If you’ve been reading my blogs over the last couple of weeks, you may have noticed a theme. That theme is to rid our lives of anxiety and the devastation it causes. I said last week that anxiety is insidious. It’s destroying health, ruining relationships, damaging careers, obliterating bank accounts and trashing lives that are meant to be on-purpose, abundant and amazing. It has affected my life for too long. What about you? I want to offer you another weapon, for your arsenal, to kill anxiety and enjoy the abundant life you were born for and destined to live.
There was a day during the week just gone by when this powerful weapon became more apparent to me. Here I go, being very transparent about my insecurities, again. I hope this helps you to know and believe that we are all human and everyone experiences fear, doubts and concerns. For the last couple of weeks, the main source of my anxiety has been uncertainty, I created in my own head, about a physical discomfort I was experiencing in a manly area of my body. I don’t know why it is that we seem to always jump to the most devastating conclusion, but I did. The fact that I had lost my mother to cancer, and the current statistics, influenced my thinking.
I started imagining the worst-case scenario, and, I allowed it to flood my thinking. Now, do you think this eased my anxiety or magnified it? A rhetorical question! I immediately started to imagine how it would impact my life, my marriage, my work, my upcoming travel and my mission to create a wave of wellness all around the world. I started wondering how I could possibly be an ambassador for wellbeing if I was ill. I allowed this ‘stinking thinking’ to spiral into a swamp and, no matter what I tried, the anxiety and fear was still there. I tried prayer, I tried affirmation, I tried visualising and I even tried ‘freaking out in the love zone’. See last week’s blog, if you don’t know what I’m talking about. Nothing seemed to help for more than a few moments.
It seemed the more I sat and thought about it, the worse it got. The more I tried to formulate strategies, the more intense the anxiety became. The longer I camped out in my own head, the bigger the mental monster grew. Then something magical happened that made the anxiety disappear almost instantaneously… I took positive action! I picked up the phone and I made an appointment to see my ‘man’ doctor. That relieved the anxiety, because I knew I was taking control and positive action. Then there was a week or so to wait for the appointment, and, it was amazing how quickly the anxiety returned. Then on the day I was driving to the appointment, again magically, the anxiety was gone. Just when you think it would escalate because of the fear of what may be found, it disappeared.
Keep moving forward every day!
I don’t understand the neuroscience around this one and I don’t have a logical explanation, all I know is that positive action destroys anxiety. As I drove to the doctor, I was pretty calm. Whilst sitting in the waiting room, I was surprisingly relaxed. When walking to the doctor’s room, I seemed in control. In the moment I was lying on the bed, in my birthday suit, and the doctor was examining my private parts, I was, incredibly, free from any anxiety. It was quite weird. In my mind, I knew I was taking positive action, and I knew that no matter the outcome, at least I would know the situation and be able to decide on and take the best course of action.
Well, the examination went well, and the doctor had no concerns of anything sinister, so I got dressed and headed back out into the world and into my life, feeling fabulous. I had just spent the last two weeks of my life worried and anxious about something that I had manufactured in my mind. This, sadly, is the reality for many people. The acronym for fear is; False Evidence Appearing Real. In other words. We far too often create the problem in our own head, because we are spending too much time thinking and not enough time acting positively.
Have you ever heard the saying; ‘a dog in the fight doesn’t notice its fleas.’ That same dog, when lying around, will spend much of its time annoyed by fleas and scratching itself, but when in a fight, chasing a ball or sniffing the flowers will have no consciousness of being itchy. Positive action removes fear and anxiety, and honestly, the hardest part of any aspect of life is thinking about it. Our thoughts are often our worst enemy, and so, the more time we are in action, the less time we are creating mental monsters.
