He told a story about himself, which really resonated with me and inspired this week’s blog. He described himself as clean-freak, especially when it came to his car. He kept it in immaculate condition, at all times. It was cleaned, polished, shined and vacuumed to keep it looking pristine. One day he took his two young sons to play a soccer game. After he got home and the boys ran inside, he noticed mud from their boots and uniform all over his beautifully manicured car. He was immediately discouraged. He was stressed, worried and angry because he let his beautiful car fall into such a filthy state. This discouragement affected him, his mood, his relationships, and, pretty much everything. Then it all changed, when he decided to look at the mud again.
After some time of discouragement, anger, tantrums and negativity, Steve realised the bad place he was in and so decided to look again at the mud, this time from a different perspective. He now looked at it from the perspective of being a great father. He saw the mud, no longer as a mess, but as a reminder of what he is prepared to do for his boys. He saw the mud as a reflection of the relationship he had, and was creating, with his children. Do you think he stayed discouraged? No way. All of the sudden the mud was not so bad. All of a sudden, he didn’t see the mess, he saw love. All of a sudden, the mud made him smile and he felt encouraged. All this happened because he decided to look at the mud again. Hmmm, interesting.
When my beautiful little dog Joia came in from the back yard with a ball in her mouth and mud all over her face, it was easy to get upset with her, tell her off and worry about getting mud on the furniture. But looking again, the mud wasn’t really a problem at all. In fact, it represented joy for that little dog. She’d had a wonderful time digging in the garden and retrieving her ball, and, that made me happy. It always pays to look at the mud again, before jumping to the wrong conclusion.
What Steve is saying is that the problem may not be the problem you initially think it is, after you look at it with a fresh perspective. I’ve heard a great tongue-twisting saying that states; the problem is only a problem if you see the problem as a problem! We seem to be wired to look for the bad in circumstances, rather than the good, the blessing, the lesson or the opportunity. When you look at the mud again, you will often see the wonder that lies just beneath. When you look at conflict again, there is always the opportunity to strengthen a relationship. When you do something badly, look at it again, you will often see a way to do it better next time. When you lose a job or lose money, upon reflection, you will see great lessons and new opportunities arise to get a better job and make more money. When you lose someone close to you, and your heart is broken, over time and with perspective, you will find intense gratitude for what that person added to your life. We are often too quick to create the problem in our own mind, when it really isn’t as bad as it seems.
Don’t kick the dung!
Steve went on to talk about an experience he had with a cattle farmer when he was a child. This farmer was a friend of his father and was teaching Steve about cattle farming. He mentioned one statement the farmer had made to him that had stayed with him for many years. They were about to walk through a paddock that was littered with cow dung, when Steve commented on how bad it must smell. The farmer stopped, looked at him and said, ‘It only stinks if you kick it!’ Now, I am not a farmer, I do not have an intimate relationship with cow dung, nor can I tell you how bad it smell. What I have learned, however, is that dung, once deposited, very quickly develops a hard, outer cover, with the moist, pungent and meaty stuff hidden underneath. Leave it alone and it will bother nobody. But, kick it, break the outer cover and the stench will be released to the outside world for all to be repulsed by. Aren’t you glad you decided to read this week’s blog about mud and dung?!
The point is this, it’s not the event, the circumstance or the situation that’s the problem, it’s how you react and interact with it that can set off the stench. I don’t know about you, but for much of my life I have been very quick to jump to the worst conclusion about a situation, react and then just make it worse. Do you know what I’m talking about? The muddy car wasn’t really the problem for Steve, but if he’d really reacted, got angry with his boys for bringing muddy boots in the car, created some resentment, who knows what stench the kicked dung may have released.
When you take comments or statements from another person personally, and react, you have kicked the dung. When you are trying to lose weight and the scales go in the opposite direction overnight, and, you react by feeling like a failure then eating a donut, you have kicked the dung. When you lose a sale, or a client and react resentfully towards them, you have kicked the dung, and the stench could ripple out and affect many other areas of your life. When you blame someone else, you have kicked the dung. When you take your anger or frustration out on someone else, you have kicked the dung. When you believe a failure or rejection is a reflection on your ability, you have kicked the dung. All you have to do is, take some time to look at the mud again and you will realise that it’s not that bad, in fact it may be great.
