by admin | 21 Oct, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
We have all heard the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul, and not a truer statement has been spoken. When you look into any pair of eyes, and I mean really look, you will find out more about a person than what they actually may tell you. I am on a mission at the moment to look into as many eyes as I can, because I want to have more empathy for and understanding about people. It is amazing what you will get from the eyes of a stranger.
This mission, and blog were inspired by Chris Freer, my guest on my podcast this week, called Saved by compassion. Chris had got to the point in his life, experiencing daily pain and symptoms from Multiple Sclerosis, and going through divorce, where he decided that suicide was his only option to end the pain. His plan was to throw himself under a lorry on a busy roadway in Essex, UK. Just as he had selected the lorry and stepped onto the motorway, he caught a glimpse of the drivers’ eyes, and hesitated. He started thinking about the impact of his decision on the life of that lorry driver. He pulled himself back enough to save his life and incur only minor injuries, as he glanced off the side of the lorry.
Chris explained that it was the compassion he felt for the lorry driver, after looking into the eyes of a stranger, that saved his life. On that day, the old Chris died, and the new one reborn. That’s all I am going to tell you. You will need to listen to the podcast to get the full and amazing story. Since that conversation with Chris, I have been compelled to do more than just co-exist with other people, and actually connect with them through a look and a smile. It is amazing what happens when you look into the eyes of a stranger.
I am grateful to have done some amazing travel and speaking this week. On Tuesday morning, I was on a flight to Perth when mother nature called. As I was sitting with my pants down in a cramped airplane toilet, we hit some turbulence. Over the PA, the instructions came to return to seats and fasten seatbelts. There were no seatbelts in the toilet, and I was only half finished my important task, so, I was going nowhere in a hurry. All of a sudden, there was a knock on the toilet door. I ignored it. Thirty seconds later, another knock. There was nothing I could do about it. Fifteen seconds later, another knock, this time more forcefully. I still couldn’t do anything.
I finally finished my business, with the knocking continuing, cleaned myself up and finally opened the door. Waiting outside the door was a very impatient flight attendant directing me to get back to my seat. I was tempted to let her have it, but I didn’t. Instead, I looked into her eyes and actually saw someone who was concerned about my welfare. Of course, she was just following safety procedures of the airline, but mostly I could tell, from her eyes, she wanted to make sure I was okay. In that moment, all anger disappeared, and gratitude took its place.
Behind every single pair of eyes on the planet is a mind that is thinking about stuff. These thoughts are about tasks needing to be completed, loved ones that need to be supported, challenges that need to be overcome, people that need to be helped, and great things that need to be accomplished. Every one of those thoughts will be reflected in those eyes. Every person has a life to live. Every person is doing the best they can. Every person has a desire to feel loved, heard, appreciated, and important. Just look into the eyes of the next stranger you meet, and you will see it for yourself.
My mission now is to look into the eyes of as many strangers as I can and try to see what is going on for them in that moment. Then, respond accordingly with; a smile, a comment, a word of encouragement, a request to help, or a compliment. I will get back to you with the results of my mission and let you know what has happened for me. In the meantime, can I encourage you to take the time, in your full life, to look into the eyes of a stranger today?
by admin | 14 Oct, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Everything that is now complete, at one time came in pieces. The house you live in, the chair you are sitting in, the car you are driving, the health you are experiencing, the life you are living, and the results you are experiencing. Every piece is critical, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. You may be tempted to leave out a small piece or part of a process, but do so at your own peril. If you are not experiencing the joy you would like in an area of your life, all you need to ask is, what piece is missing?
I recently bought a desk for my office in my new home. I was very specific about what I was looking for, because it had to fit in the space I had allocated for it. I searched high and low, and finally came across one with the perfect dimensions to fit snugly and ideally in my office. I don’t know if Amart is a global store, or just an Australian one, but I had never shopped there before. So, I decided, as the desk was just what I was after, to buy it. It was delivered on Tuesday last week in three flat boxes. Yes, a flat pack. I am not a handy man, that’s for sure, but I had a friend coming over to help me, so I was confident we could put it together.
