by admin | 27 May, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I am going to make an admission here, and I hope you don’t judge me for it. I love the movie franchise, Pitch Perfect. What can I say? I am a feel-good kinda guy. I am not going into the reasons why I love all three movies; I just do. In Pitch Perfect 2, there is a scene where Becca is interning at a music production company, where the boss is a frantic and controlling type of guy. At one stage he is corralling the team to help with a dilemma he has. As he is trying to get everyone to ‘the table’ he says, hurry up, time is like a toddler in a tiara, precious and short.
I have watched these movies many times, and the last time I watched it, these words affected me. The first few times I watched this scene, I laughed as the words came out of his mouth, because the visual of a toddler in a tiara is a cute and funny one. The most recent time I watched it, I stopped and reflected on what I was doing with my time, as it is really quite a profound statement. Was watching Pitch Perfect 2, for the umpteenth occasion really the best way to spend my time, when time is precious and short?
Time is the one resource we have that once gone, is gone, forever. We can’t get it back, we can’t change the past, and we can’t undo, unsay, or unthink things we have done, said, or thought. I have lost money but thankfully was able to make it back. I have had conflict but gratefully been able to restore harmony. I have had clothes and shoes that have worn out and gladly have been able to buy new ones. My greatest regrets in life are not from losing money, occasional conflict, or things wearing out, instead time I have not utilised that I can never get back again.
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, and was playing professional football, I remember getting told many times by different coaches and veterans of the sport, to make the most of the time playing. They explained that it goes so quickly and will be over before I know it, and I don’t want to ever look back with regret. I didn’t pay any attention, because I was a clueless kid who thought I knew everything, but really knew nothing. I thought to myself, what do they know? I am young and at the beginning of my amazingly long and successful professional sporting career. I didn’t heed their advice and I didn’t make the most of what I had. Little did I know at that time, as a result of my crappy attitude, my professional sporting career would be over when I was just 23 and would leave me with regret for not giving it a better shot.
We often look into our future and either naively expect everything will just work out the way we want, or we worry about whether it actually will work out the way we want. Both are poor strategies because they disregard the ‘toddler in a tiara’ concept. When we believe that time is truly precious and short, we make the most of the only time we have available to us, that is right now. When we really accept that time is precious and short, we will start to focus on the most important things. We will resolve the conflict with important people in our lives, we will turn off the TV to get started and focused on our wellbeing, we will improve the communication with people we love, we will start working on our financial strength, and will make living with purpose, meaning, and joy a priority. When we start thinking about a ‘toddler in a tiara’, we will start to really live our life.
When my mother was sick with cancer, I spent much of my time with my head in the sand hoping it would just go away and thinking it would all just be okay. I lost so much precious time I could have been with her. I am just grateful the penny dropped before she passed, so I could make the most of the precious and short time I had left with her. What about you? Where are you spending your time? Where is your most valuable resource, the one you can never get back, being invested? Will you be grateful, or will you be regretful when it is gone, in all of the areas of your life? Please spend some time, now, to assess your ‘toddler in a tiara’.
In my podcast this week called Money mindset, Paula Day talks about the period of her life she was spending working crazy hours and missing that unrecoverable time with her family. She made a decision to refocus her precious and short time in building a business that would give her time and money, and now she helps others do the same.
I hope I have made you feel a little uncomfortable this week. Just as uncomfortable as I started feeling the last time I watched Pitch Perfect 2, and heard the ‘toddler in a tiara’ line. We all only get one shot at life on earth, and as we head, at a rapid rate, towards the halfway point of 2023, isn’t it time to make sure we prioritise the greatest and most vulnerable resource we have? This week, look at ‘the toddler in a tiara’ and make the decision to live your life with the attitude that your time on this planet truly is precious and short.
by admin | 29 Apr, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
As I am writing this blog, it is Saturday morning and I am sitting in the waiting room at Bob Jane Tyre Mart, waiting for my tyre to be replaced. Why am I telling you this? Because there is a story that led me to this moment I thought would be worthwhile sharing. The day before, just as I was on the verge of complaining and blaming, I stopped, took a breath, and then took full responsibility for where I was.
Rewind about 18 hours from now and I was just leaving for an appointment at a café nearby. It was almost 5pm, the rain had started, and I was cutting it fine, as I sometimes do. As I drove down the one-way street, through a traffic moderator, I wasn’t paying attention as I should have been, and I heard and felt a thud. I had hit the protruding barrier that was there to deliberately slow down drivers. I was jolted back into the present moment and kept driving, until I felt something not right. The car was pulling to one side and there was a rough sound.