A realtor was driving to an appointment, wearing a beautiful cream suit and drinking coffee, when a car pulled out in front of her. After slamming on the brakes, avoiding a collision and spilling coffee all over her suit, she went into blame, anger and road rage. She yelled at the other driver as she drove off to find somewhere to clean herself up. In her case, it wasn’t mud, or dung, it was coffee! She pulled into a convenience store, still fuming, and went to the bathroom to clean herself up. On her way out she got herself another coffee and went to the checkout to pay for it.
The girl at checkout, just trying to be friendly asked, ‘Did you spill something?’ With that, the realtor just got angrier and launched into a sarcastic and very insulting response to the young girl, who was left shell-shocked as the lady stormed out, got in her car and drove off. The little girl looked at the car, with the lady’s name and picture on it, and immediately rang her grandfather. He was about to use this same realtor to sell his $2 million farm, but, after the call from his granddaughter, he cancelled the deal with her and told many other people about this unpleasant agent. That one short interaction, because she kicked the dung, cost her $200,000, and, not to mention all the other lost sales that came as a result of grapevine gossip.
Had the realtor looked at the mud again, and realised it was not that bad, treated the girl with respect, who knows what may have happened. Instead, she kicked the dung and set off an almighty stench in her life. This week as things get messy, remember, before reacting, to look at the mud again.
Let’s face it and be honest; we are all addicted or going to be addicted to things in our lives, right? From a self-help perspective, it may seem appropriate for me to tell you to avoid anything addictive, break all addictions and be a good boy or girl, but it’s not very reasonable. We are human and the human condition leads us into addictive behaviours. I know this because I have an addictive personality, for good, and not so good. What about you? If, in fact, we are going to get addicted to things in our life, then I want to suggest that we deliberately choose addictions that will help us, not harm us.
Every one of us is moved by one of two motivating factors; the gaining of pleasure or the avoidance of pain. We either go to work because it brings pleasure and we love what we do, or we want to avoid the pain of losing our job and having no income. We exercise because we either want the pleasure of that euphoric feeling, or we want to avoid the pain of ill-health. We save our money for the pleasure it brings knowing that we are building financial security, of avoiding the pain of poverty. When you think about all of the choices you make on a day to day basis, I’m sure you can identify the reason for it as either; gaining pleasure or the avoiding pain.
How this can be a massive consideration and influence on the formation of addictions (or habits) is; when and why you choose your motivating factor. You see, we can go for short-term pleasure, which often lead to devastating long-term pain. On the other hand, some short-term pain can, with patience, often lead to amazing long-term joy and abundance. It all depends on whether we can wait for the long-term benefits, or, our impulse control is not strong enough for us to resist this short-term and quick-fix need for pleasure. It is really this desire for a quick hit of pleasure that most readily leads to destructive addiction.
When we feel bad and want to feel better, drugs or alcohol can help us immediately feel some pleasure and comfort. We know, however, the long-term potential for addictive pain here, don’t we? When we try to fast track weight loss, and become addicted to diets, tablets and shakes, the long-term pain will impact many lives. One of my unhealthy addictions was for the immediate attention I got to my athletic body. I was insecure and needed external validation that I was good enough. I gained short-term pleasure through people telling me how good I looked, but let me tell you, it took me down a very unhealthy path. I overtrained, I ate extremely, I was stressed, and I was continually chasing recognition, more and more. I was chasing a tail I could never catch. You see, the greatest problem with addiction is that, with each addictive behaviour, what it takes to receive the same pleasure diminishes over time, meaning the behaviour can, if not checked, grow out of control. We are seeing evidence of this all over the world.
Get addicted to waiting for pleasure
So, my thinking is this; if we are going to end up addicted to certain things, why not focus on and get addicted to the things that are going to enhance and improve your life? The only difference between positive addiction and negative addiction is deliberate attention. You will know that when an impulse strikes, without deliberate attention, it’s very easy to just go down that path of gaining immediate short-term pleasure. With attention and focus, and knowing what’s truly important in your life, it’s easier – not easy – to resist the short-term pleasure, experience some short-term discomfort and bask in the amazing joy and wonder that comes through delayed gratification.
When I decided to become an author, I was working over 100 hours, seven days per week and desperate to get out of my personal training career. Do you think I really wanted to wait two years before I could hold that published book in my hands? No way! I wanted it the next day, but that’s not how success works. It takes time; planning, working, falling and getting back up again, persisting and waiting until the planting of the seed bears fruit. So, this was definitely the case of short-term pain for long-term gain. I have been experiencing the joy and fulfillment of being a full-time author, speaker and difference-maker for over 15 years, as I write this. I am living a life of abundant joy, and I will tell you, it was well worth the wait.
