I used to be so confused and often frustrated by other people and the way they responded or reacted to things I said or did. Until I realised, they are all just like me. As humans, we have a strong desire to feel loved, accepted, valued, important, safe, and that we belong. If, at any time, we don’t feel these things, we may understandably react in a defensive or even offensive way. With that in mind, I want to remind you, as it was again reminded to me, as you interact with others, to be very aware of how it will land.
How will what land? Your words, your attention or lack of it, your body language, your SMS’s, your looks, and anything that communicates a message to another person. Trust me, every single interaction with another person will send them a message. Whatever goes out from you will land on another person. The question we will be exploring in this blog is, no matter the intention of your communication, do you know how it will land?
Let’s face it, we are humans, and we are largely selfish. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it just is what it is. We are very much aware of how things affect us. We are very focused on what we want. We are often looking for people to accept us, like us, and we are hyper aware when they don’t. I know myself, when I am on a mission, I can put my own needs and wants ahead of how my communication may be received by others. Then, amazingly, I am surprised when I offend or upset someone. It is natural for us to self-protect and self-focus. However, it can lead to devastating outcomes with others which could have been easily avoided if we were just conscious and aware of how it would land.
I am telling you this now because it is front and centre in my mind, and on my heart. I am deeply regretting a communication I sent, as an SMS, during the week in which I did not consider how it would land before sending it. I won’t tell you the details, however, I will say that my intention was definitely not to offend or anger this person. In fact, ironically, it was to help them. I only considered it from my point of view and just assumed it would be received gratefully. I did not, however, really stop and think about how it would land.
So, the heartbreaking reality is that this person was angered and offended by my message, and it was all my fault because I didn’t consider how it would land. It is very easy for us to justify our words and actions, and to then suggest the other person misunderstood, or is too sensitive. However, the bottom-line is that if someone is offended or hurt as a result, then the sender of the communication is fully responsible. What is heartbreaking for me is that, even with many attempts to apologise and have a discussion, I fear the friendship is over. It all could have been avoided if I was conscious of and sensitive to how that message would land.
Let me ask you this. When you say you will do something for someone and don’t do it, how will it land? When, during a conversation, you are distracted by your phone or other device, how will it land? When you are late to meet someone, how will it land? When you say something to someone, even with the intention of helping them, how will it land? When you roll your eyes at something someone says, how will it land. When you interrupt someone mid-sentence, how will it land? When you yell at or get angry with someone, how will it land? Feeling a little uncomfortable right now? I understand.
You may be possibly thinking, but what about the times other people communicate with me in a way that hurts? That is a valid question. Unfortunately, you have no control over others. The only person you can control, and change is you. I am hurting right now because of my own thoughtlessness. I can’t go back and change the message, and I can’t make this person forgive me. All I can do is to learn from it and vow to be aware, with every single future interaction, of how it will land.
My two podcasts this week will help you in this area. I talk with Madelaine Weiss in a podcast called Getting to G.R.E.A.T., and I speak with Sean Bellerby on a podcast called Manifest with Sean. Both will help with communication and understanding how to manifest a great life and impact others in a positive way. I truly hope you will pay attention this week and learn from my very poor choice. Just know that every look, word, communication, and action will be received by another person. Always ask yourself the question, before communicating, how will it land?