So, what does this mean practically? Well from a health and wellbeing point of view, it means; stop worrying about your health and go and get it checked. It means, stop thinking about how hard or uncomfortable exercise is and get off the couch and go for a walk. It means stop worrying about being overweight, and, start to eat the food you know you should be eating. From a relationship perspective, it means; stop wondering what your partner is thinking, or is angry about, and ask them, then, take action to fix the problem. It means stop worrying that they may leave you or get angry with you and just take action to do the little things, every day, to strengthen the relationship.
Financially, it means; stop thinking about your bills, and whether you’ll be able to pay them, and, take action to save more and earn more. If you are writing a book, stop wondering, worrying or being so self-critical about your writing, and, just write a little each day knowing you can polish it later. If you are training for a marathon or other fitness event, cease the anxiety of whether you’ll finish it and take action to do the training that will ensure you will. What are you trying to learn at the moment and anxious that you won’t know? Stop worrying and spend time every single day taking positive action to make sure you know and understand it.
Are you getting my drift here? We are all victims of our thinking at times, some of us more than others. The biggest challenge we face is that we can’t escape our thinking, as it goes with us wherever we go. We can however control it, and, even more powerfully we can direct it, the second we take positive action. When we are not in action, there is some reason why we seem to start thinking the worst and that’s when the anxiety starts to take hold. The moment, however, we take a step in a positive direction, all of a sudden, we have a new and exciting focus. The result; anxiety is gone!
As you face any and all anxiety this week, I want to encourage you to; tell yourself that ‘you are enough’ and try ‘freaking out in the love zone.’ If that is too challenging, then just take positive action. Any and every step you take in the direction of what you want, will almost immediately and totally wipe out anxiety. Then just focus each day on taking positive action and kill anxiety forever.
I am going to be very vulnerable and transparent with you right now. For much of my life, and still today, I have suffered from anxiety. As I spoke about in last week’s blog, I had, and have, a feeling that I’m not enough in certain areas of my life. This anxiety has been with me, at some level, for most of my life. I have been great at trying to hide it, cover it and push it down, so I can’t notice it, but, it keeps impacting my life. I have just learned a better way. A way to not just hide it, not just live with it, but actually remove it from my life altogether.
Anxiety is a terrible thing, and, I would venture to say that you are, have or will suffer from it at some stage in your life, and, it will be more than just a minor thing. You see, it’s insidious. It’s destroying health, ruining relationships, damaging careers, obliterating bank accounts and trashing lives that are meant to be on-purpose, abundant and amazing. As I talk about often, with my ‘T.E.A.R.S of Joy’ model; everything we have in our life, good or bad starts with a thought, a thought we choose. That thought leads to an emotion, in this case I’m talking about anxiety. This emotion, in addition to causing all sorts of physical health problems, leads to actions that will become routines/habits producing predictable results. The results of thoughts that lead to anxiety are, in most cases, very far from what people want to see happen in their lives. This is certainly the case for me, what about you?
The simplicity of understanding this model, and the fact that we get to choose our thoughts, means that all we have to do is change the thoughts that are causing the issues and the anxiety is gone, right? Oh, how I wish it were that easy! I have been teaching this stuff for many years, and I still suffer from anxiety. I have been praying, affirming, reading, listening, associating with positive people and going through a massive brain overhaul, over many years, yet, I still suffer from anxiety. How can that be? Well, again, I’m grateful for people in the community Laura and I have created. A pastor at the church I attend sent me a YouTube video of the interview between Pastor Steven Furtick and Dr Caroline Leaf, world-renowned cognitive neuroscientist, author, and speaker.
The blurb for the interview was; In this interview, she reveals how to practically stop toxic thoughts and rewrite the way we think. I was immediately intrigued, and so I watched. What I saw and heard excited and confused me at the same time. I’m sure you can imagine that what is simple to a cognitive neuroscientist is complex to the rest of us mere mortals! So, I watched the interview again and again and again. I think in the last week or so, I’ve watched it about ten times, and to be honest, I still don’t get it all. What I will say is that I now understand how my mind and brain works, and, what I need to do to get rid of anxiety. I am just a 10-days into this process, and I am feeling so much better already. Interested to find out more? If so, keep reading.