So, what should you get addicted to? Great question. I was in a crazy period of my life; spending 80 hours per week in my personal training business, another 20-30 hours per week in a café business that was losing money every day, and, trying to squeeze time into writing a book. So, I became addicted to the dream of being free. That gave me daily pleasure. Every day as I sat down to find a small pocket of time to write a few words, I knew I was getting closer and closer to that dream of holding my book in my hands, and, impacting lives all around the world. I was addicted to each word I wrote. I was addicted to feeling that my life was changing one word at a time. I was addicted to the belief that I would be living a better life. Every word was getting me closer to that reality. Even today, more than fifteen years later, I am still addicted to writing every day.
What about you? What could you start focussing on, and getting addicted to, that will actually bring you, over time, to the place of success and joy you are aspiring to? The key here is focus and deliberate attention. Without it, you and I will fall for the short-term pleasure attraction that comes with; procrastination, blame, victim-thinking, alcohol, food, diets, gambling, smoking and the other addictions you know you should be avoiding but are stuck in the middle of. Could you get addicted to the feeling of strength and courage it takes to say no to that extra drink? What about getting addicted to the feeling of wellbeing every time you consume some fresh and natural food? Can you get addicted to the feeling of growing financial strength each time you save rather than spend? I encourage you to get addicted to the feeling that you are in control of your life every time you make a choice to do something that, may not give you short-term pleasure but, will absolutely bring long-term joy and abundance.
Addiction is depicted as a bad thing. Well, doesn’t that depend on what you are addicted to? My mother, in her fight against cancer and striving for the desire to be around for her family, became addicted to each new day and the hope of a breakthrough. I believe this was one of the things that helped her outlive the doctor’s terminal prediction by fifteen years. You may think addiction is out of your control, but that’s only if you let it happen without thought or attention. When you are focused on what’s most important in your life, and, when you’re emotionally and powerfully attached to its achievement, you will more likely deliberately focus on the right things and choose addictions that will move you towards it. Deliberately choose your addiction today.
Wow, there are lots of voices in the world, aren’t there? There are voices that you recognise, there are voices that are loud and force you to listen, there are voices that will help you and guide you, and, there are voices that will lead in the wrong direction, if you let them. There are voices that affirm you’re good enough and voices declaring you’re not. There are voices that will lift and encourage you and there are voices that will try to bring you down. Of all the voices you face every day, there is only one that will determine what will happen in your life. Yes, you know it… it’s yours!
Like you, I’ve experienced the good and bad of listening to my own voice. Good when it was on my side and working for me, and bad when it was working against me, yet, I was blaming everyone and everything else for the failure in my life. It is my own voice that I credit for a very unlikely athlete become a professional footballer. It is also my own voice that I know was responsible for an established professional footballer destroying his career.
From a young age, I had a dream to be a professional footballer, and, from a young age, I have been very influenced by the words, thoughts and opinions of other people. When I looked at myself, my weedy little frame, and my lack of natural footballing ability, I just intuitively knew that asking people for their opinion as to whether they thought I could play the sport at the highest level was a mistake. For some unknown reason, at that time of my life, I just listened to and trusted my own voice when is said to me; ‘You can play football at the highest level, if you work hard, persist and improve.’ And, contrary to my own natural tendency to listen to the voices of other people, I got to work, focussed on what I wanted, trusted my own voice and from the age of 16 to 23, against the odds, I played professional Australian football. All because I realised, the only voice that mattered was mine.
So, I understood the power of my voice to attain positive results. I didn’t even consider, however, that my voice could also, if focussed on the wrong things, lead me down a very undesirable path. After several years of positive thinking, hard work, blood, sweat and tears, I had become a regular senior player. Then, without even realising what was happening, I allowed my voice to head off to a dark place. I thought had made it, I thought I had done enough, I was getting sick of the hard work, I thought I could ease up on the effort a little, and, before I even knew what was happening, my performance suffered. I was not making the senior team as often, and when I did, I couldn’t keep a spot, and then the unthinkable happened. I woke up one Saturday morning, two weeks after the end of the season, to read in the newspaper that I had been de-listed. Yes, that means sacked!
