by admin | 15 Jan, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
During my time on this planet, I have lost many things. I have lost relationships, I have lost jobs, I have lost money, I have lost keys, I have lost condition, I have lost friends, I have lost business, I have lost my way and more recently, I have lost some freedom and choices as a result of COVID. When we focus on anything we can lose, we feel stressed, anxious, fearful, and discouraged. So, in my mind, it’s simple: only focus on what can’t be lost or taken away.
One of my favorite movies, and one most people would put in their top five, is The Shawshank Redemption. If you have never seen it, I would be surprised, but it’s set in the 1940’s to 1960’s and is about a young man, Andy Dufrene, wrongfully convicted of murder and sentenced for life to Shawshank prison, one of the toughest in the USA. After many years in prison, Andy does something that gets him in trouble and thrown into solitary confinement, referred to as ‘the hole’. After one month of isolation in a small, stinky, and dingy pit, he re-joins his inmates for breakfast… with a smile on his face.
The other prisoners know how horrendous time in ‘the hole’ is and so are a little perplexed as to why he is smiling. He tells them it wasn’t that bad, and they think he is a little crazy. Andy loves classical music, and so he tells them he had Mozart, Chopin, and beautiful operas to listen to while he was there. One of the other inmates asked, “So, did they let you tote your record player down there?” Andy replied, “No. It is in here (pointing to his head) and in here (pointing to his heart). That’s the thing about music, they can’t take that from me.”
I love this scene in the movie because it is such a powerful example of focusing on what cannot be taken away or lost. In prison, Andy already lost so much. He lost freedom. He lost dignity on many occasions. He lost time. He lost most of his choices. But, interestingly, after one month of the most brutal time in prison, in ‘the hole’, he returned with a smile and peace in his heart because he focused on what he could not lose. What a powerful lesson for us all as we navigate our way through a life when so many things can be lost or taken away.
Our society and culture, for so long, has put the most value on things that are outside of us, and to a large extent, outside of our control. Things like: how we look, what we do for a career, how much money we have in the bank, the car we drive, the house we live in, where we travel to, who we associate with and the type of person we end up with. Now, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with these things, and I aspire to them also. However, if you are expecting happiness to be dependent on these external and, to a degree, superficial things, you are going to be waiting a long time to be happy. In fact, you can be pretty sure unhappiness, anxiety, stress, and frustration will be the result? Why? Because you are focusing on things that you can lose. I mean, as handsome as I am now, I won’t always be so hot!! Just in case you were wondering, that is a joke LOL.
Like Andy Dufrene, we need to focus most of our attention on what is inside of us, and what no-one can take away from us. No-one can take your self-talk from you, so, be very deliberate about how you speak to yourself. No-one can steal your identity, so hold on to who you are with all of your might. You can’t lose your values; they are what you hold dear to you. No-one can take gratitude from you, and with deliberate attention, you can always find something to be grateful for. You can never lose the love you feel for music, dance, writing and creativity. It is yours forever. You will always have the love you feel for your partner, your parents, your children, and the people most important in your life. Focus always on that love. You can’t lose the feeling of joy when you do something kind for another person. Not only will you feel joy, but you will start a ripple effect of kindness and giving that will impact many lives.
I had the most amazing conversation with Craig Harper on my podcast this week, called New Year’s Restitution. Craig so beautifully discussed this idea with me. That is, we are already good enough. The external things we are chasing, will come to us naturally and easily when we start to focus on what we can’t lose. Focus on what is inside, focus on your identity, focus on your values, focus on how you perceive the world and circumstances around you. When you do this internal work, your external world will change for the better. All you have to do is focus on what you can’t lose.
by admin | 18 Dec, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
That is an awesome question! It is certainly better than the various questions many people ask themselves. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I do it? Why is it so hard? Why are so many things impossible? Have you ever caught yourself asking any or all of these questions and wondering why you are still stuck in life? Why not try the very best question you can ask: so, what is possible?
In fact, Helen Mac, my inspiring guest on this week’s podcast, Optimise your life, calls it the power question. She has spent her life teaching about optimism and optimising lives, and her optimism was severely tested after losing her husband of 30 years, four years ago. How she applied her optimism process in her own situation is inspiring and I recommend wholeheartedly that you listen to this podcast if you haven’t already.