I stopped and got out in the rain to discover I had punctured my tyre. I was annoyed, as you can imagine. I looked at the time, and thought, I will keep going, driving very slowly, go to my meeting and then change the tyre afterwards. Hopefully the rain will be stopped by then. As I drove, every second person was trying to get my attention to let me know I had a flat tyre. I thanked them and let them know that I was aware. Finally, I got to the place, parked, prayed I had not done too much damage to the rim of my wheel, and went to my meeting.
As I arrived, I couldn’t see the person I was meeting anywhere. I walked around, looking in every corner, to no avail. I waited about ten minutes, made several calls to try and reach him, again to no avail. So, even more agitated, I left to go and attend to my massacred tyre. On a good note, the rain had stopped, just as the sun was going down. Well, the rain stopped just long enough for me to get the jack and spare tyre out of the car and then it started raining again, this time heavily. My irritation level was rising. For the next 30 minutes or so, I changed the tyre in the rain, in a puddle, in the dark, and finally finished saturated and infuriated.
I was just about to spiral into blame mode, as I was saying to myself, if only this person had cancelled earlier, I would not have come out, would not have rushed, would not have had a flat tyre, and would not have had to change it in the rain. I was justifying to myself why it was not my fault and looking to shift responsibility. Then I stopped, and thought, come on Andrew, this is not you. You are not a blamer or a victim. I took a deep breath and then I took 100% responsibility. It was no-one’s fault except mine that I was rushing. It was no-one’s fault except mine that I wasn’t paying enough attention on the road. It was no-one’s fault except mine that I ended up with a flat tyre I needed to change in the rain and then replace with a new one. It was all my doing. I am responsible.
Did that make me feel any better? Not really, I was still wet, out of pocket, and annoyed. However, I did learn something from it, and it did provide me with content for this blog. You see, when we blame others, for anything, we can never move forward in that area of life. Blamers, from my experience – and I should know, because I was one – are miserable, stressed, anxious, and never move forward to create great things in their lives. When you take full responsibility, even if the responsibility was shared, you will be given the most amazing gift of lessons, opportunities, and freedom. Taking a breath and taking total responsibility will empower you beyond belief.
I now have a new tyre, have written a new blog, I met a new friend at Bob Jane, and I have rescheduled the appointment I missed on Friday. So, all is great and, as I write this, I feel awesome. All is wonderful when you take responsibility. In my podcast this week with Billy Ballard, called Spread the love, we discuss his spiral into drug addiction and the chaos it caused in his life. Billy talks about the moment he took a breath and then took full responsibility and how, in that moment, everything changed for him.
No matter what you are facing right now, and no matter how easy it may be to shift the responsibility elsewhere, I want to encourage you with all my heart to stop, take a breath, and then take 100% responsibility. In the moment you do that, your life will change for the better.
by admin | 8 Apr, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I have a simple question for you this week as you think about what you want more of in your life and the person you’d like to become. It’s a key question, yet one I see applied to the wrong things by many people most of the time. You see, we are all motivated into action, or inaction as the case may be, by one of two things. We are driven by either pleasing methods or pleasing results. Which one you choose will be dependent on your honest answer to the question, what is for you?
Have you ever said about anything, that’s not for me, or that’s not my cup of tea? The next time you catch yourself saying it, I want to encourage you to stop and think about what you may have just eliminated as a possibility for your life. The reality is that for most of us, chasing pleasing methods is the preference we make instead of doing what is required to attain pleasing results. Why? Because, as humans we want to be comfortable and find the quickest and easiest way to be healthy, rich, energised, and happy.
If this wasn’t the case, there wouldn’t be the astounding number of diets, tablets, gambling alternatives, and easy-quick-fix options available. As you will know, if you have tried any of these, as I have, they will never lead to lasting results or fulfilment, just frustration and an empty bank account. So again, I have to ask the question, what is for you?
As a personal trainer, I would encourage clients to do things whilst at training, and in-between. Things like eating breakfast, going for a run, doing some stretching, climbing stairs, and the like. If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, breakfast is not for me, or, climbing stairs is not my cup of tea, I would be a wealthy man. As an author coach, if I got one mile of travel for every time I was told that, writing each day is not for me, or, making networking/sales calls is not my cup of tea, I would have travelled around the world. In my networking business where I help people create an additional income stream, if I grew an inch every time I was told, it was not for me, or not my cup of tea, I would be able to touch the moon!
