Have a think about all the people in your life that you consider good friends. Think about all the people in your life who are important to you. Think about all the people in your life you help, do things for, go out of your way for, and invest time, emotion and energy in. Let me ask you a serious question, are you on the top of all of those lists? If not, my goal this week is that you will work on becoming your own best friend.
If you’re anything like me, and several of the people I’ve spoken to this week, their lives are absolutely full of doing for others. They have families they need to be there for. They have jobs to do and people they are responsible for. They have friends who they want to support. There’s nothing wrong with that, however, it leaves people with no time or energy for themselves, Why? Because they feel they are at the bottom of the friendship list. If you don’t prioritise yourself, if you’re not your own best friend, then you may think you are there for others, but you can never be what you want to be for the people in your life.
Putting yourself on the bottom of the list, always doing for others, always feeling you have to be productive, and leaving no time for you is exhausting, right? Not only that, it’s like chasing your shadow, crazy and a fruitless pursuit. Not only that, and here is a powerful one, particularly if you are a parent, you are setting an example and creating a ripple effect that will be copied by people you care about. Is that what you really want? Do you want those most important to you, the ones you are trying to help by running around after, to do the same in their lives? I am sure the answer is no. So, there is only one solution. That solution is to become your own best friend, ahead of your children, ahead of your colleagues, and ahead of all your other friends.
That may be hard to do, as it was for me. I remember days when I was a personal trainer working long hours with no time for me, because I kept thinking I had to do for others, or they would not like me or respect me. I was definitely not my own best friend, in fact, if I am being honest, I was my own worst enemy. I was always overly critical, I never lived up to my own lofty standards, and I really never felt good enough. If I ever rarely took time off, I would feel guilty and would quickly find something to do to be ’productive’ or help others. If things didn’t change for me, I knew it would be only downhill. Do you know what I mean? So, I started on the journey of liking myself, then loving myself, and then becoming my own best friend.
Initially, being my own best friend felt like arrogance and conceit to me. However, what I learned was that being your own best friend doesn’t mean thinking about yourself more, it means thinking more of yourself. Putting myself first seemed selfish. What I came to discover was that it was actually selfless, because it allowed me to have more energy when with others, and it was actually setting an example I hoped people would see. In my own life, prioritising me has helped me build stronger relationships, be healthier, and be more productive. Most importantly it has helped to find purpose and allow me to have a bigger impact on the lives of others.
So, what does it mean to be your own best friend? Great question. It means loving yourself for who you are, not what you do. It means talking to yourself in a way that lifts, encourages, and builds yourself. It means being forgiving and compassionate to yourself. It means prioritising time for yourself. It means taking care of yourself. It means doing things you love to do. It means saying no at certain times. It means making choices that will enhance your self-worth, your health, and your influence on others. It means knowing deep in your heart that by focusing on yourself, by being the best you can be, by being authentically and unashamedly you, by loving yourself, by becoming your own best friend, you are leaving a legacy that will live on for generations.
You are worth it. My two podcasts this week will help you in this area. Christine Sadry and I talk in a podcast called ‘Let it go’, and Andrew Davie and I in a podcast called, ‘Life happens’. You may be thinking to yourself, how can I do this? How can I make time for me when so many people and things depend on me? I understand that thought process. Think about this; the less you do for people, the more they will learn to do for themselves and the sooner you become your own best friend the quicker the people you care about will do the same. Be your own best friend today.