Freaking out in the love zone!
To get more in-depth information about what I’m about to briefly try and explain, I encourage you to explore Caroline Leaf’s amazing website at www.drleaf.com. I am going to give you my limited understanding and outline of what I’ve been doing since I discovered this incredible person. Thirty years, Dr Leaf asked what she describes as a ridiculous question; can the mind change the brain? It was a ridiculous question because the view of the people who knew, at that time, was that the brain couldn’t be changed. In other words, brain damage couldn’t be fixed, neural pathways were set, and you just had to work around any brain issues you were experiencing.
It was believed that deeply established beliefs and thoughts became part of the brain and they couldn’t be changed. You see, as Dr Leaf explains, thoughts are physical things and take up physical space in the brain. They look a lot like trees, with many branches, and the more established a thought or belief, the more branches there are and the bigger the tree. What Dr Leaf has spent 30-years proving, scientifically, is that the right thoughts, in what she describes as the love zone, can be strengthened, and the negative thoughts, in the fear zone, can be destroyed. However, we need to be careful because what most people do, as they try to overcome negative beliefs, can actually be strengthening toxic trees and causing brain damage.
She explains that brain damage can occur when our words, intentions and actions don’t match. When we say one thing, but don’t back it up with the commitment to follow through and create the change we want, we develop, as she calls it, cognitive dissidence. This causes damage to the brain. So, her answer to breaking down the toxic trees in the brain and replacing them with strong, healthy ones is to ‘freak out in the love zone!’ It means bringing the fears, anxieties and concerns into awareness where they can be dealt with. Instead of trying to mask fear, be ashamed of anxiety or cover up indiscretions, she says become aware, admit and bring these thoughts up from the darkness into the light. When this happens, incredibly, the toxic trees immediately begin to break down and weaken.
Awareness and honesty, in a safe place, starts to change the brain chemistry and the neural pathways to help you move from anxiety to peace, from fear to love and from shame to acceptance. This, my friends, is life-changing stuff, and, it only takes 63-days. It is Dr Leaf who explains scientifically, why sixty-three consecutive days is what it takes to permanently change thought patterns in the brain. Since watching this video for the first time, I have begun her five-step, 63-day program, and I can tell you that, even in just 10 days, I feel like I’m a different person, and the anxiety that I normally wake up with every day, is disappearing.
For 7-16 mins every day, here are the five steps I take, and will do for 63-days;
Step One – Become aware/mindful of the anxiety or fear I have
Step Two – Ask myself where the feelings are coming from, answer honestly and discuss.
Step Three – Write it down
Step Four – Read it
Step Five – Decide what one thing I will do today.
This process is simple and powerful and in just 10-days is already working. For me, the main thing I am doing, for step five, is freaking out in the love zone, and that means being open and honest with myself, and the right people, to tell them how I really feel. Laura is starting to get used to me saying I want to freak out in the love zone, as is my pastor at church. It is changing my life. We are definitely living in the age of anxiety, but it doesn’t need to be that way. If anything I’ve discussed in this blog resonates for you, do some more research, then, get started and take back your mind!
I’m about to share something with you that may change your life forever, if you take notice and apply it. Yes, that’s a big statement, but I have some big guns to back it up with. Let’s face it, all of us struggle in certain areas of life. Some people have trouble with keeping their health and weight where they’d like it to be. Some people have trouble staying in relationships. Some people never have enough money. Some people are struggling to be happy, and are always looking for more. Do you know anyone like that?
Of course you do… you and me! My beautiful wife Laura shared something with me at the start of the week that has had a profound impact on my life. I don’t know whether to hug her or slap her as a result of it and what has been consequently stirred up! I actually do know, she deserves a big and loving hug, even though I have been significantly challenged this week as a result of this new awareness. I have had things bubble up to the surface that have been deeply hidden and holding me back for many years. I’m prepared for a bit of rocky ride, with the faith of the smooth sailing that will come once the stormy seas have been negotiated.
