There is no doubt about it, there a theme in my focus this year, and it just keeps coming up. The more I talk with people, the more I think about success and the more I try to figure out this thing called life, the more clarity I am getting. I have always said that success is different for everyone, but I think I was wrong. I suggest it may be the same for everyone, and I now believe that success is not a number or an achievement, but a feeling. A feeling that we all want.

The most common and accepted definition of the word ‘success’ is: The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted. Is it really? Is that true for you? When you think about the achievement of things that you have desired, planned, or attempted, do you feel ultimately happy and successful? I may sound controversial here, but I don’t think so. I see and know many people, including myself, who have achieved things they have desired, planned, or attempted, yet would probably not consider themselves successful, and they are definitely not happy. I thought being a professional footballer, having an impressive body, being a speaker and an author would represent success for me. Whilst I am proud of my achievements, to me they don’t represent success, nor did they make me happy.

Society pushes us to believe and strive for external achievement as a measure of success. An IQ, a bank balance, a body type, a title and an ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admission Rank) score. I spoke to a group of year 12 students at a high school this week, and as I drove into the school, out the front was a big lit up sign highlighting the wonderful results and ATAR scores the school achieved in 2021. As I started speaking to these students, I asked them how they felt about the achievement of the 2021 year 12 students. In no uncertain terms, they told me they felt incredible pressure, were stressed, anxious and fearful of not living up to this lofty standard. They had been sold, just as you and I are sold every day from every direction, that success is a number, a score, or an achievement. It’s not, it’s a feeling.

Don’t get me wrong, we need numbers, as they help us measure progress and improve, but they do not represent success. Success is the same for every person on the planet, which is a total contradiction to what I have said for most of my life. Success is a feeling we all want to experience. It is love, joy, gratitude, peace, fulfilment, and contentment. Interestingly, this has no reflection, basis, or dependence on money, status or any of the other common measures of ‘success’. If I feel joyful, loved, loving, peaceful, grateful, and fulfilled, I don’t care what I do, how much money I have, where I live, what car I drive or whether I have a six-pack and buns of steel. On the flip side, if I have money, prestige, looks, and status, yet I live with fear, anger, anxiety, uncertainty, resentment, and frustration, then could I possibly call myself successful? I don’t think so.

So, based on what I have just tried to explain, are you ready to check your level of success? Keeping in mind that feelings will fluctuate throughout each day, and we cannot be happy all the time, would you say your general emotional state, each day, includes any or all of: joy, love, peace, gratitude, contentment and fulfilment? If so, to my way of thinking you are successful. If you are being honest with yourself and determine that your general emotional state, each day, includes anxiety, anger, resentment, frustration, uncertainty and/or fear, then I believe your life would be transformed if you changed your focus and your definition of success.

If you want to know how to be successful today and every day for the rest of your life, then, I believe, you need to stop measuring success on external things, scores, numbers, and achievements, and start looking inside. To help you get started on this journey, if that’s what you want, I encourage you to listen to my podcast this week called, The third dimension, with ex AFL star Shaun Hart. In this conversation he talks about developing the six areas of our third, spiritual dimension of life, which includes identity, purpose, significance, character, value and self-worth.

When you are clear on who you are, when you know what drives you, when you can see and feel the impact you are having on lives, when you believe in your character and value, then you will grow strong in self-worth. With these six areas in place, trust me, you will feel joy, love, peace, gratitude, contentment, and fulfilment every day. This my friend is the feeling of success and once you have it, every day becomes a pleasure and all the other aspirations you have in your life will naturally come to you as a result. Feel your success today.