It rolls off the tongue so easily, doesn’t it? A thick skin and a soft heart. Why then is it so difficult to achieve? Most people fall primarily into one of two main categories, and this is a gross generalisation. They are primarily soft-hearted and are more focussed on others, or they have a thick-skin and are harder to upset and offend. Which side of the ledger do you fall? For me, I have always had a soft heart, but pretended to have a thick skin. The most vulnerable type of person there is.

What can I say, I am a softy? I care about people, and I worry about what they think of me. Developing a thick skin has always been a tougher gig for me, even though I put up a pretty good front. I mean when you come into a professional sporting arena, you had better develop a thick skin pretty quickly or you are gone! I did a great job pretending that the criticising of coaches, the taunts of teammates and the abuse of opposing players and fans didn’t bother me. It did.  

When I became a school teacher in my early twenties, I pretended I was this tough teacher and that the attitudes and behaviours of teenagers testing me and trying to push my buttons didn’t upset me. It did. When I became a personal trainer and started working in a fun but often ridiculing gym environment, I pretended the jokes about me didn’t affect me, because I would send them straight back. But, again, they did. There is no doubt, I was, I am and I will always be a soft, sooky-la-la, mama’s boy which I would never change because I love that sensitive part of me! However, I have also started to develop a thicker skin, which I believe is critical, to survive in the world we live in.

A real turning point for me happened at the end of 2019. I wrote a blog about this traumatic event, but had to take it down because of the possible repercussions. Now, two years later, I am happy to reshare it. It was in December 2019, and I was to present the third session to a group at a not-for-profit organisation. I was warned, before presenting the three sessions to three different groups, that they may be tough crowds. The first session was to a largely unresponsive audience, but not too tough. The second session was to a very responsive and positive group, so I approached session three with confidence and positive expectancy.

Wham! I was not prepared for what I got. From the beginning of the session and pretty much all the way through, I was heckled, bullied, questioned, and cajoled by one lady in the audience. I didn’t handle it well at all. It shook me, and as the session progressed, my confidence was sliding, my performance was waning, this lady tasted blood in the water, and went in for the kill. I clawed my way to the end of the session feeling embarrassed, belittled and, at the time, seriously questioning my ability as a speaker and my knowledge of the content I had been presenting for years.

I drove away feeling sick in my stomach, and like a miserable failure. But then, do you know what? Something changed inside me. I thought to myself, Wait a minute mate. You have presented that content hundreds of times and had a positive response every time, except today. Are you going to let one person, who obviously does not feel good about herself, make you feel like a failure? No way! All of a sudden, I felt differently. At that moment, I felt my skin thicken and no longer was I impacted by that lady’s behaviour. The other amazing thing that happened was that, instead of resenting and being angry with her, I felt empathy for her. She must have been going through some significant trauma in her life to treat me the way she did. In that moment, I discovered a thick skin and a soft heart.

Why am I telling you this story? Simply because, if you want an amazing 2022 and beyond, and I am sure you do, both elements are essential. You will know if you have a soft heart and a thin skin, you are often offended and fearful of trying new things. You will also know, if you have a thick skin without empathy for others, your relationships and consequently the things you are aspiring to, will be negatively impacted. For true success and joy in life, we need a balance of both. In my amazing podcast this week with Steve Pinner called Backbone and heart, we discuss this every topic, among other things.

By the time you are reading this blog it will be 2022. A new year, a new page, and a new opportunity to let go of the things that are holding you back to truly move forward to live your best life. I wish the very best for you this year and hope that you can develop a thick skin and a soft heart.