I know I’m being a little cryptic and cliched at the moment, but it will shortly become very clear. I am just resisting a little, because I know the transparency I’m about to reveal will be evidence that I am just as flawed a human being as everyone else on the planet. Laura has come across a lady named Marissa Peer, hypnotherapist, who is changing lives all over the world with the simplicity and accuracy of her message. On Monday night Laura watched and did a hypnosis with Marissa on video, and then afterwards suggested I watch it. I was a little hesitant and sceptical, but decided to give it a go. I started watching, and, was soon mesmerised with the power and straightforwardness of her message.
It was this; every issue we are facing, everything we are struggling with and every frustration we are experiencing is the result of a belief that we aren’t enough. We believe we aren’t; good enough, smart enough, talented enough, strong enough, disciplined enough, healthy enough, loving enough, good looking enough, fit enough, lean enough or any other ‘not enough’ you can think of, or, are currently experiencing. She explained how it is this belief which causes us to overcompensate and/or regularly sabotage ourselves. She used many examples to make her very compelling point. She explained that people who continually work to acquire more material possessions have a belief that they aren’t enough, so they keep buying more to fill an unfillable void. She talked about hoarders trying to fill very space in their homes to compensate for them feeling like they are not enough. People who over train, or, over eat are just playing out the physical manifestation of this belief that they aren’t enough.
I am enough!
I readily related to and agreed with everything that Marissa spoke about, and, was intrigued and excited about the ease of the solution. As I reflected on my own life, and, the thought and habit patterns that have plagued me for much of my life, I can readily identify this belief, that I am not enough! I’ve spoken about my mother’s journey in my book, Dance Until It Rains, and her feeling from a young age that she felt like she wasn’t enough to receive unconditional love from her parents. That belief haunted much of her life and caused her to think certain ways and do certain things that helped her, momentarily, feel that she was enough. It was, however, these thoughts, emotions and actions that I believe were a large part of the reason for her journey and the ultimate passing from cancer. I just wish she had believed, earlier in her life, that she was enough.
I think I may have inherited some of the insecurities my mother grew up with and carried with her into marriage and motherhood. Now, don’t get me wrong, in no way am I blaming my beautiful mother for my issues, but it’s important to see where the feelings and beliefs started. As a young, middle child, I was always after attention. The question is why? I’m sure it’s because I believed that I wasn’t enough, and so needed constant reassurance from others. When at the age of 24, I was sacked from the St Kilda Football Club, which further reinforced the feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I know this belief has impacted my life and my behaviors in many ways, and, is the reason why I aren’t further ahead in my life today.
I was a classic over-trainer, and, I became so very body conscious that I went to extreme means to look physically amazing, and, gain the attention and recognition of others. Why? I felt I wasn’t enough. I became a workaholic and spent many hours working in one, then two businesses, eventually failing miserably and compromising my health, relationships and financial position. Why? I felt I wasn’t enough and thought being so busy would fill that void. By the way it didn’t, it just created a chasm. I know, even now, there are ways this belief is still impacting different areas of my life. What about you? Can you see how this feeling, of not being enough, is affecting your health, relationships, business, financial position or any other area of your life?
If so, you will be as relieved as I was when I heard the solution from Marissa. She said, simply, start telling yourself that, “I am enough!” She said, put the words, I AM ENOUGH, on your mirror in the bathroom, in your car, in your office, on your fridge, as your screen-saver, in your diary and set notifications to remind you. She then said, tell yourself, out aloud, multiple times every day that, “I am enough!” So, I did! I put it on my mirror, in my diary, in my office, on my phone and in my car. Every day, when I take the dog for a walk, all the way around I repeat to myself that, “I am enough!” Let me tell you, in just one week, things are definitely shifting.