I opened and emptied each box and was left with 40-50 pieces, and hundreds of screws, bolts, and other necessary bits n’ pieces. In addition to that, I had an instruction booklet that may as well have been written in another language. It was terrible! It was, however, all we had, so my friend and I got started trying to decipher the instructions and put the desk together. Well, it wasn’t long before we hit a brick wall. Each piece was labelled with a small sticker, and we got to the stage where we needed the piece labelled C9. It was just a very small piece, but a critical connecting piece for two larger pieces.
We searched high and low, and it was not there. We had hit an impasse. We could do no more, because of that one small, seemingly insignificant piece, So, with bits of an un-assembled desk all over my office floor, we gave up for the evening. I left frustrated, a little angry, and very clear about the importance of every single piece. Long story short, the next day I went, at great inconvenience, to pick up that missing piece, and I was able to complete assembling the desk. It looks great, and I am glad I finished it. But there is no way it could have happened without every single tiny, obscure, and seemingly unimportant piece in place.
Why, you may ask, am I talking about my desk? Because it is a beautiful metaphor for the life you are living and the life you want to live. We live in a quick-fix and shortcut focussed world, where many people, including me, are looking for the quickest and easiest way to be fit and healthy, make money, avoid conflict, and live a meaningful life. I hate to tell you, there is no quick-fix or shortcut, and every piece of the process is needed, no matter how irrelevant or unenjoyable it may seem. In fact, it was the great John C. Maxwell, who said, the longest distance between two points is a shortcut!
As you sit there reading this blog, I want to encourage you to think about the one area of your life that is not as you would like it to be right now. Do you have it in your mind? I am now going to ask you a question, and I guarantee you know the answer, even though you may be pretending not to. How do I know? Because I do the same. The question is, in that area of your life you would like to see a positive change, what piece is missing? Think about it for a moment. You know the answer, don’t you? The next question is, why are you avoiding putting that piece in the process? Are you squirming a little in your seat? If so, good. You are ready.
Are you looking to improve your wellbeing? Is the missing piece breakfast? Is it exercise? Is it sleep? Is it not enough water? Is it too many poor choices? Is it too much stress and anxiety? You know, don’t you? Are you wishing there was more money in your bank account? What is the missing piece? Is it not tracking your daily expenses? Is it too many loose change choices? Is it spending money on things you don’t need? Is it looking for a way to increase your income or diversify your cash flow? You know what it is, don’t you? Do you want better relationships? What’s missing? Is it quality time? Is it undistracted attention? Is it some simple daily words of love, and affirmation? Is it small gifts? Is it doing simple things to help more? Is it more intimacy? You know what the piece is, don’t you?
Trust me on this, when you put the missing piece in place, that area of your life will become a beautiful, meaningful, and joyful part of your life. In my podcast this week with Joyologist, Pat Armitstead, called Creating inner joy, Pat discusses some simple pieces that you can put in place to bring more joy into your life. It is a great conversation.
It is just one small piece, and it almost seems like it shouldn’t matter if you leave it out, but it does. Honestly, would you be driving that car, living in that home, boarding that plane, buying that television if you knew there was a piece missing that could prevent it from standing strong or functioning correctly? I know I wouldn’t. Every piece is critical in the construction of a desk, the functioning of all technology, but most importantly the living of a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life. My challenge for you this week is to identify the missing piece and put it in.
by admin | 8 Oct, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Who doesn’t love a good story? When you think of your favorite book, I am guessing it involves a compelling, maybe even exciting and adventurous story. When you reflect on your favorite movie, how does the story make you feel? When you remember great times with friends, and the laughs you shared, it’s my guess you are reminiscing on stories from the past. We love other people’s stories, however, not so much our own. The thing to understand, however, is that it’s your story that will determine the outcomes in your life. So, can I ask you to reflect on the stories you are telling yourself about you?
