by admin | 1 Oct, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It has been a heartbreaking and grief-filled couple of weeks in my life. The day before my birthday, as I looked at my beautiful little elderly dog Joia, struggling to walk, not eating, and clearly not enjoying her life, I knew it was time. I had resisted for so long, but finally realised, I was being selfish and needed to think about her. I picked up my phone, called the mobile vet, and sobbing whilst talking, arranged for the visit to happen on my birthday. The next day, my darling Joia went peacefully to God whilst lying in my lap.
Almost 14 years earlier, my life was about to change for the better, forever. Laura, my wife at the time, called me to tell me she had a surprise. I was immediately worried! I was at home working on my business, trying hard to create some success and get out of a tricky financial situation, when the door opened, Laura came in and placed an 800g Maltese Shih Tzu pup in my lap. The timing was terrible, and Laura knew it, but the moment I laid eyes on this little girl, I was in love.
After a couple of days, our 8-week-old fluffy baby did not seem well. She was not eating, had blood in her poop, and so we took her to the vet to find that she had a disease that kills most pups called, Parvo. I was in no position to pay the thousands of dollars it would take to cure her, nor were there any guarantees that the treatment would work. Laura and I sat there, looking at each other and looking at this little pup who needed us, and there was no doubt in our minds. We had to save this little girl, our little girl. We found the money (as you always do when it’s important) and our little girl fought with all her might and got through a very rough beginning to her life.
She has been a blessing in my life that words cannot even come close to describing. She has helped me enjoy the simple things in life, live more in the moment, love unconditionally, and be grateful for what I have. She has been the one constant and saving grace through some incredibly traumatic events in my life, like the end of my marriage and the world going into lockdown due to COVID. I have always been able to count on her love, her joy to see me, and her affectionate company through some heart-breaking and lonely times.
I always knew it would be tough when it was her time to go. However, I had no idea it would be as hard as it has been. My heart broke the moment I made the decision, and I have been regularly sobbing since she departed. On Friday, it was triggered all over again when her ashes arrived, and as I sit here writing this blog, I am grieving hard. However, I want you to know that there is glory in my grieving. I want you to know that I am grateful for my grieving. I want you to know that the only reason I am hurting so much and grieving so hard is because I loved Joia so deeply that her absence is a massive hole in my life. I would not replace the time I had with her or the love I feel for her to avoid the pain I am experiencing right now. My pain is a reflection of that love.
Since her passing, I have spoken to many people who have been so beautiful with their sympathy, empathy, thoughts, love, and words of comfort. I have had many people share their own experiences and try to help me by giving advice about the best way to deal with my grief. The most common piece of advice I have been given is to keep myself busy and distracted from the pain. I have lots happening in my life at the moment, and I could very easily keep myself busy and distracted, but I don’t want to. Why? There is glory in my grief. My strong feelings are my way of staying connected to my girl. My grief is a reflection of my love for her. My heartbreak is an indication of what she meant to me and how grateful I was to have her in my life for the time I did.
My message this week is that grief, sadness, heartbreak, and pain is not always something to avoid, cover up, or distract yourself from. These are common human emotions and are what sets us, as humans, apart from all other living things. The capacity to love so deeply means that we are vulnerable. It means we cannot, and should not avoid losing those we love so dearly. It means there will be pain, but the glory of that pain is reflected in the love we had for what it was we lost. If you are going through any grief right now, find the glory, and know that without grief, there is no love.
In my podcast this week with Rhianne Miller called, Perfection; the perfect lie, Rhi challenges listeners to be real with who they are, what they feel, and who they are portraying themselves to be. Covering up, wearing masks, and suppressing emotion is the greatest mistake we can ever make in life. As you go about your life, expect heartbreak, grief, and loss. Don’t run from it or avoid it. Instead, find the glory in your grief and you will understand why you are feeling it, and what it represents for you. Without grief, there is no deep unconditional love. So, find the glory in grief today.
by admin | 23 Sep, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
As I sit here writing this blog, I am very clear about the life I have, the life I have had, and the life I want to have. I have been married and divorced three times, I am currently single, my beautiful fluffy companion Joia – my family – passed away this week, and if I am being brutally honest, I am feeling heartbroken, lonely, and a little lost. As I reflect on my life to this point, much of it has been based on lies. Lies I have told myself and lies I have told others. I am crystal clear that right now it is time for honesty.