Things that have been buried are starting to come to the surface to see the light of day, and, I am dealing with them. The ‘dealing with them’ thing is not as easy. In fact it is very confronting and not comfortable at all, but I know it is helping. I can feel this shifting in many areas of my life and I know it’s because I am now starting to challenge the belief that I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, not credible enough, not attractive enough and any other ‘nough that haunted me for so long. I am enough, and, so are you!
This is life-changing stuff and so I want to ask you; if you stopped and thought about the things that are not going as you would like them to be going, and, removing all blame from other people and circumstances, is the belief that you’re not enough an issue? If so, are you ready to change it? If so, would you be willing to saturate your home, your mind, your thoughts and your words with the statement that, I AM ENOUGH? This needs to be done patiently, consistently and on a daily basis for it to work. If you can find any video material on Marissa Peer, do it, but most of all I want you to know, with all your heart, that, you are enough!
Busy is the new black. Every one is busy being busy, yet very few people are getting anything significant done. Why is that? The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, said:
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”
That’s something to reflect on. When you think about the things you are doing when making the statement that, you are ‘busy’, are they truly leading you to the vision you have created for your life, or, are they just taking your time? I want to challenge you this week, if this applies to you, to stop being ‘busy’ and start being ‘on-purpose.’
It is my experience, in my own life and observing others, that on-purpose people have a clear vision and mission, whereas busy people have none. It is also my experience and observation that on-purpose people are energised, productive, happy and fulfilled, while busy people are tired, time-poor, frustrated and stuck! That was me to a tee. I used to wear ‘being busy’ as a badge of honour. I thought it meant I was more successful and should be more respected. I learned from a young age that the secret to success was working hard, so I made it my mission to work longer and harder than everyone else. After 15 years of working ridiculous hours in one, then two businesses, was I successful? No, in fact far from it.
I’ll tell you exactly where ‘being busy’ led me. It led me to working over 100 hours, 7 days a week. It led me to be in almost $100,000 debt. It led me to compromising my health, my relationships and my future. It led me backwards and feeling helpless and hopeless. It led me to regularly use the excuse ‘I’m too busy’ to; meet people, spend time with family, improve myself, look at opportunities, prioritise my health, create my vision and plan my life. In other words, being ‘busy’ was destroying my life. Does that sound dramatic? Maybe it does, but my addiction to ‘being busy’ resulted in me being financially devastated, time bankrupt, emotionally stressed, physically empty, romantically challenged and socially barren. Yes, I think it’s fair to say that my need to ‘be busy’ was destroying my life. I honestly don’t know if I’d still be here if something didn’t change.
From busy to on-purpose.
I was filling my life and creating this busyness, because I thought it’s what I was supposed to do, and, because I didn’t have a true vision for my life. After fifteen years of personal training, I had lost sight of why I was on this planet and what my life stood for. I see far too many people in the same situation. In my opinion, a ‘busy’ person has no vision, and an ‘on-purpose’ person has a clear and powerful vision. ‘Busy’ people will fill their lives with whatever comes along and seems urgent at the time. Alternatively, ‘on-purpose’ people deliberately prioritise and choose to do the things that will move them towards their vision. So, what changed for me? I discovered my meaning, my mission and my purpose?
It didn’t happen overnight, but it happened because I went on a search to find answers to my ‘busy’ yet meaningless life. It started when I was challenged to write a description of my ideal day, if I had all the time and money I needed, optimal wellbeing and was with the people I cared about most. I did that, and I have shared it often. Then over the course pursuing of this day, through my business, my writing and my speaking, I discovered my true purpose… to create a wave of wellness all around the world. It is this purpose that guides my choices and actions. It is this purpose that gives me energy and passion. It is this purpose that fills my time with things that I am passionate about and gets me where I want to be. I am no longer ‘busy’, I am now absolutely ‘on-purpose.’
