by admin | 1 Sep, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Mindset
I have been a man for almost 59 years, and I still confuse myself most days. Although, the good news is, I am starting to understand myself better each day. I do know that men have many unique strengths and powers, but also many fragilities and vulnerabilities, all of which will impact their lives and the lives of many people. So, based on my experience as the owner of a male mind and body, I would like to offer some operating guidelines to men and women.
My life until this very moment has been quite an adventure. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, which I am sure every person on the planet can relate to. The greatest struggle for me has been trying to work me out. I would often say to myself, what is wrong with me and why do I keep doing and saying the things I do and say? Over the last few years, and as the result of my third marriage coming to an end, the world going into lock down, and being forced to be isolated with the person I least liked, I went on a journey of discovery of me. What I found were some insights I would love to share with men and women in the hope it can help you in your lives.
The great Dr Allan Meyer, a very close friend of mine and author of the transformational book and program, From Good Man to Valiant Man, says that when men don’t do the ongoing personal growth work on themselves, it is women and children who suffer the most. I don’t have children, but I do agree with his statement. It is my mission to be the best man I can be, and rather than beat myself up because of my past beliefs and behaviours, I have vowed to learn from them and use them to become a better man, in fact, a valiant man. It is a day-by-day adventure which I am relishing.
The three key insights I learned and the things that most affected my life as a man include; my conditioning and limiting beliefs, male stereotypes, and male wiring. Every man struggles with these three things to some degree or another, and once we can understand how they affect us, we can do something about them. For the ladies, I hope this helps you understand the men in your life better. I will touch on each of the three, and clearly can only just scratch the surface of awareness, However, stay tuned for a book coming soon.
I don’t think we really stop to understand where our crazy lies and limiting beliefs come from. When we do, we can see them for what they really are; lies and rubbish. The only thing stopping all of us, and moving men to make some very poor choices, is the self-talk that goes on in our head unconsciously. The biggest issue is believing that we are not enough, in any and every area of life, love, relationships and success. Much of my poor choices, and crazy obsessive behaviour came from a belief that I was not enough as I am. I only just recently discovered the source of that crazy belief and downright lie, because I now know I am amazing, just as I am. So are you, by the way.
As a child, in primary school, it was expressed to me by more than one teacher that they wished I would behave more like my older brother, who they had taught in their class the year before. If they wished I was more like my brother, then, in my mind, clearly, I was not good enough as I was. That one belief has affected my life, my choices, my relationships in a devastating way for much of my life. Men, you are enough, just as you are. Women, please tell the men in your life they are good enough as they are. This one shift will change everything.
There are some pretty foundational and very damaging male stereotypes that need to be smashed, as they are eroding lives. From a young age, as dinosaurs roamed the earth, and through decades of playing sport, it was reinforced in my mind that men don’t show pain or complain, and that showing any vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I also regrettably learned it was okay to objectify women. Men, please for your own sake, and the sake of the women and children you love, learn to open up, be honest and vulnerable, and ask for help if you need it. Men, please treat every female you meet with respect, knowing she is a precious child of God. Ladies, please help men with these things.
The greatest insight I got from reading Dr Allan Meyer’s book, was about the difference in male and female chemistry. Allan explained that men are wired to seek pleasure through the eyes and that sexualised images can start a chemical reaction that can have devastating effects on lives. I had always thought I was broken, but I have since learned I am not. I now know the temptations will always be there, but I get to choose to control where I look and what I look at, and how I live my life. It is such an empowering feeling to know I can operate myself in a more healthy and positive way. Men, learn this stuff, stop making excuses, and start behaving in a healthy way. Ladies, please be patient with men, and help them. Trust me, they need it.
In this week’s podcast with Kari Brownsberger, called Healthy version of you, we discuss the power of identity. When you identify yourself as a healthy person, as a respectful person, and as a positively influential person, you will start to behave that way. Men, we are strong and powerful, and our impact is bigger than we may believe. Let’s start today to understand ourselves and spend the rest of our lives being the best men we can be. Once we learn how to properly operate the male machine, great things will happen.
by admin | 19 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
We live in an incredible world of miracles, joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning. If that is the case, and I believe it is, why are so many people stuck, lost, stressed, unhappy and struggling? I truly believe the difference between living a life of joy and meaning and one of fear and emptiness is a moment. It is the moment we make a decision to not miss the really important things in life.