The key premise of her process is to get rid of ‘not possible’ and ask, ‘what is possible?’ It is really the source of success and happiness in every area of life. As Helen explains, when we say to ourselves that something is not possible, then our brain shuts down and doesn’t even look for an answer. Why would it? When we have stated that it is not possible. There is no point searching for a solution if we don’t believe one is there. On the fabulous flip side, when we ask, so, what is possible? our brain goes to work scanning our files, which have been there for our lifetime, to find the possible answers and solutions. It’s an amazing phenomenon, and it is triggered by that one simple question.
Many years ago, I was supremely fit. In fact, you might even say I was maniacally one-eyed and obsessive about my fitness level. Most people would shake their heads and look at me in disbelief when I would tell them what I had done or was about to do. A memory came flooding back to me this morning when I trained at a location that I had been many times before when I was a personal trainer. Now, that I have moved back closer to the beach, I am making the most of it. This morning I rode my bike to train with a friend at the beach. At this spot there is a very challenging set of beach stairs, leading from the cliff top down to the beach. One flight has 100 steps.
As I stood at the top of those stairs looking down, I reminisced about a time when I would run at least twenty flights non-stop. Come to think of it, it may even have been forty. Any hoo, it was a lot. As I stood at the top of the stairs this morning, looking down to the beach, I thought to myself, I couldn’t do that now! Then, I caught myself, gave myself a metaphorical slap, and asked: okay, forty flights today may not be a sensible first step after this many years, so, what is possible? What a great question. All of a sudden, I devised a little circuit with my friend, that incorporated a few flights of stairs and then some other exercises. I ended up doing three circuits which included twelve flights of stairs. I felt a little tired but great. So, now I believe, with a progressive and sensible approach – something I need to develop – forty flights are definitely possible.
What a wonderful word ‘possibility’ is. It immediately turns impossible into possible. The reason is because it turns on your reticular activating system (RAS), which is your brain’s way of seeking, searching, and finding answers, solutions and possibility. It is your success radar, and you turn it on by simply asking, so, what is possible? What are you struggling with right now? What are you saying to yourself is not possible? Are you thinking it is not possible to lose weight, save money, resolve a conflict, or get past your writer’s block? Trust me, it is. You are just saying the wrong stuff to yourself. Instead of thinking how hard it is, or why it is not possible, just think about what is possible.
Helen Mac overcame one of the greatest tragedies of her life by asking that question. I conquered the terrifying stairs by asking that question. Every great discovery, invention, business, or other success came about when things look tough, but the person simply asked, so, what is possible. I want to encourage you to start asking that question every day, then you will see what is truly possible for you.
by admin | 10 Dec, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Have you ever found yourself in a tricky situation and you really don’t know any way to solve it? Have you ever felt stuck, trapped, or lost, with no way out? Have you ever felt helpless, hopeless, and alone? Well, I found myself feeling all of those things in a unique situation this week. I am very grateful that I said to myself, and actually believed, there has to be a solution to this dilemma.
As I mentioned in last week’s blog, I have just moved into a new home. When you move, there is always an adjustment period, especially for pets. My little fluffy-faced daughter, Joia, has taken a little time to get used to the new place. This was made very clear to me one-night last week. Just to give you the lay of the land of my new apartment, there is a nice little courtyard area out the front, off the lounge/dining room, and another small outdoor area out the back, through the laundry, with a clothesline. This back area is very enclosed by the house, the garage and very close neighbours all around. An exciting feature of the laundry door leading out to this back area is a doggy-door. Which is awesome, except Joia has never used a doggy-door before, so it is going to take some time to train her.
Anyway, last week was a full-on week, with the move and the launch of my new book, TEARS of Joy. So, I was loving any sleep I could get. I went to bed on Wednesday night after my online book launch, feeling happy and inspired. At midnight, I heard the unmistakable squeaking of my little Maltese Shih Tzu, who wanted to go out. Tragically, I had not trained her how to use the doggy-door yet. So, I got up, let her out. After about 5 minutes she came back in, and I went back to bed. At 2am, it happened again. Aaagh! With love I got up, let her out and was back in bed 5 minutes later. You won’t believe what happened at 3:30am! Yep, again with the squeaking!
This time I decided I would show her the doggy-door and leave her to decide if she wanted to use it or not. There is a fly-wire door that needed to be propped open so she could get through the doggy-door. I went outside, propped the fly-wire screen door open, just as the laundry door swung closed behind me. Little did I know at that time, the deadlock had not been unlatched. So, yes, you guessed it. At 3:30am in my PJ shorts and t-shirt, I was locked out of my house, with no keys and no way back in.