I had a meeting with a wonderful lady this week, and we were being very honest with each other. She was telling me about her stuff, and the subject of marriage came up. She asked about my marital status, and so I told her. She is a very upfront person, and so when I admitted to having been married three times, she did not hide her surprise. She laughed and said jokingly, ‘you must be a slow learner!’ In that moment, I was very tempted to fall back into lies, justifications, and deceit to make myself look better than I perceived I was by her. Then I caught myself and instead opted for uncomfortable honesty.
The reality is that much of my life has been made up of lies to make myself look better, justify why things haven’t turned out the way I wanted, and to avoid being judged and unloved. The biggest deceit of all, and the one that started the whole cascade and web of lies was the one I was telling myself, that I wasn’t worthy of love unless I performed, achieved, and looked and behaved a certain way. You see, my greatest problem was I didn’t love myself and so the lies became necessary to convince myself and others that I was a worthy person. Can you see how dangerous this is?
If you can’t, let me explain to you, from bitter experience, how destructive lying can be. The belief that I wasn’t good enough or worthy of love was the most destructive lie of all. It affected everything I said and did. It stopped me from trying things that could have made a big difference in my life and the lives of others. It caused me to behave in a way that was not really me. It pushed me to do things for the wrong reasons, leading to more pain and angst. It affected how I interacted with people and moved me into romantic connections for all the wrong reasons. It was my errant belief that being in a relationship would help me feel better about me. Another lie. That is an inside job, and it is not fair to put that responsibility on another person or a relationship.
When the lady I was speaking to this week said to me, ‘you must be a slow learner!’ She was right. I was very slow to learn about the lies I was telling myself and my partner at the time. You see, I had been lying to myself for so long, I started to believe what I was saying. I lied to myself that everything would be okay if I could just hide the real insecure and flawed me. I lied to my partner about how I was really feeling because I thought she would leave me if she knew the truth. Yep, a recipe for disaster, and I experience that disaster in three marriages.
I have lied to myself and others to justify lack of progress or achievement, when the reality was, I just wasn’t doing what was required. I didn’t want anyone to know that, becasue my ego couldn’t handle it. So, I kept lying and stayed stuck. I have lied to, or withheld my true feelings to people, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, or again, feel judged. All this did was prolong the inevitable pain and increase its intensity when the truth finally surfaced. Again, a recipe for disaster which has manifested in my life on many occasions.
Why am I telling you all this? Because, it’s time for honesty. Do I enjoy sharing on a public platform that I am a flawed liar? No, but let me tell you, a weight has lifted off my shoulders. When you replace lies with honesty, it’s like shovelling snow off your driveway. It’s no fun, but when it’s done, you have a clear path forward. Honesty will clear the barriers to your progress, your communication, and your relationships. Honesty will make you more relatable, more loving, and more inspiring. The most important thing about honesty, is that it will build you from the inside and give you a strength that will propel you through your life.
In my podcast this week, called Once you have you, I speak with Ise Ellsworth. Ise, aka Kiko Ellsworth, Emmy Award winner and very successful actor, found himself spiralling, despite his success. Why? The lies he was telling himself and others about who he really was. Once he decided it was time for honesty and he discovered the real man, everything changed for him. That is why he says, once you have you, you have everything.
I am not going to sit here and call you a liar. I am going to ask you to think about the things you say to yourself and others and then ask yourself, are they giving me what I really want in life? If the answer is yes, celebrate and keep going. If the answer is no, then, maybe it’s time for honesty.
by admin | 6 Aug, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Have you ever stopped to reflect on the most miraculous and amazing possession you have? It is your body. It is a gift for you to get through your life in and it is the most incredible piece of divine engineering there is. It was created just for you, and it knows you in every way. It is communicating with you every day, and it is telling you the truth. The question is: are you listening and are you trusting it?
Our mind can play tricks, but our body never lies. I want you to think about that statement for a short moment. In our heads, we come up with all sorts of stories, ideas, justifications, excuses and lies, on almost a daily basis. We tell stories about why we should or shouldn’t do things. We come up with ideas that are often influenced by other people’s opinions. We justify behaviours that help us get an outcome we think we want. We make excuses as to why we can’t strive to accomplish something that is actually very achievable. These are all lies we come up with in our mind, yet all the way through our body is telling us the truth. Are we listening to it? Are we trusting it?
