by admin | 26 Apr, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It was Justin Timberlake who released the song Sexy Back in 2006. He was talking about bringing sexy back in a very obvious and literal way. Reading the lyrics for this song, did nothing for me, in any way shape or form. Justin, I believe, has missed the point of sexy. So, why don’t we explore what it really means to be bringing sexy back.
When I searched the definition of ‘sexy’, there were two options:
- Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.
- Highly appealing or interesting; attractive.
Let’s go with option two, shall we? I think we all get the idea of ‘appealing’ and ‘interesting’, which the definition seems to suggest leads to an ‘attractive’ proposition. If we look at a definition of ‘attractive’ I found three perspectives, the one I want to focus on is:
- Having the power to attract
So, if we boil it all the way down to the basics, ‘sexy’ simply means, the power to attract. Can you see how this opens the door to many different applications of the word ‘sexy’. I definitely think it is time to start bringing sexy back. Don’t you?
This whole thought and idea came from the podcast I released this week with Martin Silva, coincidentally also called Bringing sexy back. Martin, with a very successful health, fitness, and mindset background, suggested that many of the things people need to do to be lean, healthy, and energized, are not sexy. I said to him, why aren’t they sexy? We need to bring sexy back.
What Martin was referring to were things like getting up in the morning to exercise when you don’t feel like it, eating breakfast when you’re not hungry, choosing the nuts over the donut, drinking water instead of sweet drinks, having tough conversations when you don’t want to, looking for the lessons in adversity, and the many other things we know we should be doing each day but often don’t. We may not think these things are sexy, however, based on our revised definition of ‘sexy’, I would like to argue that they are sexier than you may currently believe.
Remember that our definition of ‘sexy’ is, the power to attract. If you get up to exercise, when you don’t feel like it each day, guess what you will be attracting? A fitter, leaner, and healthier body. That sounds sexy to me. If you eat breakfast each day, you will attract energy, metabolism, fat-loss, and better wellbeing. Again, sounds mighty sexy to me. The same sexiness applies to eating nuts instead of donuts, and drinking water instead of sweet drinks. Having tough conversations will attract increased communication, more trust, and stronger connections. That my friend, is sexy. Finding lessons in adversity and being more in control, is an incredibly sexy way to be.
For me, the thing that has surprised me the most, and attracted more amazingness into my life, is something that I never would consider as sexy. Exposing the real me, warts and all. I have hidden my flaws, insecurities, mistakes, and poor choices, fully believing they were not sexy at all. In fact, I believed that it would create the opposite effect of attracting, and actually be repelling. At that stage in my life, wearing a mask and pretending to be something I was not, was creating misery and emptiness in my life, so I decided to drop the mask and share.
I was terrified, but thought, what is the worst that can happen? As soon as I started sharing the real and imperfect me, I built stronger connections, I empowered other people to do the same, I felt a much greater level of freedom, I started to love myself, and I started attracting great things and people into my life. Wow, talk about sexy. So, it seems to be that the things we avoid the most are the things that are most sexy. The things we may not enjoy doing that we know we need to do will attract the most joy and meaning into our lives. I would love to encourage you right now to work out what that is for you, and get started on bringing sexy back.
by admin | 6 Apr, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
Do you have something you are looking forward to right now? A trip? An event? A day out with friends? A date? Isn’t it exciting when you do? I was walking by the beach the other day and I was thinking about things I was looking forward to, when I stopped to really think about the phrase, ‘looking forward to’, and I surprised myself. Surprised, because it is one of the statements we regularly use, but I wonder if we really understand the true meaning of it. ‘Looking forward to’, means ‘to look forward’.
Obvious, right? I am sure you are much more perceptive than I am, and already saw that subtle and significant meaning of this well-used and common phrase. For me, these days, I am much more conscious of the words I use, and so as I was saying it to myself, and reflected, I got excited. Why did I get so excited? Because I realized that everything that is in our future is ahead of us, and so we have to look forward to see it. That means, when we look forward, there is a world of possibility. That is definitely something to look forward to, and it doesn’t just have to be a trip, a day out with friends, a date, or any other event. It is everything in your life, and it can be whatever you want it to be. Can you see why I got so excited?