Whether you know it or not, you are telling yourself a story right now, as you read this. I know that to be a fact because I do the same. Every time I read or listen to something designed to help me in my life, like this blog is for you, I rinse the information through my story filter. As a result of the stories I tell myself, I am determining what information is relevant and what is and isn’t possible for me. You are possibly doing the same and, just like many stories you enjoy, often the story you are telling yourself is fiction. You have just told yourself the same story for so long, you have come to believe it. This story is affecting every area of your life.
I started telling myself a story at a very young age that has impacted my whole life. The story was that I was not worthy, and that I needed to achieve certain things, look a certain way, and accumulate certain belongings to be loved. Wow! That story screwed up my head and consequently the heads of other wonderful people. I now know that story to be a massive lie, but not before it impacted my thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that destroyed many relationships, and hurt too many people. What story are you telling yourself?
I am still impacted by crazy fictional stories that I have believed for too long. That I am not good enough. That I am not worthy to be loved or have the capacity to love. That I have trouble taking things to the next level. I don’t even know what the next level is. Some euphoric fictional state I believe I need to attain. Rubbish, lunacy, and lies. I am now very much focused on understanding the stories that are holding me back, and the ones I want that will move me forward. Can I recommend you do the same?
Stop for a minute and reflect on the story you are telling yourself right now as I say that you are good enough just as you are. If that story is; absolutely correct, I am good enough, I am loving my life, and I am in the process of even greater health, happiness, and prosperity, then change nothing, you are right on track. If the story is something like: it’s okay for him, he doesn’t understand my situation, or, I’ve tried before and just can’t make it happen, or, I don’t deserve and am not worthy of happiness and success, then for your own sake, start to change the story.
How do you do that? Great question. Assuming you have some goals and aspirations in your life, I just want to offer three simple steps. The first is to get clear on the current stories you are telling yourself and identify how they are affecting your life. Secondly, find a mentor, an accountability partner, and a positive, supportive, and encouraging group of people to start associating with. Third, and maybe most important is to start creating new stories. What I mean is set yourself a simple daily task and commit to getting it done. Then, tomorrow do the same, then the next day and then the next.
For example, let’s say the story you are telling yourself is that you can never stick to a wellness regime, because you have tried and been unsuccessful so many times. Choose one thing you want to do today, like walk 10,000 steps. Call a friend or associate and tell them, or post your intention on social media, to help keep yourself accountable. Then simply commit to doing that one task today. When midnight rolls around, a new day dawns, and you wake up, commit to the same task again. What you will find with this one day at a time approach is that you will be gradually writing yourself a new story. Over a period, you will know in your heart you can, and do, stick to your wellness regime. This is an empowering and life-changing story. Once the 10,000 steps per day is an unconscious routine, you will be able to add one more daily task and follow the same procedure and keep growing to strengthen that story of success. Simple, right?
In my podcast this week called, Worthy and wonderful, it would have been very easy for Tracee Garner to tell herself the story that she was unable to achieve anything great. She has been in a wheelchair for many decades with Muscular Dystrophy, yet the story she told herself was that she could impact lives. She is now doing amazing things, including having authored and published almost 20 books. This is a conversation everyone would benefit from.
Today is a new day for you, and me. The stories we have been telling ourselves, the ones which have determined our reality to this point, can change, if we want them to. I know I do. Do you want to change anything in your life? As hard as you think it may be, it is actually very simple. All you have to do is change the story you are telling yourself and then watch the things around you change.
by admin | 1 Oct, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It has been a heartbreaking and grief-filled couple of weeks in my life. The day before my birthday, as I looked at my beautiful little elderly dog Joia, struggling to walk, not eating, and clearly not enjoying her life, I knew it was time. I had resisted for so long, but finally realised, I was being selfish and needed to think about her. I picked up my phone, called the mobile vet, and sobbing whilst talking, arranged for the visit to happen on my birthday. The next day, my darling Joia went peacefully to God whilst lying in my lap.