My initial reaction was panic. Then, I woke up a bit and realised the gravity of the situation. I had no keys, no phone and no way into my house, or even out into the street. Whilst I could get into my garage through a backdoor, the garage door itself was locked. Even if I could get out into the street, what would I do then? So, as you can imagine my brain was scrambling for ideas and a solution. Whilst my situation seemed hopeless, I knew someway and somehow there was a solution.
I thought to myself, there has to be a way back in. Aha, the doggy-door! I got on all fours and tried to squeeze my way through the doggy-door, and almost got stuck. Nope, no good. I tried a couple of other times from different angles, with different strategies, but each time, I almost got stuck. Joia was inside looking at me as if I were a lunatic. In my mind, I was thinking about the neighbours, who had a two-storey townhouse with a window overlooking this outdoor area. If they heard some commotion and looked, they would have seen my butt hanging out of the doggy-door!
I went into the garage, found a screwdriver, and unscrewed the doggy-door, thinking that would give me more room to get through. Nope. Now I just had a hole in the door with splintered edges that hurt even more as I tried to get in. As I was halfway through the doggy-door, I looked up at the handle, and then a little higher was the deadlock. Maybe I could reach it. Well, I tried as hard as possible, imagining my arm was rubber, but was not even close. I tried to reach it with the screwdriver, still no luck. Then finally, I found my hammer. No, not to smash in the door, although I was tempted! I grabbed the head of the hammer and reached up, the rubber coated handle caught the deadlocked and slid it into the unlocked position, and the door was open. Problem solved!
At 4am, I fell back into bed, grazed and exhausted, and slept soundly till my alarm went off at 5:30am! I think conservatively, I had maybe three hours sleep the whole night. But do you know what? I didn’t care. I was back in my house and the problem was solved. I am grateful, that I have a solution-oriented mindset. I knew there had to be a way, and there was. In my podcast this week, called Clarity is King, I speak with self-leadership guru John Carroll about the power of clearly knowing what you want.
There is something powerful about believing that there is a solution. When you do, your mind switches on and starts coming up with ideas that can help solve the problem. Had I believed there was no solution, I would have switched my brain off, and might still be stuck in my back courtyard right now. So, as you are trying to get unstuck, or find your way through an undesirable situation, jut know in your heart that there is always a solution and trust me, when you do, the solution will appear.
by admin | 4 Dec, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
As I sit here and write this week’s blog, I am doing so on the first day from my new home. I am running on adrenaline and about 2 hours sleep! My day yesterday (Friday) started at about 5:00am and, as I fell into bed after midnight last night, I reflected on the day just gone. I thought about everything that I had accomplished, and I realised that, honestly, you just do what you have to do, right?
Yesterday was move day, and it had been coming for a while, so you would have thought I would be more ready and organised! What can I say? This house moving adventure has been fraught with opportunities for personal growth. That’s a nice way of swearing out loud and having a tantrum without really doing it! I have had challenges with real estate agents, content insurance providers, refrigerators and then, on the day before moving the one provider you don’t want to have hassles with, the removalist. I won’t go into the details, but less than 24 hours before moving, I was looking for a new removalist. Thanks to God, I found one.
I couldn’t sleep on Thursday night, as I had too many things going through my mind. So, I was up at 5am on Friday. As I walked through a home that was supposed to be moved that day, I was overwhelmed! Thankfully, I had the calming influence and amazing help of my beautiful partner, Deb. We went through each room, and packed for several hours and then, we took two carloads to the new place. We unpacked, had lunch, and I waited for some tradies to do their thing. Then I had to get back to meet the removalists at 5pm. It was the only time they could do, as they were doing me a favour and adding another job onto their Friday.
After about 2 hours of frantically getting ready for them, they arrived at about 6pm, to get started. Now, these two amazing guys, had already moved three houses before coming to me. I was number four. I stopped complaining immediately. You see, you do what you gotta do, no matter how tough it may seem. Over the next 90 mins, the three of us put the contents of my home into their truck, just in time for a regular radio segment I do on 3AW, a prominent radio station in Melbourne. The removal guys headed off in their truck, and I sat in an empty house talking to Denis Walter on 3AW about using emotion for good. Incredibly, I felt fantastic.
