by admin | 25 Jun, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
This may be the hardest question in the world to answer. It has taken me five decades! You may look at it and think, that’s an easy one and define yourself as a mother, a father, a business owner, an athlete, a student, a manager, a lawyer, or any other description of what you do or role you play. Or you may portray yourself as fit, lean, wealthy, popular, married, or other achievement or status. But here is the deal, none of those things are who you are. So, I ask you again, who are you, really?
The biggest challenge with attaching your identity – which is what we are really talking about here – to something you do, something you have or something you have achieved, is that you can lose it. If it’s a job, a career, or a title, what happens if you lose it? If it’s money in the bank, the material things you own or the way you look, again I ask, what happens if you lose any of those things? What happens, as in my case, if it is an achievement? For me, as an insecure young boy, teen, and a young man, I attached my identity and self-worth to the recognition, validation, and admiration I received as a professional athlete.
For seven years as a professional footballer, from the age of 16 to 23, I felt strong, confident, admired, and happy. I was actually kidding myself that I was happy, but that’s another story. It all came crashing down around me in October 1987 after I read in the sports section of a national newspaper, two weeks after playing in a grand final for the club, that I had been de-listed. To put it in more brutal terms, I was sacked, and I read about it in the newspaper. That identity, the thing that gave me any semblance of self-worth, was now gone in a heartbeat and I was crushed. I spiralled and it took me a long time to pick myself up from that and move on. But even when I did, I didn’t learn the lesson.
I then attached my identity to my body and worked obsessively hard to gain and maintain a body that people would admire and love. I never stopped to think about what would happen as I aged, and my body would not be the same. In addition to that, I attached my identity and self-worth to how hard I worked and how much money I made in business. Well, again, that collapsed around me as I worked over 100 hours per week, in two businesses, over a two-year period, to find myself in close to $100,000 debt. My self-worth took yet another nose-dive as I could not hang on to the things I believed defined who I was.
I am glad I now know who I am, and it has nothing to do with what I have, what I do or what I have or will accomplish in my life. Who I really am lies deep inside of me and it can never be lost, stolen or broken. I was speaking to a group of teenagers at a high school last week, and the very first exercise we did was call ‘I am’. I made it clear to them that they were not a score, not a grade, not smart or stupid and not talented or untalented. I handed out a sheet of paper, with the words ‘I am’ at the top and I asked them to write the words, values and character traits that describe who they were. Things like; kind, courageous, compassionate, loving, giving, caring, funny, curious, spontaneous, persistent, generous, adventurous, trustworthy, loyal, joyful, optimistic, empathetic, faithful, vulnerable, gentle, patient and so on.
What do you notice about these descriptions of who you are? They are deep inside you, a part of your DNA, and they can’t be lost, stolen, or broken, ever. Too many people focus on being popular as their identity, yet if they just focused on being kind, giving and generous, they would automatically be popular. Lots of people focus on the achievement of something to fuel their self-worth, yet if they just focussed on being curious, courageous, adventurous, patient, and persistent, they would achieve everything they aspired to. I spent so much time thinking that being in a loving relationship would help me and my identity, yet I found myself in and out of far too many. If only I focussed on my compassion, empathy, loving and caring nature, I wouldn’t have had to worry so much or experience so much heartache.
Coming back to my original question, who are you, really? Hopefully you now know how to answer it in a way that will allow you to have, do and become everything you want in your life. In my podcast with Stacey Copas this week, called Feel every moment, Stacey talks about how she lost the life she thought she wanted when she ended up a quadriplegic at the age of 12. Now she knows who she is at the core and, even though in a wheelchair, is one of the most joy-filled, passionate, and powerful positive influencers I have ever met.
What about you? Are you ready to let go of the need to look good, achieve more, work harder and have more to fuel how you feel about yourself? Are you ready to re-define who you really are? Are you ready to look at the values and character traits you have, deep inside, that you can never lose? If you do, you will discover who you really are and that you are already good enough to fulfil the incredible destiny you have been put on this planet for. Spend time right now answering the question: who are you, really?
by admin | 11 Jun, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
The fact that we are alive on this planet is a gift, a privilege and, in my mind, an absolute miracle. I have spoken before about the uncalculatable odds of our existence, so I won’t bore you with that again. We have been gifted this fantastic body to get through life in. So yes, it needs to be respected, nurtured, and looked after, for sure. Unfortunately, how it looks is an issue for many people, and something we tend to place a lot of emphasis on, and judge on a far too regular basis. Let me tell you, as essential as your body is, it is not the real you.