Now, let’s throw this over to you. I mentioned earlier that being ‘busy’ was destroying my life, what about you? What is it you are filling your life with, that on the scale of greatest importance to you, really doesn’t rate that high? What are the things that are causing you to declare that you are ‘too busy’ to get to the gym, go for a run or do some regular exercise? What is taking all your time that you are ‘too busy’ to prepare and have the right healthy food with you at all time, so are resorting to either processed food or skipping meals? I can tell you that being ‘too busy’ to look after yourself is destroying your health, one day at a time.
Are you really ‘too busy’ to spend the time you need with your family and the people who are supposedly important to you? You know what I’m talking about here, don’t you? If you are, what are the things you are prioritising over them? Can I be honest here? Like I was doing, if you are too busy for your family, then over time, you will be destroying the relationships that are most important to you.
What will be the impact on your life in the next five, ten, fifteen, twenty years and beyond, if you keep making the excuse that you are ‘too busy’? Are you really ‘too busy’ to learn more, read self-improvement books, reflect more, attend more seminars, look at other opportunities, create other sources of income, build strong relationships with the right people, look after your wellbeing and invest time in the things that make your heart sing? Because if you are, you may not only be destroying your life, but even more tragically, missing the true purpose you were put on this planet to realise.
If I am pressing any of your buttons or, causing an anger response right now, then, that’s a good thing. Turn that anger into action. Can I encourage you to take the time and really work out what is important to you, what your life stands for and what you truly want it to look like in the future? Get excited about this vision and believe that it is possible. I promise you that, when you have a clear vision for what you want, you will make different choices about what you will fill your life with, because you will know what is and isn’t moving you towards that vision. As soon as that happens, you will go from ‘busy’ to ‘on-purpose.’
I never used to drink hot drinks. As I developed into an adult and social being, after my professional football career was over, I realised I should start drinking hot drinks because it was socially acceptable. I could not get my head around coffee, and, I didn’t need another addiction. For a Melburian, living in a city with a massive coffee culture, this gets me a lot of weird looks. So, I settled for herbal tea. To me it was the healthiest option, and one I would be willing to try. Over the years, I have come to love tea, particularly lemongrass & ginger. What I love the most, is knowing that when I put that lemongrass & ginger teabag in the hot water, lemongrass & ginger comes out.
Have I got you a little baffled already? Are you wondering if I’ve lost my sanity, talking about teabags, and, the obvious notion that depending on the flavour of the tea leaves that are in the bag, that’s what will come out? Well, as you may know by now, I’m always looking for recognisable examples to highlight powerful principles. The reality is that, what is inside of you will come out when you are in hot water, or under stress, so make sure you work to put the right stuff in.
I’ve spoken before about the world and Olympic 1500m swim champion, Kieren Perkins. He talks about a concept he refers to as our ‘worst practiced habits.’ He spent many hours, days, weeks, months and years honing his craft and developing his race strategy to the point it was firmly established ‘inside’ of him. He talks about turmoil he went through in the semi-final at the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. He had not had as great Olympics, performance-wise, as he expected to have. So, he was in a negative head space as he dived into the pool to start the 1500m semi-final race.
He talks about the mental turmoil he was going through with every stroke, during the entire race. He was thinking about how flat he was feeling. He was dwelling on how embarrassing it would be if he missed out on a finals berth. He was tormenting himself with thoughts about getting to the finals and missing out on a medal. He actually got to the stage, during the race, when he decided to slow down and miss out on a spot in the finals. He had decided it would be better to miss out on making it to the last race than not win a medal. With this new plan in his mind, he finished the race, touched the end of the pool, looked up at the scoreboard to see that he had actually qualified for the final, even though he was trying not to.
He explained that his ‘worst practiced habit’ was to swim a certain way, and, it was that strategy which got him into the finals, despite the turmoil that was happening in his mind. He had developed an inner strength and pattern of behavior, which came out of him when he was in hot water, or, at least heated pool water! He went on to win the gold medal in Atlanta, swimming from lane 8.