For much of my life I have convinced myself of the story that I must push harder, work longer, and achieve more to be successful, admired, and happy. That mindset was created during seven years, from the age of 16 to 23, when I was a professional footballer. Mostly what I heard in that time was, toughen up, don’t be weak, work harder, get up, stop making excuses, no-pain-no-gain, go hard or go home, and give it all or nothing. I thought unrelenting hard work was the only way to get what I wanted. I was wrong. Now, I don’t believe that anymore, however, I still have the tendency to err on the ‘push it a little further’ side.
After an amazing but intense couple of weeks, my body was starting to talk to me. Some mild symptoms of run-down were starting to appear, and my body was saying, Andrew, it is time for some recovery. In days gone by I would have ignored it and kept pushing. But now I know my body never lies and it only wants what is best for me. My body knows me better that I even know myself. So, this week I have slowed down, done less, slept more and I feel so much better. Thank you body.
I think we can all tell stories about when our bodies have told us to slow down, rest or we will be stopped in our tracks. Right? However, what about the more subtle ways our body talks to us? The reality is that your body will tell you what you should and shouldn’t do and what is right and wrong. We just need to listen and trust it. In my podcast this week called The calling, I speak with Jeff Teale, who is passionate about helping people find meaning and purpose in their careers. It all stemmed from his personal experiences.
Jeff had a talent for singing, and because it seemed like a cool thing to do, he followed it through and ended up travelling the world and entertaining for ten years. It sounds like a glamourous and purposeful way to earn an income, right? Well, that’s what Jeff kept trying to convince himself of, yet he was suffering continuously from mental and physical issues throughout that time. Why? His body was trying to tell him something, but he was neither listening nor trusting it. When he finally paid attention to what his body was telling him, he realised, despite other people’s opinions, singing was not his passion or his purpose. Consequently, he changed direction and is now loving his life and is happy and healthy.
The moment you stray from your core values, your true identity, and your purpose in life, your body will start shouting at you. That shouting will initially come in the form of anxiety, stress, anger, frustration, regret, or other similar emotion. Your body is effectively saying, what you are doing and what is at your core are not aligned. The smart thing to do is listen, trust, and act the moment you experience any of these emotions. If you ignore them, your body will start shouting louder in the form of mental, emotional, and physical symptoms that will seriously disrupt your life. Your body will keep yelling at you until you listen, or it stops you. Please don’t wait until it stops you, because it may not leave you with any other options.
As you get into your day today, your mind will play tricks on you. It will lead you to believe you need to do certain things to be loved. That is a lie. It will convince you to behave a certain way to be accepted. Another lie. It will try to influence you to go down a path you feel uneasy about. Don’t listen to it. All the while, your body will be telling you the truth. Pay attention to it, hear what it is saying and trust it. Your body only wants the best for you.
by admin | 30 Jul, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
I have had an awesome two weeks. I have travelled around Australia, speaking to some amazing people who work for an incredible global organisation about living their best life. Lots of things were discussed, from mindset to resilience to the power of routine and, like every organisation, there were people there who loved what they did to earn their income and others who needed some convincing. I asked them a question about how they considered their employment: is it a job, a career, or a calling?
If you are actively engaged in generating income for your life right now, I would like to ask you the same question. You may be asking, what does it mean and what does it matter? I am about to explain what it means, and what it matters is… everything! Let’s face it, for many decades of our lives, we can spend more than half our waking hours in an income generating pursuit, or pursuits. Do you know anyone who drags themselves out of bed and then painfully endures the day, every day, for years and years and years? I do. What a miserable existence. As I say time and time again, we only get one shot at this life and then it is over, and it’s far too short to spend doing something that has no meaning and does not bring joy. Wouldn’t you agree?
I am currently reading The Happiness Advantage, by Shawn Achor, and in it he discusses the difference between a job, a career, and a calling. They are worlds apart. There are people who work purely for money, and they endure their work simply for a paycheck. For them, it is a job. There are people who like what they do and feel their work is important. They have a career. Then, there are the far too few people who are passionate about what they do because of the meaning it has for them and the difference they feel they are making in the world. This, my friend is a calling.
The vast majority of people I spoke to over the last two weeks were mechanics and engineers who spend their time getting greasy, putting together and repairing bus and truck engines. It is gruelling work, the hours are long, the pressure to deliver is high, and the unexpected challenges that come their way are plenty. Even so, some of these people see what they do as a calling. Sadly, however, there are also many of them who see what they do as a job. So, I discussed with them how to move the meaning of their work through the job-to-calling spectrum.