I have a past, you have a past, we all have a past. I could write an encyclopedia of books about the things that have happened in my life, the poor choices I have made, the failures I have had, and the adversity I have faced. As could many people. The biggest mistake I have made, until now, that is, is to look at all the challenges of my past and predict my future outcomes based on them. Trust me, it is crippling. Have you ever said things like, I tried that once before, but it didn’t work, or, I got dumped, so I am not able to keep a relationship, or, I have procrastinated on things before, and not been able to get the result I wanted, and so on, blah, blah, blah? When we say this kind of stuff, we are not looking forward, we are looking fair-and-square in the rear-view mirror. Do that for too long while you are driving and trust me, you will crash.
You can’t walk, ride, drive, or aspire to go in one direction, when you are looking in another. As a beginner on a bike or motorcycle, the first thing you learn, when you want to turn a corner, is to turn your head and look in the direction you want to go, or you will end up where you are looking. It seems obvious but is counter-intuitive for many people. I lost control of a motorbike several times when learning this. If you want to progress in anything and with anyone, you need to look forward. I am recently single again and have been so tempted to look back at all my failed relationships and come to the conclusion that I am destined to be single. Instead, I choose to look forward as the person I am, to the person I am becoming, and the amazing partner I will attract. It is exciting.
Just recently I had the pleasure to meet an amazing man, Baden. I am grateful and excited that I get to go on the journey of helping him write his book. His story of drug addiction, 17 overdoses, homelessness, and time in prison, is a rear-view mirror full of stuff that could stop him living a meaningful life, if he wasn’t looking forward. He is, in fact, looking forward to a life of significance where he changes the paradigm of drug use and of people who use drugs (which is actually all of us in some way). He is helping many people and in the process of changing his own circumstances. On the shirt he was wearing when we met the other day, was printed the phrase, Nice People Take Drugs. I am definitely looking forward to working with Baden.
As I sit here finishing up this blog, I am grateful for who I am and what I have in my life. As I think about the things that have happened in my past, I understand they have helped shape the person I am today. That is a person I am proud to be and one whom I regard very highly. I truly hope you can say the same about yourself. What I am excited about is the possibility of my future. Taking what I have learned from my past, applying it in the present, and looking forward to what it will produce in the future. Keep your eyes up, look forward to the greatness that is there for you, and simply move towards it.
by admin | 29 Mar, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
My beautiful father is 88 soon to be 89. I love him dearly and am very aware that, as healthy as he is for his age, he is in the twilight of his life. That being the case, I do not want to miss one opportunity to spend time with him. Every moment I do get with him is precious, and I am grateful I get to hang out with him on a regular basis. Just last week we had lunch together and it was wonderful, even more so because he inspired me and left me even more in awe of him. I dropped him off and drove home feeling grateful that my life is my reward.
When we think about a reward, we think about something we need to earn. Right? The Cambridge Online Dictionary defines ‘reward’ as; something given in exchange for good behaviour or good work, etc. In other words, it is something not freely given. It has to be earned, deserved, and worked for. Well, hanging out with my dad last week gave me a new perspective on the idea of reward.
I was asking him how life was, and he told me how good it was, except that he was neck deep in paperwork as he was trying to finalise his taxes to get them ready to send to his accountant. He was definitely not enjoying that part of his life. So, as a typical male, I naturally went into solution mode. I suggested to him, ‘why don’t you think about something to reward yourself with when you have finished, as an incentive to get it done. Like, going to the movies, or going out for a meal etc.?’ He stopped, he paused, and he looked very thoughtful, and then after a period of time, he said, ‘That wouldn’t work for me.’
When I asked him why, he said, ‘well, there is nothing I need more in my life that would be a reward. I enjoy everything I have and everything I do. My life is already my reward.’ Wow. I was a little stunned for a moment as I let that comment sink in. Then after a short time I said, ‘that is so great dad, what a wonderful perspective.’ Then I went on to say, ‘well, I guess that means you just have to suck-it-up and get your taxes done.’ We both laughed, he agreed, and we finished our time together, and yet again I have been significantly impacted by my amazing father. He never ceases to amaze me.
