I love being a human. As much as I love animals, and many inanimate objects, I am glad I am able to type, talk, think, choose, change and create. The one thing about being human that challenges me is my tendency to want things to be easy and comfortable. My observation is that this is a pretty natural human desire, even though the reality is that things are always hard before or after they are easy and comfortable. Yes, things are hard before they are easy or they are hard after they are easy, so, you get to choose your hard.
Let me share two personal scenarios with you to illustrate what I am talking about. One you know, because I am proud to talk about it and do so often, the other is not one I am not all that excited about making public knowledge, but will do so to share this powerful message. ‘Okay Andrew, just suck it up and do it!’ That’s just me talking to myself now and trying to motivate myself! Talking openly and sharing my feelings has always been hard for me, and particularly in situations where conflict could possibly result. So, for a long time I avoided talking and sharing to elude potential judgment and dispute. I always joked, as a footballer, I would win my fights by 50 metres! Yes, run rather than face it.
It was always easier for me, in the uncomfortable moment, to bite my tongue, pretend everything was okay and then go and distract myself with something I enjoyed. Well, that was easy before it got very hard. Yes, three failed marriages are very, very hard! Had I opened myself up, spoke up, shared what was on my heart, dealt with the issues at hand, communicated, negotiated and solved the underlying challenges, it would have been hard in that moment, but made things much easier in the long-term. Can you possibly relate to what I am saying now? So, whilst it easy first, it was way harder later.
I have spoken about my journey to become an author many times, and I will continue to do so because I am proud of it and there is a powerful lesson here. In the moment I decided to write a book it was hard. I was working in two businesses, one that was failing. I was working seven days and over 100 hours per week. I knew nothing about book writing and had no time, no skills, no qualifications and no experience. I think is fair to say, it was hard. If it was so hard, and so illogical, why did I do it? I had a vision and a gut feeling that if I did, then afterwards it would make my life easier and more enjoyable. I can tell you now, 17 years after my first book was published, with my eighth on the way, I don’t have to work seven days and over 100 hours per week, and I love everything that I do. Yes, it was hard before it much easier.
Enough about me. Here we are, back to you and the choices you have. You get to choose your hard. You get to choose whether you do ‘easy’ first and then deal with ‘the hard’ that will always come afterwards or go ‘the hard’ first and then enjoy ‘the easy’ that will come later. You can sit on the couch, eat anything you like now, because it’s easier, and then deal with ‘the hard’ of trying to restore poor health later, or you get off the couch now and do ‘the hard’ to enjoy the ease of optimal wellbeing later. I can tell which I would prefer and do, every day. You can choose to do ‘the easy’ spending now and deal with ‘the hard’ of financial stress later, or you do the hard yards now to work, save now to enjoy the ease of financial strength later. You can learn from my misjudgment and do the hard work to build trust, vulnerability and communication in your relationships now to enjoy the ease of great relationships later or make the same mistake I made too many times.
The point I am trying to share in this blog is that there will always be ‘hard,’ it is unavoidable. The question is, when will you choose to experience that ‘hard’? If you choose ‘the hard’ later, in my experience and observation, it will be harder and maybe even impossible. If you choose ‘hard’ now, while you still have a choice, then ‘the easy’ that will come is your wonderful reward and will bring incredible joy into your life. If you are inspired to reset your wellbeing and look for ‘the hard’ first, then my podcast called, ‘Reset today,’ with Miranda Mae will help. Whatever you are dealing with or aspiring to right now, know that ‘hardness’ is a part of the adventure. In my experience, choosing ‘hard’ first is the best option, so, with your best life in mind, get good at choosing your hard!
Thank you for sharing the hard part about 3 divorces. Well, I was in 3 marriages which ended in divorce. Then a couple of years later, I married again but had it annulled within 2 months. I was alone after that for 15 years, dated a guy for over a year and due to his alcohol addiction, I let that go, and believe me, I was running fast. Then at 69 years old I met a man who loved to go dancing, loved so many of the same things I was interested in. He also took care of handyman repairs for me and helped me with a lot of housekeeping chores because he had days off from his job while I always had to work 40 hours a week. I had not ever known anyone so open to help me and so loving towards me. Long story short, we got engaged, and got married a year later. He told me he was bipolar, but I knew nothing about bipolar disorder until we got married. I love him, but being married to a bipolar spouse is no cakewalk! We are coming up on our 5th anniversary this year. I walk on eggshells a lot due to his depression and bipolar tendencies that makes him selfish, blames me or others for anything that goes wrong. I guess what I’m saying, this is my 5th marriage and we’re both 73 years old. He has been impotent as well the whole time I’ve known him. So after this 5th marriage, I have to deal with so much to make sure I don’t walk away from this 5th marriage. He is starting to see a counselor who is knowledgeable about bipolar disorders. I’m praying that’s gonna make things a little easier. This was hard fir me to say to you because I never tell anyone about my life. It’s just too hard because I’m embarrassed I made so many awful life choices. Thank you for motivating me to not be embarrassed even though it’s hard to talk about. You’ve inspired me.
All choices have a ‘why’ to them. Once the thinking is adjusted, or re-framed, the the ‘why’ reveals itself. It ain’t hard no more then.
Good thoughts Andrew.
Our son Scott says,” The long way is the short way”.
We have found that the
short cuts do not work.
The moutain top experiences bless and uplift us, the valley experiences bless mature us, as long as we don’t keep going through the same valley time after time.
Thanks once again Andrew.
I so agree – very valid to so much life has to offer us as humans and very much for health.. fabulous blog
Inspiring! I will make a change.