I asked them to think about what they did, and how they would describe it to someone who asked them. Those with a job, said they fix engines, and it is frustrating and tiring work. I then asked them to think about the bigger picture and the ripple effect of what they did. At a basic level they fixed engines so the bus or truck could run smoothly, but what they were really doing was enabling the transportation of people and products around the country to places where they could make a difference.
They never saw beyond the bus or the truck leaving the workshop. The reality is that the buses moved people to reconnect with loved ones, to attend inspiring workshops, to do a job that would positively impact lives, or help people make a new start in their life. The trucks moved products that would help people be healthier, make people’s life easier, enable the production of new and amazing initiatives, and keep the world moving forward in a powerfully positive way. So, really what they were doing was being a critical link in the process that positively impacted millions of lives. This is how you can take a job and turn it into a calling.
How would you describe what you do for a living? If it’s a job or a career, can you see how to start moving it towards becoming a calling? The other day, I was out exercising at 6am when the garbage collector came to empty the bins in the street. As he stopped to empty a bin, I said, good morning. Thanks for what you do, it makes a difference and certainly makes my life easier. He initially didn’t quite know how to respond, but then said, thanks. The chances are he sees what he does as a job. Just a garbo. But he is way more than that. He keeps the city clean, he helps to keep people healthy, and he makes many people’s lives easier. He is making a massive difference. Even being a garbo can be a calling.
I want to challenge you to think about what you do, and see how, whatever it is, it makes a positive difference in the lives of others, even if indirectly. The difference between having a calling and having a job is worlds apart and will positively impact every area of your life. In my podcast this week with Tor Roxburgh and Patrick Bonello called Put some tech in your step, we discuss all of the amazing technology that is helping people to live healthy and happy lives. You make a difference. Your work is meaningful. If you really stop and reflect, I know you could take your job and move it to a career and then to a calling.
by admin | 23 Jul, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Are you like me, and second guess yourself on a regular basis? Why do we tend to believe other people more than we believe ourselves? Why are we prone to take on board someone else’s interpretation of a situation, rather than just trust ourselves and know that we are enough? I know, these are some pretty full-on questions to get you thinking as we launch into this week’s blog. I have just recently learned a valuable lesson that has reinforced to me, that I can trust my voice and that I am enough.
As I am writing this, I am sitting on a plane somewhere over the Nullarbor Plain, between Perth and Melbourne. Here is a fun but useless fact, the word ‘Nullarbor’ means no trees. I am doing some travelling at the moment, sharing the message from my latest book T.E.A.R.S of Joy, to the different branches of the Australian arm of a global organisation. A week before my session in Perth, I was warned in no uncertain terms, that it would be a tough crowd. I was told most people would not want to be there, they would probably not engage, they would be very critical and pick my presentation to bits. So, as you can imagine I was a little fearful. A speaker’s worst nightmare is talking to people who are not interested, not engaged, critical, and vocal about it.
Don’t get me wrong, I am confident of my message, I am passionate about helping people, but I was scared. Why? I didn’t trust my voice. I started to doubt myself and was even thinking about some of the things I might say that would open myself up to criticism. I was internally tying myself up in knots. On the morning of the talk, as I was preparing myself, the nerves were high, but I stopped and had a conversation with myself. Andrew, just be you, go in there with a desire to connect with the group, be relevant and share from your heart. The right people will get the message, and if there are people there who are not ready to hear what you are saying, that is okay. Trust your voice, you are enough.
As I started talking, I was surprisingly calm. They seemed like a great group of people, and as it turns out, they were. The session went amazingly well, from my point of view anyway, and I had people coming up afterwards telling me they really enjoyed it. There was more people engaged at this session than the other ones I had done. I left feeling on a massive high. It was a vastly different outcome than the one I was warned about. The big question is, why? The leaders who warned me, knew the people who would be attending. How did they get it so wrong, in this instance? Simple, the people responded to me in the same way I spoke to them.
When I started talking, I did not see a tough crowd, I saw a wonderful group of people who, like all of us, want to live their best lives. I knew I could help them; I trusted my voice and spoke to them with a desire to make a difference. I believe they picked that up. I am not trying to come across as bragging at the moment, because there have been many times when I bombed badly in a talk. I think I have just got to the point in my life where I know what I know, and I trust what I know. I also believe every person has a heart for others and a desire to be the best they can be.