As I drove home, I started thinking about my own life from the new perspective I had just got from my dad. It is true. My life is my reward. My existence is a precious gift. My family and friends are always there for me. I love my home and where I live is exactly where I want to be. My business and how I earn my income is meaningful, purposeful, significant, and fun. My future is bright. The challenges I experience are there to help me learn, become better, and grow as a person. What else would I reward myself with when I have a life that is already my reward? I didn’t have to deserve it, and I didn’t have to earn it. It is my birthright.
What I am saying to you is, stop looking for more in order to be happy. Don’t get me wrong, I am always aspiring to create more in my world and find new ways to impact lives, but not to be joyful, instead to fulfil God’s purpose for my life. I definitely recommend the same for you, however, find joy in the person you already are and the things you already have. Your life is your reward. Your existence is your value. Your being is your meaning. It is amazing how much more grounded and peaceful I feel after having lunch with dad.
He is probably still swearing over his taxes as you read this, however, he has a life he doesn’t need a reward to enhance, and a life he doesn’t need to take a holiday from. I wish the same for you. My podcast this week is called, It happens for you, with Carlo Taormina. After dealing with his ‘hell week’ where many undesirable situations occurred, he worked through them to realise that these things didn’t happen to him, instead they happened for him to find the reward that is his life.
As you move forward with your day, week, and life, I urge you to look at it through a different lens. Try to love the things you are maybe not loving. Attempt to find good in the things that, at the outset, may not seem good. Find meaning and joy in the things you already have. Understand that your existence is a wonderful gift. Be grateful that you are here and believe with all your heart that your life is your reward.
by admin | 15 Mar, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
What is one type of event that for many people sparks a reflection of their life, and an audit of their actions? I am sure you guessed it. I attended a funeral this week, and it was a wonderful celebration of the life of an amazing man. As I always do at funerals, I reflected on my life. Life is such a fragile and temporary thing, so I stopped to assess my own, and ask myself if I am living my best life. It was the catalyst for an immediate action audit.
What do I mean by action audit? I don’t think I need to explain what I mean by ‘action’, however there are different interpretations of the word ‘audit’. The online Merriam-Webster Dictionary has two definitions:
- A formal examination of an organization’s or individual’s accounts or financial situation
- A methodical examination and review
Let’s go with definition number two, a methodical examination and review. Before I dive into this, seemingly complex subject, I want to discuss my mentor’s philosophy on life. She simplifies it beautifully. The subject of death can either be a morbid and depressing one or, depending on how you look at it, an empowering and life-changing one. You see, it is a certainty. We will all get to the end. When we do, and as we are lying on our deathbed, what will we be thinking about as we reflect on the life we lived. Will it be joy and gratitude, or will it be sadness and regret? Will we be saying I am glad I did, or I wish I had? How you determine the answer, will be reflected in your action audit.
My mentor puts it this way. We are born on a certain date, and we die on a certain date. When you look at a headstone or these dates when referring to someone who has passed, their life is represented as a dash. For example, John Smith lived 24/09/1943 – 12/11/2019. She says, it’s all about the dash. If you are reading this, you are part way through your dash. How is it going? Are you happy with you? Are you doing things that light you up? Are you spending enough time with people you care about? Are you focused on the most important things? These are important questions to ponder because, whether you like it or not, at some point that end date will arrive, and none of us know when that will be. That being the case, I suggest that right now is the time to do an action audit.
Too many of us, me included, think our dash will last forever. It won’t. Too many people, me included, think that tomorrow is the best time to start on a course of action. It’s not. The length and quality of our dash is 100% determined by the actions we take in each and every moment. Yes, that means now. If we look at the definition of audit, it states that it’s a methodical examination and review. At the moment, you are reading this blog, so if you were to examine and review that particular action, you would get a thumbs up. Well done.
Let’s do an examination and review of your actions over the last 24 hours and see how we go. What food and drink choices did you make? What communication actions did you take? What financial choices did you make? What TV, social media, or reading actions did you take? What personal growth actions did you take? What business growth actions did you take? What relationship building actions did you take? What self-care actions did you take?