I know firsthand what a painful and unfulfilling pursuit, the desire for the perfect body can be, if it is not coupled with a deep love for the person underneath the skin, the muscles, and the stuff. I also know it has nothing to do with true happiness, self-love, or identity. It is just an outer layer we far too often use to cover up the real person underneath. In my headlong pursuit of body-beautiful, I was never happy no matter how good I looked, because the real me underneath was being forgotten about. At the time I was insecure, I was lacking true self-love and my whole identity and value revolved around how good I looked, how hard I worked and what I achieved.
Recognition, attention, and admiration from others was my sole source of self-esteem building, so I chased it, and I chased it hard. I chased it in and out of far too many relationships, including three marriages to three wonderful ladies. They could never live up to the expectation I had for them and what I needed them to do to help me feel good about myself. It was never their job to make me feel good about me, that was, is and will always be my job. As it is and will always be for you. My last marriage ended, and, thanks to a global pandemic, I was forced to spend time alone with the person I least liked, me. At that time, it was the hardest, but best thing I could have ever experienced. During that time, I changed my view on who I was, and I discovered the real me.
The real me is not a body. The real me is not a six-pack or buns of steel. The real me is not the athlete. The real me is not the public speaker. The real me is not the author or a podcaster. The real me lies deep underneath all that external stuff. The real me is a spirit. The real me is passion, emotion, and purpose. The real me is love and compassion. The real me is significance and impact on the lives of others. The real me is understanding, acceptance and forgiveness of myself and others. The real me is only on this planet for a short time, but whose legacy and impact will live on long after I am gone. The real me is someone I love with all my heart and soul.
You see, the real me is a spirit and the real you is a spirit. That is our essence and our identity. Without this spirit to fill us and move us joyfully through each day of our life, we would just be a pile of muscles, bones, organs, and junk on the ground. It is the real you, deep under the surface, that gives your body shape, meaning and purpose to live the best life you can with the time you are on this planet. Your job is simple. It is to dig deep and discover the real you. Not the you looking back at you in the mirror, the one you constantly judge and criticise. The real you. The spirit of you. The essence of you. You are amazing, just as you are. You just need to take the time to get to know and love the real you.
I want to urge you to listen to my podcast this week called, Seeing yourself, with Cliona Byrne. Cliona is now a body confidence coach, but spent many years of her life hating herself, her body, and her look. She used to stand in front of the mirror, suck in her tummy, and emotionally beat herself up for how she looked. Her bitchy inner critic (as she calls it) used to love to tell her that she needed to lose weight. She said, “I’ve since slapped the microphone out of that bitch’s hand.”
The real you is amazing. The real you cares about people. The real you wants to have an impact on other people’s lives. The real you is fun, happy, and joyful. The real you is love and compassion. The real you has incredible potential and capacity. The real you is all you need. The real you is good enough. The real you is just waiting to see the light of day. So, please, take the time today to look beyond the surface and see the real and incredible you that is there.
by admin | 4 Jun, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I posted my regular weekly ‘Law of’ post on social media last week. Each week, I look at something I have learned, and I think about a law I would like to adhere to in my life. Last week was the law of loss. As I thought about the many things I have lost in my lifetime, there is one thing in common with all of them. At one point, I had them in my life. Whether you have experienced loss of an item, loss of a job or money, loss of a relationship or loss of a loved one, at one stage you had them in your life. So, the law of loss, in my mind states, you can’t lose something you didn’t have for a season in your life. That is something to celebrate and be incredibly grateful for.
Soon after I posted this law on my social media platforms, this message came through:
Perfect timing, Andrew. My father’s funeral is in mere hours, and it breaks my heart to only be there virtually. But you are so right to remember to celebrate and be grateful for that season in my life.
My heart goes out to this person, who is a great friend of mine, for this heart-breaking loss. I am also grateful that I have been able to highlight the joy that lies in the beautiful time that will be a lasting and loving memory. For me, I would not have the heartache every time I think of my mother, who passed away in 2004, if I didn’t love her and the time I spent with her when she was alive. So, whilst she is gone, that unconditional love, and those memories will go with me forever. As a result, I am changing my narrative from what I lost to what I had. I hope you will do the same.
When I was 23 years old, I read in the newspaper that I had been sacked from the St Kilda Football Club. I thought I had lost a career, but in fact, what I actually had was seven years of incredible achievement, lessons, and memories that I will have forever, and has shaped my life in many ways. Many years ago, I spent a lot of money on a part share of a racehorse, and eventually lost all that money, and more. On reflection, what I had was a period of excitement and fun as that horse competed in many races, and even won a couple of them. I am grateful for that time.