May your voice be your servant, not your master!
The same inner voice that took a skinny, sickly, sooky and largely talentless kid, then drove and enabled him to do what was required to become a professional athlete, tragically also took him down the path that destroyed his professional football career. Why destroyed? Because I let the voice be my master. I wasn’t deliberate or rational, I reacted on my emotion and I just let whatever I was feeling come rushing, uncontrollably out of my mouth. I went into blame and victim mode and said some things that destroyed any chance of me continuing on at that club. My voice took me to the top, and it took me all the way back crashing down to the bottom, with a thud!
Make no mistake about it, the words you choose, formulate in your head and allow to come out of your mouth are significantly important. They will have far more impact on your life than what other people will say to you. The key truth here is; you choose the words that make up your voice. Even if someone says you can’t do something, it’s up to you whether you believe them, or, prove them wrong. This decision, and, ultimate outcome, is determined by your voice. The main problem I see is that people are not deliberate about their voice and allow it to broadcast based on circumstances, not on deliberate intent.
When, without deliberation, we allow negativity to come out of our mouths, we are imprisoned by our voice, and, will have to live with the consequences. When we are deliberate about choosing the thoughts and words we use, then we are the master and those words will serve us and move us towards the successes in life we are destined to enjoy. Make no mistake about it, your voice is the only one that matters, and it will be your servant or your master. You choose. Be deliberate about every thought and every word, and, watch what happens in your life.
You can train your voice to be your servant, and, lead you to an amazing life. It will just take some time, patience, focus and repetition. The first step is awareness. Over a few days, be conscious and become aware of your self-talk, and whether it is serving you or enslaving you. The second step is to re-train it, through deliberate daily positive input; positive affirmations, reading positive books, listening to positive audios and podcasts, and, associating with encouraging, supportive and uplifting people. Over time and deliberate action, you will train yourself to automatically choose your positive and empowering voice, as opposed to your negative and destructive one.
When I went through this daily process, it amazed me how, after just a few months, I was thinking, saying and doing things very differently. I can remember saying things, not even knowing where the ideas and words came from, that were good! I was coming up with solutions for problems. I was able to see the positive in seemingly bad scenarios. I was able to respond and not react. I was able to see the big picture. I was becoming a happier, more peaceful and successful person. I’m not special, I was just reprogramming myself one thought, one word, one audio and one day at a time. I can tell you today, no matter what is happening in my life, I can trust my own voice to lead me in the right direction.
Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, for the rest of your life, you will be listening to the voice in your head. As much as you might like to, you can’t escape it, delete it or switch it off. What you can do is train your voice to be your servant, so it stops being your master. No one has the power to control your life, unless you let them affect your voice. I have always loved the quote, ‘what other people think of me is none of my business.’ So, take a stand, and take control of the voice in your head so that it can take you anywhere you want to go. Please know that the only voice that matters… is the one in your head.
I was in Italy this time last year. I had six wonderful weeks enjoying this most beautiful country. There are some remarkable places and incredible buildings that have been standing, weathering the elements and the wars, for many thousands of years. The building in this photo is the Pantheon in Rome. It was first built in 27BC, burnt down, was struck by lightning, was rebuilt in 120AD and has stood ever since. Looking at the building, and the incredible pillars that are holding it up, it’s easy to see why the structure has been standing for almost 2000 years. Except, the pillars are not the reason why the Pantheon has stood for so long, it’s the foundation the pillars are standing on. If the foundation wasn’t strong enough, the pillars would have collapsed centuries earlier.
The greatest mistake a builder can make is to focus on the pillars of the structure without laying a strong foundation for it to stand on. It’s obvious, isn’t it? A home built, on a swamp, even with strong pillars, will sink into the swamp. This makes total sense, right? That being the case, I want you to think of your body and your life as your building. What are the pillars that you hold dear? Those which define you and give your life meaning? It will include some of the pillars in the diagram below.
The biggest mistake you will make, in the building of a happy, purposeful person and life, is to incorrectly assume that your wellbeing is a pillar. Why do you think that is a mistake? Why wouldn’t health and wellbeing be one of the important pillars in your life?
Great question. I have an even better answer. Would you agree that you cannot invest time in all of the pillars? You need to prioritise and choose where you will spend most time, based on what’s most important to you. Does that make sense? For example, if family is a priority, you will take time from other areas like social activities and hobbies. Agreed? If you are career focussed, again, you will steal time from other things to prioritise your career progression and achieving the goals you have set for yourself. So, again the question is; why shouldn’t wellbeing be a pillar?