Before I say anything else, I want to ask you to reflect on what is most important for you in your life. I would then like to ask you to consider, in the scheme of your day-to-day existence, do these things get time and attention that is proportional to how important you declare them to be? If you are smiling and feeling joyful right now, you are on track. If you are feeling a little uncomfortable at this moment, I would ask you this; do you want to keep missing out on the joyful moments that are there for you if you were to simply pay attention?
There is joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning in every moment, unless you miss it. So, don’t miss it. I am so glad, these days, I am more tuned in to these special and beautiful moments. For much of my life I have missed many of the truly joy-producing and important moments because I was deluded and distracted by things I believed to be most important. They were not. I am sad for what I missed, but grateful that these days I know what is most important in my life.
I was up early the other day, as I am every day, and training at my favorite place, by the beach. In the old hard-core days, I would train myself so relentlessly that I would miss everything else going on around me because of the pain and suffering I was putting myself through. In my own misguided way, I believed this was how life was meant to be lived; with discomfort and sacrifice to achieve great things in order to be happy. How wrong I was and how much I missed!
I erroneously believed happiness and fulfilment were at the end of the ‘achievement’ rainbow. What I now know is that happiness and fulfilment is right there in front of my nose in every moment of every day, and all I have to do is open my heart and eyes to see it. Back to my story. I was training at the beach, and these days my goal is not just fitness, it is also joy. So, my heart and eyes are open. As I was jogging on the spot and looking out into the water as the sun was rising and the pink clouds were spreading across the morning sky, I noticed some disturbance in a very calm and flat Port Phillip Bay. I saw something emerge from the water and then disappear. I looked again and saw the fins of several dolphins’ glide gracefully above the surface before returning back to the depths.
Let me tell you, dolphins at this beach are not a common thing, so I knew this was special. I watched, I enjoyed, and when they were gone, I felt gratitude I had this experience, as I could have quite easily missed it. As I looked around at all the other people who were out walking dogs, exercising, on their phones and doing what they were doing, I wondered how many of them got to experience the same miracle of nature I just did. I am sure most of them, caught up in their own minds and lives probably and tragically missed it. It is my greatest desire that, as you move forward in your life, you don’t miss it. Miss what? Miss everything that is right in front of your nose that will give your life meaning and joy.
Don’t miss the dolphins. Don’t miss the birds singing. Don’t miss the sunrise and sunset. Don’t miss the rainbow. Don’t miss the flowers as Spring in Australia is approaching. Don’t miss the smile you can share or receive. Don’t miss the kindness you can offer. Don’t miss the word of encouragement you can give. Don’t miss the wonderful person you already are. Don’t miss intimacy. Don’t miss honesty. Don’t miss the family time that is so valuable. Don’t miss your child’s laughter or loving touch. Don’t miss what you can appreciate. Don’t miss the lessons and opportunity that comes from challenges. Don’t miss your glorious uniqueness. Don’t miss life.
In my podcast this week called Motion requires friction, with Ashley Williams we discuss her journey from depression to joy. When she decided to stop missing the simple but important things that appear in every moment, she was able to move into a very different place in her life. The same will be true for you. When you get to the end of your life, you will be potentially more impacted by the things you missed than the things you achieved. So, please take my advice and don’t miss the joy, beauty, opportunity, love, abundance, fun, and meaning that is available for you to enjoy in every moment.
by admin | 11 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It can be very easy to feel lost at times in life. There have been many times in my life when I truly wondered where I was, where I was heading, and whether it was all worth it. In the busyness of life, the confusion of societal messaging, and the demands that are placed on us from different directions, it can be difficult to know what to expect from life. If you are feeling lost, confused, or stressed right now, I would like to ask you to consider the question; what does life expect from you?
I am reading a book that I read every year or so, because it keeps me focused on living a life of purpose and meaning. That book is Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. It is a powerful book, written by an Austrian psychologist about his experiences incarcerated in concentration camps during WW2. Whilst he does talk about the inhumanity and brutality of the experience, he speaks a lot from a psychological point of view of the prisoners. It is a powerful, intriguing, paradigm-shifting, and captivating book.