I am telling this story because I want to encourage you to trust yourself. We will often face challenging situations, and we will often get someone else’s opinion of the situation. Just know the only opinion that matters is your own, and you are good enough to deal with any situation that comes your way. So, trust yourself and your voice. Are you facing a situation at the moment that is causing you some angst? Why? If you were to think about it logically, and not so emotionally, would it be fair to say that you can handle it? All you need to do is have faith and trust that your voice, your resilience, and your capacity are enough to deal successfully with any situation.
In my podcast this week called Jump out into life, Josie Warren discusses how, within just a few months, she was totally clear of multiple auto-immune and mental health issues that she was told she would have to manage for the rest of her life. She did it when she realised that she held the answers in her own hands, and she trusted herself and her voice. It is an amazing podcast well worth listening to.
As you get up after reading this week’s blog and get into your life, I hope you will do it with a different feeling. Despite all the opinions of people and the world, if you would just believe in yourself, trust in your voice, and know you are enough, you will be amazed what will happen for you in your life. Trust your voice today.
by admin | 1 Jul, 2022 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It can be easy to believe that our mood and attitude are influenced by the situations and circumstances we experience on a day-to-day basis. It sounds counter intuitive that it’s possible to be happy when you are facing challenges, problems, and adversity in your life. Well, like many things we don’t necessarily like taking responsibility for, happiness is a choice, and it’s a choice you can make every day – no matter what is happening in your life.
If I am being fully transparent, I have been going through a tough time emotionally for a little while. Several things in my life had compounded to the point where I was feeling a little helpless, very alone, and fearful that I may be spiralling into a dark place. There is an amazing quote that says, “There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle”. Well, that small light came to me in the form of a book I had already read once, but though it may be an opportune time to revisit. That book is The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.
In just a few days it is hard to explain the difference I have noticed in my life and the transformational change that has occurred. I am still only very early stages of the book, but the few things I have implemented have reinforced to me that happiness is not luck, chance, or circumstantial, instead happiness is 100% a choice. In the book Shawn discusses, in researched detail, why it is happiness that leads to success in life, NOT the other way around, as we have been led to believe. In the early stages of the book, he outlines a few very basic things we can choose to do on a daily basis to immediately increase our happiness. So, I thought, I have nothing to lose.
Of the things he mentioned, there were two I decided to add to my daily routine. One was a five-minute meditation, and the other was a random daily act of kindness. Now, again, as I am writing this, I have only just started doing this, and it is very early days. However, something happened inside me the other day that is worth sharing in this blog. The meditation for me is challenging, as I have a very active mind, but I am doing the best I can. It was, however, the random acts of kindness that have impacted me more profoundly.
The first day of this new routine, I went to the local café, walked up to the counter, and handed the server a $10 note. After a short pause and a confused look on the man’s face, I asked if he could use that money to pay for the next person’s coffee, tea, or purchase. He took the money gratefully and assured me he would comply with my request. I walked away with a warm feeling in my heart and a smile on my face. I definitely felt happier. The next day, I was wandering around the local shopping centre looking for an opportunity to do something for someone when I walked past a lotto kiosk. Hmm, I thought, I wonder.
I went up to the counter and was greeted by a nice man and I asked him to help me choose a $5 scratchie. My thought was that I would buy it and then find someone in the shopping centre to give it to. Just as I was making the payment, it came to me. He processed my payment, handed me the scratchie and then I handed it back to him and said, this is for you. I got the same confused look I had received the previous day, but as I assured him I was serious, he was very grateful. I walked away and something happened inside of me. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt an overwhelming emotion take over my body and I started bawling. Yes, in the middle of the shopping centre. The feeling was joy, the feeling was fulfilment, the feeling was happiness. I am already addicted to random acts of kindness and believe even more than ever that happiness is absolutely a choice.
Many things will bring immediate happiness and they are all things we can choose. Kindness is a choice. Meditation is a choice. Encouragement is a choice. Focusing on things you love is a choice. Gratitude is a choice. Thinking of things you are looking forward to is a choice. Exercise is a choice. Associating with positive and happy people is a choice. These are choices you can make every day and they will transform your life. In just the last few days I feel very different about my life, and I have a totally different perspective about myself and the things that were taking me down that dark path. I feel truly and deeply happy. The same is available for you, right now.
I had an incredible conversation with Jem Fuller on my podcast this week, called A fly on the wall. It was about communication, self-awareness, ego, and self-worth. Again, the focus of the discussion was about the choices we can make every day that will lead to happiness. I think it would be fair to say that we all want to be happy. I don’t anyone who states that their major goal in life is to be miserable. That being the case, and if you are struggling to find happiness, then simply stop searching for it and choose happiness today.