Almost 14 years earlier, my life was about to change for the better, forever. Laura, my wife at the time, called me to tell me she had a surprise. I was immediately worried! I was at home working on my business, trying hard to create some success and get out of a tricky financial situation, when the door opened, Laura came in and placed an 800g Maltese Shih Tzu pup in my lap. The timing was terrible, and Laura knew it, but the moment I laid eyes on this little girl, I was in love.
After a couple of days, our 8-week-old fluffy baby did not seem well. She was not eating, had blood in her poop, and so we took her to the vet to find that she had a disease that kills most pups called, Parvo. I was in no position to pay the thousands of dollars it would take to cure her, nor were there any guarantees that the treatment would work. Laura and I sat there, looking at each other and looking at this little pup who needed us, and there was no doubt in our minds. We had to save this little girl, our little girl. We found the money (as you always do when it’s important) and our little girl fought with all her might and got through a very rough beginning to her life.
She has been a blessing in my life that words cannot even come close to describing. She has helped me enjoy the simple things in life, live more in the moment, love unconditionally, and be grateful for what I have. She has been the one constant and saving grace through some incredibly traumatic events in my life, like the end of my marriage and the world going into lockdown due to COVID. I have always been able to count on her love, her joy to see me, and her affectionate company through some heart-breaking and lonely times.
I always knew it would be tough when it was her time to go. However, I had no idea it would be as hard as it has been. My heart broke the moment I made the decision, and I have been regularly sobbing since she departed. On Friday, it was triggered all over again when her ashes arrived, and as I sit here writing this blog, I am grieving hard. However, I want you to know that there is glory in my grieving. I want you to know that I am grateful for my grieving. I want you to know that the only reason I am hurting so much and grieving so hard is because I loved Joia so deeply that her absence is a massive hole in my life. I would not replace the time I had with her or the love I feel for her to avoid the pain I am experiencing right now. My pain is a reflection of that love.
Since her passing, I have spoken to many people who have been so beautiful with their sympathy, empathy, thoughts, love, and words of comfort. I have had many people share their own experiences and try to help me by giving advice about the best way to deal with my grief. The most common piece of advice I have been given is to keep myself busy and distracted from the pain. I have lots happening in my life at the moment, and I could very easily keep myself busy and distracted, but I don’t want to. Why? There is glory in my grief. My strong feelings are my way of staying connected to my girl. My grief is a reflection of my love for her. My heartbreak is an indication of what she meant to me and how grateful I was to have her in my life for the time I did.
My message this week is that grief, sadness, heartbreak, and pain is not always something to avoid, cover up, or distract yourself from. These are common human emotions and are what sets us, as humans, apart from all other living things. The capacity to love so deeply means that we are vulnerable. It means we cannot, and should not avoid losing those we love so dearly. It means there will be pain, but the glory of that pain is reflected in the love we had for what it was we lost. If you are going through any grief right now, find the glory, and know that without grief, there is no love.
In my podcast this week with Rhianne Miller called, Perfection; the perfect lie, Rhi challenges listeners to be real with who they are, what they feel, and who they are portraying themselves to be. Covering up, wearing masks, and suppressing emotion is the greatest mistake we can ever make in life. As you go about your life, expect heartbreak, grief, and loss. Don’t run from it or avoid it. Instead, find the glory in your grief and you will understand why you are feeling it, and what it represents for you. Without grief, there is no deep unconditional love. So, find the glory in grief today.
by admin | 23 Sep, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
As I sit here writing this blog, I am very clear about the life I have, the life I have had, and the life I want to have. I have been married and divorced three times, I am currently single, my beautiful fluffy companion Joia – my family – passed away this week, and if I am being brutally honest, I am feeling heartbroken, lonely, and a little lost. As I reflect on my life to this point, much of it has been based on lies. Lies I have told myself and lies I have told others. I am crystal clear that right now it is time for honesty.