He discusses, in detail, the varied ways that the prisoners coped with their experience, and how some survived, even thrived, whilst others languished and lost the will to live. As you may have gathered from the title of the book, it was those able to find some meaning in the madness, who made it through, whilst those who lost hope were the ones who gave up very early on. At one point in the book Viktor talks about the camp’s rule about suicide. Clearly, the Nazi’s placed no value on the lives of the prisoners, and therefore banned anyone from preventing suicide attempts.
In a hut where Viktor was existing at the time, several years into the incarceration, two prisoners, lying almost lifeless on their uncomfortable cots, both declared their intention to end their lives. In their minds they could see no other way to be free from the suffering they were personally experiencing. Both stated they had nothing more to expect from life. Viktor posed a simple question to them both; what is life expecting from you? That was a lifesaving question. The following text comes from the book:
We found, in fact, that for one it was his child whom he adored and who was waiting for him in a foreign country. For the other it was a thing, not a person. This man was a scientist and had written a series of books which still needed to be finished. His work could not be done by anyone else.
That one simple question not only moved them out of a suicidal mindset but got them focused on important things that gave their lives meaning and purpose. So, it’s now time in this blog where the spotlight shines on you. I would ask you to ponder this question for a few moments right now. No matter where you are in life, how you are feeling, or where you are heading, what is life expecting from you? What is your family needing? What impact do you want to have on the lives of others, based on what you have experienced in your own life? What is in your heart to do, knowing that it will bring incredible joy to yourself and others? What is the reason why you are here in human form for the time you get to spend on planet earth?
These may seem like some pretty heavy questions, and they are. They are also critical to answer clearly to help you move through the obstacles of life, and thrive with meaning. In my podcast this week I speak with Clay Boatright called Happiness is a choice. How does a man deal with twin daughters with severe autism and intellectual disability, and then lose his wife to cancer? The answer is found in the question, what is life expecting from me? As Clay asked himself the question, the answers came. It’s a wonderfully inspiring conversation I encourage you to listen to.
I know how easy it is to read a blog or a book and think, that was interesting, and I should really do something with this information, then go ahead and do nothing. I do it all the time.That is the way to an unfulfilled life, trust me. The key to joy, happiness, fulfilment, meaning, and purpose lies in your willingness to ask the right questions, and then act on the answers you get. The question I urge you to ask and then act on this week is what does life expect from you?
by admin | 4 Aug, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
The only thing that has ever stopped me in the past from striving for the creation of something new and great in my life is fear. I have made excuses, I have justified, and I have blamed external circumstances. The bottom line, however, is that I talked myself out of stepping into the unknown because it felt unsafe, and I was scared. Each time I resisted taking that leap of faith, I simply forgot that I always have a safe place to come back to.
I have just got back from Bali after an incredible trip, including my wonderful seven day ‘I Am Author’ retreat, with a fabulous group of people in a beautiful resort. This resort was well away from the hustle and bustle of the closest tourist hub. It was an idyllic and peaceful sanctuary amid very traditional and authentic Balinese life. For the whole week, every person in this community felt safe and protected mentally, physically, and emotionally within these walls.
Just a few kilometres away was a beach, and one of the members of the group had jogged there one morning which inspired me to do the same. We had arrived at the retreat on the Sunday, and it was the Thursday morning, day five, I decided to jog to the beach, so we had all very much settled in and felt safe at the resort. It was early and still dark as I stepped outside the safety of the resort walls and immediately, I felt some anxiety rise in my body. The roads were narrow and there was not a lot of lighting, so I had to be very wary of traffic. In addition to that, I totally forgot about the Bali dogs.
If you have ever been to Bali, you will know there are a lot of dogs just roaming free. They are largely mangy, and possibly disease ridden, and getting bitten by one would not be good. Not long after I had started running, I ran past a small household, and three or four dogs came out, started barking, and then following me. They were paying no attention to their owner who was calling them to come back. They wanted to make sure they scared off the intruder. They succeeded. My heart rate shot up, my running speed accelerated, and I prayed to God they were all bark and no bite. Thankfully, I got passed unscathed and started feeling a little more relaxed. But not for long.