You and I are a filter.
I have a water purifier/filter on my tap, because there are more pollutants and toxins in our tap water than I want in my body. Every time I change over the filter, I am extraordinarily grateful. The new filter goes into the machine virgin white and comes out, 12 months later, a slimy, stinky and disgusting brown. I’m grateful that the machine is filtering that water, and not my kidneys. Many people, maybe even you, drink water straight from the tap and think it’s okay, because it looks clear and clean. What they, and you, may not be realising is that there are many unseen toxins polluting that water and, over time, harming your body. They will be filtered by your body, that’s what the kidneys are for, but too many pollutants in your kidneys are impacting your wellbeing.
Why am I talking about water filtration? As well as your body filtering toxic chemicals in the water, your mind becomes the filter for any and all negative or toxic input you are exposed to over time, and, like the water filter, will get clogged with negative ideas, beliefs and experiences. Then, just like a teabag, when in hot water what is inside will come out. Now’s the time to make sure that what you want to come out of you, when times are challenging and you are under stress, is what you are deliberately putting into your mind and heart right now. Like Kieren Perkins, the things he practiced over many years, naturally came out of him when he was under emotional turmoil. That’s what we want in our own lives.
I made the decision many years ago, that I needed to change my environment if I wanted to create the type of life I truly wanted to live. I found a positive group of people that I could hang with and feel good around. Through the association with these people I learned this concept I am sharing with you now. I started attending regular meetings, seminars and conferences with positive, inspiring and encouraging big thinkers. I started reading self-help books each day and listening to inspiring and informative audios. I stopped listening to the radio, watching the news and reading the newspaper. I eliminated as much negative input as I could and started to only put in the positive. What happened next was incredible.
I had become a filter for positivity, and my teabag was becoming full of great ideas, different perspectives, great vision for myself, principles of success, more confidence and solutions for challenges. Guess what happened? When I found myself under stress, or in challenging situations, what came out of me surprised even me. I would say stuff I didn’t realise I knew. I would respond in ways that helped, not harmed the situation. I started finding solutions for the things that had blocked me for so long. I became more confident and did more things that, whilst scared me, I knew I needed to do. The result; in a short period of time my life changed dramatically. Within two years of starting this process and filling my teabag with the right stuff, I had replaced a full-time personal training income and was retired to follow my dream of being a full-time author, speaker and difference maker. That was almost 15 years ago.
Now, it’s about you and your life. When under stress, what’s coming out of you? What is your natural and normal response to challenges and adversity? Is it helping or harming the situation? Do you believe in yourself? Are you confident you have the answers? What results are you getting in life? Are they what you want? Just know, you are a filter and collecting the toxins from the people you associate with, the things you watch, read and listen to. These are all filling up your teabag and will be released when you are under pressure.
Now is the time to make sure your filter is being protected and that your teabag is being filled with the things that will give you the results you want. If you want success, health, abundance and prosperity, then make sure that’s exactly what you are putting in to you teabag. What is inside, will come out… every time!
Life can seem difficult and complicated at times, can’t it? I do have to admit it right now, with the risk of alienating myself here, I’m loving my life. I’m 50 plus GST this year (that’s 55 for those of you who have no idea what GST is!), and I finally feel like I’m getting it. The wisdom I seem to have accumulated, my journey with Christianity over the last two years and the purpose I have discovered in my life has helped me see how simple life really is. As you make your way through life, I want to help you move with more ease. So, this week, I want to reinforce the power of every single word you say to yourself and others.
This powerful realisation was again reinforced to me, very simply, as I was taking my fluffy four-legged daughter, Joia, for her walk the other day. We are heading towards winter in Australia, and so it’s starting to get darker in the morning when I get up. I’m up around 5:45am, go and do my personal exercise, then come back and take Joia around the block. It was dark when we set off the other day, and Joia was a little less enthusiastic than normal. The fact that I had dragged her off the comfortable bed, from her snuggling position with Laura, may have had something to do with it.