The reality is, the reason we say, it’s not for me, or it’s not my cup of tea, is because it’s uncomfortable, scary, or will take work. All of which are totally against our human nature to want comfort. Hence, most people fall into the ‘pleasing methods’ category and then never achieve the ‘pleasing results’ they want. Let me tell you how I negotiate this tendency, because like you, I am very much drawn to comfort. Instead of saying exercise is not for me, I say, being lean, fit, and healthy is definitely for me. Instead of saying making uncomfortable calls is not for me, I say, financial strength, and having the options to live my best life is absolutely for me. Instead of saying, writing is not my cup of tea today, I say, being a best-selling author and inspiring people all around the world is one hundred percent my cup of tea.
Again, I ask you as you are facing things that may not be fun, will definitely be uncomfortable and may cause fear, what is for you, and, what is your cup of tea? I had the most amazing conversation with Dr Liz Wilson on my podcast this week called, Tattoo power. After going through a significant tragedy in her life, it would have been very easy to use the it’s not for me excuse. Instead, she has used her tragedy to fuel her purpose. This is an inspiring conversation I urge you to listen to.
I know you want pleasing results in your life. However, you will never experience them using only pleasing methods. There are times when you have to flip the paradigm of what is and what is not for you. Whilst the method may not be your cup of tea, you need to ponder on the more important question, is the result for me? I am a little weird, as I have always been motivated to do what many people resist. In my mind, if I want to live an exceptional life, I need to do exceptional things. In fact, what I have learned is that the things I need to do are not exceptional at all, they are just not always fun or comfortable. However, if the results are for me, then I need to do them anyway, as do you. This week be very careful how you answer the question, what is for me?
by admin | 31 Mar, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
We live in a world where perception is important, and we all want to be seen in a good light. We want to be perceived as successful, happy, healthy, and strong. What we see on social media portrays many people as gorgeous, flawless, happy, and living the life of their dreams. I believe what is far more important – in the pursuit of a meaningful life – than what others see and how we portray ourselves, is what we do in-between. It is truly what happens in-between that matters the most.
As a personal trainer, I would sometimes get questioned when a client didn’t get the results they wanted with their weight and/or measurements. How come I am not losing any weight? They would ask me in an accusing fashion. They would then go on to say, I always turn up to training with you on time and do what you tell me to do. Why isn’t it working? I would always answer the same way, that is a great question, why do you think that is? Often, they would come up with something that made me seem like the perpetrator. Then I would ask, do you know how many hours there are in a week? Together, we would come up with 168. I would then ask, how many of those 168 hours do you train with me? The answer was either one, two or three. I then asked, how many hours are there in-between those times you train with me, and who is in control of those hours? Interesting and almost every time, I never got asked that same question from the same person again. It was never about the times they trained with me; it was always about what they did in-between.
I am going to tell a story about an experience I had last week which may sound a little self-promoting, but I am just telling the story to make the point. So, my apologies if I am coming across as boasting. One morning last week I was training at my outdoor gym. It is a great outdoor area by the beach with chin-up bars, dip bars, and all sorts of great workout equipment. I was doing a strength workout and in-between every single set I would jog on the spot to increase my steps count. The reason I do this is because I can get so much more value from the ‘in-between’ by doing steps rather than just standing or sitting during the recovery time. In fact, I can get an extra 6000-8000 steps in a forty-five-minute workout by doing those few steps in-between sets. That is pretty powerful and is having an incredible impact on my wellbeing.
Well, as I was training between 6-7am that day a man came to the area for his workout. We said good morning to each other and got on with our own workouts. After about 15 minutes, as I was doing my jogging on the spot in-between my sets of push ups, I turned to see what he was doing in-between his sets. I looked, I turned away not really registering what I had just seen, and I turned back to look again. He was vaping. At 6:30am on a Wednesday morning during a workout, presumably to improve his wellbeing, in-between sets, this man was sucking toxic chemicals into his body.
Now, before you try to tell me that vaping is a healthy option, vapes can contain the same harmful chemicals found in cleaning products, nail polish remover, weed killer, and bug spray. So, please don’t go there. This is where I come across as a little high-and-mighty, sorry about that. Whose in-between activity is going to have the most dramatic long-term impact? Well, that depends on what dramatic long-term impact you are thinking about, healthy or unhealthy? For that man, he probably believed that the workout he was doing compensated for the dangerous ‘in-between’ action he was taking. In case you are unsure, it does not. It was his in-between choice that counted the most towards health, happiness, and longevity.
