Whenever there was a ghost issue, the easiest way to deal with it was to call someone to come and exorcise it. Who are you going to call? I think we all know the answer to that question. The challenge is that The Ghostbusters are fictional, and even if they weren’t, I don’t think they could help with the modern-day phenomenon, referred to as ‘ghosting’. So, it is up to you and me to exorcise the ghosting.
I grew up in a time when you said what you thought. If you liked something you declared it, if you didn’t you spoke up. If you wanted to do something you would be very vocal, if you didn’t, you would simply say no and explain why. It was not always comfortable to say no to people or to disagree with them, but it always resolved any and every situation quickly. I find it very difficult to accept and come to terms with this disturbing behaviour, known as ‘ghosting’.
One description of ghosting comes from www.breeze-wellbeing.com and says:
Ghosting is a type of behaviour when a person simply stops all communication, making the other person question the interactions and connection. It can be painful, cause emotional distress, and leave the person who has been ghosted without closure or an understanding of what went wrong.
Over the last few months, I have been ghosted by several people. Each connection was largely business related in nature, began well, showed lots of promise, and then, without any explanation or warning, each person stopped responding to any and all communication from me. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that they caused me any ‘emotional distress’, however, it is annoying that people don’t have the common courtesy to respond to messages, when all it takes is a simple communication of where they are at. My greatest concern, however, is not about how it affects me, being ghosted, but more the impact it is having on the ‘ghoster’s’ life. I am sure the ‘ghosters’ don’t even realise the destructive impact it is having on them.
This blog is a shout out to anyone who has ever engaged in any ghosting behaviour. My plea is that you will start today to exorcise your ghosting. I do get it, I am empathetic, and there have been occasions in my life when I have resorted to levels of ghosting. It is easier, in the moment, to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation, than to deal with it. The problem with this mindset is that it doesn’t fix anything, it doesn’t help us get stronger, it reinforces fear and insecurity, and it will keep us stuck in life.
One definition of the word ‘exorcise’ is; to free from or rid of an evil spirit, malign influence, or other harmful factor. I do believe ghosting is a fear-based evil spirit. It is born from fear and insecurity, and unless we take action to respond to a person, the evil spirit will take hold and affect every area of life. The second part of this definition talks about malign influence and harmful factors. Ghosting is harmful to the ghoster, as discussed, as well as the ghostee. I am sure no one deliberately wants to hurt, harm, or emotionally distress another person. Yet, in many cases, this is what ghosting does. Are you hearing me??
In my situation, with the people who have and are ghosting me, all I ask for is a response, any response. Not interested? That’s fine, just let me know. Bad timing? Cool, we can chat at another time. Don’t like me or agree with what I say or do? I understand that, please tell me so I can evolve as a human. Never want to see or hear from me ever again? That’s okay, please just tell me. Can you see how simple and powerful communication is, and how it will free you from fear, insecurity and stuckedness? If you are ghosting one person, then you are probably ghosting others. Isn’t that stressful? Wouldn’t you love to just release that negative energy from your heart, body, and mind? All it takes is one message or phone call and the job is done.
You may be reading this, are ghosting someone, and feel embarrassed to reach out because it has been so long. Trust me, they would like to hear from you, as I would love to hear from the people who are ghosting me. I am not angry; I actually really like these people and would just love to know where they are at. Go on, bite the bullet and take the plunge. All it takes is 30 seconds of courage to send a message or make a call and you will heal yourself, help another person, and possibly even restore a relationship that could bless your life.
I urge you to listen to my podcasts this week, I speak with Holly Porter in a podcast called Retreat forward, and to Brandon Barnum in a podcast called Appreciation challenge. I hope they will help you build some inner strength, grow love and appreciation for all people in your life, and move you to start exorcising the ghosting.