I got to my new place at 8:30pm and we unloaded the truck and the incredible removal guys left at about 10pm, after, what was for them, a mammoth day. I had to take a new fridge out its box and set it up, make my bed, eat some food, start to make some kind of order out of the chaos, and then I fell into bed. When I think about everything that happened, I was amazed how I did it all. But then, you do what you gotta do! The impossible becomes possible when it’s something you gotta do. The energy is there to burn when it’s something you gotta do. Capacity, potential and ability appear when it’s something you gotta do.
This is great news for all of us. We often look at the things we want to have, do or achieve and talk ourselves out of because we doubt our ability. There may be things we start and then give up on because we make excuses about lack of time, not enough money or undesirable circumstances. The reality is, and I will say it again: we do, what we gotta do! The reason most people never start, or if they do, give up on things they are aspiring to is because they don’t categorise it in their mind as something they gotta do! The second you make something non-negotiable, the job is done, no matter how unlikely it may seem.
In my podcast this week with Jan Cocks-Salvemini, called The bright red boot, Jan talks about her mission to change the word ‘disabled’ to ‘para-abled’. She plans on going to the United Nations and stating her case in front of the World Health Organisation to make it happen. I have no doubt she will get it done, and you will agree as you listen to her talk. The reason is because she has decided it is something she must do. And you know what that means, right? When you make a decision that something you want is something that has to be done, you will go ahead and make it happen, no matter what others may think. Why? Because you do what you gotta do!
by admin | 20 Nov, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
Words are powerful. The words we speak, and think will determine the quality of and outcomes in our life. Does that sound like a big and audacious statement? If you don’t believe me, great author, speaker, and leader Skip Ross calls it ‘the principle of command’ and says it this way: everything you speak out of your mouth will happen, so be careful what you say. That being the case, I have decided there are some words I need to banish and delete from my vocabulary.
Let’s have a little fun with this before we get into the meat of the blog. As we come out of the last two years where COVID has dictated so much of our lives, I want to start by banishing some worn-out and overused words. If I ever hear the word ‘pivot’ again, I think I may hurt someone! If anyone ever speaks the phrase ‘unprecedented times’ again, I will stick my head in the toilet! The phrase ‘social distancing’ is not only inaccurate because it’s not social, it is physical, but also incredibly annoying. Finally, the expression ‘anti-vaxxers’ is not only really bad spelling, but insulting to people who have the freedom to choose what is put in their body. So, my request is, if you are ever talking to me, please refrain from any of those words or phrases!
Now, on a more serious note, there are three words I believe are dangerous, very dangerous, and if we keep using them, they will debilitate our lives. I have chosen to eliminate these words from my vocabulary. The first is ‘busy’. What’s wrong with that word? You may be asking. Firstly, and forgive my directness, I feel like it is just a thoughtless word that we throw out there and use as an excuse as to why we don’t ever truly fulfill the dreams we have in our hearts. Ouch! Now, if when you use the word, it is because you are busy doing things that are moving you towards your best life, then, you are excused. If, however, you use it to justify why you can’t get in shape, write your book, spend time with your family, build your wealth, invest in yourself or anything else that is important to you, then maybe you should consider banning it as well.
I used to use the word busy all the time. I am so busy, was my go to phrase, and I actually wore ‘being busy’ as a badge of honour. I thought it meant I was important. I have since learned that it means I am wasting my life doing things that don’t inspire me. Now, when asked how I am, I say, I am on purpose. Don’t get me wrong, my life is full, but I choose to only fill it with things that are purposeful for me.
The next word I have banned is the word ‘failure’. Why? Because in mind, there is no such outcome as failure. There are lessons. There are realisations. There are different perspectives. There are opportunities. But there are no failures. It is important to realise that, when you start out in the pursuit of achieving something meaningful in your life, there are only two possible outcomes, and failure is not one of them. The first is success, the second is quitting. If you don’t get it the first time, you haven’t failed, you have just found a way that doesn’t work. So, learn from it and go again. The question I often get asked by aspiring authors is, how many times should I submit to a publisher when I keep getting rejected? My answer to them is simple, when you get a publishing contract, no matter how many submissions it takes. There is no such thing as failure, the word is banned!