I had a meeting with a wonderful lady this week, and we were being very honest with each other. She was telling me about her stuff, and the subject of marriage came up. She asked about my marital status, and so I told her. She is a very upfront person, and so when I admitted to having been married three times, she did not hide her surprise. She laughed and said jokingly, ‘you must be a slow learner!’ In that moment, I was very tempted to fall back into lies, justifications, and deceit to make myself look better than I perceived I was by her. Then I caught myself and instead opted for uncomfortable honesty.
The reality is that much of my life has been made up of lies to make myself look better, justify why things haven’t turned out the way I wanted, and to avoid being judged and unloved. The biggest deceit of all, and the one that started the whole cascade and web of lies was the one I was telling myself, that I wasn’t worthy of love unless I performed, achieved, and looked and behaved a certain way. You see, my greatest problem was I didn’t love myself and so the lies became necessary to convince myself and others that I was a worthy person. Can you see how dangerous this is?
If you can’t, let me explain to you, from bitter experience, how destructive lying can be. The belief that I wasn’t good enough or worthy of love was the most destructive lie of all. It affected everything I said and did. It stopped me from trying things that could have made a big difference in my life and the lives of others. It caused me to behave in a way that was not really me. It pushed me to do things for the wrong reasons, leading to more pain and angst. It affected how I interacted with people and moved me into romantic connections for all the wrong reasons. It was my errant belief that being in a relationship would help me feel better about me. Another lie. That is an inside job, and it is not fair to put that responsibility on another person or a relationship.
When the lady I was speaking to this week said to me, ‘you must be a slow learner!’ She was right. I was very slow to learn about the lies I was telling myself and my partner at the time. You see, I had been lying to myself for so long, I started to believe what I was saying. I lied to myself that everything would be okay if I could just hide the real insecure and flawed me. I lied to my partner about how I was really feeling because I thought she would leave me if she knew the truth. Yep, a recipe for disaster, and I experience that disaster in three marriages.
I have lied to myself and others to justify lack of progress or achievement, when the reality was, I just wasn’t doing what was required. I didn’t want anyone to know that, becasue my ego couldn’t handle it. So, I kept lying and stayed stuck. I have lied to, or withheld my true feelings to people, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, or again, feel judged. All this did was prolong the inevitable pain and increase its intensity when the truth finally surfaced. Again, a recipe for disaster which has manifested in my life on many occasions.
Why am I telling you all this? Because, it’s time for honesty. Do I enjoy sharing on a public platform that I am a flawed liar? No, but let me tell you, a weight has lifted off my shoulders. When you replace lies with honesty, it’s like shovelling snow off your driveway. It’s no fun, but when it’s done, you have a clear path forward. Honesty will clear the barriers to your progress, your communication, and your relationships. Honesty will make you more relatable, more loving, and more inspiring. The most important thing about honesty, is that it will build you from the inside and give you a strength that will propel you through your life.
In my podcast this week, called Once you have you, I speak with Ise Ellsworth. Ise, aka Kiko Ellsworth, Emmy Award winner and very successful actor, found himself spiralling, despite his success. Why? The lies he was telling himself and others about who he really was. Once he decided it was time for honesty and he discovered the real man, everything changed for him. That is why he says, once you have you, you have everything.
I am not going to sit here and call you a liar. I am going to ask you to think about the things you say to yourself and others and then ask yourself, are they giving me what I really want in life? If the answer is yes, celebrate and keep going. If the answer is no, then, maybe it’s time for honesty.
by admin | 16 Sep, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Have you ever set a goal? Me too. Have you ever missed a goal? Me too. Are there goals you have set and reset, and are still yet to achieve? Me too. We all know the importance of goal setting, I hope. Without a focus point and a time frame, nothing great can or will be accomplished in this lifetime. So, knowing this, why do we fail to achieve many or most of the goals we set? I think I may have inadvertently stumbled across the answer over the last few weeks.