I have spoken about my experience as a café owner, and after two years of business being in close to $100,000 debt. At the time I believed I had lost money, time, energy, and hope. Looking back what I had was the experiences and platform that set me up to be doing what I am doing and loving my life now. Back in my early days as an author, I made the rookie mistake of not backing up the manuscript of the book I was writing. My computer crashed, and it was gone. I was devastated as I thought I had lost it. In fact, what I had was the opportunity to write it better than before. So, I did.
When it comes to relationships, it would be very easy for me to dissolve into a sobbing mess on the floor as I reflect on my past. Many relationships, many thoughtless words and actions, many poor choices and lots of regret. However, with my new and improved narrative, I can let go of all that I have lost and focus on the wonderful joy and memories I had with each and every one of those wonderful ladies, starting with my very first kiss at the age of 9 with Suzy in the bushes that surrounded the oval at my primary school. When I think about what I had, I smile.
In my podcast this week called The miracle question, with Dr Matt Zakreski, we discuss the unique wonder and strengths that every person has. It is so easy to think about and focus on what we don’t have, but it is what we do have and what we use that will help us live our best life possible. It is a podcast I encourage you to listen to.
You see, life happens to all of us. We all have people, and things that come into our life and many of them leave again. It is important to realise that you haven’t lost anything if you focus on what you had. Every joyful moment, every learning experience, every interaction, every opportunity, and every memory you have is yours forever. You can never lose it. So, this week I want to encourage you to forget about what you have lost and instead focus on what you had.
by admin | 28 May, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I never used to worry too much about what I would do or say, because in my own self-absorbed mind, I didn’t give any attention to or thought about who may be watching or listening, nor the impact it may have on their life. As you go through life and bump into people you may have known and not seen for a while, are you ever amazed about what they say about you and how you influenced their life? Make sure you ask next time you see someone who fits that profile. You may be amazed as to what you hear. The reality is that everything you say and do will impact others, and, at any time, you never know who is watching you.
I had a random and joyful experience earlier this week. Last Sunday, I was very grateful to have the opportunity to appear on Weekend Sunrise, a national Australian breakfast show. During the short four-minute segment, I shared about the positive power of controlled and scheduled tantrums to help release pent up emotion, feel better, and gain clarity to make more considered decisions when faced with challenging situations. After the segment, I wasn’t sure how effective I had been in communicating my message as it was very rushed, and I was distracted by lots of background noise.
On Monday morning, as usual, I was up at about 5:30am and off to do my training. I live near a shopping centre with a large set of outdoor stairs which I enjoy running up and down and doing step ups on. So, I was doing my normal training routine, and at about 6am I was just up one flight and doing step ups on the bottom step of the second flight. At that moment, a man walked past on the ground below.
Now, keep in mind, it was still dark, I looked very dishevelled, and I was one flight up, when this man stopped, looked up at me and encouraged me. He had a long unruly beard, was wearing a hoodie and I couldn’t quite decide if he was a homeless man or not. I thanked him for his encouragement and started to walk away. Just then he stopped, looked back at me, and asked, hey, were you on television yesterday? Aren’t you the tantrum guy? How he possibly recognised me at that time of the day, in the dark, from that distance and with me looking a mess, I had no idea.
I said, yes, I am. He went on to say, I enjoyed what you said, and it really impacted me. It gave me hope that, when you are down, you can get back up again. Thanks. With that, he turned and walked away, as I yelled thanks to him. As he left, I smiled to myself, felt a warm glow in my heart and found an extra spark in my step as I finished my training session and headed home. It was amazing to me, even though I was on TV, I could have that kind of profound impact on that man. It just reinforced to me that you never know who is watching.
You don’t have to be on TV to have that kind of impact on people’s lives. In fact, because of that glorious experience, I have found myself smiling more this week. I have smiled at people more, I have helped people more, and I have encouraged people more. I have found more meaning in the things I do and say, because I know for a fact that people are watching and being impacted by my words and actions, no matter where I am. The same is true for you.
So, what is the point? The point is that you are powerful, and you are a wonderful force for good. Yes, you! It is the humblest person who has no idea who is watching, and is just getting on with their day, who is having the most wonderful impact on the life of people they have no idea are watching. You are changing lives every single day, whether you know it, believe it or not. Every time you smile, someone sees it or feels it. Every word you speak someone hears it and is affected by it. Every action you take someone sees it and is inspired by it.