Everything important stands on a foundation of wellbeing.
When you treat wellbeing as a pillar in your life, what you are saying is, you have a choice whether you invest time and attention to it, or not. Just like, when you are busy building a career or a business, you will choose to invest your time there and not in your social activities, for a period of time. What I have seen many people do, in my thirty years in the health and wellbeing industry, is choose and prioritise other things over their health and fitness, because they believe they have that choice. Please hear this and hear this well, you don’t have a choice if you want to live a purposeful life of joyful longevity.
Please believe me when I say, your health and wellbeing IS NOT a pillar in your life, it’s the foundation upon which all of your most important pillars stand. If family is a strong pillar in your life, think about how you will be able to interact with them and influence them with great health & wellbeing, and, without it. If, indeed, your career is a priority and a pillar right now, how will you be able impact that career and make the mark on it you want with, and, without your wellbeing? Are you getting my point here? Your wellbeing impacts every area of your life, both good and bad, so please knock it down as a pillar, and build it up underneath and as a foundation for everything you hold dear to you.
I have lost my mother. She passed away fifteen years ago after a 15-year fight with cancer. I truly I believe it could have been avoided if she treated her health as a foundation, not a pillar. Now however, she is gone. She wasn’t able to see her grandchildren grow up, she can no longer spend time with the people she loves, her travel days are over and her life, ended. Do you know what was affected in her life, when she got sick and then passed away? Yes, EVERYTHING! By treating her health and wellbeing as a pillar, and a choice, she lost everything that was most important to her.
I know that’s a little morbid and depressing, but I want to impress upon you that the time to stop treating your wellbeing like a pillar, and start treating like the foundation, is now, whilst you still have that choice. The choice was taken away from my mother, and, she started acting on it too late. The moment you can make the connection between everything that is most important in your life, and the small, seemingly insignificant, decisions you are making every day that are impacting your physical wellbeing, is the moment you will start making better choices. The choices, by the way, you know you should be making.
I think the reason people see wellbeing as a pillar is because they believe being healthy requires a large investment of time and money. Wrong! It just requires a decision and a shift in focus and attention. It takes relatively no time to eat a healthy breakfast. It takes no more time to drink water instead of soft drink or that extra coffee. It takes no more time to eat the apple, then eat the muffin. It takes no more time to prepare a healthy meal than go and get take-away. It takes no time to identify negative emotion, as I spoke about last week, and change the thought to create a more positive feeling. It will save you time to park further away and walk, rather than drive around and around looking for the closest car park. You will get up a level quicker by walking up the stairs than standing, brain-dead, on an escalator. Getting my drift?
These are all little choices we are making every day. The people who are living an amazing life of purpose, joy, fulfillment, success and accomplishment, understand this and simply make better choices. They choose the actions that will enhance their physical wellbeing, their important pillars, and, their experience of life. So, as you finish reading this week’s blog, I hope it has helped shift your perspective a little. You have one shot at living an incredible life, so make it a great one. My encouragement for you is to stop treating your wellbeing as a pillar and start regarding it as the foundation of your best life.
I have been in the health, fitness, wellbeing, wellness – or whatever else you want to call it – industry for 30 years. For many years I believed I could convince people to make better choices, eat better, train effectively and live a longer, happier and healthier life. I was wrong. I always thought that the more I knew about the body, its physiology and what would lead to greater health, the better. Again, I was wrong. I was confused with all the science, research, opinions, strategies and ideas about what it takes to be live a healthy life. I spent too much time reading and learning. I used to think that people actually wanted to be healthy. Again, I was wrong. What I now know is that people want to live their best life, for as long as possible, and, that all comes down to three little words.
As you may know, I have just been in the USA for a speaking tour and launching my latest book, The Wellness Puzzle. On one of the days, I was lucky enough to speak to a group of staff and carers at a Hospice in Missouri. If you don’t know what a hospice is, it’s where people go to be cared for as they approach the end of their life. I was talking about the key to joyful longevity and living happily, productively and positively beyond one-hundred-years-old. I spoke about a study, done on 50 people who had done just that, and the common theme among them was; gratitude, positive thoughts, peacefulness, forgiveness and letting go of resentment.