I believe the greatest enemy of most of the goals we set is the lack of immediate consequences. There are definitely long-term consequences for missing most goals. Missing a health and fitness goal may not significantly impact in the short-term, but could be catastrophic down the track. Missing a financial goal may not immediately change too much in our lives, but may lead to financial ruin over the long-term. So, because many goals do not confront us with an immediate do-or-die kind of outcome, it can be easy to put off what we need to do to achieve the goal. Therefore, the answer to goal achievement is simple, and I will explain what I mean by this powerful and exciting achievement that has just happened for me.
Just over a week ago I bought a home. Less than three weeks before that, it was not even a thought in my mind. So, how did I go from not even thinking about buying a home, to decide, shopping for, finding, and buying one in under three weeks? Great question. The answer is simple and is the key to all goal achievement. There was no other option.
I moved to a rental property at the end of last year (2021) to be closer to my dad and return to the hood I grew up in. It has been great to be back. As of August 2021, I had been in the place for 9 months and so the thought of moving again was a long way off my radar. Until choice was taken from me, that is. I received a notice to vacate from the agents, with no explanation why, and was directed that I had to be out by November 25, 90 days later. The thought of renting again was intolerable to me, so in that moment, I knew this was a sign and it was time to buy. I now had a very clear and very urgent goal with a non-negotiable deadline.
My goal was to find, buy, settle, and move into a home by mid-November to give me time to get out of and clean my rental. I had no other option but to do this. There were no allowances, but serious consequences for missing this deadline. You should have seen me go. I was, and still am, a man on a mission. Over the next two weeks, I attended conservatively forty open for inspections, believing in my heart I would know the place when I saw it. I just had to see lots. I certainly saw lots of what I didn’t want, and then on a Saturday which I attended eleven opens, just two weeks after receiving the notice to vacate, I found it. I viewed it again on the Monday, put in an offer that day and it was accepted on the Tuesday, less than three weeks after this whirlwind began. I will be in my new place and out of my rental one month earlier than my November cut-off.
The point is this, it was not the goal that drove me to make this happen. It was the fact that I had no option but to make it happen, or I would be homeless. Therefore, this exciting event has taught me a massively important lesson about the key to goal achievement. Remove the options and it will be done. So, the question you need to ask as you set your next goal is, how do I make it non-negotiable and remove all other options, before those options are removed from me?
You see, people who continually set and miss wellbeing, financial, relationship, business, or other goals, will one day be faced with a do-or-die situation. The most important question, again, is how do you create that do-or-die situation before that point? How do you make it intolerable to miss the goal you set? When you come to the decision in your mind that there are no other options other than achieve the task by the set date, then the job is done. All that’s left is the work. That moment I looked at that notice to vacate and knew I had no other option; the job was done. Then the exciting work had to happen and trust me, it was an exciting adventure, and still is. When you decide to make something great happen in your life, the work is fun and meaningful, and the result is predictable.
Annalise Jennings, my guest on this week’s podcast called Drop the rock, is an inspiring example of this. Two years before she even knew why, she was moved to register a company called Dynamic Exchange. Then, seemingly by accident, an opportunity was presented to her to help her understand why and go on to impact many lives, in a dynamic exchange. She did something that didn’t make a lot of sense, but for her, she had no choice but to do it.
Success, achievement, joy, and abundance in life is available to you, and it is not as hard as many people think it is. Visualising and figuring out what you want is not hard. Setting a goal to make it happen is not hard. Even the daily actions you need to take to achieve it are not hard. The hard work, and the key to goal achievement, is removing all options and making it non-negotiable before those options are removed for you. Make the decision to achieve great things today, and then enjoy the exciting adventure that awaits.