In my podcast this week with Leanne Spencer called Slivers of recovery, Leanne tells the story of her first day of an incredibly demanding three-day skiing event. She said she was on the verge of giving up, when in the distance, as she approached the finish line on the first day, she saw a lady with arms outstretched facing straight at her. She said she skied straight into those arms and received the most amazing hug from this generous person. The result of that simple hug gave Leanne the impetus to keep going and finish the event.
I talk a lot about the ripple effect. You may not feel like you are making a difference in people’s lives, but trust me you are. You don’t need to be on TV, you don’t need to be high profile and you don’t need any special ability. You just need to spend every day being the very best version of yourself you can be and know and trust that someone is always watching. You just may never know who that is and how you have affected their life, but you have.
by admin | 6 May, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
The thing we spend so much time seeking is already there. The one thing we all desire, and feel is elusive, is sitting right in front of each of us. Have you ever said, I will be happy when…? I know I certainly have. We often feel like happiness is an event that only occurs when we reach a predetermined destination, but we have it all wrong. Happiness is already there and waiting for us to grab, no matter where we are in life.
My story is a long and sad one about how, from a very young age, I chased the seemingly mythical and elusive happiness. I couldn’t understand why, as a child, I wasn’t happy even though I got all the love and attention I needed from my mother and father. I was mystified why, in my teens and early 20’s after I had worked so hard to make it as a professional footballer, I still wasn’t happy. I was confused as to why, in my 20’s and early 30’s, after working obsessively on my body to be admired by many other people, I still wasn’t happy. To be honest, I was getting over it, as I overworked myself in my businesses in my 30’s believing it would gain me respect, and then finally I would be happy. Instead, I found myself broke, broken and bordering depression. All the chasing of happiness I had done had left me feeling like I was never going to be happy.
You see, I had, like many other people have, a totally misguided perspective on what happiness is and where it can be found. We have all be born into a flawed world. One which places value, I believe in the wrong things, and gives us a totally skewed belief about what success and happiness really is. For much of my life I have believed that I can only be happy when I have: money in the bank, the body I want, a loving relationship, achievement as a sportsman, author or businessman and many other things that are outside of me. As I regularly compared myself to others, I always came up short, and hence continually put off my happiness until I had achieved more. It is a dangerous and never-ending cycle of pain that is easy to fall into.
Things are very different for me these days. In truth, I would have to say, despite the fact I am aspiring to achieve more in my life, and I face challenges every day, I am always happy. I was recently talking to Philip Robison on his Saving Brothers Podcast, and the first question he asked me was, How are you today, out of ten? I said, without any hesitation, I am a ten! As I explained to him, that doesn’t mean I am being Pollyanna or delusional, nor does it mean I don’t deal with sadness, frustration, or other challenges in my life. It means, I am happy with me, I am happy where I am in my life, I am excited about the things I am doing, working on, and aspiring to, and, I know that everything I have to deal with in my life is there to help me be better, learn more and open doors of possibility. Why wouldn’t I be happy?
You see, when you make the achievement of an outcome your only reason to be happy, you will end up chasing the tail of frustration and regret your whole life. However, when you recognise that happiness is right there staring you in the face, because of who you are, then things will change dramatically. With happiness comes, gratitude, peace, fulfilment, purpose, and significance. It’s a wonderful package. When you let go of the ego need to be validated, and just look inside to recognise the amazing person you already are and the impact you are having on the life of others, a warm glow will fill your heart, and a smile will form on your face. Trust me, you are already there, and happiness is yours for the taking.
In my podcast this week, called Finding Happiness, I talk with Todd Patkin. Even with the $100 million sale of his business, a loving wife and a beautiful son, Todd spiralled into a depression, a breakdown and came very close to taking his own life. In his darkness, he discovered the keys to happiness, and we discuss them in this podcast.
My friend, you deserve to be happy. You are already good enough, just because you are alive. When you simply start with that belief, the feeling of peace and happiness will start to filter its way through your body. Then, with time, reflection, and perspective, you will come to realise, as I did, that no matter what is happening in your life, no matter what challenges you may be facing, and no matter what you have or haven’t done, happiness is already there for you.
by admin | 23 Apr, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Oh my gosh! Is being a human a roller coaster ride or what? What other species on the planet can be pulled from pillar-to-post and experience the whole spectrum of emotions in just a few moments? We can go from excited to depressed in a heartbeat. We can go from hopeful to hopeless in a moment. We can go from determined to despair in a second. I think, for me anyway, the one greatest emotion we need to hold onto in chaotic times is love. When you do, embracing all the other emotions you experience is easier to do.