As you think about each action, the audit part is to review whether it enhanced your dash, or it eroded it. Let me say this again. Each action you take will enhance your dash or erode it. There is no plateau or status quo. Based on your actions or inactions, as the case may be, your dash is either getting longer and joy-filled, or it’s getting shorter and regret-filled. I wish I had spent time auditing my actions earlier in my life. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have been sacked as a professional athlete, experienced three divorces, or lost money in business. The great news for me, and for you, is that despite our past, we can start auditing, reviewing, and changing our actions right now.
In my podcast this week called Wellness without weirdness, I speak with Jenn Trepeck about how we can audit and modify actions that will affect our wellbeing and longevity. It is an awesome conversation. The deal is, my friend, you have only one life, one dash, and it is a limited one. What you do in each moment will determine the life you live. So, please, for your own sake and that of the people you care about most, take the time to audit your actions and make the necessary changes.
by admin | 2 Mar, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity
It is very easy for me – and I would dare say for most people – to beat myself up, judge myself, and feel like I am not good enough. Most of us are far harder on ourselves than we are on other people, when really, we should be celebrating ourselves. Why? Because we are alive, because we are loved, and because, no matter what we are insecure about, we are where we are today as a result. So, I want to encourage you to celebrate your insecurities today.
Last week I was honoured to be invited to speak with a fabulous group of people at an event called Stories that Stir. There were five other speakers, and we each had the challenging task to share our story, highlighting resilience, in ten minutes or less. Trust me, not an easy thing to do. When I received the order of the speakers a couple of days before the event, my insecurity immediately kicked in. I was first on the program and, when I saw it, two rubbishy thoughts entered my mind, and I had to be very deliberate to change them.
The first thought, and as crazy as it seems, was; if I am first, does that mean I am not as good as the other speakers? Very quickly, I slapped and reminded myself that I am a great speaker with a message that will impact lives. The second thought, just as rubbishy, was, thank goodness I am first, then I don’t have to follow all the other amazing speakers. Again, I had to slap myself and then decide to believe that I was first on the program because I would set up the event in a positive and powerful way. So, the question is, where did those damaging thoughts come from?
In my talk, I spoke about how I inherited a belief as a child that I was not good enough. It was given to me by thoughtless teachers who were unaware of the power of their words on an innocent and impressionable child. Yes, at the time of my life I was innocent and impressionable! So, I carried a belief that I was not enough as I was, and spent many decades trying to prove to myself that I was actually enough. It drove me into an ongoing and fruitless pursuit of external achievement and validation to fill an inner void.
It was the reason I chased and achieved a seven-year professional sporting career. It motivated me to obsessively develop my physique and fitness level. It was the cause of many failed relationships and marriages. It was the reason I worked so hard, for so long. This one powerful insecurity was the driving force behind a relentless and exhausting process to find inner peace and self-worth. Whilst I achieved a lot that I am proud of, none of those things helped me feel that I was enough, because no external achievement or other person can do that for me.
Finally, after working myself and two businesses into the ground, I thought enough is enough. As I was on the verge of asking myself the wrong question again, I thought differently. The wrong question is, what am I going to do now? I finally realized that question had got me in this situation, so I asked a very different question. That question was, how do I want to live? Wow, what a difference the right question can make! As a result of that question and the vision for my life I created, the idea came to me to write a book. As illogical as that idea was at the time, it was the one that changed the course of my life.
After the talk the other night, I was approached by a lady who thanked me for what I shared, and she told me how much she related to my story and my insecurities. As we were talking, I had an epiphany. If it wasn’t for my insecurities and feelings of not being good enough, I would never have done the things I had done. It is so easy to judge these feelings and beat ourselves up for our insecurities, when really we should be celebrating them.
Without the feeling of not being enough, I would never have played professional sport. If I wasn’t chasing validation, I wouldn’t have developed my body and focused on my wellbeing. Without the ego need for the acceptance of other people, I wouldn’t have been in and out of relationships to end up in one I love. Without always trying to prove myself, I wouldn’t have worked so hard and got myself into so much debt which led to one of the greatest decisions of my life. That decision, to write a book. Can you see how my insecurities have got me to where I am today? So, rather than judge them or resent them, I need to celebrate them.