Enough talk about the flawless me (NOT!), and the vaping exerciser. Let’s talk about you for a moment. I want to ask you to start assessing your ‘in-between’ activities in different areas of your life. What do you do in-between workouts at the gym or with a trainer? What is your routine in-between your healthy meals? What do you say about people in-between talking with them? How are you spending your money in-between earning it? What do you do in-between talking with your mentor, coach, partner, or friend? What are the seemingly insignificant actions you take in-between reading your goals and telling yourself, or someone else, what you’re going to do? If it is true that what you do in-between counts the most, how would you predict certain areas of your life might turn out, based on your in-between behaviour in that area? It’s a tough but important question to ponder, and answer.
In my podcast this week with Eva Sifis, called Poised for potential, I speak with the queen of in-between. It is what she has done in-between the time since she was hit by a car in 1999, acquiring a significant brain injury, and now that has allowed her to have such a powerful and positive impact on the lives of many people. As you get on with your day and your life, just remember, what matters most is what you do in-between.
by admin | 18 Mar, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
How does that sound to you? It sounds amazing to me. Have you ever said any of the following; ‘I’m busy’, ‘I have no time’, ‘I would like to, but’, ‘there is not enough hours in the day’, ‘I could have done it, but’, or many other devastating comments we make every day that prevent us from living our very best life. I have, and I know there are things I could have done better had I thought differently and worked smarter. How would you like to find out how to save time and actually get more done?
Do I hear a yeeha? The great illusive question we all ask is how do I find more time? The answer is simple, you can’t. Sorry to say it, but there are only 24 hours in the day, you can’t create more. Except for one day of the year, when we turn our clocks back at the end of daylight savings. However, that 25-hour day is offset by the 23-hour day when we turn our clocks forward. So, just forget I ever brought that up. If we can’t find more time, how do we create the illusion of more time? Great question. It was my father, and his love of jigsaw puzzles, who provided an answer for me.
My father has a long history of jigsaw puzzling. He has loved them for decades, and it has made buying Christmas and birthday presents for him very easy. In fact, I just bought him a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas 2022. When we were younger, my brother, sister, and I would always buy Dad a jigsaw puzzle as a gift. He has them all; scenery puzzles, architecture puzzle, people puzzles, animal puzzles, car puzzles, and every kind of puzzle you can think of, except one. When we were troublesome teenagers, my brother and I decided to buy him a different kind of jigsaw. It was a playboy puzzle, with a naked lady as the image. Dad was quietly pretty happy about it, Mum, not so much.
As Dad started feverishly putting the puzzle together, my brother and I decided to play a little prank on him. When he was elsewhere, we rummaged through all the pieces and lifted two of them. I am sure you can imagine which two we snatched. We watched Dad with joy as he put that puzzle together quicker than we had ever seen him complete a jigsaw before. Just as he neared completion, we could tell he knew something was up. It was confirmed when he had no pieces left, and two crucial ones missing. It was at that time my brother and I quickly hid as my father chased us around the house yelling, ‘Where are my bonza bits?’
We surrendered his bits, and he happily completed his puzzle. So, what’s the point? There is no point really, I just love that story! Anyway, I was recently visiting my dad and he was preparing to put his newest and a more appropriate jigsaw puzzle together. The key word here is ‘preparing’. He had all the pieces sorted into several containers based on the colours and sections of the puzzle. I asked him why he did that, and he told me because it saved so much time sorting through all the pieces to complete the puzzle. This way he could work one section at a time and get it done much quicker. So, get more done in a shorter time. It sounds like a great idea to me.
That is the power of preparation. It can seem like such a time waster, can’t it? It just seems like all this time is devoted to doing something that seemingly is having no effect. But what it’s really doing is supercharging you and your aspiration to do more in less time. When I mentor aspiring authors, we spend a lot of time in the vision creating, belief building, planning and chapter outline creation stage before one word gets written. Why? Because without the right foundation and plan, most authors get lost, lose faith, and give up. If they do keep going, it will take two or three times longer to finish a first draft, than if some time was devoted to preparation.
You may have heard the ‘sharpen the axe’ analogy. If you have a blunt axe and need to chop down a tree, you have two choices. Get straight into it and bludgeon your way through or spend a little bit of time sharpening the axe before starting. Which is wiser? Which will take less time and get the job done much easier? You know the answer to that, don’t you. The question is, are you sharpening your axe with everything you are trying to create, develop or change, or just trying to bludgeon your way through? The time you spend on proper preparation will multiply your results and get you there much quicker.