Every Friday, I do my ‘Law of…’ post on social media. The message each week is to highlight things that we all go through, to help people feel they are not alone, in fact, right on track with living their best life. Last Friday, I debated about whether I would post at all because I was going through the emotional wringer. I finally decided to do it in the interest of vulnerability and normalising emotion for people. So, I posted about the ‘Law of emotion’. This is what I wrote:
Wow, has today been a roller coaster or what? And it has only just begun. I know there will be more to come before this day is done. Since getting up this morning there has been hope, despair, determination, sadness, faith, heartbreak and mostly love. I have felt the whole spectrum of emotions.
The law of emotion states that how you feel is just right. All emotion is great, and all emotion helps us identify what is important in life. Embrace your emotion, don’t ever judge it, avoid it, or run from it. It is there, by God’s grace, to help you and me be the best human beings we can be.
Without mentioning any specifics, or people knowing what was going on, the amount of outreach, love and support I received, and still am, is mind-blowing. So, I wanted to share a little about my day on Friday and the emotions I went through. Please know, I am not doing this for sympathy. I want you to know that the range of emotions you will experience on any one day is normal, in fact, is to be embraced.
It all started on Thursday afternoon, whilst I was taking my beautiful 13-year-old Maltese-Shitzu, Joia, for a walk. As some background, earlier in the year, after taking her to the vet for a check-up, it was found that she has some liver issues. Nothing was diagnosed, but I have been conscious of that ever since, and very proactive about her health and wellbeing. On Thursday, I noticed for the first time a discharge from her lady parts. I panicked! Fortunately, I live 50m from a vet, so I picked her up, took her straight there, and luckily it wasn’t long before a vet could look at her. Within a few minutes, the vet looked at her, told me that she had an infection in her uterus, and it would need to be surgically removed. She then when on to say, that it could be done the next day.
You can imagine the shock and confused state I was in. A few minutes earlier, I was happily taking my dog for a walk, enjoying the sunshine, and now I am being told she needs an operation or will die. I left with her, took her home and then I went for a walk to clear my head. I was in tears, I was devastated, but I knew what I had to do. So, I went back and booked her in for surgery the next day. That night I prayed for her, I loved on her and I was hopeful that the surgery will solve her health issues. So, when I dropped her off on Friday morning, I was feeling optimistic. Well, that was short-lived.
About an hour after dropping her off, I got a call from the vet. She explained that, after a blood test, Joia’s liver markers were extremely high, meaning that she may not handle anaesthesia and that surgery would be a very risky option. Surgery was the only way to remove the infection and ensure it wouldn’t return, so this was bad news. My emotions spiralled from hope to helpless. She then outlined the options. The first was to operate, with a high chance she may not make it through. The second was a lengthy medical treatment process that would not guarantee long term results. The third option does not even bear repeating, nor was anything I could even comprehend. As she was talking, I could feel my heart tearing.
After more tears, deliberation, and discussions, I decided to go with option two, and she spent the day at the vet on a drip, getting injected, medicated, and treated. I spent the entire day running each possible scenario through my head, and with each scenario came a new emotion. It was exhausting. I picked her up on Friday afternoon, and have been loving her, praying for her, and looking after her ever since.
I don’t know what the outcome will be, but what I do know is, everything I did, and every emotion I experienced came out of the deep and unconditional love I have for this little dog. She has been with me and there for me during some of the toughest times in my life, and I owe her everything. I embrace the feelings. I love that I feel sadness, because it means I care. I love that my emotions spanned the spectrum of feelings, because it means this is important to me. I love being a human, even with all the heartache it can bring. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I want to encourage you to embrace every emotion you experience, every day. Emotion means you are alive; it means you are passionate, and it means there are things and people in your life you love so deeply that they make you crazy! Better that, I believe, than to not love at all. In my podcast this week with Madii Himbury, called Fact or fiction, Madii talks about the challenges and the roller coaster of emotions she experienced in her aspirations to be a winter Olympian.
As you go about your day today, just know something will probably happen, out of the blue, that will cause a strong emotional response. Don’t ignore it, don’t run from it, and don’t try to hide it. Instead, embrace it, because it means you are a passionate and loving person who wants to be the best you can be. Embrace all emotion today.