One of the amazing speakers at the same event was my podcast guest this week, Em Chadbourne. In the podcast called Radical responsibility, Em talks about the same concept. Her life spiraled into debt, alcohol, and victim-mindset, until she decided to take radical responsibility. It was her own insecurities that triggered the change in her life that has helped her live a life of purpose and joy. The next time you start to stress about, judge, or condemn your insecurities, just know that, with proper perspective, they are leading you to a life of purpose and joy. That is definitely worthy of celebration.
by admin | 22 Feb, 2024 | Andrew's Blog, Joyful Longevity, Mindset
Have you ever thought about or stated that your greatest dream in life is to be miserable? Me neither. Yet, there have been many times when misery was my jam, and as I look around at the places I frequent, I don’t see lots of people putting fun first. So, with that in mind, this week is all about how we can put fun into everything we do and, put it first.
We live in a serious world, with lots of challenges, and if we are not very careful, we can let life flush us down the misery drain-pipe. So, we have to be very deliberate about finding fun, and then inserting it into everything. Yes, everything. Even cleaning? Yep. Even work? Yep. Even tough conversations? Yep. Even spreadsheets? Yep. Even exercise? Yep. Trust me, you can make anything fun, if you approach it with the right attitude and look at it with the right perspective.
I remember as a teenager, my dream and greatest desire at that time was to be a professional footballer. When I got my chance and was invited to come and try out at the St Kilda Football Club, it didn’t take too long before I was questioning my dream and desire. In my mind I could see and feel the wonderful experience of making it as a professional athlete. What I hadn’t considered was the pain, sweat, and relentlessness it would take to get to that point. I thought I was fit; I was wrong. I thought I was prepared; I was wrong. I believed I could do it; I began to doubt.
Each training session was more lung-busting, muscle-tearing, and brutal than the one before. There were times I felt faint, there were times I vomited, and there were times I passed out. There were moments when I just didn’t think I could take one more step. It was not fun, and the thought of giving up was a regular one in those early days. In fact, I do believe I would have given up if I was not able to find the fun and put it first. So, the question I hear you asking is, how do you possibly find fun in pain? That is a great question.
The simple answer, I stopped focusing on the pain, and I started focusing on where I was heading and who I was becoming. With each pounding session, I felt stronger, I felt mentally tougher, and I felt more equipped to make it at the highest level of the sport. Whilst the training was tough, the fun part was knowing it was helping me become better. Being a member of a team and going through the journey with your teammates is definitely a fun part of the process. The banter, the laughter, and the sharing of discomfort made the whole experience more joyful. Without finding the fun, I know I would never have stuck with it, as it took many years before I finally made it as a regular senior player. The fun kept me in.
These days, the pain and discomfort of being a professional athlete are a distant memory. I do, however, train every day, and I do use the same strategy to make every morning that I get up at 5am to exercise a fun part of my day. In addition to exercise, I have many parts of my business which I can easily describe as fun. I love writing because I am creating something that will change lives. I love speaking to groups because I know someone will get the message I am communicating and it will help them in their life. I love mentoring aspiring authors and people with their wellbeing because I know they will be an example and create a ripple effect of positive change in the world. I even love the preparation of all these things, because without it I can’t do what I do. It is all fun.
Another part of my business involves helping people diversify utilizing an e-commerce platform. The other evening, we did a training session focused on skin care. My goal, in addition to imparting information and ideas, was first and foremost for it to be fun. There was lots of laughter, there was fun to be had with the virtual app which analysed skin, and all in all it was a fun and powerful 45 minutes for everyone who attended. Seeing that I have a skin age of 38 years old, when I am over 20 years beyond that age was definitely fun!
So, my question to you is, how can you put fun first in everything you are doing, no matter how unfun it may appear? Could you get together with people you have fun with to do tedious things? Could you give yourself a cool reward for completing a challenging task? Could you change your environment and make it more fun? Could you focus on who you are becoming and what you are creating as you do what you need to do? Could you give yourself fun little breaks on a regular basis? Could you simply choose to enjoy what you are doing? Yes, you can choose to have fun, no matter what.
My podcast this week is with Mish Cogley and is called What if?. Mish went through a very challenging time during COVID and experienced many trauma-causing events over a very short period of time. She constantly said to herself, what if I could find a way? What if I could get better? What if I could find fun. I want to encourage you to find a way, no matter how challenging it may be, to put fun first with everything you do.