We were walking up the hill and she was dragging her paws a little. I started wondering if there was something wrong. Maybe she wasn’t well, maybe she had some pain, maybe there was something happening that I didn’t understand. I started complicating the whole situation and creating unnecessary stress and worry for myself. Ever done that before?? I then just said to her, in a loving and uplifting tone, ‘Good girl Joia.’ Incredibly, and all of a sudden, her head lifted, her tail started wagging and she went from a slow, paw-dragging walk, to a happy and playful trot. It was simply the result of a few well-chosen words.
The moment it happened, as I do, I thought about writing this blog! We kept walking and Joia trotted along for a little while, happily weeing, sniffing and exploring. Then, she slowed a little and within a short time was back dragging her paws again. So, I said again, in the same tone, ‘Good girl Joia.’ For the second time, her head lifted, her tail started wagging and she went from her slow, paw-dragging walk, to the same happy and playful trot. This happened a few more times over the course of our walk around the block, and when I got home, it was again reinforced to me, that the power and impact of our words is life-changing. As a result of this story, we can see the impact of our words on others. The words, however, that will have the greatest impact on your life are those you say to yourself.
Words start a domino effect that will lead to TEARS of Joy.
I wrote a blog about this back in June last year, and I’m writing a book because I see it as the foundation of health, happiness and success. To me, it’s all about creating TEARS of joy in life. This means, living a life so meaningful, and, achieving & experiencing things so amazing that it results in tears that can only come through pure and passionate joy. Now, this is clearly an emotional state, so it doesn’t really make sense to turn it into a logical formula.
If, however, we can see how things work, and, we can understand the domino effect of our thoughts and words, and, how they determine our life, then maybe we will pay more attention to the words we say to others and to ourselves. To refresh your memory about this TEARS model, it basically states that every success (or other result) you experience in your life, starts with a thought or words, positive or negative. Those words will lead us to an emotional response, positive or negative, which will move us into action, positive or negative, that over time will reinforce and develop a routine, positive or negative, that will predictably lead us to a result, hopefully a successful one. But it all depends on the thought, or words, we use to start the process.
There was an experiment done on how long people could stand in iced water before it became so unbearable, they had to step out of it. There were two parts to the experiment. The first was when the people were on their own and just had to tough it out alone. The second part of the experiment was held on another day, this time they had someone with them, offering words of encouragement. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, with encouragement, people could bear the cold water for twice as long.
The positive and encouraging words from other people, helped the ice-water-standers feel more encouraged, determined and positive. These positive emotions kept them standing, persisting and enduring the discomfort for the twice the length of time. That’s the power of words. We all need the encouragement of others and, in return, it’s my hope that you will spend your life encouraging and supporting other people, as you would hope to receive that same encouragement. The most important person you need to give positive, encouraging and supportive words to is; yourself!
Remember, the power of your words, and the ripple effect they create, will determine the results you get in life, and, the impact you have on others. Try using simple words and statements like; I can, I’m good enough, yes, let’s do it, it will be done, I’m happy, I’m grateful, thank-you, I can improve, I’m in control, I’m responsible, I will do what’s necessary, it’s okay, I’m amazing, go, great, empower, inspired, deliberate, love etc. These are words that will make you feel strong and supported. These are words that will create positive emotion. These words will get you moving in the right direction to create the habits that will bring abundance into your life.
I hope I have made this week’s message simple enough. The only reason, and I mean the only reason, I played professional sport and became a best selling author, is because of the words I used. I thought, ‘I can do it, I can learn, I can improve and I will persist.’ It was simply these words that started the whole ripple effect that led me to the achievements I’ve enjoyed in my life. It will for you also. Just know that you are in control, you get to choose and that all the success you want in the world, starts with a word… the right word.