Soon after, the same thing happened, and during the course of the short 15-minute run to the beach, it was four times that a different pack of mangy Bali dogs protected their space. So, you can imagine how amped up I was and relieved I felt when I finally got to the coast. As my heart rate lowered and my cortisol normalised, I watched as the sun started rising above the horizon. It was stunning and I was mesmerised as a pink and orange glow started to envelop the morning sky. I thought about the run there, the barking dogs, and how grateful I was that I got out of my comfort zone and safe place to be able to enjoy this wonderful moment. Then, it hit me, I had to get back again.
The moment I started running, I was anxious, because I knew exactly where I would encounter these dogs again. I started praying, and I started visualising running through the gates back into the resort, and the feeling of safety I would experience when I got there. I am happy to say, I made it back unscathed, and the feeling of joy I felt when I arrived back was even better than I had imagined. I was very glad I had the courage to go for that run and face the dogs to enjoy the stunning sunrise, and, I am so grateful I had a safe place to return to.
Why am I telling you this story? Very simply to say, when you know you have a safe place to return to, finding the courage to get uncomfortable and chase your dreams feels more achievable. The bottom line is that everything you want and don’t yet have will require courage to do things that may scare you. However, without a safe place to return to, the fear for many is far too overwhelming. So, you maybe asking, what is that safe place? That is a great question and will be different for everyone, however, for me, it is my home, and it is a community of people I can talk to, who will support and encourage me.
After making some scary phone calls to develop my network and my business, my safe place is on the phone or in a meeting with my mentor. After a rugged training session, my safe place is my home and a warm shower. After some kind of conflict or unsettling experience, my safe place is talking with the people who love and support me unconditionally. After a moment of fear, anxiety or uncertainty, my safe place in is prayer with God. Where is your safe place?
In my podcast this week called Wisdom from Bali, I speak, on location, with different people about their experience of the ‘I Am Author’ Bali Retreat. In pretty much every case, they mention the beautiful community and how safe they felt to be open, honest, and vulnerable. The key to create permanent and positive change in your life is to do things that are uncomfortable and do them on a regular basis. To ensure you do it continuously and successfully, please make sure you have a safe place to return to each time.
by admin | 29 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Oh my gosh. I have just come to the end of a week I will never forget and one that has changed me as a person, forever. As we pack up and leave the Vision Villa Resort in Bali for the end of the ‘I Am Author’ retreat, my heart is full. Full of love, full of joy, full of gratitude, full of empathy, full of inspiration, and full of life. Coming into this retreat, I was hoping that it would go well, but I had no idea how amazing it would really be. The reason is simple. Me, and all the other participants and contributors this week came in with open hearts.
I organised this retreat with my wonderful friend and ex-wife Laura. The fact that we both opened our hearts to have a harmonious relationship after divorce is a rare and an incredibly special thing. Then to work on this project together was a reminder why we were in each other’s lives in the first place. I am discovering more and more each day that, as risky as it may be, when I open my heart, I open my world and something incredible is created. My relationship with Laura is one of those special things, and this retreat is another.
As we were planning the retreat, creating the program, finding venues, arranging transfers, promoting, and selling spots for this event, my hope was that it would be an event that helped people, not just with their authorship pursuits, but with everything in their lives. What I was not expecting, and am so grateful for, is that every one of the people who attended came with open hearts, not just to learn and to change, but to connect with and impact the lives of others. As a result, during the week, some profound transformations happened.
I can’t say for sure, however, I am pretty confident that every person leaving this retreat is changed for the better in some way. This week they have been supported, they have been challenged, they have been tested, and they have been magnificent with what they have achieved. The simple reason is that each one came in with an open heart, and as they did, a new world opened up to them and helped them see more and believe more about what is possible for them. I want to acknowledge them for their bravery and curiosity, and I want to encourage you to open your heart today.
I know, you have probably opened your heart before and it was damaged, maybe even broken. I am sure there have been times when you opened yourself up and someone said or did something that hurt you. Like me, you have been vulnerable and then been ridiculed or judged. Even though you may have been hurt before, I want to encourage you to open your heart again, anyway. What I found was, when I opened my heart, I heard more, I saw further, I felt deeper, I believed stronger, and answers started coming to me. Not just in my own pursuits, but in my interactions with other people on their own human journey.