The final word I have banned is ‘impossible’. The moment we use the word impossible, is the same moment we switch our minds off to even the slightest shred of hope and possibility. Trust me, there is always a possibility. I believe anything is possible when we focus on what we want, take simple daily steps, and persist until it happens. As soon as you start taking action, something that may seem impossible all of a sudden seems possible. With more action, course correction and modification it moves from possible to probable. With more focus and determined action it moves from probable to certain. When you get to that point, it is a done deal. Once achieved, you will look back and it will all make sense. In fact, it will fit Phillip Yancey’s definition of faith which is: trusting in advance that which only makes sense in reverse. Banish the word ‘impossible’.
There you go. The words and phrases I have banned from my vocabulary, and I encourage you to do the same. In my podcast this week called Empowering teen voice, with Jarred Kellerman and Kelly Murphy, we discuss the power of words when communicating with young people. This is a powerful podcast that will impact many lives. As you move forward in your life, please know that the words you speak will come true, so please only use words that will bring to reality the amazing life you want. Ban the words that don’t!
by admin | 12 Nov, 2021 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I have spent much of my life with a competitive and comparative mindset. I played a professional sport at a young age and had this attitude driven into my brain. In fact, I remember being told by one of the coaches, to win at all costs, even if you must cheat! With such a strong competitive attitude drilled into me, I became hyper aware of how I compared to others. What I found was, when you compare yourself to others, you will always come up short. There is always someone fitter, more talented, wealthier, more successful, and better in every area. True happiness and success will come to you when you realise the only one in the game is you.
I was terrified every year for my seven years of professional sport at the St Kilda Football Club, because at the start of each new season, a new batch of extremely talented footballers would be invited to come try out. As I looked at their skills and compared them with mine, I knew I was a goner. Interestingly, each season, I stayed and those with more talent than me didn’t make it. Why I stayed, I will get back to later in this blog because I actually surprised myself with my attitude as a young and pretty immature kid.
I have spent most of my life in comparison mode. Let me tell you, if you don’t already know, it is exhausting and futile. I wanted to work harder, be fitter, look better and do more than other people, for one reason and one reason only. That reason was to be acknowledged, accepted, validated, and admired. It didn’t work, as I never felt any of those things, even though I played professional football, developed an impressive body, was super fit and became a best-selling author. Why? Because I was looking outside of myself for answers that were only inside of me. As I looked around, I always saw better footballers, fitter people, better physiques and more prolific authors. The moment I stopped looking at everyone else and realised the only person in the game is me, things changed dramatically. And they will for you too.
Great Australian swimmer, Kieren Perkins, swam 1500m in three consecutive Olympic Games, winning two gold medals and a silver. By his own admission, when he started swimming, he was terrible. His astronomical success came for one reason and one reason only. Every time he got in the pool to compete, he only ever competed against one thing; his last previous best time. He never worried about other swimmers, he only focused on his own best performance. It was that attitude that propelled him to be one of the most celebrated athletes in Australian Olympic history.
What are you looking around at? Who are you comparing yourself too? Who are you competing with that you can never beat? There is very common swimming term, that encourages swimmers to stay in their own lane. In other words, stop looking at what the other swimmers are doing as it is just a distraction. The same applies for you and me. The more I looked around trying to compare, the worse I felt and the more tempted I was to give up saying, I can’t do it or I am not good enough. When you focus on yourself, and personal improvement, let me tell you, anything is possible.
Getting back to my days as a young professional athlete, the only reason I lasted for seven years when many far more talented footballers came and went was twofold. Firstly, they clearly didn’t have the attitude or work ethic to make it at the highest level. Secondly, I just intuitively knew that I couldn’t compete with them at a talent level, but I could work harder and focus on personal improvement. In other words, I had to be the only one in the game. The moment I removed others from the equation, life was easier, more fulfilling and I achieved more.
I had a wonderful conversation with former Australian Netballer and great friend Susan Meaney on my podcast this week, called Life is not a competition. She was focused, driven and competitive and hence she played her sport at the highest level. One of the things she has learned, as she is now the mother of four beautiful children, is that the only one in the game is her, and there is not longer any need to compete or compare with others. It is a wonderful podcast I encourage you to listen to.
I am very proud as I have recently published my eighth book, TEARS of Joy. Let me tell you, I was not a writer when I decided to become an author for the first time, that is for sure. In fact, I was the furthest from being an author than most authors ever were. However, I knew that I could share my passion with a real desire to help others and I knew, if I just played my own game, without any comparison to others, I could do it. I did, and I am very excited about my new book. Anything is possible for you, if you remember that the only one in the game is you.