In my podcast this week with Jemma Armstrong called Jamming with Jemma, we discuss her journey to become a successful children’s performer. She was trying to bludgeon her way through with limiting beliefs, and an ADHD diagnosis, and was on the verge of giving up. Then she decided to spend time on herself, to build herself, understand and accept herself, and learn to love herself. This investment of time to prepare herself for the journey has unblocked her and now things are growing and flowing with ease. It is an inspiring conversation about the importance of emotional preparation.
Many people say the secret to success is the will to succeed. The reality is that it is actually the will to prepare to succeed that is more important. Many people with a will to succeed, including myself, dive headlong into things without preparation only to find themselves burned out, broken, and lost. With preparation comes confidence and clarity, and with confidence and clarity, and desire, comes amazingness. Spend a little time to prepare and, trust me, you will save time and do more.
by admin | 3 Mar, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Mindset
I want to thank Pablo Miller for this week’s blog. I am very fortunate to talk with Pablo each week on his radio show on Triple M in Karratha, Western Australia. Last week we were talking about my previous blog, as we do each week, and he brought up another amazing perspective to the theme what it’s about, is not what it’s about. So, this week’s blog is part two of this idea. Thanks Pablo.
If you read last week’s blog, you will know my focus was really on our aspirations in life. My thoughts were that when we say we want to lose weight, make money, write a book, or whatever it may be, it is not really what we want. There is always something deeper and more compelling that will drive us to achieve. What Pablo reminded me of, and a great point, was that often when we are interacting with people what we think is going on is not what’s going on. In other words, what many people say it’s about, is not what it’s about.
Let me just say, before I jump into this blog, I am still learning this stuff and trying to get better with understanding, empathising with, and connecting with people. Have you ever been confused or frustrated in your dealings with people? Me too, often. Have you ever heard them say one thing, and then act in a way that is totally confusing to you? Me too. Now the big question, and the most important question, because this is the one that will most help you understand others. Have you ever said one thing to someone, that was a lie, a smokescreen, or an excuse? Of course you have, and so have I. Why do we do that? For many reasons. Maybe we fear being found out. Maybe we are trying to cover up being angry or upset. Maybe because we don’t want to say no or upset someone. There are many reasons, but the bottom line is that often, as we deal with situations involving others, what we think it’s about, is not what it’s about.
Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes is always the best thing to do when interacting with any other person, it can help you understand what is actually happening. For example, as a man, and I know many men will relate to what I am about to say, I am pretty unaware and clueless at times. In many of my relationships, I have said or done things that have been upsetting or hurtful to my partner. With some limited self-awareness, I would apologise. Then I would ask if she is okay. Often, she would respond with ‘I am fine’. Men, you know what ‘I am fine’ means, don’t you? I do now, I didn’t at that time. I would hear that she is fine, because she said it, just accept it, feel relieved that I was off the hook, and get on with my day. Was I off the hook? No way. Why? Because What I thought it was about, was not what it was about. Had I really put myself in her shoes, in addition to having very sore feet, I would have known that she was really not fine at all. Then I would’ve spent more time communicating, empathising, apologising, and making her feel loved.
This kind of thing happens in every type of interaction, with children, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. It simply requires some serious self-awareness and focus on how the other person may have perceived what you said or did. The more you can really connect with people and genuinely want the best for them, the more you will understand what it is really about.
The other area is when you are trying to convince, influence, negotiate, or sell. Many people are very resistant to being sold to or convinced to do something, and so even though they may want what you have to offer, they will say something like, ‘I am too busy’, ‘I have no time’, I can’t afford it’, ‘It’s not my cup of tea’, ‘I need to think about it’, or many other ‘smokescreen’ responses.You know this, don’t you? Because you do it too. What many people say it’s about, it’s not about. So, how do you find out what it really is about? First step, do not argue, it never works. Second step, ask this question, ‘I understand, time can be limited for all of us. Apart from that, is there anything else that would stop you?’ If they give you another reason, ask the same question, and keep asking until they say, ‘No, that’s it’. Now you really know what it is about. This strategy is called ‘peeling the onion’, and it’s a great way to find out what the real barrier is and then help them overcome it.
In my podcast this week with Bill Heinrich called Self-love is not selfish, we discuss a crucial area of human experience. When we truly love ourselves, then we are far more open to honest communication with others and a desire to really want to know what it’s about. This is a big topic that I can only touch on, but I want to encourage you to really start thinking about others, as you interact with them, more than you think about yourself. When you do, when you put yourself in their shoes, and when you dig a little deeper to peel the onion, you will finally understand what it’s really about.