Opening your heart means believing more in yourself, accepting other people no matter what, listening with a desire to understand, letting people into really know you, warts and all, and giving yourself permission to really feel joy in your life. It may sound challenging, but trust me, it is the most liberating thing you can do. In my podcast this week with Naomi Pendergast, called ‘Move for life’, we discuss how she opened her heart to allow her dance career to transition into a fitness career that she is passionate about. With the movement of your heart, the body will then move in the direction that will open your world.
This week I have seen breakthroughs, new ideas, incredible creativity, life-changing answers, powerful healing, and much deserved self-love, which may sound weird as it was a book writing retreat. Who would have believed it? Knowing what I now know about the power of opening my heart, I believe it fully. We can choose to stay closed, alone, struggling, pretending, unhealthy, stuck, and/or bitter. Or we can decide to open our hearts to the abundance that is in the world just waiting for us. I want to encourage you to open your heart so you can open your world, today.
by admin | 21 Jul, 2023 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
My alarm goes off consistently at 5am and, if I am being honest when it rings out, I rarely feel like getting up. I love my bed, and I love sleep, however, very quickly, my love of life and my excitement to get into a new day wins out, and I get straight out of bed. Without wanting to come across as arrogant or full-of-myself, I am also really glad I wake up me. I have spent far too much of my life wishing I could be like, live like, and have like other people. These days I am genuinely happy to be me. An event last week reinforced this to me in a big way, and I hope it helps you feel the same way about yourself.
It was Wednesday morning, the day before leaving for Bali, and my alarm went off predictably at 5am. I jumped out of bed, got into my training gear, and headed out for my daily training session. It was a chilly morning, and I was going to my outdoor gym to do some strength training. I have a pair of training gloves I needed on this morning, which live in my carport, where my car is obviously parked, and where my bike is chained up. As I went to get them to put them on, they were not where they should be. I puzzled for a moment thinking I must have taken them inside, so I went back into my apartment to check, and could not find them.
It was really quite disconcerting as I had used them just a couple of days earlier. I looked high and low, to no avail, and whilst doing so missed the most obvious of situations. So focussed was I on finding my gloves, I didn’t even realise that my bike was gone, and the chain-lock cut and laying on the ground. My bike, and my training gloves had been stolen. I live in a secure apartment block, and somehow overnight someone had got in, cut the chain, and rode away on my bike, wearing my gloves to keep their hands warm. This makes sense as it is winter in Melbourne, and very cold at night, so I am glad the thief had some common sense. LOL!
I had an interesting response over the next thirty minutes. It started predictably with shock, moved onto uneasiness, shifted quickly into anger, and then surprisingly took a dogleg turn into empathy and finally gratitude. I will jump over the shock, uneasiness, and anger, because I am sure you can relate to those. I will spend some time in empathy and gratitude, as they may seem contradictory to the situation. As I was feeling anger because of this unlawful act, I pretty quickly realised that I didn’t ride the bike much anyway so it’s no great loss, and it is insured so it will be replaced with a new one. The person who stole it clearly needed the money, and in fact may have been one of the homeless people living in my area.
This person needed the bike and the money more than I did, and so empathy quickly emerged. In fact, if I believed someone needed my bike, I probably would have given it to them, had their circumstances been such that it would have really made a difference. As I was going through this thought process the anger dissolved, empathy appeared, and then very quickly came gratitude. I was grateful that I have a roof over my head, grateful that I have the money to afford to lose the bike, grateful that I am surrounded by people I love and who love me, and most of all grateful that I get to wake up me every day.
That person, whoever they are, has a tough life. When you have to resort to theft, things are not good. They may have been through abuse, be caught in a cycle of addiction, have conflict as a part of their everyday life, have no money or home, and possibly even wishing they were anyone else but who they are. They have to wake up them, and I get to wake up me. Wow, how grateful I am. I am telling you this story to help you reinforce or come back to the belief that is great that you get to wake up you. When you think about how some people live, and how some people behave, aren’t you glad you get to wake up you?
In my podcast this week called Lay down the oars, with Bill Williamson, we talk about his new book, ‘Straining at the oars’, and the challenges he has gone through and overcome in his life. No matter what he dealt with, he had a strong sense of self and a powerful faith which helped him believe that waking up himself was wonderful and necessary to help him get through. I hope you feel the same. As you lay your head on your pillow tonight, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for, and when you wake up in the morning you will be glad that you get to wake up you.