One of the guys in the room that day, told the group about a lady he had been working with who lived to 113 years old. He couldn’t work out how she did it, as he explained how badly she ate. She was always eating fried foods, sugary foods and sweet drinks. So, one day he asked her; ‘How can you possibly live so long and so well eating the way you do?’ her answer will blow your mind. Her answer will dispel many theories and myths you possibly have. Her answer will simplify your life, show you what is important and what is not. Her answer was made up of three little simple, but very powerful words. She looked at him and said,‘I don’t worry.’
In full, she said, ‘I don’t worry… about anything. I trust in God and know that everything is okay.’
Boom! There it is. Throw away your science books. Trash all the diets you think are the answer. Stop looking for the solutions in all the wrong places and simply, stop worrying. Now, my Hungarian great grandmother didn’t make it to 113, but she did get to 97. She smoked a carton of cigarettes each week, drank brandy every day and ate rich Hungarian foods. She lived by the same mantra; she was always happy, and she never worried. Now, please don’t miss what I am saying now, and for the rest of this blog. I am not suggesting smoking cigarettes, eating deep fried foods, drinking brandy and overconsuming sugar is something you should all of a sudden start doing. I am saying that the most important thing to focus on, if living a life of joyful longevity is your goal, is your emotional state.
Don’t worry, be happy.
The whole ‘don’t worry, be happy’ idea used to be considered a lot of ‘fluff and woo-woo’, and whilst maybe appropriate for a song, was definitely not applicable or appropriate in the real world. Well, let me tell you, right now in the 21st century, there is mountains of science and research to back it up. Not to mention the ridiculously numerous examples all around the world, that can’t all come down to just luck. The science is now proving that the people who are happier and choose positive emotional states in their lives live longer, more fulfilling, and, better quality lives than those who are; anxious, fearful, bitter, resentful, angry, guilty, jealous and negative. Yes, I did say choose, and yes, we are all responsible for our emotional state.
The science is now proving that emotional state has an impact on our immune system, our DNA, our brain health, free-radical activity and cortisol production in the body. All of these things can help us live an amazing life, well beyond 100-years of age, or, it can cut us down in our prime, as we are seeing disturbing evidence of all around the world. No matter how hard you try, you can’t out eat negative emotion with salads, vegetables and nutrient rich foods. Despite what you may think, you cannot out exercise a bad attitude. In the end, your consistent emotional state will determine the length and quality of life you experience, even if you smoke, drink and regularly eat foods from the ‘moderation’ list.
In fact, the food itself is not the problem, even though we like to blame it for our poor health. John Candy, a very overweight actor, said in the movie, Stripes, as he was introducing himself to a group of new army recruits; ‘You may have noticed I’m a little overweight. It’s because, when I was younger, I swallowed a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizza!’ Whilst it may be easy to blame the pizza, the donuts, the ice-cream, or the other food or drink for our health woes, the pizza does not chase you down the street and force its way into your mouth! You choose to eat it. So, the food is not the problem, however, the decision to eat the food may be the issue. Choosing to eat indulgence food with joy and gratitude, is a healthy choice. When starving, craving, angry, upset and eat because of a negative emotional state, that’s the problem. The emotion is the problem.
So, the bottom line is, don’t worry. That sounds pretty Pollyanna, doesn’t it? It sounds far easier said than done, right? Is it really? If worry is an emotion that comes from a thought that you choose, then, wouldn’t it be easy enough to stop, identify the thought, change it and transform the emotion from worry to peacefulness? I think so. It just takes some attention and a deliberate approach to find the good and look at things from a different perspective. You get to choose your thoughts. Those thoughts will lead to an emotional state. So, choose to think about what you want, how you can solve your issues and who can help you. Then, ‘boom’, you are no longer worrying, instead you are hopeful and empowered. Yes, it is that simple. Try it for yourself today and you will see.
I don’t know if you want to live to 113 or not. What I am pretty confident in assuming is; you want to live the best life you can live, for as long as you can live it. Am I right? That being the case, in addition to eating the best foods you can choose, moving your body on a daily basis and getting enough sleep, can I suggest you follow the mantra of the many guru’s in the world. The guru’s are not the people who know the most. The guru’s are not the people who have done all the research. The guru’s are not the people who talk the loudest and have the strongest opinion. The guru’s are the people who have and are living a life of joyful longevity because of three simple and powerful words, ‘do not worry!’
